#farmer technoblade

[myartsing]

Happy techno :D

[writing-oof]

I’m a Farmer, Not a Babysitter (oops)

Day Two: Potato Farmer Technoblade! He’s certainly a dude!

I ended up with two stories I couldn’t pick from in the thirty minutes, so here they are!

Farmer Techno (tw: Wilbur is dead)

"This is about Wilbur?" Technoblade asks.

"Yes," the social worker says, "We've tried to get in contact with your father, but we couldn't reach him."

"What's wrong?"

"We do our best to keep families together, Mr. Craft," the woman says, "We wanted to see if Philza has any interest in taking custody of Fundy, as his mother has denied it."

"Who?" Techno asks, and the phone is silent for a beat too long.

"Wilbur Soot's son?"

Techno bluescreens/

"Wilbur doesn't have a son," he says, but really he wouldn't know. Wilbur wasn't exactly showing up to the family reunions. Neither was Techno, for that matter.

"He did," the woman says, and that's that.

---

The farm isn't really suited for a kid.

There's dangerous experiment around every corner, and the chickens have already tried to peck Fundy to death, sniffing the fox under his skin. Fundy, still the weirdest kid Techno's ever met, decided he loved them almost immediately after that, and he hasn't stopped trying to break into the coop since.

Technoblade's lucky that Ranboo was looking to take more hours around the farm, milking the cows and mucking the stables and tending the crops more in that first week than he probably ever has in his life.

Fundy isn't old enough for him to leave unsupervised, especially since he's prone to turning into a fox and squirming through the hole under the baseboards in the kitchen like a snake.

Ranboo's a godsend those first few weeks, taking up the bulk of the labor around the farm and still making time to entertain Fundy for a few hours while Techno makes dinner and tries to figure out what the hell he's supposed to do now.

He's not a dad, and he never wanted to be one. There's a reason his only contact with kids was the schoolkids who came by to milk cows twice a month.

Fundy needs so much that Techno just doesn't know how to provide. He cries, sometimes, and Techno tries to comfort him as best as he can. He makes Fundy's room the safest space in the house and fills it with everything Fundy wants, from toys he saw on their four-channel-television, to photos of the parents he'll never see again.

It gets easier as the weeks draw on and Fundy talks to him more, tells him stories about his life with Wilbur before they lost everything. Techno listens, comforts when he needs to, and does his best to make his house a home.

But, as the month draws to a close, the summer slipping by in a blur of grief and fireworks, Techno's reminded that he's going to have to get back to the farm. Ranboo has school and, even if he didn't, Techno feels awful seeing how exhausted he is at the end of the day.

The farm's a big job, especially for a high schooler.

If Ranboo were any less worried about being alone with Fundy, he'd probably ask him to babysit instead.

As it is, Techno has to scour the area for anyone who would be willing to watch a hybrid kid on the outskirts of the city.

The first person he considers, a florist named Hannah, can't be away from the city for as long as he needs.

The next spends way too long comparing Fundy to the kind of foxes she shoots in the autumn for Techno to anything but throw her out of the house.

By the time he's met his fifteenth option, Technoblade has almost given up.

He asks Ranboo, just to see, if he knows anyone who'd be willing to watch a hybrid.

The next day, Technoblade has the most intense interview of his life.

…

Tommy hits it off with Fundy immediately.

In the thirty minutes he spends answering questions, Fundy's already declared him his uncle twice. It's an improvement, from the last sitter he tried to bite no less than four times.

…

Technoblade is pretty sure that Tommy isn't human.

He doesn't know how to bring it up, but his chickens have some sort of sixth sense for these things and they guard their eggs around Tommy like he's bound to snatch them up.

…

Tommy slots himself into their lives like he was always there.

Techno thinks that, if he were here, Wilbur would have called Tommy his little brother.

Instead, Technoblade calls him Theseus.

Instead, Technoblade sets up the third room for when Tommy doesn't want to bother heading back into the city.

Instead, Technoblade welcomes him home.

.

.

Fundy Thievery (tw: sad boi hours)

Two hours in and Fundy has to concede that it really *is* just a farm.

There's no secret room full of Wither skulls, or a chest full of weapons and totems.

There's a few hundred full of potatoes, though. Fundy grabs a few stacks to squirrel back to his den, the crow looking at him judgmentally.

Fundy flicks it off. It chortles, a mocking laugh, and settles into his hair.

When he reaches the treeline, the bird finally fucks off back to its nest, not following him home like he'd worried it might.

…

Fundy comes back the next day.

He doesn't want to. He wouldn't if he could avoid it, but he knows Techno has health pots somewhere and his arm still won't bend the way he needs it to.

He'd tried to shift only once, but he's pretty sure that only made it worse, a screaming pain from his elbow to his wrist.

So, stealing from his sort-of-uncle it is.

He's just lucky the dogs don't lunge for him, and that the crows seem content to keep their silence.

At least, no one's come tearing into his den with an axe, so he figures they haven't said anything, to Philza or to Techno.

[little-nightmare-gt]

Promises

Just something I thought of for a new au, ft. Baby Tommy, Baby Tubbo and Baby Ranboo

Warning: fluff, everyone has wings, except Technoblade. The most that happens is Techno sniffing them, HC that Piglin Hybrids knows the scents of the young and can track them anywhere. It's instinct. No real promises, but goals

Technoblade should have known this was going to happen, the moment he got attached to the tiny family.

The Piglin hybrid watched as Tommy managed to flip himself on his stomach and move his wings, arms and legs but not get anywhere.

Ranboo seemed to be asleep at the moment, laying curled on the little quilt Kristen brought out.

Tubbo...was gone again...

Technoblade froze and listened carefully, relaxing when he picked up the sound of Tubbo's movement. He was still near, but far enough so the piglin could move.

Something that worried the giant was that if he were still a hunter, these three would give good prices on the market.

A shiver of fear and bile rose up, leaving him uncomfortable and growling.

He was isolated and away from that life but he can be found, his little family would be in danger.

His worry soon left when he felt a sharp pain on his tail, he threw his head back and took a deep breath. Looking down to see Tubbo, biting Technoblade...again.

Gently the giant grasped his tail and current occupant to separate the two.

"Tubbo, what did we say about biting?" A high pitched giggle and a flap of tiny brown wings brought a smile to his face.

Techno pressed his nose gently against the toddler, snorting as he giggled harder.

"Alright pups, time for bed. Ranboo is already asleep but you two obviously need encouragement." Pressing his nose against Tubbo gently, Technoblade lifted the box he made into a comfort zone and placed it on the floor.

First he placed Tubbo after taking his scent, scooting him gently near the small plushies.

Ranboo was next, the giant had already took his scent but enjoyed the way the child would relax in his hold.

Tommy was last, mostly because he can more often than not squirming and moving in the box. It disrupts the other two, but if their quiet and down so is he.

The Piglin is gentle as he tucks them under a blanket, rumbling as he reached for his book.

Wilbur was getting flying lessons tonight with Phil and Kristen, and Phil was a size shifter so Technoblade didn't have to worry about setting up their dinner.

The Piglin Hybrid didn't even last the first page.

========

Philza was fighting a coo.

Kristen had alerted the boys that it was late and they should relieve Techno of the babies.

The Piglin was on his stomach with his large arms wrapped protectively around the box he made for the younger trio.

Seeing this large Piglin brute be so gentle with him and his family warmed Philza's heart.

His wife had no problem cooing and awwing as Wilbur joined.

Using his communicator, Phil took a picture. Knowing full well that if Technoblade found out he would be stuck in a jar for a bit.

At least he'll have his picture.

[lilyminer]

WAS ANYONE GOING TO REMIND ME MINECRAFT PIGS EAT POTATOES SO TECHNOS CHIOCE IN CROP IS PERFECT!?!?!?!?!?

[edge-a-sketch]

farmer techno- definitely retired ;)

[lilyminer]

I got my first set of brush pens so I decided to do some dream smp characters with em!

A farmer techno that I fucked up, Raccooninnit cuz I did those two before doomsday. Aswell as Fundy’s bRoKeN FaMiLy!!! Don’t mind the doodles in the corner, I like the idea of Sally’s hair turning into a fin at the end like I drew before so I did it here. Wil’s hair turned out better then it usually does.