It was always nighttime in space. Without being inside a system, there was no sun so no day. So what did one call the terror which took the sleeper? The past plagued and dreams turned. So when your tier of Moya echoed with screams, you understood. Your - you dared to call her - girlfriend had experienced many dreams which reminded her of her amoral past in the recent weeks.
Your bare feet slapped against Moya’s smooth interior as you raced through her. You knew the path by heart and you knew Aeryn was in no real danger, but hearing her voice make that scared sound sent you on high alert. So much had harmed the woman and you’d be damned before you let something else lay a finger on her.
Just as anticipated, the room was empty save the covered woman kicking and screaming. The golden shroud Zhaan had presented Aeryn with on her deathbed had become a sort of favourite blanket for her to sleep with. Once you had it pulled back, you had to shake her awake in a way that wouldn’t cause her to break your trachea by instinct. The shock of asleep to awake didn’t make her hurt you, a small favour so you used it.
Aeryn was still crying when she came around, blue eyes popping open. She was pure distress when the tears continued, burying her face in the chest she was lifted toward. You held the former Commando with the delicacy she deserved. She’d spent her entire life sacrificing her abilities to trust, relax, or even see her own worth. Aeryn Sun would have been decorated in your home, as a hero. She’d done the impossible for her people, served honorably. Sure, she’d murdered anyone she was commanded to kill or anyone who got in the way of her mission. But there were laws for that and Earth had done plenty of studies on Nazis. So you held your little war criminal, hid her from the universe exacting revenge, and you whispered to her how safe and loved she was. Perhaps the affirmations made her cry more, but you were there for her the whole time.
When her wrenching sobs died down, she stayed leaned against you. The small action held a galaxy of meaning and it warmed the cold vacuum of your heart. She rubbed her face against you like a cat, not that she’d understand the simile. She sniffled beside you and, also like a cat, she followed your hand when it left her hair to begin its journey at the top of her head. You had to keep from laughing when she leaned all the way across you to follow a touch she could just wait to return. At one point, you scratched behind her ear. She still wouldn't understand what was so funny.
“Do you want to talk about it?” you finally asked.
Aeryn’s breaths were hitched sometimes, but she seemed to have calmed down. “I just-” She cut herself off and took a deep breath. She wasn’t a crier, you’d thought, until she met you. Not that you knew, but Aeryn appreciated what you did. She often wondered if you even knew she wouldn’t have opened up to you if you hadn’t supplied a safe place. She wouldn’t have talked to you if you didn’t take her seriously, if you weren’t such a good listener. She laid her head further back, against your shoulder. “I don’t understand how you could care about me.” One more thing: Aeryn was allergic to the word ‘love’.
You used it whenever you could, though only in reference to Aeryn. She cried any time you did too. You’d exchanged I loves you’s at one point, just once, but it seemed she needed the reminder. “How could I not?” you asked rhetorically.
That made tears flow again. “I hurt so many people!” she sobbed, as if that were a sufficient argument and you would renege your claim to love her.
“And I used to think only my planet had intelligent life, but, you see, things change,” you sassed her. Taking Aeryn seriously and being serious were two very different things.
The brunette space cadet laughed at your response, regardless of its validity.
You decided to continue. “You’re determined. I’ve never seen you fail at one of your fixations,” you teased lightly. “You’re smart as- well, you’re scary smart. And you always take a stand. That’s three reasons to love you.”
Aeryn would have blushed at the ‘L’ word, but she was zero percent comforted by your words. “You just described every Peacekeeper in existence. That’s all in our training! What makes me different?” she demanded. No, she wasn’t doubting you. Of course. She looked like she was about to descend into hysterics.
You cupped her face and stared into blown eyes. The blood vessels and red whites broke your heart. “You’re here. And you’re trying to do better. And how could I ask for anything more? You are enough.”
Those three words slayed the former Peacekeeper more than the more famous three. “Thank you. But you- you have to go.” Aeryn didn’t like being too vulnerable too long. Maybe she’d explode. Maybe she just wanted privacy. In any event, you left. You gave her what she wanted, maybe even what she needed and you always would. She could carry everything she would put on herself - and accidentally mostly of the missions Moya’s crew were forced on. You could carry Aeryn at the end of the day, and through all of her nightmares. Spacemares?
