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E4 Tumblr Top Robots
Our very own BAD ROBOTS returns to terrorise your telly on Tuesday 25th August at 10pm so we thought what better time to take a look at some of the best (and worst) mechanical megadudes to have graced your screens over the years…
T-1000
The original T-1000 from T2 obvs, not the pointless new one. Sure, he doesn’t get to say anything about ‘your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle’ or ‘hasta la vista baby’ or ‘who is your Daddy and what does he do?’ but he’s made of ruddy LIQUID METAL. Like one of those old maze puzzle toys your grandad got you for Xmas because he doesn’t know what a Playstation is and probably thinks the war is still on.
Robocop/ED-209
Enough remakes already! If you haven’t seen the original movie then your prime directive should be to seek it out ASAP (that’s why we have these internets, no?). Technically, he’s only half robot and half man but one thing's for sure, he is ALL COP. And he will shoot you. A lot. Right in the babymaker if needs be. Honourable mention to ED-209 for being super badass but minus points for that little office claret-splattered snafu...
Wall-E
You can try and pretend you haven’t wished you could eat rubbish and then plop out a cube but frankly we don’t believe you. Add in space travel and the ability to attract the ladies without even saying anything and this Waste Allocation Load Lifter – Earth-class, is an absolute celluloid ledge.
Johnny 5
Way before Wall-E, another triangle-wheeled government-funded mechanic loon, caterpillar-tracked his way onto our screens and, let’s face it, into our hearts. Twice. With his natty fashions (see above) and unquenchable desire for “input”, he was the friendly-faced killing machine every kid wanted as a friend.
C3PO/R2D2
No list would be complete without these two smashers, the Chuckle Brothers of space. You can’t have one without the other because without a translator, R2 just sounds like a damaged sparrow. When they’re not getting taken apart by jawas or bumbling into far far away trouble, they’re actually quite handy in this Princess Rescuing game. And they’re coming back again soon. WE’RE DOOMED!
Fembots
A picture might paint a thousand words, but this one really just conjures up a couple. What else do you need to know? They can be deactivated by Austin Powers mojo? Actually yeah that’s pretty handy info in case you get cornered by them in an underground laaaaiiiiiiiir.
Bishop from Aliens
Spoiler alert, the Bish does not fare well in the fight against the Aliens in this megasequel. Luckily he can still chat even when he’s in two bits covered in his weird salad cream. So he’s worth having around if you’re short on space.
Soundwave from Transformers
Forget Optimus and Megatron, this guy transforms into a WALKMAN and then TINY CASSETTE MONSTERS come out of him. WHY OH WHY did this feat of excellence not make it into the movies? I would watch that. More than Megan Fox or Shia LeBeouf. DO IT!
DARYL
Anyone who knows their onions (spring, red, the other one) will know that all the best robots have sweet acronym names and back in NINETEEN EIGHTY FIVE (yes you probably weren’t even a cheeky glimmer then) this Data Analysing Robot Youth Lifeform was the king of the hill. He was also dead good at video games. 1985 video games. I mean, he’d be lost on GTA but that’s not the point.
Data from Star Trek: TNG
Like a jaundiced robot version of Spock before him, Data just wanted to feel real human emotions in space and without evil witches and yellow brick roads. He pretty much knows everything (love notwithstanding), looks pretty dandy in a cowboy hat and once had an evil twin which makes him EVEN COOLER obvs.
Bender
Basically, he’s got a funny name, he smokes and drinks and is pretty rude about everything. It’s like he’s aced the Best Friend/Bad Influence Test without even trying. In a robot version of Grease (WHY HASN’T ANYONE MADE THIS YET?) he’d be cast as Danny Zuko without even turning up for the audition. And if he did he’d probably flirt with the casting director and tell the producer he looked like a greasy chipmunk.
Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
If you’ve ever sat around with a bunch of mates watching an awful movie and cracking wise, then these two repurposed appliances are about to head straight into your Top 8 (MYSPACE JOKE ALERT!). Along with their human counterpart (Joel or Mike), they watch movies like ‘The Brain That Wouldn’t Die’ & ‘Fire Maidens Of Outer Space’ mainly so that you don’t have to, but also to spit ball over their ridiculousness with snark beams set to HIGH. MST3K FTW!
NUMBER SIX (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA) / GIGOLO JOE (AI)
Look, we’re all waiting for it to happen and it’s only a matter of time, but while we wait for bang tidy robots that you can … interface… with IRL, we can drool over these two glistening, shiny dazzling robohotties. Oh boy I’m overheating... I think I need a reboot.
Metal Mickey
If you are As Old As Time Itself (ie older than a Gameboy) you might remember this quintessentially British contraption filling the time before the ‘cool’ robots of Dr Who and Buck Rogers graced your screen on a saturday night. Seemingly built by some random bloke in a flimsy-walled bedroom in the 80s, he got brought to life by EATING SWEETS. Then delivered canned-laughter zingers while all manner of dated sitcom ‘hilarity’ went on around him. Do yourself a favour and time travel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm2a4ZLr_Lo
So that’s that and yes we left out Daleks and I Robot and Blade Runner and HAL because frankly we’d be here FOREVER… But comment below and tell us who your fave robots are and why and we might just do a sequel (NOT a reboot) ; P
Bad Robots returns Tuesday at 10pm on E4