A little update (and a prelude to a return, I guess)
So over the past month, no, the past month and several weeks, I have been mostly absent. Checking in here every now and then, but for a good month not even replying to anything. And I feel it’s only fair to briefly list the reasons so you guys know what’s up:
1. My health situation took another dive, with repeated attacks of dizzyness at work and during other activities, rarely even at completely random times as well. It’s made me unable to work and all, which leads into point 3, but first let me say that at this point in time we still do not know what is causing it. We’ve ruled out heart issues (wearing a heart monitor for 5 days is quite unpleasant, especially if you get no answers...), issues with the ear, an infection and several others. The current best bet is - and this is a real laugh for my girlfriend, I assure you that, cause really, she just cannot see that being it with how we.. interact.. - a testosterone deficency. It was low on the last bloodwork, but as that fluctuates anyway it still needs to be confirmed, so yeah. Either that... or mental issues again.
2. My eyes. Especially the left one. They’ve been causing me problems for months now, and two months ago it got confirmed that I had a “Keratokonus” in both of them. As we found out this week, the right one is stable and just needs to be observed - the left one however requires surgery. Now, the surgery won’t make my eye better, mind you. I’ll still have very, very poor sight on my left eye. It will merely stop the degradation I was experiencing, which was by the way massive: Up to an entire dioptrin in some spots on my eye in just those two months. So surgery is, unfortunately, a must. But this is now where the fun part only starts: Insurrance, despite swiss health insurrances covering almost everything these days, will likely not pay for it. Because the technique they use is, quote unquote “too new and not documented enough” and thus not approved just yet. So I get to feel like some sort of guinea pig and pay a whooping 1400.- for just one eye. Ain’t that wonderful?
3. My work situation. Due to being unable to work cause of my dizzyness and vertigo, I have had trouble with my workplace where I started just last November. In the middle of December we tried to improve the situation by temporarily reducing my workload to 50% - merely a week after I was sent home because it proved to be too much. I have been written sick ever since as we search for the cause. Now, the thing is that until the end of January, I am still in the probationary phase where I can be fired without giving a detailed reason. The store hasn’t done so yet, for which I am immensely grateful - but on the 15th we’ll have a meeting and with a 95% certainity my contract will be terminated. I can’t blame them though. I’d have fired myself weeks ago. But they tried to believe in me as apparently I am an excellent worker. Now I had to disappoint them... - and myself too. Which leads us to the last point:
4. My mental state. I cannot deny it. For the past weeks and maybe even months my mental state has been going downhill steadily. Is it caused by all my health issues? Is it caused by feeling stuck in life with no perspectives? Is it caused by the bad atmosphere at home where everyday there’s some sort of argument and everyone’s on edge due to our family having a 5-digit tax debt curtesy of us getting screwed over by the people we paid to fill out our taxes? I can also not put aside the possibility that I went off my medication (which caused me to gain abou 18kg in 5 months, whoop-de-fucking-doo >.>) too soon and that I need to go back onto anti-depressants. This is gonna be discussed in the days to come and well... I guess there really only is one option...
So anyway... I know that I let people down by disappearing like that but I just wanted to bring you up to date for now. I’ll shortly begin working on replies so you can (hopefully) consider me back, albeit completely out of the loop regarding the group.
As usual, if any of you wish to no longer pursue their threads with me due to the long wait, I absolutely understand.