Help
I need a bit of advice. I'm starting to like someone whom I've known since I was 11, we dated for a bit when I was 13, and only had small moments where we connected before. I've always felt a pull towards him, an attraction. I moved and now all of a sudden he's back. And I don't know what to do because that pull is back. He found me through IG and now we talk every single day, more than ever before and we're so comfortable talking to each other about anything and everything-- which scares the hell out of me. I'm scared of becoming too close and going past a very innocent attraction. I'm scared of him being my actual first love. Like I said before, we dated for a little bit before he ended things because middle school was just generally a tough time and he didn't want me to be included. He felt so guilty and sad after breaking up with me, but at the time what I felt was just attraction, not love. I asked him why it is he broke up with me and he said he wanted to change the topic. I just don't know... I live 3-4 hours away now yet seeing him now is way harder than before. I've never felt my heart literally flutter when I see someone smile "that one smile that lights up your day". It never affected me before as it does now and that scares me so much because I'm certain that he doesn't like me at all. That I'm just someone he enjoys talking to. But sometimes I'm confused. I mean... why did he even search for me? Why did he even DM me weeks ago and why does he still talk to me constantly now? He's genuinely interested whenever I talk to him about my life problems and he tells me how he feels and his conflicts too. Even writing this now, I've just received a message from him. Ha. Even writing this now so nervous and scared of hurt and my own emotions, I still smiled at the notification. He's a wall of hurt and I just want to break through it and I want to rebuild it with bricks of happiness. I want to seal them in place and tell him everything will be okay and that everyone has their own living nightmare but in the end of the day that's all it is. A nightmare. And nightmares never last forever. I want to be there physically and that's all I keep replaying in my head. Seeing him. How happy I would be to see him but how scared I am at the same time. I don't want to know what love feels like.. it's terrifying.
