#feat. paul

[dejonestt]

[dejonestt]

daisyedgarjones: you make my heart feel things i never thought possible. happy 30 years on this planet to my whole heart.

tagged: @mcscalpaul

[dejonestt]

daisyedgarjones: reminiscing..what babies tagged: @mcscalpaul

[ascottt]

@mcscalpaul

[dejonestt]

@mcscalpaul

[dejonestt]

[theactualnest]

Jack + Aftermath

i would think that after paul it’s just very very difficult for everyone

like i’m p sure i told you once that if paul was sure of anything it was that he was great at being part of a pair and idk i think the same could be said for jack like he was great at being half of a pair and he was even better at being part of a trio

but he just wasn’t so sure what to do when that trio became a duo oh dear

like paul was just a lot more sure of himself and i think that tbh jack was a lot more sure of himself before too like he knew who he was as part of a pair you know??? and idk lamb he just wasn’t so sure how to function without paul like he had literally not done anything without him in his entire life

i mean idk i think about jack and paul and philly and i think that even then like i don’t think she spent a ton of time with just one or the other like they thrived as a trio and that was when their relationship was the strongest and idk like having alone time with philly was a lot different than being alone with philly like idk lamb i think it doesn’t need to be said that it was lonely even when they were together

it’s interesting because i’m very sure of how things would have been if it had been jack first like i think paul really would have stepped up and been quite good in the crisis considering and i really think that making sure that philly was taken care of and okay would have been his first priority

but jack idk jack isn’t paul is he and that’s the problem isn’t it like he doesn’t know how to be both for her and oh dear jack no one is asking you to do that oh dear

idk i think he’s just very overwhelmed with his own guilt and grief and it’s not that he isn’t there for philly because he is but i think jack is very human about it for want of a better word like there were days where leaving his room just wasn’t a thing that he could muster the nerve or energy to do but when he could i think he was with her for at least a good amount of the time

but idk they had to sort out how their relationship would function after didn’t they and i don’t imagine that that was something that was easy to do and idk lamb i like to think that it was a mutual understanding like it wasn’t that it didn’t work without paul it was just that it wasn’t the same without him and it wasn’t that things had changed between them or that their feelings had changed it was just that it was different and it just didn’t feel quite right and idk lamb i think that that was okay

i think that really for jack that was one of the only things that really was okay after paul died like he knew where he stood with philly and that was absolutely the most important thing to him so idk i don’t think he was bothered about everything else and i think he was just sort of content to go through the motions for the next few years and it’s horrible but for want of a better way to put this idk i think that everything ending must have been a little bit of a relief like he wasn’t suicidal i want to make that 100% clear but idk it’s sort of like when you’re carrying something really heavy and it’s not that you asked for help because you know you can do it on your own but idk when someone takes it off your hands you’re a bit relieved anyway aren’t you