welcome home

you are the freckles, you are the ink on my skin, you are the laugh lines.

[theactualnest]

ollie // winter wonders.

frankly, winter is not good for olivander and hugo’s realtionship as frankly hugo’s behaviour prompts many feelings of betrayal and resentment in his brother.

what happened to protecting him and looking out for him hugo what the hell happened to that?????

gOD HE IS JUST SO ANNOYED WITH HUGO TROTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh he practically becomes an agoraphobic like sorry if you think he’s leaving the house today you’re wrONG

god sometimes he doesn’t even want to go from the front door to the van like nO DAD HUgo is going to ambush me i know he is!!!!!!!!

literally sprints into college oh my god he waits for no one

ugh i am so annoyed on his behalf like he obviously slept through the snowball fight and oh dear the petal is straight up from his nap and off to see the berry and oh dear he’s still half asleep when he heads out to walk over and suddenly he is being atTACKED IT IS AN ATTACK FROM ALL SIDES

should have stayed in oh my god poor baby i actually feel bad for him like hugo can be quite persuasive would you say no if he asked you to throw snow at his brother no i don’t think you would

he still hadn’t properly woken up oh no he is so conFUSED for a second there

actual grumpy puppy when he arrives at the berrys oh goodness his hair is drIPPING and there is definitely still snow lodged between the back of his neck and his jacket oh goodness the winters once they’re together again must be so much better than the ones where the berry couldn’t kiss away grumpy frowns and cold cheeks

you were spot on though like winter is very stressful for the petal and mmm can you blame him like he lives in constant fear of leaving the house sorry mum if you need someone to run to the shop for milk how about you ask judas iscariot over there

[theactualnest]

charmaine // home aquarium.

it just occurred to me that when hugo and char move in together they probably have the most gorgeous aquarium with the most interesting array of fish and when they have visitors char always points out that she picked out the ugly fat grey one that pushes his way through the crowds of bright and interesting ones that hugo picked because he’s the most sassy of them all

i mean that being said she does stay up the first night he’s added to the tank worrying that the other “cooler” and more flashy fish won’t like him or be nice to him because he might not automatically fit in or identify with them because he’s not brightly coloured

oh no she just wants all of the fish to be friends hugo what if they don’t like him what if they bully him!!!!!!

she stands at the tank with a stern finger and scolds the fish if they look like they’re bullying each other or hogging the food but that’s a story for another time

[theactualnest]

gus // domestic.

as you know gus really loves being married to ringo and he has his own sort of personal honeymoon period that is just over the top and christ like when i said he was happy i meant it like sun really does shine out of every pore for like 6 months straight

gross he just loves it so much and whilst he isn’t the best at ~being~ domestic he really loves it like so what if he can’t do laundry right to save his life like ringo please tell him what’s wrong with a full load of washing turned blue tell him

blue really suits your eyes ringo like gus is p sure this couldn’t have gone any better

you know unless he hadn’t buggered the washing and turned his husband’s clothes blue

i mean tbf i would have trusted gus with my laundry like you would have thought that given the state of him growing up that mini would have sat him down and taught him all the tips and tricks but mmmm no seems it was the opposite like she was just exasperated with the grass stains and the muddy hems and i think she honestly forgot that one day he’d be moved out and have to do it on his own

whatever maybe there was a part of her that hoped that in never teaching him he’d have to stay forever

can you blame her omg

he loves having visitors and he loves when ollie comes round and he especially loves the time he brings todd with him and he loves when lita pops in to call ringo a loser and he thinks it’s great when he and ringo get invited home for family dinners and god he is such a peach gus trotter is just a peach

[theactualnest]

speaking of advent calendars surprise surprise it is actually a legitimate surprise when olivander’s lasts until 1 december like it’s usually been finished by 20 november

[theactualnest]

if you’ve not spent a significant amount of time thinking about buddy and mina and their advent calendars i’m not sure how you’re spending your time tbh

[theactualnest]

milifie // empty house.

no but have you stopped to think about milfie and the house actually being emPTY like what a treat what a treat!!!!!

tbh i think it happens so rarely that when it does half the time mini doesn’t even clue in like there are so many babies and adopted babies running about the place that even when she knows a few of them are out she always assumes that there’s still one piddling about the place somewhere

ding dong you’re wrong please stop tidying the kitchen for the third time that day and go spend time with your husband

i honestly think it takes a bit unless alfie reminds her like she’ll be reorganising cupboards or something and she’ll be running through the babies in her head like oh etta and gus are out with ringo and ewan and hugo and ollie have taken beatrix out to the waterpark and it still takes a few minutes for her to clue in like no mini that’s the end of the list like those are all of the babies still living at home that’s all of them

oh my god when she does realise though my goodness the mess she’s made on the counter whilst trying to organise things is abandoned and whilst she does go up the stairs quite quicker than usual she makes a point of stopping off in their room first to reapply her lipstick and fix her hair before she pokes her head into his office like sorry she’s not sure if you didn’t realise the house was empty or if you’ve spontaneously lost the use of your lower limbs but newsflash the house is empty so whatever you’re doing can wait alfie thank you

i mean tbf at least she said thank you like that was sort of polite

whatever like i’m sure alfie won’t have a problem dropping everything for his wife like they can do whatever parents do when all their babies have left the house for the afternoon like watch a film or colour or something.

[theactualnest]

gross hugo is such a seven year old but she actually still looks at him with stars in her eyes jesus christ i have had enough of these two i have had enough of bright eyes and excited whispers between kisses about their future gross

[theactualnest]

puppies // waterpark conclusions.

oh my god they are actually so duMB

after the others leave oh my god ollie is just flUSTERED now like he sends todd a wHATTHE HELL text and a couple nO SERIOUSLY COME BACKs but mmmm no one comes so you’d better to make nice with your missus so that she’ll let you touch her long enough to carry her home because lbr we both know she won’t be walking

oh dear dear dear pouty princess on the sidewalk and my goodness she might be grumpy but she’s not stubborn like don’t think that she won’t teLL you to kiss it better hugo because she will and she doeS

whoop good luck getting them to go home once they’ve started that olivander good luck to you friend looks like they’re p well settled on the sidewalk now

gross have you taken a moment today to appreciate this couple and how in love they are jesus christ

no sorry can’t discuss this anymore

i’m sure they made it home eventually but god knows the shenanigans that unfolded once they did

fuck off couples.

[theactualnest]

puppies // beatrix and the waterpark.

sometimes it’s just too nice a day to stay cooped up indoors and i mean idk if todd’s already found the right sunscreen for the season and everyone is home there’s no reason why they shouldn’t all pile into the jeep and head for the waterpark

and hey whatever why not bring the family dragon along too

i mean it’s a good thing that dad has her sunscreen sorted before she’s allowed out of the house because good luck keeping her still long enough to apply it once they arrive but mmm they do have strict instructions to reapply on the hour so idk i would suggest that her husband serenade her to keep her still but she’d probably dance along so maybe that’s not the best way to keep her occupied whilst olivander tries to locate the bottle

oh goodness it’s just a lot of chasing after her with her hat and she holds hands with the girls and has a little stroll around the park and she chases hugo and investigates the different water spouts and toys with him and gets piggybacks off of her husband and his boyfriend and wOW WATERPARKS ARE GREAT!!!!!

gross it’s a bit like disney in the splash zones for hugo and char isn’t it and they get caught kissing at the edge of the kiddie pool and that probably ends up in olivander’s vlog for the day and oh goodness gracious olivander brushes todd’s wet hair out of his eyes but maybe you should be worried about your owN nevermind i’m sure the berry has that under control

oh goodness gracious at lunch beatrix gets to choose whatever she’d like off the menu and it takes ages for her to decide because olivander gets the smart idea of letting her choose off of the big kid menu so she’ll feel special and in the end she and lita end up sharing a pasta and some turkey dinosaurs and idk todd i’d watch out if i were you like sharing turkey dinosaurs is a p big deal

i cannot even do the waterpark justice it is just magic it’s magic i adore it

[theactualnest]

trotter family // really serious meetings.

i believe that i said in passing once that trotter family meetings are worse when they’re teenagers than when they were toddlers and mmmmm i was 100% right tbh with you

the annual christmas card meeting is obviously the worst of the bunch and ugh the babies are just not receptive to this mum like they are not keen on the christmas card this year if it’s going to be like last year when beatrix had a meltdown after an 45 minutes of being told to sit still and smile nicely

i mean lbr like mini aims for a nice photo with everyone smiling but when you’ve got six babies and a husband and one of your babies has a husband too like jesus christ good luck minerva good luck getting a photo where everyone’s paying attention and smiling nicely and nobody’s thrown out a loser sign behind someone’s head

oh christ like there’s always a planning session beforehand and she likes to get them all sat down at the kitchen table to discuss snacks and whether anyone’s grown out of their jumper from last year and my god my god it’s just a lot like it’s a lot and beatrix isn’t sitting still in her seat and she’s trying to climb across the table to go sit with dad and gus isn’t paying attention to anything that anyone is saying because he’s too busy texting his boyfriend and whispering with etta when mum’s looking the other way and olivander is bored of this meeting already and he’s falling asleep on hugo’s shoulder like how has no one noticed that the petal is asleep and gracie’s trying to contribute to the discussion about whether the dog should get a jumper too but she’s having a hard time focusing now that gus has dropped (and broken) his phone and he’s woken olivander up and beatrix is having a meltdown because she wants a snack and to go play and jesus christ trotters this is almost as bad as the sass tossed about the table when you have sexual health seminars

[theactualnest]

anchors // favourite places.

the petal quite likes sitting on the berry and sometimes he’ll straddle his front and sometimes he’ll push him into a chair and he’ll settle himself into the berry’s lap and he’ll lean back against his chest and rest his head next to his and if he turns his head just right his breath might hit the berry’s ear and maybe the berry’s hands rest on his thighs and the petal might absentmindedly play with his fingers and if he’s feeling like a little shit he might get a bit cheeky and he might get a bit restless in his lap and he might wrap his fingers around the petal’s wrist like he had the night before and he might dig his fingertips in for a second and he might kissper but mmmm is it kisspering if it’s a very quiet moan that he grins against his jawline idk you tell me

i mean sometimes he behaves himself but otherwise mmm dunno like

sorry berry.

[theactualnest]

ollie // holiday youtube.

i neglected to mention that throughout the holidays his channel is a real treat featuring gems such as:

wildlife documentaries on mother trotter in her natural holiday habitat (which is to say in the kitchen sounding very scottish while telling father trotter off for not agreeing quickly enough that brussel sprouts should be abolished from the christmas menu)

a christmas jumper roundup featuring special guests todd and charmaine and lita and hugo!!!!!!!!!

an instructional christmas baking video featuring charmaine lloyd

an instructional christmas wrapping video featuring the family dragon and dragon-themed christmas wrap

a reaction video featuring etta trotter, a fully decorated 7 foot tall christmas tree placed on top of her bed, and laughter that headphone wearers should have been warned about in advance

a supercut of the 4 hours of footage recorded on the camera that olivander left in the corner of the room while the trotters attempted to take their christmas card photo (featuring ringo trotter yeah!!!!!!!!)

a supercut of reactions to an unnamed monster in a santa suit jumping out from various hiding spots in the trotter house

a discussion about giving back and a number of lovely charities featuring hugo trotter

a vlog featuring hugo trotter offering his superior gift shopping tips and tricks and olivander trotter moaning until they make a pit stop in the chocolate aisle and then proceeding to spend the rest of the video speaking with a mouthful of sweets and biscuits

~*~*~*~*~*~*~holidays~*~*~*~*~*~

[theactualnest]

ollie // youtube.

while olivander is gearing up for a show his youtube channel descends into a mishmash of sorts featuring videos such as:

it’s 2am on a tuesday so let’s ring special guest etta trotter and see what’s happening on the home front

it’s 6am and hugo is visiting char for the weekend so let’s ring and get promptly hung up on for asking whether she soundproofed her bedroom prior to his arrival

it’s half 1 so let’s get drunk and make a cooking video because i’m hungry and don’t trust london takeaways for reasons i cannot articulate until i’ve had several drinks at which point it is vital that i communicate my opinions on this matter

LET’S PLAY MINECRAFT WITH LITA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deep analysis of the themes in mamma mia and their implications in modern england

nevermind that’s what’s usually on his channel i misled you into thinking something had changed just because he had actual work to do

clearly i was wrong

[theactualnest]

oh dear oh dear oh dear reading those comments together oh no anxious belly oh no he's put his head on the berry's shoulder and hugged his arm a bit but oh dear he's gone a bit quiet now as well oh dear petal

[theactualnest]

ugh they pick up on things like whether there's a bottle of water on both nightstands beside the bed in the background and christ there was probably a fIELD DAY the day that the vlog was put up in which the petal was wearing the berry's trousers fuck

WHY WERE YOU WEARING HIS TROUSERS OLIVANDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theactualnest]

ollie // winter.

olivander, for one, has a quite complex relationship with snow in which he enjoys the idea of it but does not enjoy damp socks or dripping hair or sniffly noses and as such he would prefer it if snow would only arrive (and depart) on days in which he does not have to leave the house

he is not a snow bunny whatsoever and in fact turns his nose up (which is to say crossed his arms against his chest and buries said nose beneath the neckline of his jumper) at any suggestion of venturing out into that glacial hell, especially if there has been any indication that snow might be hurled at any part of his body

no thank you hugo please keep the snow on the ground where it belongs and get awAY FROM ME.

he is just ridiculous he is ridiculous and he sits in and glares out the window when he knows that he’ll have to leave the house while snow’s on the ground and he huffs while he’s zipping up his jacket and pulling on one of todd’s beanies and he’s sulking on the bus on the way into town and he hides from beatrix so that she can’t guilt him into coming outside to play in it with her and oh god he’s always been like this like he has always been a dIVA when it comes to the snow and while the rest of the trotters were constructing snowmen and snowladies he was happy to sit on mum’s lap and share a hot chocolate in the kitchen

oh gross i almost forgot what a peach he was when he was little oh no cuddle bunny no i’m leaving goodbye

[theactualnest]

anchors // barely an ‘i love you’ at all.

christmas is a lot.

it’s just a lot.

like he’s told mum and dad and hugo knows and etta probably knows and it’s probably gotten around the rest of the family by then but mmmm he’s not sure he’s not sure like he feels like they’re wATCHING him and he can feel eyes on him even when they’re not on him at all and he’s restless and he’s shifty and he’s not eating properly like he’s hardly eating at all and it’s just upsetting to him that his brother is getting married and he’s such a wreck like

he just sort of thrives on those moments behind closed doors and it’s nuzzling and recharging and placing kisses on collarbones and the nape of his neck and it’s not quite desperate kisses but it’s needy kisses and he needs that reassurance and he’s not necessarily getting it so he’s trying to make it and maybe he’s trying to reassure them both because todd’s not quite right and what if it’s him like what if he doesn’t want to be with him anymore like they might not necessarily be together but they’re still together and ollie isn’t sure that he likes the idea of that changing like

he likes kissing his best friend and he likes tracing rib lines and kissing lines and he just loves him lamb he loves him and he wants to be with him but being with him is so complicated like it’s not just beING with him it’s everything else and he doesn’t know what to do he is so flustered he is so overwhelmed and everyone else seems to have everything together and he just

oh no he just loves him and he feels so guilty because he feels like he’s not loving hm properly and he’s not loving him like he deserves and he’s a jerk he’s a big fat jerk and he hates himself a little bit for it because if it were anyone else treating the berry like this he would not stand for it at all but he just doesn’t want to let go and he doesn’t know what to do and he just loves him he loves him he loves him he loves him and the sound he makes against his neck is just a little too muffled to be decipherable and it hardly sounds like i love youat all.