Emotional Lock Down
Daily Writing Challenge
February 2025
Day Two - Cage
“So your new house is coming together,” Jamis said she had been telling him about it since she got it. The towering ex-Argent healer and therapist continued, “Are you glad you bought it?
Nahi hadn’t seen him since they went on leave, but she was experiencing a lot recently and no longer knew exactly who to talk to. Or even what it was that she felt she needed to share… that was it wasn’t it? She felt she couldn’t share with almost anyone…. Nahi smiled and nodded, noticing a fleck of paint on her nail, she thought she got all of it off. Maybe a new scrub for her shower or a nail brush.
Jamis cleared his throat, “The house?”
Blinking up at him, “Hmm? Oh yes! It is not much but I love it and I don’t need much space anyway. It is really lovely, I have been making some changes to make it more me.”
Picking up a mug of kava and nudging another at Nahi, they were in a little place up on a hill in Dornagal where there was as much privacy as they could find in neutral ground. Stone chairs were not very comfortable, but talking with him was never comfortable but that was the nature of the work she was doing, “Your messages have been coming more often lately. Going to guess it is not the house troubling you.”
“Well,” a dark hand reached out to tug the handle of her mug to her, then she used a single finger to push the mug by the handle in a circle on the table, “there are a lot of changes lately in my life.” He said nothing, just waiting for her to talk about why she wanted to meet, not just text. “I met with Iren.” That night bothered her more than just introducing one of her lovers to her step-father, the meeting she needed to deal with, but that wasn’t something she needed his help with, handling Je’champe would be done on her own.
His hand came up and rubbed his beard, “Tell me how that went.”
Uncrossing and recrossing her legs at her ankles, her proper posture a habit, “It was great, I was going to tell him about the house, that I was going to live in the city when I didn’t have gigs.”
“But not that you are part of the company,” he said, guessing that caveat.
“No,” she said, it was one of the things she hadn't done that Jamis suggested. “He has enough to worry about with my mother, he said she is fading more.”
Jamis took a drink and looked into her eyes, her legs bounced nervously, and then she went on, “I don’t want him to worry more, maybe after…”
“After your mother dies.” He finished, “You know her death will not undo all the fucked up shit she put in your head right? It might even get worse. What happens when she dies and you have complicated feelings about it. Will you just lock those away in that place with your other emotions?”
She looked at him, aghast, a trembling started in her shoulders, and her lips parted, tears filled the inner corners of her eyes, picking up the purple in the reflection as well as some gold from the candle on the table. A defiant tip of her chin drew her head up, her bottom lip shook, then she took a deep breath through her nose and every sign of her impending breakdown locked away.
“Just… like… that…” he stated. “Nahi, you need to fix this, you need to unlock your emotions, it is alright to be mad, sad, happy, enraged, despondent, ecstasy, fear, surprise. Any of the thousands of emotions we feel on a regular basis.” He let his words of permission sit so that maybe they would take root, “You have them, I have seen them in your eyes, in the things we talk about, you just don’t trust letting anyone see them.”
Nahilvi took a shuddering breath, “I show emotion, they are not all locked away. I am making friends, letting people close.”
He looked her over, more than a hint of interest in his gaze, letting her continue as he took a drink of the hot liquid.
“Have even been getting to know people inside of the company,” she said, with a hint of ‘I am doing it ok!’ To her tone,
“Of all the people in the company, who would you consider as a friend?” He asked her.
The first was an easy answer, “Tinn, maybe Fio, they know more about me except Nara, but she is different.” After that she hesitated. “I like others too, but I have trouble defining connections with them.”
Jamis nodded, “What about these people outside the company?”
“There are the Commanders of the guard, Kelz’thalas B’andtherion and Allasticus B’andtherion, I like them and have had both over to the house. Lynesse, who you know, I have been working in the Shielded Mind with her training me. There is a man that knows some people in the company, you might even know him, Sol Cindersong and some people Naralinthe knows around the city.” She was rattling off names quickly but after the first few some of the warmth in her tone faded a bit.
“Very nice little list, did you just rattle off most of the people you know in the city now?” He watched her lower her eyes, “In some ways you are much younger than your years, Nahilvi.”
That drew a scowl and harsh huff, “I am fucking tired of that thought.”
A smile curved his lips, “Others have said something? Well, you are older than many in some ways too, just ways you choose not to show. Now that list? I am going to guess that you haven’t really spent meaningful time with any of them.”
“Tinn has come over and we have chatted, so have the B’andtherions, I still spend time with others in the city, always nice to see those in the company, and the volunteering at the clinic a couple times a week.” Nahi rattled off the information for him like they were accomplishments on a resume, a resume of being an emotionally open person.
Jamis held up a hand, “Quite an accomplishment letting people into your space, that is a good step,” truth hung in his words, he wasn’t patronizing her.“Before we meet again, which I would recommend next week because I really need to get out of the house, the kids are driving me crazy. “A bright grin could be seen through the heavy beard. “I want you to do something, now that you feel you are making actual friends, not just acquaintances, I want you to write down things that are personal that you have told them, and consider what the word ‘friend’ means to you. You spend a lot of time with certain people but I do not hear you call them friends, so show me what emotional openness you use to connect to the ones you call friends.”
“Homework, why is it always homework with you?” Nahi said, letting the tension she was still holding go with a joke.
Jamis just looked at her, not amused, her humor didn’t often hit with him either. “Because you work daily to change, not just when we are together.”
(Tags for baby mentions
@kharrisdawndancer @fio-renze @themadamelioness @kelzthalasbandtherion @allasticus @gloamingdawn @solstryce )
@daily-writing-challenge
