#feedist advice

[stevita]

Hey I am a gay girl who’s totally closeted about wanting to be a feedee. I just love the idea of being looked after and fed and loved and fattened up so I can’t do anything myself. I am 230lbs atm. I am 5’7. I am just so embarrassed about my kink I don’t know where to start looking for a feeder 🫣 do you have any tips? Thank you for your blog💗

Hey cutie!

I can't imagine how hard it must be to be working through acceptance of your feedee kink. I'm also not sure I have the qualifications to advise you on how to proceed, since I don't have a feedee bone in my body myself (unless I'm in bed with a feedee, but that's not really a bone, now, is it? Harharhar.)

But, my third-rate comedy aside, I wojld suggest starting by talking to feedees that you admire or who you see are in successful feedist relationships. I think learning what they like about being a feedee and how they make their relationship successful will help you feel more confident about being a feedee, and help you figure out what it is you want in a feeder partner, so that when you meet a feeder you like, you'll be ready to approach them romantically.

Thanks for your patience with my late response, this one has taken me a while to think about.

[stevita]

I really want to gain, but I think I'll get too addicted to it and it might control my life. I'm very bad at controlling my urges to do things and I have ADHD (and potentially depression cause my doctor was still gonna get back to me on that). I already feel like I constantly think about gaining though and I'm told you shouldn't just supress desires, so it's just really confusing.

I get where you're coming from, anon. And while I agree you shouldn't suppress your authentic self, there's nothing wrong with holding off on gaining until you feel yourself in a place to do it in a way that will really make you happy.

The feeling of a lack of control can be disorienting and upsetting. For me, one of the most important things about the gaining kink is bodily autonomy, and it's hard to feel autonomous when you also feel a lack of control.

I would suggest a thorough examination of your motivations for wanting to gain, what your concerns are, and why you're fixating on it. Is it the way fat and overindulgence are seen as taboo? If so, maybe engage with fat-positive media and fat activism. If you normalize fat bodies in your everyday life, gaining weight seems a lot less foreign and scary and it might mute that "forbidden fruit" factor. Are you worried about taking a stuffing too far and making it potentially injurious? Find yourself a hot stuffing video, do what you need to do downstairs, and chances are the impulse will go away.

There are also other ways to simulate the look and feel of a bigger body/belly without committing to gaining, like bloating with a low calorie food or electrolyte-balanced liquid, or padding. (There's a whole forum about it on fantasyfeeder where you might find helpful tutorials.)

If you do end up deciding to gain, though, I'd recommend taking it in increments. Maybe hold yourself to a schedule? Take it a few pounds at a time. Also all the gainers I've talked to tell me gaining is actually really hard. The body likes homeostasis and generally it's difficult to put on a lot of weight at once and keep it. And unless we're talking a lot of weight here, the size of your body won't dictate the course of your life. Just the way some people might see you but if they really care that much what size you were, they were never worth it in the first place.

And remember: you don't have to make a decision right now. You have your whole life ahead of you to gain if/when you're ready.

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do!

[stevita]

This is probably gonna sound weird, and probably fake, but it's real and I wanna go ahead. I've been considering gaining weight for several years now, and have finally come to the decision that I want to do it. The only problem is that I am a YouTuber. I'm not very famous, but have gained 80K subs in the past few months and am planning on making it my full career. The social perception of getting fat has always given me lots of anxiety, this would def increase that. What should I do?

Do what makes you happy! If you've put several years of thought into it and decide you want to gain weight, I say go for it! Gaining weight likely won't affect your career, unless you run a fitness channel, which I doubt, if you've been wanting to gain for as long as you say you have.

You might want to follow some body positivity channels and blogs to help ease your anxieties about social perception. Believe it or not, fat acceptance IS picking up speed.

And believe it or not, strangers the vast majority of the time don't care whether you're fat or skinny. They just want to see funny and/or engaging content.

Incidentally, one of my favorite youtubers (ordinarysausage) has said, in his own words and in good humor, that his two favorite descriptions of himself that people gave him after he did his face reveal were "thick Freddie Mercury" and "a fatter Mario brother."

Of course, you want to give yourself time to back out if you decide once you start that gaining isn't for you. My advice to new gainers is always, put on 10 lbs, see if you enjoy it, and if you end up not liking it, you can still work it off.

Also, if you eat like crap, you'll feel like crap. Junk food is tasty, but eat it as an addition to your square meals, not a substitution.

Feel free to contact me again if there's anything else you want my advice on.

I wish you the best of luck~

[stevita]

Do you have any advice for closeted feedists who are battling shame bc they were taught that fetishists are predatory?

Explore your own feelings on the matter. What is it you desire out of this community? A relationship, friendship, or even friendship with benefits with a consenting person who is open to and sharing of your kinks? That doesn't sound so bad to me, does it?

Try engaging in conversation with the feedist community and soon it will feel normal. Sure the occasional bad egg pops up but you'll soon find there are plenty of respectful people here too who just happen to be into feeding and fat.

And it's not being predatory as long as you respect people's rights to set boundaries: for example, not every fat person is a feedee so don't assume they will be receptive to feedee talk until they tell you that's what they want, etc.

[stevita]

Thanks for replying Your confidence is intimidating not because you're a woman, but because you're open about your attraction for fat people. It's intimidating, because it puts people like me in a position where we, despite our insecurities, are on an equal field as everyone else, and I couldn't handle that. It's easier to be on the defensive as asexual people (to those around us) than be so brazen as to demand to be desired, and believe it. .

Whoa there buddy. I never said to “demand” anything. Don’t demand sexual attention. That’s sexual harassment and is a firing offense in most workplaces. 

But there’s nothing wrong with realizing that your size doesn’t mean your unattractive. 

Fat people are attractive! You ARE desired, and you might not click with everyone who desires you, and that’s cool. You’ll find the one. 

Want to end this by saying that asexual folks are not necessarily always “on the defensive.” They face bullying and harassment just like any other minority, but from my understanding being on the ace/aro spectrum isn’t so much about beating suitors away with a stick as just...not experiencing attraction, either in a sexual or romantic way. Speaking as someone who considers herself a demiromantic or gray aromantic bisexual. Ace and aro people, feel free to chime in on the experience. 

Have a great night!

[stevita]

Hi! You probably get asked this question a lot, but my boyfriend recently gained a lot of weight and is really insecure about it. How do I tell him I think he's the hottest guy in the world? (Can I also just tell you about my cute boyf? He's a football jock who loves my southern cooking!!! He's so supportive about my battle with anorexia, whenever I get insecure about how much I'm eating he just puts more on his plate and is like look babe. Look how much I'm eating. Don't feel bad ur beautiful.)

Tell him that! Tell him he’s the hottest guy in the world! He sounds like a total sweetheart btw. You guys sound amazing and your cooking sounds like the bomb dot com. 

Also congrats to you for fighting your ED! That was me a few years ago. It can be hard but we all have to remember that we’re stronger than the disease. 

[stevita]

Hi! I hope you had an awesome thanksgiving! So, I’ve gained 50lbs in the past 6 months. For myself mostly but also for my feeder. She left me 3 days ago. At now I’m left fatter without a girlfriend. Would you have any advice on how to go forward as a bigger dude now? Other than tinder 😅

I’m sorry that happened to you anon! It must be devastating, but now is a good time to take some time alone to think about what you want to do going forward. You mention you put the weight on “mostly for yourself,” so if you’re comfortable at your current weight that’s the most important thing. Or, if you want to change your body (either lose some weight or gain more), that’s your prerogative. 

Finding love again doesn’t have to be some daunting task--in fact, many women who aren’t even in the feedist community find bigger guys attractive and nice to cuddle with. 

But before you rush into a new relationship, it’s important to go through the grieving process. Trust me, I’ve been there--if you try to replace her off the bat, without getting over her, you’ll get yourself into trouble. Once you feel all the emotions you need to and examine, even embrace, your feelings of hurt and loss, it’ll be much easier to return to the dating world with a fresh perspective and have fun. 

Feel free to write back if there’s anything else you’d like to talk about. 

[stevita]

How do you recommend someone starts out the feedee lifestyle? I'm a thin guy who wants to gain but doesn't know if I should set a goal or if their is a process that works best.

I would definitely say to ease into it. Start off with a couple stuffings here and there and decide whether you like it or not. Discover what parts you like about the lifestyle--stuffing, gaining, being encouraged by a feeder, among other things. Discover yourself! Then once you decide what you want out of the kink, you’ll be better prepared to set goals, make meal plans, and, if you’re interested, pursue the affections of a feeder who will keep you full and growing. 

I wish you the best of luck!