Okay, I am making myself put this out here, even though I am not remotely happy with it. Honestly, I saw Abigail Thorn post this thing about just making stuff even though it's mid most of the time, or you are just at the start, and using it as fuel to get better.... so that's what I am doing, even though it feels way scary
Unsurprisingly, the most ambitious art project I have taken on to date, is challenging me technically. And my first draft in learning a complex DAW doesn't sound good, at all :')
You're just going to have to use your imagination for the finished product as I paint you a story.
It's supposed to be very "eternal sunshine meets indie folklore." Like I wanted it to start two old-style faerie people standing at opposite ends of this windy meadow, and as they talk, the camera cuts to all these weird things. Like suddenly they're in a car next to each other as normal people, or they're on these old landline phones with each other, or they simply ARE phones. (I'll include the playscript I wrote for it too, because it makes me happy)
Since I've lost my camera, I decided now is a great time to invest in my audio skills. I upgraded to ableton live 12, and oh boy, oh boy, oh boy oh boy oh boy.
I have been making this, for LITERALLY 3 weeks straight. Its like everytime I make 10% headway, I accidentally click a new knob and it ruins the whole track.
The audio was taken in one take, and so I am really not happy with a lot of the acting choices and audio quality, but this track was always meant to be a "learning track" so I am trying to overlook it.
This may become a video at some point, but honesly.... after hearing the same 20 sentences for hours and hours and hours.... I am starting to really hate it. I might just make something else once I have acquired more skills.
Playscript time!
Short video with Duilleog and Cleite
Duilleog: Irish for leaf. Appears tall, and very unseelie most of the time, face is obscured by a bird mask, but throughout the scene he appears in different settings, sometimes looking like a normal man, with tousled brown hair, as a tribute to the character Joel Barrish, whom he was partly based on
Cleite: Irish for rabbit. Also tall, but appears more seelie than unseelie. Face obscured by a rabbit mask, and throughout the scene her appearance changes too, sometimes looking like a slight blonde woman.
[Standing in a field, in unearthly costumes, long robes, or fairy clothes, linen, with odd pieces of fabric tied in weird places, animal bones worked into the aesthetic, faces are hidden behind fairy masks, think bird feathers and rabbit. They stand far apart, separated by wild grass and wind, the background noise is strong, their words come stolen on the wind - in real life, two people would not be able to hear each other speaking due to distance and wind.
The piece is meant to be a reflection of the way emotion can be refracted into the fantastical, or better understood through metaphor. The audience should walk away from the performance understanding that Duilleog and Cleite are not literally faerie creatures, conjuring each other up with magic, but are stand-ins for human beings, memory, and the imprints people leave on one another. Although most of the scene is done with them in fae costumes, the glimpses we see of them as normal people should feel the most real. Let the silly take the weight of grief for the audience.]
Duilleog: Did you do it to hurt me?
Cleite: You kept me secret from your friends, family, even between you and me, it was …. the only people who ever knew that you and I happened - were just that, you and me.
[Starts slowly walking toward Duilleog]
When you left, and acted like nothing happened, it was like the whole thing had never happened, that it - we - had never existed at all. I was left holding all these memories and feelings all on my own. And it was the best thing that had ever happened to me, you were, or it was, or something, Duilleog. The best thing.
And I woke up one day and it was like you had erased it from existence. Not only stopped loving me, which totally sucked, but had wiped the entire world clean of it. And the pain of holding it all was killing me.
I had to make it exist somewhere. I needed the best thing that had ever happened to me, to exist. I wanted to make something that would benefit the world, and I did.
[about halfway to Duilleog now]
And god, I’m glad I did. I made a piece that saved the long-term relationship of someone I really respect. I hadn’t intended for that to happen, at all, it was an accident. I just read it to a group because I needed somebody to witness that something had happened to me. If you and I hadn’t happened, that relationship would be over. You and I weren’t meant to be, but we still had ripple effects
[three-quarters of the way to Duilleog]
Our past extends beyond us. Even though we were not meant to be, we still had meaning.
[Duilleog suddenly appears further away; he hasn’t walked OR he suddenly appears in Cleite's original position, much further away]
Duilleog: but you knew I would hate it. You knew that doing this would be the equivalent of gutting me.
[Duilleog suddenly appears gutted, sternum to belt line. His intestines spilling everywhere, dripping blood like a zen garden. His eyes shine with unshed tears and hurt]
Cleite: I always knew you might see it - yes. And I always knew that if you saw it, there was a possibility you’d hate it, but I never did it to gut you. Honestly, you ghosted me so thoroughly I thought you’d never check, and I thought in the unlikely possibility that you did, you might like it.
You weren’t listening to me, because you needed to be done, and I respect that. But I wasn’t done speaking. And I didn’t just want to talk, I needed to speak, and you were gone and never coming back, so I made it into art. Into words, and poetry, and speech, and paint, and wind.
[Cleite suddenly appears much closer to Duilleog, who appears normal in the next frame, within speaking distance]
You weren’t listening then, but hear me now.
[Big pause, Duilleog and Cleite hold meaningful contact]
For all the hurt I’ve caused, I’m sorry.
[Big pause, the wind stops, the nature sounds stop, the actors freeze, and the camera whirls around them and films from the other side, indicating a perspective change]
Duilleog: I still don’t want you back.
Cleite: I know. I’m not sorry because I’m trying to get anything from you, or because I’m waiting for you to say sorry for the tremendous hurt you caused me.
I’m sorry because I would like to handle the world more gently. I learned that from you, and I like carrying it with me
Duilleog: We aren’t together, and I will fall in love with someone else, and I will forget you entirely.
That's mean to say, but it's well within your right.
I will always carry pieces of you with me. The ones you gave me, are mine now. Everytime I am gentle, or a better listener, or more fun, or use the spray conditioner. Those are the ways you live on. I couldn’t give those things back even if I wanted do
[Long pause, Duilleog looks angry, while Cleite looks sad]
You may have taken the future, but I insist on my past.
Duilleog: Why am I here? Why did you call me?
Cleite: I don’t know love.
[Cleite cups Duilleog’s cheek with one hand, and a single tear runs down his face. Cleite goes to brush it with her thumb. Cut to a close-up, the tear is actually running down her face, and it's Duilleog’s finger that brushes it away. Cut back to the both of them, and they aren’t touching, they are about 6 feet apart.
Some things, they need to be spoken, and I think this is the end that you and me never got to have.
Duilleog: I do regret loving you, and your many needs. (said in a very sad voice)
[He begins to dissolve into air]
Cleite: I know, you sweet thing. I know.
[Leans in very close, and whispers, so low that it's almost impossible, or is impossible to hear]
I never forget your birthday, it's just that we don't speak.
