#feelingsoverload

[indythenovelist-blog]

I'm always doing the most, but in comparison to you I guess I am because you don't do anything. I'm really holding back.

[romansreigns]

i want the shield to break up but i dont

[nakalimutang-sumpaan]

Feb 20, 2011

Okay, seriously. I don't remember us being like this since 2009/2010. But since Biff was pretty much once of my diaries, I'd text her everything that happened throughout my day, especially when it was significant or about certain people. Today I went over OUR texts and apparently the last time RBA and I were all ":]" was then. I refuse to believe it though. It feels like it's been 5 years haha. But I made some calculations and Tiff was at least 1 month preggo by then O.O dang. I really hope she's changed for the better though. For the sake of their family. Or Idk, I think Thea's what really saved them, cos usually people become more selfless and considerate after having a baby together. I really hope so :) I hope they're both better than ever together! But yeah, I COMPLETELY forgot that happened, but reading through it made me remember all over again. I also almost forgot about Homersaurus/Aldasaurus. Haha how could I! "Whos this?" "Your saurusrex!"  "sounds so jomo lol" And yeah just all these things man. Did we really used to tell each other that much?! HAHA. And I like seeing where we started getting lazy/keeping our replies short and around what time [around after 12 AM... after texting for 4 hours straight. And then calling later when ppl are asleep HAHA or exchanging goodnight texts cos we're tired and how they can continue texting if they wanted and just continue with the convo in the morning. We were some craaaaazy girls man! HAHA I wouldn't have it any other way tho. But I swear. I'm kinda glad we're all not really sisters cos we could go on talking forever! Like during sleepovers... falling asleep around 2-4 [after being the first to knock out for a few minutes around 10/11 lol] ahhhh I miss my girls! So anyway, I sent her this: "ROMYR. hahaha we talked today. holy crap man." "What happnd?!" "Duuuude he doesn't like his gf. He HATES her attitude." "Hahahahaha niiice!!! Okay not nice but omg. What iffff .. (; nah meeean!?" "He thinks she has issues. like freal. Everything I've said and felt about her is what he feels daaaang. But he said that there's nothing he can do kasi sila na and they've been together for so long and been thru soooo much. So I'm like :/ my mom told me he told her the same too." "Hahahah dang dude! He needs to break up with her then! Dude! Things r goin good again! No more mike. Now romyr's back! Wth?!" [I just realized this happened a lot. When Mike and I were over and he and Tiff weren't on good terms, we'd somehow find our way back to each other. I remember '06... when Mike and I broke up for the first time, and then Rom and Tiff were on a break... but I'd rather not get into that. This was when Mike started really showing his true colors and we weren't together cos he be doing stuff with both my best friends and other girls. This was when the whole looking down Alicia's shirt happened, and Alameda, and when he kept asking if Biff lost her V to JC and acting all sad like he wishes it was him and how annoyed we both were, then stuff with Bffl and Chaw and when they were doing weekly evaluations that I didn't know about until weeks later.] "But dang dude. Today... Idk it felt like we were together. Like my family. My parents just left us in the kitchen like they didn't mind and he played me a tune he composed on the uke. And Idk he's just hecka sweet to my mom and my mom obviously looooves him. She was like "ang cute cute mo talaga pagnagsmile. Nawawala ang mata mo. Hahahahah" and he's like "yeeeee! x]" lol and he kisses her when he says bye and just hugged me like... the way he used to before but hasn't in yearsss. (Y'all KNOW how much I talked about how he'd give me the biggest, tightest, warmest hugs and saved those for me even if he'd hug others.) And he actually said yes to my dad to study again!!! HE STUDIED TODAY!!! :D" ":0 falling into place! FALLING INTO PLACE! :DDD" "And I swearr he's still so uncomfy talking about his gf like he's always been. And he just kept looking at me like Idk!! Puppy dog eyes and when I'd look back at him, he'd blush and look so... shy. HAHAHAHA. Idk! But I know! Dude he kept bagging on mike randomly tho! He was all "aye RJ, Rodel, who shoots like this? *mocks*" cos he and my fam and I were just talking about bball and stuff and how come he won't teach his bros and they won't play when their family is practically known for their bball skills... haha. And yea my mom was saying Axel plays but Axel said that he sucks and can't do layups. And outta nowhere!!! He goes, "Well you're better than mike. That guy's more into videocams and comps and crap." I'm like wth hecka outta nowhere... but I laughed and said, "That's true..." not to be mean but it makes sense lol" "I think he misses you (: Hahahah! Daaang! maan lol i hope u n rom get tgthr! U guys wud be hecka cute!! TOTAAAAALLLY a freekn chickflick story maaaan! Gotta make a movie! Lol" "Dude I think so too... Cos I know I do. Man. Hahaha. But I'm just sooooooo happy that he's studying again! But his gf freakin gets in the way! Gah even from the beginning like when he was hecka excited to go to Mira Loma in 05. Then last minute he was heckkkka pissed. And wouldn't talk to anyone. But he ended up telling me he was mad cos his gf wouldn't let him go. I don't like her. Gahhhh never did and look! I was right. Mannnn and I was tryna be nice to her. See, this is how I feel about Mel. Dude that'd be crazy... haha. But cute cos it's like... he was who I considered my first love. But then I still feel bad about my best friend... ugh those two are the most difficult to choose between man. Gah. Lol but Idk if he'd ever let Tiff go. Or he might. But he's tainted (LOL that's the word we used to say someone lost their Vcard) mannn. Lol! And he got her prego so Idk! It's just... ugh. Hahaha (Yeah... this was when nobody knew about those things that happened yet)" "Are you serious?! Dude! I don't like her either then! What a beezy! Wtf?! Ughhhh!!! Hav him come to assembly!! Duuude stick to your gut!! Omg daaang. I hope ur right about jc realizing by may then. :( I still miss him. But I don't really want him back lol. So true!!! Thats wut i was thnkn! Hes tainted! But so r u! LOL just not as badly hahahahaha. Excuse me wut? Difficult to choose between? Do u not rmr the bullshiz ur "best friend" has been treating u like? No. Ur eithr goin with romyr or jamrock. No michael." "Yessss!!! I never liked her. Well I tried to but she always acted like a buttheat. Esp towards my family even when we were being nice and acknowledging her. But I tried to for Romyr's sake because he loved her and because he's the kind of person who had a good judge of character. But nooo. Ugh. I'm beginning to think I coulda saved his life by agreeing that maybe he should break up with her when he offered to. And when they were on that break and Mike and I were broken up. Dang. This could all be my fault -.-  aha but honestly I was thinking a lot last night. And I don't regret anything. Even things I did wrong. Cos if I was given the chance to go back in time and change things or undo stuff I did, we probably wouldn't be best friends. There probably would be not ART you know?!

Of course you miss him. As much of an ass they are and no matter how much they hurt us, they were still our best friends and were still one of the best things that has happened to us... N I think that's love right there. Saying all this crap and knowing they're like that, but still loving and wanting them anyway. But it's immature love at the same time cos if it were mature love, we'd keep it between us and the guy, and talk to them about it and tell them the problem. But we can't and don't do that cos they're immature and we're immature too sooooo yeahhhhh ahahaha.

Dude I've always thought I wouldn't go for someone that was tainted. But now that I'm put in this situation... I'm thinking I wouldn't mind. Cos I AM tainted too. And I'm sure he knows that cos he knows Mike lol. But Idk it's just... different. It grosses me out but at the same time... we can't control or undo what already happened. Idk. It's weird. I'm kinda grossed out that I'm admitting this lol.

Yeahhh I know :/ but he's still my best friend even if he treats me like that *sigh* and I can't help it. Idk maybe with time it's gonna get easier. I just wish he would change for the better. Or at least want to... but Idk I can hardly see it anymore. I'm beginning to lose faith in him :/" "Seee. Thats why its good to speak up and say ur side/opinion. Cud change things. But very true. We prolly wudnt be best friends. Omg I wonder what id be like. Wow. 1 year n 3 months -_____- Totally. That just blows me away. Im so excited. Notice the sprinkle of sarcasm LOL. I think ur right. We do/did love them *sigh*. Sucks that we dont mean as much to them as they did to us :/ Exactly. If theyd jus talk to us, wed be able to maturely handle things. But nooo. I admit im immature for telling so many ppl. But ughhhh! Ppl keep askn n i cant lieeee! N ur not around sometimes. Ugh. Pffft im not taintedddd!.. as much -_- lol Yeahhh I know what u mean :T ugh lol but it DOES get easier. Things dont bother me as much with jc." "Haha! I was 11-13 so wth was I supposed to know?! Ahaha. I never even told him "I love you" even after he said it hecka times. I never did cos I didn't know what was gonna happen after I said it. I know I did though. But it was like... I didn't want a bf and I was young and torn between two of my best friends. Maybe if he waited a year or so tho, it probably woulda been him instead of mike. I wouldn't have moved on completely if he hadn't given up on me. dang is this a freakin repeat?! then again romyr and I didn't end on bad terms. or... we didn't end at all cos there was nothing to end haha Seriously. I really doubt we'd be best friends. Cos Mike and I breaking up brought us closer. And yeeeah. Alotta good things came out of the bad situations... I just realized that :) nice. HAHA I'm sorry. It's just based on my calculations LOL. We really do. I still love mike dude I realized it today... we'd be really good/okay if he just acted non-jerky all the time. Cos I'd have to say when we were together kanina too, we were good. And it was with T and everyone and it wasn't awkward even if he was being all close to T cos at the same time he was close to me and acknowledged me too. Idk. And we were just messing around alot and he said in front of them "see this is why she's Alda! And she's the only one I can talk about these things to :] HAHAHAHA" cos we were talking about what T told US yesterday LOL n ugh why can't he just stay like that and not push me away when we're good. Gah. Bipolar. N we were like forreal bffs again. Like laughing and placing our heads on each other's shoulders n high fiving n nudging n hitting/grabbing each others' arm. Idk. Today was good with everyone. I know! If they'd just keep an open mind or actually LISTEN and do or reciprocate sheeesh. Haha don't even worry about it Jariza, it's not your fault! N sorry for not always being around :/ you know I try tho :) Haha it really does :) I kinda hope u guys get together again as best friends and best friends only but when you're completely over him you know? Cos I think you guys are GREAT as best friends, but when feelings are involved, it gets ugly. Oh dude lol. Freakin' Tiana kanina tho... I wonder if Mike caught it. But she was messing around telling Axel stuff like bring over-dramatic that he chose Sammy over her lol! And she said the exact things I told her about Mike in front of Mike but referring to Axel. She was like, ":( :( I mean.. if he who has known me for that long and that well won't accept or love me as I am, why would anyone else?" and she just looked at me and started laughing and I just turned around and laughed and smh like I was guilty. And she said hecka other stuff that I said. And Mike was like "Dang T... that's just... wow. So sad. Like kawawa! That's so... that's like... we should make a movie. And that's where the dramatic music plays haha." And I thought man, if he only knew that was everything I said about him. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE BE SAYING WE SHOULD MAKE A MOVIE TOO! I wonder if he'd be as touched by it or if it'd hit us as much. Gulay haha" "Thank gahhhhhd u guys r getn back to best friends. W00h!! Seriously! If that boothole hadn't told me how we felt we coulda been the best of the best friends like u n mike! dumbass lol ugh but i can't say i wasnt happy (: Whatta loser! Ppl dnt think! Geeeez hahaha he shuda caught on!" "Haha I'm thankful too. So many things to be thankful or right now :) from Romyr studying and all that to Mike and I being okay again. :) and Denmar's coming tomorrow wooooo! What's up with all my main boys coming into my life again all at once though? But I love it!

Haha see!  I know you do. The whole world knows u do haha. :) I just wish HE would appreciate what u do and not take u for granted cos u deserve that. Hahahahaha. I think he shoulda told you, but maybe waaaay later on you know?! When your best-friendship is indestructible forreal. Haha I know...  *sigh I just wish it woulda stayed that way for you." ---------- Haha I originally posted this for the Romyr thing, but then reading onward made me want to include the other parts because it reminded me of that quote that says something along the lines of, "How a person reacts and what a person says about their ex after they break up is how they really feel about them." Guess it shows how we really felt about them.