#fei rants

[dovembre]

God I’m so fucking sick of my parents praising Trump and Elon musk. I don’t even live in the US but I’m already fucking tired of this

[akaomoide]

Ok so rant incoming and if you know me in real life pls don't share this with the person involved

I also, accidentally, have a friend who's really good at sewing and likes to help me in exchange for me cutting out the patterns for one project of hers for one project of mine (roughly, we try) (I sometimes pay in fabric).

Important background info: I have a sewing machine curse. As in l, every sewing machine I've tried got messed up when I did. Some started being messed up just from me being in proximity. This has ruined my wishes for an entirely self-made closet, but has not stopped me from hoarding fabric, patterns and making great plans. (It has also not stopped me from stubbornly hand sewing smaller projects and inheriting my grandma's machine)

So earlier this year, I became the proud owner of my second sewing machine. This machine does not seem to hate me. I am completely convinced this is because the former owner went, "neat, thanks", put it aside and then didn't take it with her when she broke up with her boyfriend, so I'm the only person it has ever known and I'm planning on keeping it that way.

I also, even before the Acquirement, started working on (hoarding the fabric for) a BIG project for friends. As in, "It might take me 20 years" big. The original plan was for my dad to learn to sew and then he'd sew while I'd pattern and all would be well.

He's very busy. I don't actually want this project to take 20 years. This aforementioned friend has been bugging me that she'd LOVE to help with this (even though she doesn't want to be a recipient, which is a whole other post tbh). So I caved.

And MAYBE it's because I'm prickly because I've had some Very Shitty weeks and was on the verge of a mental breakdown and have been feeling like SHIT physically and have only started feeling like myself again since a few days, but.

She was SO enthusiastic. Going "oh when can we start, do you have time this weekend (no), or next week (also no, I have like two days for myself these next two weeks)" and when I was like "I'm of [these days]" she went "great, you're nearby then already, just bring everything over" and that is. Uhm. At least three kilos of fabric, accessories, a corset and a sewing machine. Not including the things I need to bring to the party (at least two more bags).

And as soon as I went "nah I'm not going to be doing a Great Move of Stuff" she just basically went "ok". One word responses. And I know I'm probably reading into this too much but I'm Tired and I cannot remember when the last time she came over to my place to do stuff together and to be honest, I don't even really know if I want her help anymore.

I don't know. I'm just tired and usually I'd rant to my parents, but my mum would have Opinions and my dad would be upset for me trying to replace him and I don't feel like I can rant to friends about this bc all of them are her friends too and None have asked about my Shitty Weeks, even though I've talked about it (but not in detail) and I'm just so tired

[akaomoide]

Medicine: 'can sometimes cause mild changes in bowel movement'

My guts, not even 3 hours later: 🎉"we have permission to Act Up" 🎉

[bloodspeckledraphael]

I am trying to see the positives of my situation at the moment otherwise I know I would burst into tears constantly which helps no-one. But when I called my boss yesterday she made the mistake of telling me how busy we are at the moment 😫.

I can't deal with being helpless, of the possibility of being off work a whole five weeks and only going back part time to begin with while in a moonboot. I just want to get my independance and ability to walk unsupported again because otherwise I will go crazy.

[bloodspeckledraphael]

That shitty feeling when you were looking forward to your holiday but ended up having a seizure and breaking your ankle pretty much ruining it before it even began.

Now after surgery (& two other drug induced sleeps)I'm stuck wide awake in a ward with someone with ridiculously bad sleep apnea beside me which would make it ridiculous to sleep even if I wanted to.

[bloodspeckledraphael]

Can the dick next door constantly running and revving his motor bike either piss off or turn the damned thing off. You're giving me a headache....

[bloodspeckledraphael]

Me: *wears the pjs I was given for christmas where the top is shorter than I'd normally wear*

Mum: has that top shrunk?

Me: no that's the style...

Like she and my dad always make those kinds of comments about anything I wear out of the ordinary. Like a shorter than normal dress or these PJS....and people wonder why I have body image issues....😬

[bloodspeckledraphael]

I don't know why mum always seems to get so stressed around Christmas. I mean she isn't even hosting it and she still seems completely stressed about everything.

And when she's stressed she becomes really snippy and short tempered. She won't listen to anything I say or interact with anything positive just seems to look on the negative which I can't stand when it's a constant thing.

Like today for example we usually talk about work when she gets back but today she doesn't even make any indication that she's heard. And like I told her I'm getting a pay increase in the new year(4% which is probably nothing really for my band) but instead of a congrats or that I've earned it like any other parent would instead she minimizes it to nothing and compares it to the big bucks my sister and bro in law get.

She's done that everytime I get a pay increase this year (which is to say twice) and kinda feels like she's demeaning my worth. And I don't want to say anything because in the mood she's in she'll probably bite my head off.

I just wonder why I bother sharing if it's going to be trivialized to seem less important.

But on the highpoint at least I've finished work for Christmas now!!!!