#felixwrites

[fatfelix]

In an age where most people are taking GLP1s or illegal peptides, deciding to become morbidly obese is an act of resistance 🐻

[fatfelix]

Help me make sense of this. According to my scales, I currently weigh less than I did a year ago. According to my tape measure, my waist is exactly the same as it was then too. And yet my clothes are tighter. My belly gets more in the way. I feel encumbered by my weight more and more every day. I look at myself side by side and wonder if I’m just gaslighting myself, but I swear I’ve gotten fatter.

[fatfelix]

I’m at a stage in life (and my gaining) where it’s not mentally healthy for me to be worrying about whether or not I’m gaining weight. I’ve got too much other stuff going on. I’m just going to eat what I want and if I gain, I gain, and if I lose, I lose.

That being said, I did just have 1000 calories worth of pastries for breakfast and still wanted chocolate milk 🤭🐷

[fatfelix]

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I’ve completely intentionally gained 55lbs in two years. This was my own decision. This was entirely within my control. I could have chose not to. And yet I didn’t. I decided to make myself morbidly obese. For no other reason than because it felt good. 🐷🐻

[fatfelix]

I’m back in a phase of pure hedonistic gluttony. 2000 calories before 10am and I’m barely full. Hopefully this means my body is ready to regain those few kilos it lost, because I’m feeling desperate to get absolutely massive 🐻🐷

[fatfelix]

Struggling with my weight, health, and mobility today. I’m not even class 3 obese yet and I’m already getting out of breath lifting my belly. And yet I can’t wait to see how much worse my fitness becomes as I gain more. I literally can’t stop despite my fears.

[fatfelix]

Even after 2 years of actively gaining, I still have some internalised fatphobia to work through, because every time I get sick (either with an acute illness or a flare of my chronic ones) I blame it on my weight. Maybe being obese doesn’t help the situation, but I should know better. There are plenty of fatter people than me who are much healthier, and many skinnier people who are much sicker. Don’t get me wrong though, I love being fat and want to get even fatter, I just need to work through my own shit. Enjoy the belly play in the mean time 🐻

[fatfelix]

Gaining thoughts while I chug this chocolate milk:

I’ve lost weight recently. I’m under 100kg (220lbs). Unintentionally, but not without reason. My work means I’m on my feet for 8-10 hours a day. I’m not drinking as much alcohol. My stomach has been feeling too unwell to eat the greasy and spicy foods I love.

While I obviously love being fat, and do still wish I was double the size I am now, I don’t know how much time, money and effort I can put into actively trying to get there. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a goodbye post, or a “I’m going to stop gaining” post. I want to love my body no matter what size it naturally feels. Yes, I will still pig out or eat what I want when I want to, and I still want people to look at me and know how much I love to eat, but I’m not going to put pressure on myself to keep gaining just because the idea of being severely morbidly obese drives me wild.

Anyway, if you read all that, thanks for taking the time 😌