@fellvaguely | continued from here
crowley’s drunk . so’s robert , one whiskey and one wine bottle off to the wayside and substantially lesser liquid content in either . but what he’s found is that there’s fewer things more sobering than being pinned between a man and his couch , warm breath and grazing teeth on his neck . it feels good , undeniably , in every physical sense of the word. yet what remains is a sinking feeling in his gut , of the same sort every time he’s been used , exploited , taken advantage of …
you’re a tool , crowley . the thought echos from the recesses of his mind , a debilitating mantra he’s heard and practiced throughout the course of his existence . sue him for thinking it now , where his only purpose is to help someone get off .
“ robert … “ he hisses , the hands he slips between himself and the other’s chest giving both of them a bit of breathing room . his voice is wary , if not a little hurt — which, of course , he’d deny if asked . “ i know vice , and i know you must think of me a glaring beacon of sin , but … “ but what ? is he not ? he resents speaking his mind . never is taken seriously when he does . you’re a demon , crowley muses . demons can’t feel . it’s a joke . “ i’m not your outlet . a — a convenience . “
is it so wrong to want to be more than an object ? to hell , to PEOPLE … yes , he thinks . it is . what a world it’d be when demons deserve respect .
Robert tenses up immediately and stops. His only reliable talent is fucking up, and he’s probably already fundamentally fucked something up in whatever his strange friendship is with Crowley by doing this to him, by leaning in, kissing his neck, dragging his teeth over his pulse, but the ‘stop’ is clear. And he knows that word, respects it highly, and there’s no way he’ll fuck up even more by not listening to it.
Particularly not when there’s real hurt in that falter. In that hesitation.
Mentally kicking himself, he pulls back, only partially at first to look at Crowley’s face, but then he grunts and sits back against the couch and runs a hand through his hair. There’s a chill there without the body heat between them, but that has to be secondary to the sharp shift in the situation.
Good job, Rob. Fucking hell.
“Right”, he says, and makes a grab for the whiskey bottle again. He feels like shit. He needs something to do with his hands. “Sorry.”
Which really isn’t enough, but it’s not like he knows how to be a decent person anyway, so whatever.