#femaleapprentice

[highvoltageindustries]

Just out here gettin it while everyone else is sleepin 💪🏻 #LadyLineman #LineLife #WomenInTheTrades #FemaleApprentice Posted by @lydiatryon https://www.instagram.com/p/CauVs9xLy45/?utm_medium=tumblr

[thatbrightspark]

This Week’s Issues

-I place a high value on being able to express myself in clothes and appearance and its getting me down that I feel so unfeminine, or so unlike myself at work. No make up, hair in a beanie cos it gets messy otherwise, baggy shirts and work pants. I get home and feel the urge to dress up to feel like myself again. I dont know how to solve this, but I think maybe small make up (though one guy I spoke to, not a boss, just a co-worker, was all “no makeup at work!” but fuck that, I’ll do what I want).  I’ve been painting my nails again, though they get messed up and filthy and cracked by the end on monday. I plan on getting shorts which will allow me to wear my cool socks and get some leg out. Looking good makes me feel good. I dont care if other people think its frivolous or whatever. I also feel that I can’t properly articulate what I’m trying to say here without reverting to tropes. Who I am is partially created by how I present myself, so when I cant present myself how I want, I feel unlike myself. An example: When my hair is brown, I feel wretched, absolutely wretched, because thats not who I am or how I see myself. Having coloured hair makes me feel normal.

-I had so many moments this week where I just wanted someone to come up and help me, to carry the heavy thing, to do the hard job, so that everything didn’t have to be such a struggle. -Developed a wonderful habit of constantly comparing myself and my output to the other guys there, and I always think I’m not as good. I cant see my value. -The end of my three month probation period is approaching and I am terrified, even though its likely that if they wanted to be rid of me they wouldn’t wait until the end of the three months -The pressure to get my license is increasing, both from them and from myself. I’m doing my best ok

-I have a habit of telling or indicating to people that I am not good at something before they have a chance to judge for themselves. Am wondering if this is doing me harm, because they believe me, and I may not be right. Does this habit lead to people having no confidence in me?

-I’m absolutely exhausted. Everyday is constant challenges- physical and emotional and mental. Even simple jobs involve me driving, climbing into tiny roof spaces and having to wrestle sheets of corrugated iron back into place on a roof. I’ve had to re-define what I think is possible because these guys never reach a point where they say “it can’t be done” they make it happen or find another way.