#fence jumper

[nationonenews-blog]

New Post has been published on Nation One News

New Post has been published on https://nationonenews.com/2017/10/17/secret-service-takes-worlds-dumbest-fence-jumper/

Secret Service Takes Down Worlds Dumbest Fence Jumper.

Earlier today a man jumped a concrete barrier and attempted to gain access to the White House grounds. The barrier is located along E Street near the Press entrance to the Whitehouse.

There wasn’t much of an issue dealing with this clown. He was quickly apprehended by the United States Secret Service. According to the Secret Service Office of Government and Public affairs Was taken into custody by the USSS Uniformed Division.

This is hands down the dumbest fence jumper in White House History. Earlier this morning, while the incident was unfolding, the Press, was nowhere to be found to make this joker famous.

  https://twitter.com/SecretService/status/920285701236842497

https://twitter.com/SecretService/status/920288184470327302

https://twitter.com/SecretService/status/920304348990713857

The entire Press Corps was at an unusual location inside the White House. The President along with several of his staffers were conducting a long series of news radio interview. So, of course, the Press was with the President instead of their normal location.

Now, this clown is facing Federal Charges and he won’t even get to make an appearance on his favorite news channels like CNN or NBC. Of course, this is an assumption, but we know that no one who follows Nation One News would ever try to make themselves famous by jumping a wall at the White House.

Chances are, no one will ever see a picture of this man in action unless you count his mug shot which we intend to share as soon as we get it. We will probably send a copy of it over to add to the list of Worlds Dumbest Criminals.

Seriously, if you are going to go to prison, at least get your picture in the paper.

[e-m-bird]

Fence Jumper

From up on that fence, I felt like I could see it all. I knew I couldn’t, but I was short. I never wore heels. I didn’t know what it was like up there. The sun enveloping you because you’re close enough, the forgetting that your neighbors could see you, the ignoring any possibility of someone coming home to find you hopping your own fence. It was all so real. It was what I’d been looking for, all those years. It was the adventure I wanted, and I was so, so scared. But I was so, so happy.

Before I’d gotten up, I was so scared. What if the gate opens? What if the fence falls down? What if there’s a bunch of mold and rot on top of the fence? What if I hurt myself getting down? What if I fall off before I even get up. But I put one foot on, and then the other, and I went. And then a knee over the top, the other, a little getting my shorts stuck on a nail, and I was sitting on top of a fence. I was doing it. It was amazing.

And it was so high up. What if I hurt myself? No. There’s no turning back. I have to get down, one way or another.

I jumped. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life. I think it was better than jumping off a cliff. Jumping off that cliff . . . there was water. I knew I was safe. I watched everyone else do it, and they all lived. They all wanted to go again. I knew I would be fine and I was, and all the times after that first one were practically nothing. But falling off a fence, onto stone? God, it’d been what, six years? More? More than six years since I’d scraped my knee. I was too cautious. I never fell off a bike, not even my longboard. Nothing ever happened to me, except emotional stuff. Well, I was sick of it.

In that moment, quietly muttering, “Fuck,” to myself (because, man that hurt) I swore to be of the adventurous type. To fall on the grass on my hands and knees, to whisper profanity so that my elderly neighbors don’t hear.

Naturally, that was before staying up until 4 am, imagining what could have happened.

But maybe that doesn’t matter. After all, I’m not lying on the stone, bleeding to death, am I? I’m fine. No one had to find my body. I’m still here.

I think I’m going to jump fences more often.

[cnnpolitics]

Joseph Caputo scaled a fence on the North Lawn on the #WhiteHouse at 2:45 p.m. Thursday, while the first family was celebrating #Thanksgiving, Secret Service spokesperson Robert Hoback said. 

The jumper was immediately apprehended and taken into custody.

[fforgettheworldd-blog]

[southwestcollectionarchives]

This Western Wednesday, y’all, there’s nothing witty we can add to a cowboy jumping fences while riding two horses at the same time.

(Unbelievability courtesy of our Frank Reeves Photograph Collection.)

[nbcnightlynews]

White House Fence Jumper Omar Gonzalez Sentenced to 17 Months in Prison

Gonzalez, 43, was armed with a folding knife when he jumped the fence on Sept. 19 and was captured inside the East Room.

[nbcnightlynews]

White House fence jumper Omar Gonzalez had ammunition, a machete and other weapons in his car

[washingtonrepost]

White House Fence to Get Spikes

Internal White House documents reveal a federal agency is prepared to approve new steel spikes for the White House security fence after an increase in the number of gate jumpers. Rejected ideas included a moat, barbed wire, an electrified fence, a “decoy White House,” and “just straight up making the White House a floating doom castle in the sky.” The National Park Service plans to either increase the height of the fence or add a second fence, as well as installing “secret pits” and “traps doors” over the White House’s lawn, filled with “crocodiles,” “snakes,” and “personalized nightmares.” The Washington Monument is expected to undergo renovations as well, as Secret Service officials affix a “death laser” on top of it, for any fence jumpers who survive “the monstrosities that prowl the grounds at night.” The Secret Service and National Park Service declined to comment, as they could not hear press questions from within the giant steel dome encasing the White House grounds.

NBC News has the rest, but take care, as even thinking about jumping the White House gate can trigger psychic attacks.