Uh...you okay???!
Sort of. I’m just tired of screwing things up. This time it’s symphony. I’m just not good enough for the solos on piece we’re doing and it’s my turn for the solos at the concert next weekend and there’s one I’m not going to do well on.
There’s a lot of weirdness going on for this concert because it’s two symphonies combined so there’s four of us, two from each symphony, and two per part, and she’s having us trade who gets to do the solos at each concert and there’s one I’m just not good enough to do, and I don’t want to do it either. I’m considering emailing her and asking if it’s okay if the other girl just does that particular solo, but I don’t want to disappoint her, because I’ve been disappointing her a lot because I really haven’t gotten any better since high school, and I’ve honestly probably gotten worse because I have so much less time now. Part of me wants to just quit after this concert, but I know this is probably the last symphony I’ll ever be in.
I don’t want to quit symphony, I just want to quit the stress. And that’s how I am with a lot of things in life right now. I don’t want to quit, I just can’t deal with everything being so high stakes all of the time. I’m sick of not being good enough at... pretty much everything.
