I've got a few things to get off my chest. And, after emotionally swinging between clinical depression and a very trying sense of recovery, I've decided the best way to do so would be to just lay all the facts out in the open. The TLDR version of this is as followed: I am being accused of abusing a tumblr user that goes by Wolfpun, better known as Mika. Lies are being spread and my character and dignity are being thrown into question. So, it's my turn to be upfront and shed some light on this nonsense charade.
First things first, I'd like to acknowledge and refute the continuous use of the word "abuse" in this context. I've witnessed abuse, physical and mental, in my lifetime. I've watched others suffer through it and I've trudged through it myself with my family and past relationships. It's a very heavy word and one that, in my opinion, is never meant to be used lightly. Abuse is a willful disregard of another human being's comfort and rights. The differences and disagreements I suffered with Mika do not, in any way, qualify as abuse and it's incredibly infuriating to constantly be wrongly accused of something I take so close to heart.
I did not abuse her. I did not "chase her off the internet, prevent her from finishing artwork that didn't pertain to my interests and keep her screen streamed at all times."
In the light of our suddenly cut-off friendship (I was never told WHY we were no longer friends, just that something had happened and she didn't want to speak about it), I attempted multiple times to contact Mika. At first I was frantic and terrified at the prospect of suddenly losing my best friend, and then I sent a much more level-headed message saying that I was willing to give her the space she needed. I have a feeling these attempts were regarded as "harassment," though the only cruel thing I ever accused her of was making my little sister cry -- which she did. That happens when you abruptly cut someone out of your life that really cares about you. It was wrong. And, Mika, you deserved to be called out on that one.
Shortly after Mika cut off all contact, I suffered a massive emergency. Those who have been following would remember that my girlfriend fell unconscious in the shower and cracked her head open. In my absolute panic, I attempted to contact Mika from the hospital while waiting to see if my girlfriend was alright. None of my calls were answered, nor my texts. Perhaps THIS is the harassment or how I "ran her off the internet," but it was never ever an attempt at doing that. I was reaching for someone I trusted and felt I needed during an incredibly frightening time of my life. My supposed best friend offered me zero support, because holding a grudge over something I was never even given the decency of KNOWING took precedence.
A few weeks after, I sent a very long and thoughtful e-mail to Mika in a final attempt to heal whatever had happened. Again, I never received an answer. To this day I remain in the dark as to what caused the sudden end of our friendship, though I've made a fair number of assumptions. Still, there's nothing more eating and powerless than watching someone you cared about walk away without the decency to tell you why. Especially after they've promised that they would never, ever do that to you.
Moving on, the accusation that I prevented Mika from ever finishing artwork that wasn't relevant to my interests is laughable. I spent plenty of time actively encouraging Mika to draw new things, to draw her own OCs, to design animals or clothing or any number of things. In fact, I could easily find quotes from our conversation where I ask her if she ever feels like I'm monopolizing her art in any way and insisting that she let me know if that's the case. I can also find plenty of evidence to times where I hounded her to work on commissions and encouraged her to make a career out of it, to buckle down and really make art her profession. Mika willingly absorbed herself in drawing things that aligned themselves to my interest and has now decided that it was slave labor. It's a pretty hurtful accusation considering I made a constant effort to urge her to broaden her canvas. I'm not to blame for her lack of commitment to professionalism nor the commissions people purchased from her and, if it's any credit to my character in this situation, I was typically the one her clients turned to when she herself failed to answer them in any way.
Lastly, it's basically impossible for me to have acted as a tyrant and enforced that Mika's screen was constantly being streamed. In fact, shortly before we stopped speaking, Mika's complaint was that I "wasn't paying enough attention to her." I was pretty regularly absorbed in World of Warcraft at the time and, when I wasn't gallavanting on there, I was working full-time hours. We discussed the fact I wasn't paying attention and I apologized, even offered to spend more time with her once I realized I'd been pretty neglectful. I never got the chance to, but to say that I was hawking her nonstop is just ludicrous. I have, and had, better things to do than serve as some internet warden.
I've been mostly silent through this entire goddamn escapade. I've let Mika weave whatever stories she wanted in hopes that maybe she just needed to vent. That maybe, somehow, things could be fixed and I could have my friend back. I'm learning, however, that I may be permanently cast as the villain in this scenario. But let it be said that I never had any ill intentions toward Mika; I loved her, I shared everything with her and I constantly supported her and sought the best for her even when the going got really, really tough. I can agree that our friendship had become toxic, but I still believe that it could have been fixed with a dedicated effort on both our parts.; it always felt like we'd been through too much to just end it all in a snap.
I really hope that she can heal and move past this. I hope eventually I don't have to be painted as such a monster. And, perhaps stupidly, I still hope that I could one day have that friendship back. It's awfully uncomfortable missing someone who has decided, for all intents and purposes, that they hate you.
So, it's been three months and I don't feel any better, either. Ever think this could have been handled better?
