leaving and learning
just a little something i found in my drafts after rewatching euphoria, i miss them so bad. might make it into something bigger if i can find the inspiration but as always you can send me suggestions :)
—
"Ashtray O'Neill, if I have to drag you back here myself don't believe I won't for a second." He's stopped in the doorway, deciding whether to turn around and face her wrath or run, and risk her disappointment later. The late summer sun is bleeding through the window and spilling across the kitchen table that she's stood by. It catches her hair too, setting it ablaze in streams of red and gold and as much as it looks like a halo, she sure as hell ain't acting like no angel.
"You better listen to her bruh, she's mad scary for real." Fez sits on the worktop blinking slowly between them, trying not to laugh. "Ain't that right ma?" In his warmth she softens, it's the first and only time Lexi's resolve dwindles that day.
"I ain't coming back nowhere if you gonna get all fucking disgusting like that." He felt suddenly like they were trying to parent him— a foreign concept. Even at seventeen she was a force to be reckoned with, a beacon of overbearing, obsessively outgoing optimism, and someone he regretfully found himself turning soft for, try as he might to wall her out, which was the first and only time he needed to learn that there were more ways than one to love Lexi Howard.
"It's not disgusting. What's disgusting is your spelling. Now sit." She doesn't ever raise her voice, it just sharpens into something surprisingly threatening. Fez watches with an open mouth.
For the first time in his life, Ashtray listens.
After she's explained how to do one, been through two with him and offered up a pencil he's more than well versed in the fundamental principles and purpose of the crossword, just struggling to put it into practice. Lexi sits patiently beside him, embodying encouragement, pointing out mistakes he's made and quietly showing him how to fix them, grinning like an idiot when he does it himself even when she's anything but.
He doesn't say anything this time when Fez comes up behind her and tucks his head into the crook of her shoulder, hiding a smile. They deserve this much, to share afternoons together while they can. It's so rare they indulge themselves in this little domestic dream she's constructed— it feels a lot like playing house when she stays for the odd weekend, blissful and naive and ultimately... all pretend. But such a comfort they act like it won't eventually be quashed by the fetters of reality come Monday morning when she leaves for school. So who's to tell them they can't have that? Their little corner of the universe to share, however briefly? Not Ashtray.
Even so, she pretends not to notice for his sake, beaming with pride that's contagious as he fills in the final letter.
Correctly.
It's nothing really, but she makes him feel like it matters.
Which is why he does it again the next day, a little faster this time. And again after that the next morning. He finds himself spelling when she's at school, he finds himself spelling when she's gone. It's the only semblance of routine he maintains and a reminder. Of what he isn't quite sure, only that it feels like warmth and that summer sunlight falling on his face again— everything about it is simply, undoubtedly Lexi and serves as a comfort in her absence, a certain kind of motivation to be better.
He thinks that might be what a lesson is.