✂ ── SUCKER PUNCH
every time jaeyong and huangjun leave each other, jaeyong tells him he loves him. he has for months now, since shortly after they started dating, a reminder that huangjun may need, and certainly doesn’t hurt if he doesn’t. jaeyong is not guaranteed to live another day. he realizes that every hour he isn’t bleeding out somewhere is a gift with all the enemies he’s made, with how many of them may be out for revenge. jaeyong was trained to be a deadly hunter, but he was also trained to prepare for death.
the chance is there every time he walks out the door, and if he dies, he wants that to be the last thing he says to huangjun. i love you.
right now, he can’t say it. right now, seoyun’s presence hangs heavy in the air of their apartment, something stifling and suffocating, at least for jaeyong. seoyun still sleeps most of the day, painkillers pumping through his veins, but the fact remains that he and huangjun are never really alone anymore.
he decided, as soon as huangjun joined he and seoyun following seoyun’s dance with death, that he would pretend he didn’t love him. for seoyun’s sake, he wouldn’t give him anything to be jealous about. he wouldn’t hold huangjun’s hand, or kiss his cheek, or put a hand on his leg, or rest his head on his shoulder, at least while seoyun was around. he knew it would be painful-- he knows it, and he doesn’t want to hurt him more than he already has.
but it’s difficult. it makes jaeyong, as affectionate as he is, bitter. maybe some part of him mourns the delicate balance he and huangjun finally created together, toppling down with seoyun’s return. now, they will fall back into pain and heartache and sadness it seems they will never truly escape from; now, they will take care of someone else even though they themselves still have so much to heal from.
he left huangjun by seoyun’s bedside, no i love you, simply a hand on the shoulder that jaeyong couldn’t resist, because he needs room to breathe. he needs to punch something, because he is angry. irrationally angry at seoyun, angry at the wolf that nearly killed him, angry at himself for letting hunting fall to the wayside when there are so many more seoyuns out there that don’t survive their own attacks. he’s angry at the universe for kicking he and huangjun down every time they try to pick each other up at the floor.
he pushes the door to his favorite hunter gym open too harshly, then storms through the entryway, making a b-line for the closest punching bag. he puts gloves on in a hurry, struggling more than he should thanks to his impatience, and he looks up briefly to find that he isn’t alone.
xuilan. better her than most.
he and xuilan are friends, made acquaintances through the band scene and closer when he discovered her hobby of training with hunters. they spar sometimes, jaeyong claiming it’s because she needs to improve, but it’s fun for him too.
he doesn’t think he would be a very fun sparring partner right now, unless xuilan is fond of rage. soon, once he filters it out. he flashes what should be a usual crooked smile, but he knows the exhaustion is evident in it. he refuses to admit to his sadness, however, and simply greets her with a “xuilan!” forced chipper, because that is simply what jaeyong does. xuilan has a way of seeing through people though, he’s noticed, and he suspects it will be no different today. maybe he tries to hide it for his own sake, like if he grits his teeth and pushes through eventually it’ll all give way to something peaceful.
(because he knows if he surrenders to it, he’ll break down entirely.)
┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ @feyxuilan ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
