bishop's knife trick

i'm bout to go tonya harding on the whole world's knee, and i'm stuck, night vision, so stuck, night vision, but i come to life, come to life, some princes don't become kings. even at the best of times i'm out of my mind.

[feyjaeyong]

tastes like teen spirit

feyxhyunwoo​:

|  !  |

“maybe he will, maybe he won’t, it’s not really our job to police around here.” he sealed the paste back away and tucked it into his bag. “i have a feeling he will be fine with what he was just fed, hopefully he’s taken in before he gets hungry again.” it’s unfortunate how fate works sometimes, he held a little bit of empathy for a fledgling left all along not really knowing what to do.“

"this witch is a witch and, at this point in time, self-employed delivery and house call runner.” he nods off in the direction of the suburb while he hands are busy in his bag making sure everything is fitting properly. “just had to do all three jobs in one tonight. why– is this neighbourhood known for instances like this?” when he had looked up the area, soon after speaking to the older lady on the phone and long before actually making his way out, he hadn’t found anything concerning but it wasn’t somewhere familiar to him. 

“and what is a generous man like you doing out here?” he asked with a raised brow.

jaeyong chuckles. it’s not really our job to police around here. isn’t it? no, not anymore. “i suppose you’re right,” he replies. strange, agreeing with a witch, especially on something like this. he keeps repeating it to himself: not my job. not my business. not my problem. but there is still a part of him that aches at this; some kind of yearning, for both the blood and the justice. for the purpose in every step, for that deep-seated belief that everything he did was for the greater good, however misguided it was. 

he shuts his eyes momentarily, and pictures sitting with huangjun on a beach, staring out at the sea, their souls at peace. that’s his purpose now, even if every time he thinks of it, there’s the abundant feeling that it shouldn’t be; even with all of the guilt that comes with striving for that life with him. 

that’s all that matters. so what if people die? jaeyong has always been selfish. it’ll be easy to turn a blind eye to it, to forget about it, to accept it as part of life. won’t it? (just don’t wonder who loves them. just don’t think about the fact that it could be huangjun, that it could be someone else’s version of huangjun, that he could’ve stopped it.)

he takes a deep breath, looks over at his new ally, and smiles like nothing is wrong. he’s good at that.

“house calls? so is your thing healing magic, or...?” he questions, genuinely interested. naturally, he mostly saw witches as destructive beings; that’s what his parents taught him. the jaeyong of the past would’ve tried to kill even a witch that solely focused on healing; something about their true nature, something about the inevitability of ruin. bullshit, really. he knows now. there’s a lot for him to learn, if he wants to learn, and usually he doesn’t. this is an opportunity, however, and he’s in no rush, so why not ask?

“ah, not sure,” he admits. “i’m usually just in the city. i came out here to practice with a band. most places have instances like this sometimes, and if i knew about a place known for it, i would’ve cleared it out by now.” maybe that’s giving his past self too much credit.

he was pretty good, though. that makes it hard to retire too.

[yangjeongin]

HYUNJIN | 222101 INSTAGRAM UPDATE

[feyjaeyong]

found again

feyxmitsuki​:

|  !  |

after a beat she lifts her shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, “it’s not too hard, being your brother’s friend. it was beneficial to me too in the long run.” being able to see the other boy head on, not through side glances like at the coven event or in the dark of night during other run-ins, she can see more and more resemblance between the boys. it reminded her of why she was currently here, why she had packed and handed over a bag of stuff to him, of how she hadn’t seen daeyong in the past while.

“i know i already said i wouldn’t ask what happened, and i won’t, but is he going to be okay?”

jaeyong nods. he knows suki is right, and in the past year, he learned some things are worth sacrificing his pride for. their safety would certainly be one of those things. if suki turns out to be a traitor, he has faith that he and daeyong could still be the deadly pair they always were and take her on.

suki’s joke surprises him a little, and he bursts into laughter for a moment. “wow, he changed even more than i thought.”

it’s easy for jaeyong to joke back, though, when he says, “no, it’s totally hard being our friends. i’ve gotten that a lot.” the smile that accompanies the words lingers on his face, but slowly fades, and when he says, “but i think i was always the worse twin anyway,” he isn’t sure if he’s joking or not. 

he thinks of daeyong, and all of his grief that is too big for his body, too big for the heart their parents so diligently worked to shrink, too big for his aching bones. he thinks of his rage, because that is what they taught them to feel. any emotion was weakness unless forged into a weapon. they are both free from that now, but jaeyong wonders if it will ever stop feeling like a loose noose around his neck. 

he is different now. something grows in him: pure and lively and promising, the potential to give something back to this world he took so much from. he knows daeyong has it too, but he doesn’t have the same tender hands to care for it like jaeyong does, at least not anymore. 

he doesn’t know if he can do it himself, but he has to try.

“yeah,” he wasn’t injured, he nearly says, but maybe he should leave it to daeyong to explain. he doesn’t know the nature of his and suki’s relationship, or how much he’d want her to know. “it’s just the kind of thing that’s going to take a while, i think. but i won’t let anything happen to him.” not now that daeyong is back in his life, not as a target, or an enemy, but as his brother. his twin brother he thought he lost forever once. they used to do everything together, like two halves of one soul, and what good is the bow without the arrow? 

jaeyong learned to be a knife without him: sharp and dangerous on his own, relying on no one, but good things come in pairs. 

and here they are again, everything different and nothing different at once. jaeyong knows at his heart he is still a hunter, and daeyong will always be a werewolf. some animosity is intrinsic, but daeyong is his twin brother. no one could ever replace him. he doesn’t always know how to help him, and he’s sure sometimes he does more harm than good, but...he needs him to be okay. he’s still his brother; in many ways, finding him now feels like a second chance he wasn’t supposed to get. in some ways, he’s happy for this, even in all of daeyong’s pain.

"man,” he remarks with a small laugh. “if you told me a year ago that we would be here, under these circumstances..." he would’ve laughed. but maybe that doesn’t mean much, because he laughs even now. 

[feyjaeyong]

tastes like teen spirit

feyxhyunwoo​:

|  !  |

he was careful with his actions as a result, hesitant to put too much pressure on the wound. the paste was easy enough to apply and would do its job quickly- he’d seen to ensure as much when he made this batch. he was constantly trying to improve his supplies.

he didn’t have to really do much after the application, his magic weaved into the paste enough to activate healing on its own. “do you often offer your arm out to baby vampires?” he raised an eyebrow as he cleaned up his items. “thank you again for your help. i would have preferred not to hurt him at all considering everything, so it’s much appreciated that you stepped in.”

sure enough, the witch's magic voodoo paste did its work, and jaeyong could feel the wound close (gross) and any pain disappeared. "thanks," he sighed in relief. that was one thing he could hide from huangjun. he pulled the front of his shirt away from himself to look down at it. there was a little blood, but jaeyong doubted it was noticeable to anyone that wasn't looking for it.

aaaand huangjun would probably be looking for it. he sighed again, let go of his shirt, and let his hands flop to his sides. (he didn't want to worry him, but huangjun would understand jaeyong intervening in a situation like this. he knew he would.)

"nope. just figured i'd switch things up. keep life interesting, you know?" he replied to the witch's question, deadpan, lacking the typical smile that accompanied most of his words. he was still kidding, of course. maybe he was just switching up the humor too, or maybe...

"probably should've killed him," he admitted, gaze distant, focused on the darkness the vampire disappeared into. maybe it was a bit too open and honest for the ears of a witch he just met; maybe not. "he's going to hurt someone." someone like this witch; someone that will not be lucky enough for a hunter to stumble upon them just in time.

maybe he wouldn't. maybe he would take this as a lesson, and build his discipline and self control, and live a pleasant life of immortality-- one he would be thankful to survive for. maybe it would be like paying it forward; sparing this vampire would cause him to spare someone or save someone in the future.

jaeyong never cared about things like that before. honestly, he still didn't really, but it might help a little.

"too late now," he decided with a shrug, and turned back to the witch. "what's a nice witch like you doing in a place like this?" now, finally, a ghost of that usual sly smile touched his lips.

[feyjaeyong]

piano tiles

feyxdohyun​:

|  !  |

“ i mean i did ask, it’s my fault.” he chuckles and moves to jab jaeyong’s side with a finger, “but hey if i didn’t we wouldn’t have a had a bro-a-bro, tete-a-tete.” he scoots his chair back a bit out of the line of fire in case jaeyong retaliates at his heartfelt words.

“man being a young adult sucks doesn’t it?”

"yeah, i guess when you're like, trying to not get killed by supernatural creatures and trying to save the world from them, others' opinions don't matter as much," he replies with a hint of a crooked smile. "and before..." before what? before huangjun. he still can't pinpoint when the change really happened, but he supposes it doesn't matter, at least not now. "i used to feel satisfied if people hated me too, because it's like...'wow, i consume so many of your thoughts and emotions, thanks so much!'" he laughs. "and if people think you're weird or whatever, fuck them, for real." he nearly says other people aren't that important, but he figures that, at the very least, would sound bad. "i think...you just have to figure out the kind of person you're happy being, yeah? i don't know how long that's gonna take, though." maybe their whole lives.

when dohyun moves to poke him in the side he gasps and makes a grand show of being injured, even though he barely felt anything. he winces and hisses and holds his side, fake scowling at his friend. it fades eventually, however, only for him to laugh at dohyun's ridiculous words, but it's not like it's wrong.

he never really talked to people like this before. this is what having friends is like, isn't it? not the fake conversations, not him molding words to get what he wanted, to form others' opinions of him. not wondering what the right thing to say is. it's just saying. anything; everything.

he chuckles again. being a young adult. is that what he is now? he thinks it might be better than hunter. even worse: young hunter. growing hunter. lacking hunter, all things he’s been before and may still be. he settles on, “sometimes," as his reply. “it’s like...a lot of figuring shit out, but there’s also so much of life we didn’t see before now. that’s how it is for me, anyway.”

[feyjaeyong]

found again

feyxmitsuki​:

|  !  |

her lips pursed of their own accord. she analyzed the other’s words and thought to how many hunters she knew of in the city, how many could potentially be after them if anything wrong. “well… this isn’t an offer you are likely to take me up on, considering everything,” she gestures aimlessly with her hand. “but if you ever need back up, know i will be here with a phone call.” there’s a bead of awkwardness she feels in her gut at offering up something that would go unwanted, but she liked daeyong and it wouldn’t do to have him hurt on the off chance the brothers were overpowered, not when she could help. maybe she had a little soft spot for the fiesty hunter he called a brother too. maybe it was just her instincts going a little haywire with nothing else to care for.

“you brother has my number, if anything.”

jaeyong doubted suki really understood. then again, he didn’t know her, or what she went through in her hundreds of years of immortality. he recalled the purpose of vampires as a whole: to control the human population. maybe that in itself was something hard for a vampire to break away from. as he saw time and time again, it was certainly difficult for them to resist. 

suki, so far, wasn’t one of those vampires. suki cared about daeyong enough to track him down and bring his belongings with pure intentions; jaeyong was nearly certain of that. he simply nodded in response to her statement. if only she knew.

not only did she care enough to bring daeyong’s clothes, but to offer them help. to tangle with seoul’s hunters on daeyong’s behalf. 

he could’ve chosen worse vampires to scam into taking him to a vampire gala. it was strange, too, that daeyong, in his life so distant from jaeyong then, met suki too-- that she became someone important to him. are their lives really so linked together that they encounter the same people? 

jaeyong wasn’t sure about fate, but both of them knowing suki even while apart was certainly funny, or...something like that.

maybe she wasn’t so bad. maybe she was a good ally for them. (maybe he should stop referring to people as allies instead of friends.)

he still hesitated to accept her help, but comforted himself with the thought that even the jaeyong of a year ago would’ve called her if he was in trouble. he probably would’ve killed her afterwards, but why not make use of a little extra firepower, right?

“thanks,” he replied at last, smiling, soft and close-lipped. “we’re not very good at accepting help,” and he chuckled. “but i appreciate it. and whatever you were doing for him that made you able to bring this much of his stuff over. unless you were stealing from him; then nevermind,” he laughed again, and one of his more characteristic smiles lingered: crooked and playful, and one the twins shared.

[feyjaeyong]

♬ ✧ unearthing a fossil

feyyeon​:

|  !  |

“Hmph, I don’t kill anymore. I’m too good at what I do, they don’t notice what they’re missing.” Yeon narrows his eyes, sizing up the other, “I could have sworn you were taking a dirt nap the last I saw of you. I see you’re still very much alive. I didn’t do a very good job, which—I suppose is good for you. Oh, and did you grow a few inches since we last met? You don’t look as shrimpy as I remember.”

Yeon steps out from behind the counter, always ready to face something head-on. He slinks up closer to the other, but just out of his range. He doesn’t want the cat to bare his claws at him again. He sneers,

“Did you come here to buy something, or just talk as old friends?”

there's something satisfying in knowing even vampires can't recall everything. maybe it would've been better for jaeyong to keep his mouth shut and move on, browsing the shop, and leaving before long so he could avoid the vampire recognizing him, and by extension, avoid trouble. but jaeyong, keeping his mouth shut? it's just not realistic. that grin, always playful, always with a hint of smugness, still lingers on his face.

"uh huh," he replies, unconvinced that the vampire doesn't kill people. that's exactly what someone that doesn't kill people would say. jaeyong knows because that's what he, a bonafide murderer, would say. he'd believe yeon is good at his job, though. that good? he's probably exaggerating a little, but jaeyong doesn't blame him.

a dirt nap. that makes jaeyong laugh too. "i'm too good at what i do," jaeyong uses the vampire's words against him, smile shifting into a smirk. "i don't die." it's too easy to slip back into old habits and attitudes, the same bragging as always, even though he hasn't properly hunted in months. he's not good at what he does anymore, or...maybe he is; he just doesn't do it. "don't you think it's funny how you talk about being good at your job and not killing people, then you're like, 'oh i didn't kill you so i'm bad at my job.' kind of ironic, huh?"

he really shouldn't push a vampire's buttons, especially not one he already fought with once before. a jaeyong of the past would think i survived him once; i can do the same again. present day jaeyong thinks about his fiancé having to tend to new wounds and fussing over him and wants to avoid that if at all possible. he doesn't want to pick a fight. he probably needs to lay off a little.

he still laughs, though, playing good-natured, like they're actually friends catching up after a long time. "yeah, well, i'd hope i got bigger and stronger. it was a while ago."

the vampire steps out from behind the counter, and jaeyong's posture automatically shifts into something defensive, instinctive. he isn't sure whether to force himself to relax or stay on guard. (probably better to be safe.)

jaeyong still smiles. "i didn't know you were here, honestly," he admits with a light laugh. "i was just seeing if i could find any last minute christmas presents. i don't know how many friends i have that would appreciate the stuff in here, but you never know, right?"

[feyjaeyong]

♬ ✧ unearthing a fossil

jaeyong is still christmas shopping, sort of. usually he’s on top of gifts; he’s good at gifts, but this christmas will be a little unconventional. huangjun has humored him and allowed him to fill their apartment with mild christmas decorations jaeyong picked up for (mostly) cheap as he shopped around during this holiday season.

it doesn’t compare to home, though-- his parents’ house, he should call it now. he feels guilty for even thinking of it like that; home, with the people that tortured him and brainwashed him and sat around the table at christmas over the expected dinner as if none of it ever happened. jaeyong was never bitter back then; it was just how things were. the christmas tree and lights decorating the entire house were beautiful, courtesy of jaeyong’s sister the event planner.

he tries to pretend he doesn’t miss anything this season. he has huangjun, and he has his brother, and he has his friends, but the rest of his family continues to haunt them, and there is always a lingering worry that he will never really stop loving them.

it doesn’t feel as much like christmas this year as it did other years, and the record store he works at is busier, so he takes more shifts, both to help and to have the extra money for christmas presents and his wedding, whenever he and huangjun intend to have it, and the days fly by.

he really just needs to find something for daeyong, his brother that now has little, so that he doesn’t try to break into the house he ran away from just to get more of his twin brother’s old things as his gift.

not that daeyong will really want anything from an antique shop, but you never know, and it isn’t like he’s the only person jaeyong is gifting something to. sure, he has presents picked out for everyone else, but what if he finds something better?

the place is dead when he walks in, and he soon discovers that the owner of the shop is too when he makes eye contact with him across the store. it’s none other than one of many vampires he tried to kill in the past! what a surprise. what an absolute joy. (not really.)

still, jaeyong knows it’s better not to show fear, even if he worries he might want revenge even now; okay, whether it’s better or not, jaeyong’s pride gets the best of him this time, and he breaks out into a grin. “hey! long time no see. how’s the stealing and killing been treating you lately?”

that was why he tried to kill him anyway. as if the simple crime of being a vampire wasn’t bad enough at the time.

  ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈  @feyyeon ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

[feyjaeyong]

✂ ──  THE MEANING OF MERCY

feyxhoon​:

|  !  |

“no… you made a promise to your boyfriend, i don’t want to make you break that just because of me and my own selfishness. i also don’t want to risk the chances of him coming after either of you because of me either so…” there’s a short pause in his speech as he finally lets out a small sigh and lifts his right hand, running his fingers through his hair. his head falls back to look up at the night sky, expression now blank as he speaks once again. “don’t worry about it jaeyong. i won’t ask you to kill me, you deserve to have this happiness more than anyone i know.”

there’s a hint of pain in his tone as he speaks, only able to really hide that same emotion in his eyes because of how he’s staring up at the sky above them. “i’m sure at some point there will be a hunter out there who will do the job for you, no need to get your hands dirty.” he finally looks forward once more to look at jaeyong, hiding every bit of emotion from his eyes and facial expressions as he does, smiling back at the other male to show that he’ll be fine for a little while longer like this. he had done it for a couple of months now, what was a few more?

“ah, so it’s your fault then,” jaeyong acknowledges with a more subdued version of his typical crooked, mischievous smile. then again, jaeyong could’ve delivered a killing blow right away, opposed to stabbing him with the hope that he would bleed out slowly and suffer, or something. they both bear some responsibility in this, it would seem, and yet at the same time, neither of them do.

there was no way to anticipate this happening, and jaeyong tries not to dwell on what-if’s. the only good they serve is to prevent repeat mistakes. otherwise, there’s no use agonizing over them. here they are, both ghosts of their own kind; hoon, quite literally back from the dead as a vampire, and jaeyong, ghost of the hunter he used to be. there’s no changing it now, at least for hoon. jaeyong? he can become a hunter again with the flip of a switch, with the right flick of a knife; maybe he never really will quit being one.

if he kills hoon here, like he requests, will that count as him hunting again? no, jaeyong doesn’t think so. it’s more like a favor, isn’t it? jaeyong thinks huangjun would understand. he likes to think he would, anyway. would killing someone that used to be a friend-- or something close to one --be worse in his eyes than the hunting he did before? maybe he’ll find out. (he doesn’t really want to find out. he doesn’t want any of this to be happening at all.)

jaeyong laughs anyway. hoon is a vampire, forced to live forever in misery, and he jokes that being friends with jaeyong might make staying alive worth it? jaeyong pretends to be bashful. “stop, you’re feeding my ego.” she smiles after, though, softly, then sadly. if hoon lives, everything will be different. could they still be friends? maybe. they can’t be sparring partners anymore, and hoon can’t be seen anywhere by the people that think he’s dead, but maybe somehow, they could be. maybe jaeyong, even for as obnoxious as he is, could make hoon’s newly extended miserable existence a little more bearable, or at least a little less lonely.

that’s what huangjun would really want. he knows it. he looks down at the knife in his hands, and the way the light reflects off of its surface even after so much use.

he looks up then, as hoon offers him understanding; maybe even happiness for what he’s found. somehow, jaeyong trained himself to expect disappointment, at least from hunters, but hoon isn’t a hunter anymore, is he? maybe all of those rules are out the window now. 

something else unexpected: hoon changes his mind. hoon isn’t even disappointed that he may not kill him. hoon makes the decision for him, and it takes jaeyong a moment to process it.

you deserve to have this happiness more than anyone i know. that’s stunning too. he’s quiet for a brief moment. “what the fuck,” he laughs in disbelief before long. “no i don’t. you must not know a lot of people, huh?”

he probably doesn’t. it still shocks jaeyong that he’d even say it, but he’s always said, “it’s not about deserving, really. i just have him-- this happiness --and i’m grateful.”

he can tell it’s hard for hoon, though. his mother taught him the weakness in his own emotions, and how to read the emotions of others. jaeyong appreciates it, though, and in some ways feels...moved, that hoon is willing to keep living on in misery for his and huangjun’s sake. “yeah,” he agrees regardless. “i can still indirectly kill you. i know a guy,” he jokes. “or two or three, or like, 20. just need to give one of them the right tip.” it would probably be less suspicious if he tangled a little more with the hunting community anyway, even for as much as he wishes he could have nothing to do with them altogether.

“you know,” jaeyong begins thoughtfully. “the vampire community runs pretty deep. the hunter community ostracized you, and i’m sure there are some vampires that might hate you for being a song hunter before this but...i’m sure some wouldn’t. maybe you could be, i don’t know...less lonely like this after all.”

[weltenwellen]

Kenneth Rexroth from "Signatures Of All Things"

[feyjaeyong]

Beginning a Class Assignment

feyfelix​:

|  !  |

Sighing, he fished his phone out of his pocket and found Jaeyong’s name, re-added to his phone after they’d found out they were to be partners for this history project. Even though he would have rather worked alone (or with someone he hadn’t wanted to tear apart the last time they’d spoken), Felix didn’t actually mind the thought of the project. Sure, he didn’t feel particularly interested in the thought of speaking in front of the entire classroom, but he found history fascinating, especially when he thought about it in terms of stories and pictures. Although a lot of his work tended to be more on the fantastical and unrealistic side, Felix could easily find inspiration in history.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he typed a quick message to Jaeyong that he was grabbing them a table before finding a quieter, less occupied section. Pulling his messenger bag over his head, Felix set it on the table first before beginning the process of peeling off his gloves, coat and thick scarf, draping them all over one of the extra chairs at the table before sliding into his seat and digging in his bag. Although he pulled his laptop out, his sketchpad was what he went for first, his fingers plucking a pencil from his bag as he started sketching something remaining from the feeling earlier as he’d felt the snowflake dampen the tip of his nose.

ah yes, a school project. a group project. working with other people. jaeyong's favorite.

okay, to be fair, jaeyong was a social person and he didn't mind working with others. he especially didn't mind working with other people that wanted to do a lot of work. jaeyong would always step up when he really needed to, but truthfully, his education wasn't one of his highest priorities. huangjun would probably scold him for it, and it was mainly for his sake that jaeyong still tried to do his best instead of slacking off or dropping out entirely. he knew getting a degree would benefit him eventually, especially in something as useful as communication. he didn't know for the life of him what he would ever do with it after graduating, but that was a problem for a jaeyong farther along in his life.

the problem for today's jaeyong: do a group project with felix frost, presumably jack frost's clingier, more annoying, but potentially hotter cousin. or something like that. (to be fair, jack frost in that one animated movie was kind of hot, though, so maybe the latter was up for debate.)

that didn't really matter, though. what mattered more was history; the project for their history class, his history with felix. it meant nothing to jaeyong at the time, as was often the case when other people's feelings were involved. felix was just another person to use to pass the time, for jaeyong's own pleasure and entertainment, to dispose of whenever he outlived his purpose. at least he didn't kill him.

admittedly, jaeyong didn't think too much about felix. even with history class in common, he did a fairly successful job of ignoring his existence entirely. this forced interaction by their professor's hand, however, really took him back.

it was more than a year ago, like another life, when jaeyong split his attention and his body between his ex boyfriend and felix simultaneously. now, with more self-awareness and more empathy, jaeyong really thought about why. in reality, he probably used felix as some discount, budget replacement for seoyun, even with the other still in his life and still in his bed. maybe felix was just another weapon to wound his ex with if he ever got the chance, like breaking his heart wasn't already enough.

no, no, none of that really mattered. it was about his history with felix, not seoyun. actually, it wasn't even about that; it was about a history project.

it wasn't about jaeyong following the same formula with felix as he did with seoyun, or the joy he found in it working again, even if it was a little different. it wasn't about felix's aggravating yet satisfying attachment to him, or the way they fought when felix found out jaeyong was sleeping with someone else, or the way jaeyong once again told someone all of his time with them meant nothing.

it was about a history project, and the chirp of a notification from his phone as he stepped into the library he and felix agreed to meet in. he checked his phone quickly, making sure his backpack didn't slip off his shoulder as he did so. ok. i'm here, he typed back.

it didn't take him long to find him, and as he approached. he half-shouted "hey!" far louder than anyone should in a library. mostly intentionally. he smiled mischievously afterwards, then shed his coat and backpack too, getting comfortable at the table himself.

this was probably supposed to be incredibly awkward, but that was a mostly foreign feeling to song jaeyong. might as well get right down to business. "are we going to do a regular powerpoint presentation, or do you want to do some...creative cave drawing shit?"

[feyjaeyong]

♬ ✧ YOU HAVEN’T AGED A DAY

feynari​:

|  !  |

“I–,” It honestly was surprising to hear coming from someone. Nari was a night nurse, when he was sleeping mostly from either exhaustion or the amount of pain medication in his system. It wasn’t until he was in stable condition he became a bit of a pain but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. 

“Not much of a eater but I could use a refill. Just vodka on the rocks.” He had beat her to the punch when she raised a brow at the offer of a drink but with a few words in it finally felt it was her time to get a few more. “I may have been doing my job but it’s rare to feel appreciated outside of the hospital. I’m glad you’re doing well for yourself, engaged too even.”

It was indeed nice to see him living his life and honestly, he seemed to be in a much better state than he was in their care those years ago. “Who would of thought we’d meet here? I don’t go out much but I am here often. Surprised we haven’t met sooner.”

jaeyong, more self-aware than ever but rarely caring, only realized how much he just talked when he finally fell quiet. he just barely felt apologetic, but thankfully, his former nurse only smiled, evidence that she didn't hate him or something. jaeyong wouldn't have really minded that either, knowing he probably did something in the past to deserve it, but he did always prefer meeting a potential friend over a potential enemy. these days, at least.

not an eater. the phrasing made him laugh, and he almost made some insensitive joke about it, but caught himself beforehand. character growth. huangjun would be proud of him for not being so rude. "alright!" he agreed with a bright smile. "i can do that." he looked toward her table, and the glass near her hands, carefully picking it up. "just vodka, huh? damn," he laughed.

he appreciated her...happiness to see him? well wishes? it actually came as a bit of a surprise. maybe she was just a high quality actress, pretending he didn't actually aggravate the shit out of her. then again, if that were the case, she probably wouldn't have entertained this conversation at all. someone genuinely happy about his survival and the life he led now? especially a relative stranger? this was something new.

he knew dohyun was happy for him and supportive, having an actual friend an adjustment enough, but dohyun was dohyun, and this nurse whose name he forgot was someone that knew him at a dark time in his life, and...it was strange how much it meant to him. "yeah," he chuckled, looking down at his own drink momentarily, only for his smile to grow as he looked back up at her. "thank you."

it definitely was a strange place to run into each other again. well, actually, there were certainly stranger places jaeyong has met people. "right?" he laughed regardless. "yeah, we've played here a few times...? so maybe we just kept missing each other. are you sure you didn't just see me play and get too shy to say hi?" he teased, whether it was appropriate or not. it wasn't flirting; it was just jaeyong's personality.

"hey, what's your name, by the way? sorry, i was just, y'know, dying and knocked out on pain medication during much of our previous time together."

[feyjaeyong]

tastes like teen spirit

feyxhyunwoo​:

"not quite, we’d need a shifter for the full experience..” hyun wasn’t sure how the other guy was joking right now, but considering he had saved him from a deal of trouble he could afford to match his energy. it was a selfless act, not many would step in in such a situation. “yes, witch by day, untasty blood snack by night it seems.”

hyunwoo tried and failed to hold back another wince once the other stopped the fledgling, not able to look away from where its’ fangs had tore away from red skin. he still couldn’t look away from the vampire’s back as he stumbled away. “i hope he’s able to figure things out, the council won’t allow ones like him to run around like this.”

“oh!” he turned to dig around in his bag again, hand dipping into the multiple expanded compartments within. “i always carry some cloth with me– here!” he handed it out, not knowing if he’d want help. “it shouldn’t irritate it too much, and this paste will help the inflammation and have it close up.” he uncaps the small canister of paste he’d had ready for the go. “would you like my help– or?”

"ha, funny," jaeyong quipped sarcastically, although it was a little funny. jaeyong appreciated the now confirmed witch's ability to play along, at least.

unfortunately, now, with the vampire gone and jaeyong able to focus on himself, he felt a little dizzy. it would go away shortly, though; he had faith. he probably just needed a little water and a minute or two and he would be on his way as if nothing happened.

i hope he's able to figure things out. part of jaeyong wished he could have that much good will, but it made sense to if you were a supernatural creature yourself, just like the opposite made sense for someone born to kill them like jaeyong. he wondered if he would regret letting him walk away. part of him already did. killing them was his purpose. this was a fledgling vampire without a sire, at least around currently, and he tried to attack someone. wasn't that grounds for even a retired jaeyong to take him out? maybe. if he had his crossbow with him, maybe he would fire an arrow at his retreating figure even now.

he didn't, though, and he would have to come to terms with this decision. he pictured returning home to huangjun covered in blood again, and that familiar look of alarm on his face, and somehow, avoiding that meant more than any innocent human casualty that may result from this decision.

speaking of covered in blood-- he held his arm away from himself, making sure the blood didn't leak onto his clothes, though he might've already failed at that. he didn't look down to check, though, knowing in doing so he would only risk getting more on himself.

the witch extended a towel to him, so jaeyong took it with his undamaged arm and carefully blotted at the blood around his arm, watching in mild disgust as the bite inched closer and closer to disappearing entirely.

paste. would he like a witch’s help? “uhhh, sure.” it only took a little hesitation. if the paste was poisoned, he would probably just get a rash or something, or his flesh would start melting off. he would probably survive, but even jaeyong knew that much was unlikely. this witch seemed sincere, regardless of his true nature.

he held his arm, now significantly cleaner, out to the witch.

[feyjaeyong]

piano tiles

feyxdohyun​:

|  ☠  |

“I think you deserve a normal life, or anything else you want.” he tries to choose his words carefully, not wanting to sound cheesy or insincere. “it makes living life harder when we base our judgements on whether we’re worthy or deserving of something everyone else gets–” dohyun brings one shoulder up in a half shrug. “I’m here if you need anything too, I know I’m doing shit half the time but you can rely on me if you need to, outside of band and stuff like this.” he gestures to the piano keys and then moves into to fix a crooked sticker.

here dohyun is, so utterly ordinary, life untouched by the supernatural until the past year. lucky for dohyun, he ran into huangjun, and he was in a band with a hunter. he wonders if he and dohyun would be friends without that happening.

probably not. jaeyong never really did friends, though he didn't know it back then. jaeyong thought most people were his friends and that he didn't need them in the same moment, confident he could gain people's trust and manipulate them to do his bidding. he was more successful at that than he ever should've been, far more than he wishes he would've been, looking back at it now.

dohyun was just another friend to add to the body count of people to use; he just didn't see the worst of it like people like seoyun did. it was only a matter of time, before huangjun shook up his world, before he uprooted him from a life so sinister and planted him in the sunlight; somewhere he could live and grow.

jaeyong wonders if his parents would've approved of a friend like dohyun. they probably would've been fine with him, so long as he didn't prove a distraction. they would've preferred he be another hunter; someone that could challenge jaeyong every day and drive him to improve in what he was destined for.

instead, there was huangjun, and then there is dohyun.

normal. average

. dohyun. in this moment, jaeyong is almost jealous of him. imagine living a life revolving around music instead of murder, a warm family, if not a little overbearing. maybe the parental pressure wouldn't be so different, but god, sometimes he would give anything to have a mother yell at him for playing out of tune than a father punching him so hard he saw stars.

there's no point in it, though. his life is his life, and he is who he is, and if he were any different, maybe he wouldn't have huangjun, and that's enough.

dohyun thinks he's deserving. jaeyong laughs and hangs his head, shaking it ever so slightly, but he would always tell huangjun it wasn't about what you deserved. it was just about what you got. it didn't matter the kind of love huangjun thought he deserved, or more accurately, the love he thought he didn't deserve; jaeyong loved him regardless. he told yujin the same: sometimes you just get these things. he also said who are we to argue with the universe about the good and bad it gives us?

this feels different though. he hasn't received anything; it's about what he can take. what he can get for himself. maybe it still isn't about deserving, though, and instead, about what he was meant to be: nothing close to normal, at least according to his parents. he's learning, however, that their word isn't everything; that so much life exists beyond them, so much they kept from him.

"i never really thought about it like that," he chuckles. "this will sound bad...i mean-- no, it probably just is bad. but i don't really care enough about what other people do to judge whether i deserve something compared to them or not. i don't really care what anyone else gets, it's just...who i thought i was supposed to be. i don't really know what kind of life i want yet, but i guess that's fine."

that's a lie, really. "well, i guess i do know. it just...still feels like i shouldn't want it. i guess i'm afraid that feeling will never go away."

it's an uncharacteristically heavy weight to pass to dohyun, so jaeyong laughs it off. "sorry, i know-- you know what, actually, you did ask. i'm not sorry." he's mostly kidding.

[feyjaeyong]

hiii everyone <3

i have still been around but not in the capacity that i usually am, so i just wanted to quickly explain what’s going on.

[ tw: death ]

basically, my mom’s side of the family lives out of town, and my aunt’s husband was given two weeks to live. we rushed down to see them, so i’m not only out of town right now, but am also in the middle of a family emergency of a sort. 

i’m still able to get on my laptop, but i’m visiting my uncle often and seeing him so ill and being around so much grief (and chaos with people in and out visiting him) is pretty draining. i’m both introverted and a really empathetic person, so i’m kind of mentally and emotionally exhausted. i can bring my laptop both to my uncle’s and have it at the house where i’m staying (with my other aunt) but it’s harder to focus these days.

we’ve been here for more than a week now and the nurse visited my uncle this morning and said he probably has one to two days left. we’ll be in town at least until thanksgiving, and likely for the funeral so long as it happens before november is over. even after he passes it probably won’t get any easier for a while, but i should be back home by early december and hopefully i’ll be able to get back into a normal rhythm then.

in the meantime i’m not going to stress too much about replies, even for as much as i’d love to be writing. i’ll still be checking messages here periodically so if you need to message me for any reason feel free!! i’ll still be around, and hopefully i won’t even need to go on hiatus, but i’m taking it week by week and we’ll see what happens.

i just wanted to let everyone know what was going on so i wouldn’t have to keep explaining it to people individually, mainly asdfadgsdg i love you all and hope you’re doing well 💗

[feyjaeyong]

♬ ✧ YOU HAVEN’T AGED A DAY

jaeyong feels like the luckiest man alive. it’s so stereotypical; the line in all of the movies and dating shows on tv, trademark of true love that it is. he feels it, though.

well, okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. he’s sure there’s some luckier man out there. some man that married someone he was incredibly in love with but who also happened to be incredibly rich, for example. some man that inherited something other than blood and death, some man without a homeless werewolf brother, that isn’t in need of an exorbitant amount of therapy.

maybe that makes loving huangjun better, though. even among all the dark of his life, and all of the curses he deserves, there is this one incomparable, irrevocable blessing.

so no, maybe he's not the luckiest man alive, but the happiest, maybe. the most grateful.

he has more to be thankful for that huangjun, too. there's also this: standing on stage, strumming his guitar, long hair messy and clinging to his neck with sweat, tell tale sign of a show with the band he poured his heart into. he didn't even think he would love playing so much. joining the band started as a mere channel to gain attention. once he opened himself up, however-- gave himself room to breathe and become a person beyond hunting --it became an actual hobby.

he hangs around after the show like usual, mingling, drink in hand, and he glows more than ever.

he spots a familiar face in the crowd, and it takes him a mere moment to place her. he doesn't remember her name, memory too clouded by pain medication and drifted in and out of consciousness. maybe he never caught it. either way, he knows her face; she was with him when he was in the hospital, following the hunt daeyong supposedly died on; the one jaeyong almost did die on.

jaeyong, as social as he is, moseys on up to her with a smile on his face. "hey!" he greets her over the club's music. "do you remember me? song jaeyong." in case she doesn't, he pushes his hair to the side, revealing the bite mark on the left side of his neck. "you might not, because last time you saw me i'm pretty sure the nurses were barely letting me talk, and i am but a shell of myself without my wit and charm."

he doesn't give the woman a chance to speak at all, happy to blabber on. "hey, um, i know i never thanked you. i was kind of a brat back then, but a lot has changed, and-- yeah, thank you for taking care of me then. i know it was your job, but still. can i buy you a drink? i'm not trying to flirt with you, i swear," and he puts his hands up in a show of innocence. "i'm engaged." it feels so good to be able to say it, even as casual justification of his actions. "just as a thank you. or like, i can buy you fried chicken or something, if you aren't the drinking type."

   ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈  @feynari ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

[feyjaeyong]

✂ ──  THE MEANING OF MERCY

feyxhoon​:

|  ☠  |

he can feel the anger building up inside and he has to take a moment to calm himself, closing his eyes and pushing those unwanted thoughts back out of his mind before he finally opens his eyes once again to lock onto jaeyong. “so, to answer your question… yes, i want you to kill me. finish the job that you didn’t get to a year ago, in this same alley.”

there’s no sign of hesitation in his answer, completely sure of what he wants, but it’s the last part of what jaeyong says that has hoon’s eyebrows furrowing as he looks at the other male. “wait, what do you mean? did you give up hunting?” he asks this, partially out of shock but also a bit of happiness? hoon knows of the situation that jaeyong had been in before, so if he had given it all up then he truly would be happy for the other male.

| tw: brief gore |

oh junghwa. there is something vaguely familiar about it, but even jaeyong's sharp memory can't recall where he's heard it, if he has. he's certainly not on mitsuki's hit list, not one of the names she gave him to kill before he dropped off the map entirely. maybe it was something to do with the vampire gala; maybe he saw his name on a raffle ticket, or heard it on another vampire's tongue in passing.

he shakes his head. "i don't think so," he settles on, because if he has, it's not worth mentioning, and he knows nothing about the man behind the name.

jaeyong's own expression settles into something pained as hoon tells his story, and jaeyong wishes, too, that he hadn't killed that hunter. he doesn't wish death upon hoon, exactly, but he would rather he die a peaceful death than live like this. more than that, he wanted hoon to have a chance to experience love, to grow old, to live happily and die happily, too.

maybe part of what's scary is that this could be him. one day, he could be at death's door, and some vampire could come along and decide to "save" him, or maybe get revenge on him for some torment he inflicted upon them in the past. he thinks about it, and maybe, for him, dying would be worse. he thinks of dying, and leaving huangjun when he promised him he wouldn't. maybe he would take a life doomed to immortality if it meant a few more years of loving him.

something about that is scary too, but the enormity of his love isn't as frightening to him as it once was.

"sorry i didn't kill you before," he apologizes. "last time we were here." he looks around the alley then, so much of it the same as it was a year ago. "maybe i should have. then you wouldn't have had to live through this at all." he meant it as a joke at first, but no, maybe it's true. he cracks a smile, though. "but we wouldn't have become such good friends, and that would've been a shame."

they aren't really friends at all. maybe they almost were, and there's something sad about that too. there's no telling what place hoon would've had in jaeyong's future as a human, as someone that isn't begging jaeyong for death.

he doesn't want to kill him. it's strange, how much his heart has softened, how weak he is now, though huangjun wouldn't think so, and maybe his opinion is the only one that matters. still; here is a vampire, requesting he kill him, and here is jaeyong, hesitating, all of the possibilities floating through his mind, all of the other lives hoon could've lived. why does it hurt him, too?

still, he takes his favorite knife out of his pocket and stares at the moonlight that reflects off of it. he looks back up at hoon, and so vividly pictures killing him: blood leaking from his slit throat, trying to make it quick, his blood splattering across jaeyong's clothes. jaeyong sitting with his limp body; jaeyong trying to talk himself into believing he did something good.

in all ways, it's the right thing to do. it is the hard thing to do, but it's right.

did you give up hunting? it gives him pause, and jaeyong chuckles and looks down at the ground. "something like that," he half-mumbles. he looks up before long, though, a ghost of his usual smile on his face. "unless a vampire comes and asks me to kill him. or, you know, a fledgling is about to go on a massacre and i'm right there and i can stop it. just...the killing unprompted part; that's what i'm done with."

in all ways, it's the right thing to do, isn't it?

yes.

but is it smart? he thinks of oh junghwa, and the little he knows of him, of hoon trying and failing to kill him once, of the attachment strong enough to save hoon from the brink of death against his own will.

his gaze grows unfocused, thoughtful. "when i was young, i would always say 'if i live a long life i would've done something wrong as a hunter.' i wanted to die before 40 in a blaze of glory, taking down an entire pack with me, or something stupid and overly ambitious like that. but then, you know-- my boyfriend. i never knew what it was like to love someone before, and...to have something to live for. someone. i promised him i wouldn't leave him, and eventually i couldn't take the fucking-- terrified look on his face for a split second when i got home covered in blood, and making him prepare for my early death every single day i went out to hunt. i can't do that to him anymore and-- i want to live. i told him i want to spend the rest of my life with him, and 15 more years isn't enough."

he's quiet then, for a moment, still thinking, and looks up at hoon again. "i'm still a selfish person," he lets out a sardonic bark of laughter. "i won't sacrifice that life i want for anything. i don't want you to have to live like this, hoon. i don't want to kill you, but i will. i know it's the right thing to do. but i'll only do it if you can promise me it won't endanger that life."