#ffak misc

[kosmicdream]

my graphic novel writing class has a presentation aspect to it where each student picks a work for the rest of the club to read book club style and i'm going to do ffak. HOPE MY PEERS LIKE WORM SEX!!!

omFG..I HOPE IT GOES WELL!!!!! I WISH I COULD GET TO WATCH everyones reactions to worm sexthank you so much tho! ;o; that’s so cool 

[kosmicdream]

do you draw all the freckles on crimson individually every time or do you have a brush you use? I ask because I have an oc with many freckles and I find that digitally drawing every freckles takes a very long time and a lot of effort, and I'm interested in the artistic method you use? also I really admire how dynamic the poses and movements and expressions in your art are and as an artist I aspire to gain the same sort of fluidity your style has. basically what I'm saying is I love your art!!

i literally draw all the dots myself LOL… its kind of a pain in the ass but many characters have freckles or spots (or hairy chests ;)), so i just endure the sort of tedious task to make it kind of like.. not feel as big of a deal to do. I used to just add in the dots with the same brush i ink with but in ch12 (I think) is when i started to use a lighter color for the freckles. :3 Maybe in the future i will try using a brush though! I’m sort of slow w/ applying brushes ‘cause I like having all my tools pretty handy and easy to replicate lol. A lot of my freckles are pretty spread out and random so like, i’d actually prefer to be able to render them in concentrated clusters a bit more w/ more variation in opacity, maybe if I can take the time to find a quick method for that i like doing i will…. little art habits are hard to break sometimes, even if its to make things easier and look better lol.Locket is the most annoying character to polish b/c of the # of LARGE spots X__X both on his skin and his hair.. he’s so easy to draw then when it comes to doin the shading stuff……yells….cries………!!Anyway thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoy the movements and stuff. :D I love to sketch/draw fast and quick!!!!! (What’s helped me over the years is that i basically only draw with pen traditionally, and often start w/ black ink when i sketch so i dont get stuck erasing and perfecting everything!)

[kosmicdream]

Flight or Fight Drawing mode

for me, i think there’s always this restless feeling that comes when working on comics. That feeling that time is running out or not being utilized to its fullest degree. You are aware of how much more there is to go in your story and can calculate the progression of your journey, but only the present. As you keep going on your story, the circumstances change, and it is always this fluid process you cannot fully accommodate and plan for.

I know in the few years since I started drawing FFAK my expectation for myself and my work has changed tremendously. Its something i reflect on a lot, since i forget how not too long ago, I felt like i was somewhat incapable of producing a comic because of the way i enjoy to write and explore stories. I still think fundamentally, FFAK reflects that raw unedited version of my writing and creative skills in a unique way that I doubt will be replicated again (in the same manner) even as i explore and work on other stories. FFAK just carries this certain kind of momentum of forwards and backwards both at once. You stretch all over the place and peek through small doors to go in strange places. Growth is difficult to gauge because of the way time is handled in the story. Goal points seem endless and bleed together from my perspective. There’s always so much more to go and so much planned that when you make accomplishments they feel sort of like a bunch of tiny small steps in many different directions. And honestly, No one is more impatient than i when it comes to waiting to share this story than me. I am always biting my nails and wanting to get it out faster SOMEHOW even though I work on it constantly as it is. FFAK is no longer just.. a random comic idea i started on a whim that I felt i would only dip my toes in and never actually attempt making. and now it really has consumed my mind like a wildfire. it is also my fireplace and my home in my heart and my peace. I don’t even think I could ever fully be prepared for and handle such a thing but I am glad to have it in my life. But as the haze.. shock? of starting this project starts to fade i find myself fully committed and trying to evaluate the steps and process i take for this comic as a whole. I think its interesting how 2ish years of planning basically gives me enough time to know what sort of story I’m doing. But I am in no eager rush to finish it because my excitement for it only grows and feels more satisfying the more i write and plan. Part of me gets upset I don’t blast pages out the “same” way anymore, even though i appreciate the exploration of ‘putting more effort’ into my drawings. Instead of drawing thru 20 pages a night I’m polishing like, 2.. or 4 a work night. Its kind of annoying!! because I’m not really one for polish and editing (or maybe I just never believed myself capable of doing it in a way i liked? lol) but.. it just feels like the right thing to do right now. it feels almost impossible to ‘rewind’ myself or go back to like, thinking things in a different way than what i try to do now. by attempting more things visually it kind of makes some things easier too. im often pretty surprised like “hey alright that came out ok. i guess i can push myself a little bit more next time to make it look better!!” I think about my early eggshells pages a lot and how i labored over like.. 15 pages over an entire year and felt miserable and in the end, often over rendered + lost clarity and energy and now i just get what i was doing ‘wrong’ to make it not fun for myself. Like, even when i was offered advice at the time I wasnt so welcome to it nor did i understand it, its like I had to suffer a bit before I was able to understand what I needed to do with myself lol. The lesson feels much more impactful after discovering it for myself too on my own pace imo. SO i am thankful for how that turned out! Then i broke down my art to its most base level (earliest ffak pages) and i’ve just been rebuilding myself back up since then and now I’m attempting things I didn’t even think I’d be able to do -- or be interested in. (like color, for example, has never been something I was too interested including with my comics but like.. blammo here i am doing it anyway now.) anyway. its really cool, this art journey thing. i kinda wonder how long ill coast on this certain part of it before i like, end up doing an unexpected detour again. Maybe I won’t..? i dont know!! FFAK is so raw and alive it makes me happy i get to make it and do whatever i want in it. I always wanted to make a comic that I could contribute to on a day to day basis rather than something you just make so you can get it done asap and move onto the next thing. When ffak does eventually finish I wonder if it will be really hard on me. I look forward to its ending because its really neat but it is not a world I want to let go of so quickly. Even tho i have several other stories I’d like to do.. (and have started a couple already LMAO) I think about that expectation with ending stories a lot and completing projects. Most of my very favorite comics have yet to end despite going on for decades.. and when i think about that too, it almost feels very strange. Readers generally want closure to reflect on their experiences reading something so endings are that important ‘release’ from that fake world and  time you participated in it. But when i ask myself what I want to do for endings to my story, i try to contemplate  my favorite endings to stories ive read/watched/experienced to figure out what i want to do with my own. Since.. its my story and my satisfaction with it is really going to be reflective of what I like. Everyone interpretes ‘good’ endings differently and like, clings into diff parts of what makes a satisfying story so its important to isolate what elements you find are important to try to replicate that in your own work. But like.. its hard to see what kind of ending you’re going to make before you make it???? And making the story is a difficult thing to let go of vrs just being funneled all the stuff. Maybe my ‘ffak reader’ half of me will be satisfied but will my ‘ffak creator’ side be happy? Will i feel fufilled on both parts? I mean an experience is going to just be an experience.. i cannot manufacture or control it to be anything than what it will be so to think about it too much is probably only going to go in circles. It certainly has changed me a lot as a person and an artist. WHich is disorienting b/c im also introducing my work to everyone while not also knowing myself completely. (not that is ever fully achievable but, its been something i get forced to confront a lot.) When I work on this project I fight so many demons of my own life, chase ghosts of my heros that i feel are so beyond my ability, and stare down the illusion of my own reflection of what kind of artist i want to be every time i draw a new page.. I’m never going to really be that reflection, and my heros will always be my heros and they’ll always do things I cannot, but I wonder what kind of creator I look like from the outside?? from a person who isnt me. I cannot experience myself as a ‘reader’ but I try to pretend I am seeing myself as one. And the most exciting thing about myself, from that outside perspective, is that I am not sure what I will attempt next or what strange journey i will write about. I am happy that despite every difficult thing I have been through, I am still excited and having fun with my art like I have only just first attempted to draw. Soon FFAK will be three years old and (likely) 4000 pages by then.. I still havent gotten to write and draw out things I planned the very first day, but now I know roughly how the story will end (without actually getting to draw it yet, of course.) And i’m just anticipating the future while knowing  that...i have no idea what it will bring!!! O_O (one thing is for certain i hope to fuck my house doesnt burn down again because, istg, that fucking SUCKED!!!!!!!!) Wooh.. well. i just felt like sharing some thoughts since i just got done re-reading some of ffak and feel a bit overwhelmed with emotion.. Thank you all for sticking around and experiencing this comic with me..! :’3 -kosmic

[kosmicdream]

have you ever thought about making a discord where people who like your comic can talk about it?

I have thought about it! But I personally find group chats very easily overwhelming, and so having the responsibility to manage one as well would be way too stressful for me to think about doing anytime soon… Fans are totally welcome to make their own if they want to, however! :D

[kosmicdream]

Aaaah sorry I was wondering what your preferred pronouns were?

o …speakin of pronouns!!!!! i have em up on twitter but i use he/she/they so like go …uh.. wild rly! im generally a bit shy/private w/ these things but i enjoy most when i see that they’re shuffled around when referring 2 me :’3

[kosmicdream]

are we allowed to make hektonkheir ocs for your comic? 8u is that what the charts for? srry i havent caught up to your comic yet!

the charts were made for just a bonus resource for the species/comic but ppl have made fan hekaton/worm ocs before! :3 just of course be sure to credit me and/or the comic! (and id love to see any fan characters if ppl happen to make em!)

[kosmicdream]

I just marathon read all of ffak over the past day and a half and I am obsessed! now going back to reread it's really cool with the context and knowledge provided by having read all of it. sets a lot of things in a different light. very neat.

Yess! thats one of my favorite things about writing ffak.. i love playing with perception and context to things that evolves as you read! Glad you enjoy it too!

[kosmicdream]

toothmonster replied to your post :

Flight or Fight Drawing mode for me, i think...

tbh the way you approach ffak is so… inspirational to me like it’s one of my favorite things ever and i think all the time about how one day i want to make something as good as ffak, something with the same amount of thought and love and care put into it

;o; I’m so happy it gives you encouragement! That is always so humbling to hear tbh. I try to run this project as if I’m ~already~ the more capable artist that i dream to become rather than what i am currently (its like i just pretend im better so i can not be paralyzed with fear constantly) and so it makes me feel very vulnerable when i work but... its always so worth it!! trying things is so worth it. Even when i get down and depressed it pulls me back up outta it cause im like ‘well i gave it my best shot whats the next thing i can try to do?’ its a nice feeling to think that i have no expectations in a way* so any choice i do make is a better choice than not.. making one at all because its too scary to fail. ffak is the kind of project that i love so much that I dont mind having all the growing pains that come with it and i really feel blessed to have allowed myself to make it the way i do. i couldnt ask for a better story to help me learn and be flexible enough to embrace my nature as a writer.  :3

*(this isnt completely true but since the nature of how ffak started was ’whatever, i dont fucking know what im doing-- ill just draw a damn comic today’ i still feel like that... attitude of not knowing how far it will take me has carried throughout the entire project. just throwing it all out there w/o hesitation or planning lol )