Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged Episode 8 Review
Originally posted December 3rd, 2015
This is the funniest episode of any show that Team Four Star has ever produced.
And now, I have to defend that significant claim, which is something I’m not entirely certain I can do. The best evidence I can provide here is that the episode itself defends this claim far better than I can, and in my opinion, it’s pretty clear that there’s only one abridged series out there that could compete with just how fucking hilarious episode 8 of Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged is (it’s Sword Art Online Abridged, which you should unquestionably check out if you haven’t seen it yet).
So I’m not going to try to defend my claim. I’m instead simply going to talk about why everything in this episode works, and hope that that is enough evidence on its own.
The first thing you’ll notice about this episode is that we only spend half of it with the main cast. We’re left with Cloud, Tifa, and Barret as commentators once they’ve infiltrated Shinra Headquarters, but the entire second half of this episode is a board meeting with only the minor interjection of our heroes.
That’s a pretty bold decision, and it works extraordinarily, with the time away from our main cast serving as a refreshing break in which Takahata101 and Antfish let loose with the clever comedy. It’s a testament to their writing ability that they’re able to make a scene discussing budgetary concerns this hilarious, and it’s even more to their credit that departing from the main cast for so long feels more like a treat than a loss.1
The rest of the episode is spent on one of Team Four Star’s funniest jokes to date and an exposition dump. The cast’s ascension up the stairwell is classic comedy: Takahata101 causes major pain to his characters for a perceived award only to snatch it away at the last minute. The exposition dump then, is framed as the ravings of a pot-obsessed hippie, who just decided to grab Aerith off of the streets after the death of her (potentially pot-obsessed) mother.
Sandra Espinoza sells this scene perfectly, delivering the history of her adopted daughter with the perfect combination of aloofness and motherly care. Finally, to top this episode off, we even get a moment between Barret and Marlene that is the perfect blend of touching and hilarious, as Barret instructs her to be sure to take a 25% cut off of anything that Elmyra (Aerith’s adopted mother) has her sell.
Rating: 5/5
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Stray Observations
1You could view it as a failure on their part that we don’t miss focusing on the heroes, but the break from the dark complexity of Barret and Tifa and their negative influence on Cloud was very much needed.
Elmyra: “They offered her a free helicopter ride, and well, how can anyone say no to that?”
Barret: “Believe it or not, very easily.”
Elmyra: “You must be the father of Marlene.”
Barrett: “WHY THANK YOU, for assuming that automatically.”
Elmyra: “I can sense these things. Also, she has a gun, and your hand is a gun.”
Barrett: “Fair assessment.”
Elmyra: “Aerith is the last of the Setra, an ancient race that will lead us to the Promised Land.”
You never realize how crazy this is until you hear it said by a drug-addled hippie.
Elmyra as Aerith’s Mom: “I’m… dying… TO TRY THAT SWEET KUSH!”
*60 flights of stairs later*
Cloud: “Guys, the door’s locked…”
*-60 flights of stairs later*
Cloud: “I can’t believe we just got away with that.”
Tifa: “Seriously, they thought you were with ‘urban development!’”
Barrett: “Yeah! I mean I have no idea why they would… think I was in urban… develop… OH THAT RACIST CUNT!”
Tifa: “You can’t tell my murder-boner what to do Cloud!”
Barrett: “We are erect with rage!”
Palmer: “First you take both your hands and you make a telescope outta them. And then what you see in the night sky there, that’s one space. And then, you take one billion gil, which is how must one space costs, by the way, and then, you toss it into a fire! And the smoke delivers the payment to space! And that’s how you buy space!”
Shinra: “Reeve, I would like the space program budget to go through you from now on.”
Palmer: “AAAAAHHHH BUT I WANNA GO TO SPACE!!! I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA!!!!!”
Shinra: “Fine, cousin Palmer, you will go to space eventually.”
Barret: “These are the people who have been beating us.”
Shinra: “By the way Hojo, are you sure that this Setra won’t escape like the last one?”
Hojo: “Not to worry, the 60th floor’s back door has been sealed for years.”
Barret: “MOTHERF***ER!!!!!!”
