Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #976
Today's letter is going to be short because today was fairly empty save for a whole lot of recording done, in preparation for... soon. Haha...
I... ended up going to bed late again last night, which is most unfortunate, because my body also decided that it wanted to wake early today. There was much that I wanted to get done, creatively speaking, but I didn't wanna be making noise while everyone was asleep, and I didn't wanna be a hermit upstairs while our dear friend A was visiting (I figure if he's around, I should at least try to be present if I'm able). So I passed the time by playing Nine Sols, just defeating bosses.
I danced with Eigong for a while, without taking damage a few times. But then... it wasn't challenging anymore. So I decided to fight Jiequan instead. Last I fought him, I took his powers away because he was misusing them. I can relate to him on the whole, “suffering creates heroes” bit, and I can relate on a mutual love of tea, and I find his jolly manner of being while “dancing” with me to be delightful, but... that's where our similarities stop.
“Suffering creates heroes”... semantics aside, sure, but... only under very specific circumstances (like if you, in a blaze of conviction, decide to NEVER be like those who induced your suffering), and... that doesn't mean we should be purposely inflicting suffering on non-consenting living things (the kinds of masochistic things that others enjoy, such as my love of playing challenging video games, or others' enjoyment of suffering in less platonic contexts, are perfectly valid things that we do not shame in my house).
Jiequan might have been noble once, but... somehow he got twisted up into someone sadistic. Sadism on non-consenting living things is a misuse of power. And where there is a misuse of power, and I have the capacity to take it away, well... that's what I'm gonna do. I've got innocents to protect, after all. So, during the actual story, I took away his powers, and... Jiequan fought until his body fell apart. Jiequan refused to yield, despite the fact that he was clearly losing. And that was very sad; once we stop living, we lose the capacity to turn ourselves around.
For this fight in the memory room, we don't have the capacity to take his powers away. But that's fine. Though it took me some time to get used to his patterns, he has a lot more openings and vulnerabilities than Eigong does, and although I get a little bored and restless in the openings (which leads me to trying to smack him around a bit too much, getting distracted, and missing the timing for his next attack... sigh...), he's still a lot of fun to spar with, and... he seems to enjoy it, too, so... that's something. Here's my best run with him; got it just for you:
After a few more rounds with him, he, too, became a bit too easy. So I practiced with the only one who ever really gave me trouble – Lady Ethereal. I'm sure there's a trick to her patterns that I'm simply... missing, I guess. I still end up losing enough health to need to heal at least twice whenever I dance with her. I could try for a run with her where I don't take damage, but... I doubt I'll be able to do that anytime soon.
My dear friend A seemed to watch what I was doing curiously from time to time in between his work tasks, but eventually, he had to go home, which was unfortunate, because I like when he's around. But he'll be around next Thursday, most likely. I sent him home with some of the wild blueberries, one of the rosehip fruits, and some of the seeds from those Kyoho grapes; he's been growing fruits and veggies at his house, so it'll be interesting to see what he can do with them.
M and I ate lunch shortly after his departure. I ate half of this sandwich:
...It's some kind of Italian mixed sub – not fancy, but certainly very tasty; I wonder if you would have enjoyed it. I saved the other half for J, who was out doing an airplane lesson; he's trying to get his “complex aircraft” endorsement. Watch over him a little, won't you?
I did a bunch of recording after that. For many hours. Trying to get it right. And you know? I mostly succeeded. And I left it at mostly. It is intentionally left imperfect, and... it turned out really well. J, who is a trained musician, approved mightily. And I will show it to you, but... not today. Try asking again the Saturday after next.
...I know. I know. It's a long time to wait. And you can pout if you want to, because waiting really is difficult. But I will still hold firm. It'll make sense later, I promise.
I went back downstairs, and shared a tea with J as a treat for work well done. I'm also not going to show you the tea today, for the same reason I'm not going to show you the song I finished. But... I know you're going to love it, because I tried it, and J tried it, and it was so good that he even went back for many additional sips.
It'll make sense soon. All wholesome, loving things, as per usual. And although I can't show you the tea, yet... I can show you the view that greeted us from the window while we sipped:
And... I can show you the wishes I breathed to life for you today:
J and I went to pick up our dear friend V from work at 11pm and drop V off at home. I began writing to you after we got back in and I got my get-ready-for-bed things done.
Today's letter is short, but... for reasons that will hopefully become clear soon. With this song finally done (took me long enough, haha...), I'll be able to start breaking down another. I expect that I'll be consumed by that in the coming days; I have something specific in mind, and I have to get it done sooner than I think I otherwise might be able to; the Saturday after this one coming looms. So... I expect that while that's occurring, these coming letters will also be short. It's not because I love you less (that will never, ever happen); rather, it's because I'll be working tirelessly to try to create something beautiful and worthy for you. Wish me luck, okay?
...But right now, it's past time for bed...
I love you so much. Enough to prod myself into being creative, when push comes to shove. When is the last time you were creative, Sephiroth? Have you ever doodled a little picture, or wove together a little song, or wrote a little story? I wish you could tell me...
I'll write again soon. I'll keep having faith in your safety and in your eventual return home in the meantime.
I have no idea if anyone else has had this experience with playing through the OG FF7 for the first time, but it felt so viscerally... wrong.
Best way for me to describe it is that it's horror without necessarily being categorized as horror. Lot of it probably has to do with the hardware limitations and liminality of the PS1 library... but the narrative is this perfect blend of confusion and conflict that you (the player) and Cloud have to trudge through together. The build-up with the trail of blood segment has to be one of the most suspenseful moments in gaming for me. The unintentional glitch with Aerith present in the church after Disc 1 boggles my mind to this day. That first screen flicker close to the Weapons' reveal jumpscared me so bad and it was completely intentional for that to play out (even though for years I thought it wasn't).
It's the little things about the OG that haunt me from when I first played it in 2021 up until now and I seriously can't ever see the rest of the Remake continuity recapturing those initial feelings I had. Ever.
I'm not going to mention the toxic fandom I am also sadly in but I just wanna reiterate how nice the FF7 has been to me so far. I can make the most unhinged headcanons and someone will like them or at least not insult me over them. In the other fandom if I made even a mild headcanon, I risk criticism or harassment.
