Joel Miller x f!reader | 28k | 18+ | masterlist | coming soon!
summary: Joel Miller gave up on the idea of a soulmate at least 20 years and one apocalypse ago. But it turns out the universe hasn't given up on him quite yet.
a/n: hi. this is the [redacted] Joel fic I’ve been talking about — surprise, it’s soulmates! and it started as a prompt from @chaotic-mystery for her #WIRED4YOU challenge. I am very late, lol, sorry!! My song prompt was Still Falling for You by Ellie Goulding, and my immediate idea was a Joel soulmate AU, which then became a bit of a love letter to the life I wanted him and Ellie (and fam) to have in Jackson. probably as a response to season 2. It’s also a bit of an exploration of what it would mean to a man like Joel Miller to have to interact with the idea of fate against his will. I thought it would be about 2k words and it’s, um, not. 🤡 It's totally finished, see the posting schedule below — the next three Tuesdays. I hope you enjoy. Thank you to @katareyoudrilling for bouncing ideas for this around with me for weeks and also being the best beta. It is a way better fic because of you.
tags/warnings: soulmate AU, Jackson era after they get back from Salt Lake, is there a cure? you decide, Ellie and Joel family vibes, Joel being the best dad, flirting, fluff, angst, teasing, a bit of miscommunication but they figure it out, figuring out being family, smut later on (fingering, hand job, kissing, fondling, breasts mention, oral sex (f receiving), p-in-v sex, creampie (see below, she isn’t getting pregnant lol)), Joel can dance, panic attack (Joel)
about reader: at least 24-25 ish before the Outbreak so do with that age what you will (she finished college and had at least one job before, so in my mind she's at least 44-45, but imagine whatever you'd like), reader was an engineer in this and has a nickname everyone in town calls her, no physical description other than walking and a bit of dancing, at one point reader specifically wears jeans, reader sits in Joel’s lap at one point, Maria is reader’s best friend, reader had a brother
Part 1 (7.3k)
Part 2 (10k)
Part 3 (10.6k)
comment to be tagged or follow @burntheedges-updates!
Joel Miller x f!reader | 7.3k | 18+ | masterlist | fic masterlist | ao3
fic summary: Joel Miller gave up on the idea of a soulmate at least 20 years and one apocalypse ago. But it turns out the universe hasn't given up on him quite yet.
Part 1: Back in Jackson, settling in was both easier and harder than Joel expected.
a/n: here's part 1! I hope you enjoy! we're starting out with Joel stumbling his way through settling into Jackson. Ellie, too. see tags/warnings below and check the fic masterlist for the full tags. Thank you again @katareyoudrilling for being the best beta!! 🧡
tags/warnings for part 1: angst, Joel is having a lot of feelings ok, family vibes, family fluff, reference to (unnamed) David, Ellie has a bit of a dissociative episode (school related), get ready for soulmate lore (for this AU)
Part 1
“She’s the one, Joel.”
Joel didn’t know what to make of Maria at first.
Sure, she didn’t seem to like him much, but he didn’t really expect or need to be liked. She’d definitely heard a few too many stories from Tommy and made up her mind that most of it (if not all of it) was Joel’s fault.
Fair enough.
But that wasn’t what was throwing him off, what was making him feel like everything he’d known had picked up and settled just a bit to the left. Leaving him out of step and off balance, trying to move forward but uncertain where to find solid ground.
Tommy hadn’t told him right away, but once he had him alone, he couldn’t hold it in.
“She’s the one, my one. First time we locked eyes — over the barrel of her gun, of course, didn’t trust me one bit — I heard ‘em. Ours are bells, can you believe it?” Tommy laughed, and Joel knew with certainty he’d never seen a smile quite like that on his brother’s face before. “I froze, had no idea what to do. Couldn’t hear anything but the song in my head, couldn’t see anything but Maria. And then she said, ‘well. Better come with me, then.’” Tommy laughed again. “Got her to smile at me for the first time later that night. Wasn’t easy.”
Joel huffed a single laugh, trying not to frown for Tommy’s sake.
“After… well. After everything, I’d given up. And then there she was, last place I ever thought I’d find her.” Tommy sighed and looked so in love Joel wanted to throw his glass of whiskey across the bar.
He didn’t. He downed it, instead.
“I…” he shook his head. “I’m happy for you.”
Tommy chuckled. “Don’t look it, but I know you, so I’m not offended.”
Joel winced and frowned again. “I—“
Tommy waved his hand in the air. “No, no, I remember. ‘Soulmates? That type of crap don’t matter when the world’s gone to shit. Why bother?’ I’ve heard you say it enough times, Joel.”
Joel hunched his shoulders up by his ears and sighed. “I am happy for you. I know I ain’t… I know how I’ve been.” He glanced at Tommy, whose eyebrows had flown upwards at Joel’s admission, and then back down to his empty glass. “If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”
“Thank you,” Tommy said, voice sincere, if surprised. “I think you’ll like her, though she doesn’t like you much.”
This time Joel did laugh as he replied, “just say it. I know you’re thinkin’ it.” He elbowed Tommy and in unison, they said, “means she’s got good taste.”
Tommy laughed and started telling Joel more about the town and Joel sighed, relieved to change the topic.
Soulmates.
He hadn’t thought about finding his since 2003, and he wasn’t going to start now. They were probably dead, anyway.
Why bother?
…
Joel had never talked about it with Tess. Like so many things, she’d understood him without him needing to say anything at all.
He worried that he’d taken that for granted, by the end.
Tess had lost her soulmate in the outbreak, and she wasn’t looking for a replacement, she said.
They fit together.
(There were stories, rare ones, of people who heard the music after knowing each other for years instead of instantly or after only a short time — usually kids who knew each other growing up and didn’t hear their music until later.
It was even more rare to have more than one soulmate.
Joel only let himself think about that in his darkest, lowest moments. That maybe one day he’d hear it. Maybe it would be nice if that were in the cards for him and Tess.
It wasn’t.)
They never talked about it, but he knew that she always knew what he wasn’t saying — I’ll never find them, they’re probably gone, and I don’t want to know if they are gone.
Who would want me now?
Finding them would be worse.
Tess never pushed, and he never offered.
After everything, looking back, he only wished he had. She had wanted him. She deserved better.
…
Jackson was strange, at first. Joel found it harder than he’d expected to settle in after he and Ellie returned from Salt Lake.
Ellie didn’t take to it easily, either, which made Joel feel both better and worse.
After the first week, the two of them made a deal that they’d eat most of their dinners at the dining hall for a while, if not the rest of their meals. He was pretty sure getting out of the house would be good for her, and even if he didn’t bother to apply the same standard to himself, he’d never say so where she could hear him.
Teenagers loved to call out hypocrisy, after all, and this particular teenager could spot it a mile away.
(He remembered the lessons he’d learned with Sarah, even if recalling them was like flexing a muscle he hadn’t used in 20 years. Getting back in shape wasn’t painless.)
About three weeks after their return, Maria broached the topic at dinner.
“So, Joel, I’ve been meaning to ask. We’ve got quite a few buildings around town that could use some TLC.”
Ellie made a thoughtful noise. “No one’s ever told me what that stands for,” she interrupted, mouth full of potatoes. “Tough… large…” she trailed off, frowning. “Contractors?”
Tommy laughed and Joel couldn’t help but smile.
Maria smiled at Ellie. “In this case, not far off. But it stands for tender loving care.”
Ellie hummed and turned to Joel with the look that he knew meant she was about to say something at his expense that Tommy would probably think was hilarious. “Joel, your hair could use some TLC.”
He sighed while Tommy laughed so hard he looked like he might fall off the bench. Maria chuckled and Ellie grinned.
“Alright, alright.” Joel resisted the urge to shove Tommy the rest of the way off the bench and kicked his brother under the table instead. “What kind of TLC are we talkin’, here,” he asked Maria.
“Some windows that are letting in air, stairs that are worn down. A couple leaks. A few houses that need to be made livable.” Maria started ticking off her fingers. “A roof or two that need a look at.”
“I’ve got a running list written down in the office,” Tommy said. “Come by tomorrow and we’ll look it over.”
“Tomorrow is Ellie’s first day of school,” Joel said, voice mild. He knew Tommy would know what he wasn’t saying — that he needed to be available and easy for her to find. Just in case.
“I’ll point out where the office is after dinner,” his brother said, looking at Ellie. “It’s closer to the school than your house.”
Ellie looked like she would rather crawl under the table than acknowledge she had any idea what they were talking about, so he changed the subject.
“Thought I’d be doin’ patrol,” he observed, and Maria nodded.
“You will. Everyone who can, does, but we have a rotation, so people can actually use their other skills, too. We need it, and that way everyone can contribute what they can.”
Ellie perked up, and Joel sighed before she even opened her mouth. She elbowed him. “Can I go on patrol?”
“No,” Joel, Tommy and Maria chorused together.
“Ugh,” she replied, rolling her eyes.
“Training starts at 16, then actual training runs. Can’t patrol until you’re 17 at the earliest.” Maria’s voice was even and Ellie sighed and nodded. “You’ll hear about it in school.”
After dinner Tommy walked home with them and pointed out the office. “School’s right down the road,” he pointed towards it and Ellie tensed. Joel nudged her with his shoulder. “I’ll meet you there after breakfast, Joel. Have a good first day, Ellie.” Tommy waved and headed towards his house.
When Joel opened their front door and waved Ellie inside, he eyed her tense shoulders and made a quick adjustment to his evening plans.
“Want to watch that movie? The space one.”
Ellie immediately perked up and grinned, leading the way into the living room, and he couldn’t help but smile.
She plopped down onto the couch in such a way that she sprawled over most of it. By the end of the movie, she was leaning on his shoulder and covered in a blanket, half asleep.
“Hey,” he murmured, not wanting to mess up the moment or the ease in her shoulders but knowing he needed to say it. “Come find me if you need me tomorrow, alright?”
Ellie didn’t say anything, but the way she buried her face in his shoulder told him enough.
“It’s ok if you need a break or can’t do the whole day. Just find me.” He nudged her with his elbow. “Ok?”
“Ok,” she mumbled.
“Ok,” he repeated. He nudged her into a standing position. “Time for bed, kiddo.”
She sighed dramatically and stomped off towards the stairs. When she got there, though, she stopped and looked back at him. “Hey Joel,” she said, voice low.
“Yeah?” He stood from the couch and watched as she worked her jaw over what she wanted to say.
“Thanks,” she said, quiet.
He smiled. “Anytime.”
…
Joel saw Ellie off to school in the morning and almost had an anxiety attack at the way it reminded him of sending Sarah to school Before.
In some ways, knowing what school had been like for Ellie with FEDRA in Boston made it worse, this time around.
He stood with Tommy by the office while she walked down the street towards the school. When she got there she turned and looked back. He could tell she rolled her eyes when she found them both looking at her. She waved, but even that felt somehow like she was being sarcastic.
They waved back and Tommy laughed as they watched Ellie go inside the school building. “Can’t believe you managed to find your clone running around Boston,” he mused, elbowing Joel in the ribs. “Did she act like that before you carted her across the country?”
“She comes by it honestly,” Joel said, and Tommy smirked. He couldn’t even pretend he didn’t know what his brother was talking about, and besides, the idea that Ellie was like him was filling his entire chest with warmth. Not that he was going to tell Tommy that.
“Well, your terrifying mini-me will be fine. Let me show you the plans.”
They spent the entire day poring over the various plans and maps Tommy had in the main office, and Joel started to understand the scale of what they were doing in Jackson. There were more residents than he realized, more people who needed a home or needed their home fixed.
“This is a lot, Tommy,” he observed some time in the afternoon. “We need more manpower.”
Tommy nodded. “We have it. I’ve been training some people, and we have a couple more that did some building before.”
Joel nodded. “And supplies. How are we there?”
Tommy smiled when Joel said “we” but didn’t acknowledge it otherwise, which he appreciated. “We’re doing alright. We have a policy to either collect or go back for anything useful when people are on patrol. Got a nice stash, almost like a little hardware store. Can use anything in there for repairs, but you have to barter like normal for personal projects.”
Joel hummed. “I’ll need to go take a look, then.”
“I’ll start prioritizin’,” Tommy said, already rearranging the papers on his desk. “Why don’t you start with that tomorrow – get a lay of the land, stop by Nuts n’ Bolts. See what we’ve got.”
Joel raised his eyebrows at his brother. “Nuts and bolts?”
Tommy laughed. “Ah, right. It’s not official but that’s what we’ve all taken to calling our little hardware store. We even call her Bolts sometimes, ‘stead of her name. The woman who organizes everything and handles the inventory. She should be there tomorrow, she can show you around. She knows it back to front.”
That night Joel told Ellie about his plans once she was done telling him every single thing that had happened to her at school that day.
“So you think it’ll be alright?” He asked her once she seemed to wind down.
She nodded, and he took a deep breath in relief when she looked away. “I might… I don’t fuckin’ know. It was a lot. But it seemed ok. Can I…” she trailed off, and he thought he knew what she wasn’t asking.
“Offer stands,” he said, nodding. “Come find me. I’ll be at the office again, but in the morning I might be over at Nuts ‘n Bolts.”
“What’s that?” She asked, looking confused.
“The local hardware store, apparently,” he explained, stretching his neck. He’d been sitting around a lot more lately and noticed he was getting stiff. “I need to see what supplies they got so we can start fixin’ stuff up.”
Ellie furrowed her brow. “Will you teach me?”
“Teach you what?”
She curled into a ball on the couch with her knees to her chest and propped her cheek on one knee, looking at him. He smiled. “To fix things,” she replied.
“Course I will,” he said, reaching out to push her lightly on the shoulder. She didn’t release her knees and dramatically fell over on the couch with an oof. He laughed and she grinned. “Anything you want to know.”
“Cool.”
…
After seeing Ellie off to school again, Joel took a walk around town.
He kept an eye out for the projects he’d gone over with Tommy the day before and spotted most of them. He could see why they were so eager to get going.
On his way back to the office he swung by Nuts ‘n Bolts. It was easy to spot, since someone had made a wooden sign with a nut and a bolt carved into it and hung it above the door.
It was an old storefront with actual rows of shelving and big windows. It even looked like a hardware store from the outside.
When he stepped inside and a little bell rang above his head, he was almost transported back 25 years. He took a deep breath.
“Morning,” a voice called out from the back. “I’ll be out in a second.”
“Take your time,” he called back. “Just lookin’ around.”
“Ah, you must be Joel,” the voice said, and it sounded like they were smiling. “Tommy told me you’d stop by. Alright, I’ll be out there in a bit. Holler if you need anything.”
He sighed, knowing that Tommy had probably told them something ridiculous, and started looking around.
It really did look like a hardware store. There were tools and supplies of all kinds, neatly organized on clean shelves. There were also signs of a meticulous inventory being kept, with numbers updated in pencil on little slips of paper in front of each item.
Joel was leaning over some bins of nails when something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.
Ellie was walking up the street towards the store, jaw set, arms crossed. In a sudden overwhelming rush Joel felt worry rise and begin to choke him. He turned and speed walked towards the door.
“Gotta go,” he barely remembered to call out. “Another time.”
He heard some kind of acknowledgement, but it was faint and he was already mostly out the door.
…
When he stepped outside, he could see on Ellie’s face that she wasn’t ready to talk about it, whatever it might be. He reached out to squeeze her shoulder and said, “office or home?”
She looked thoughtful for a moment, despite her hunched shoulders and general fuck-off aura.
“Office.”
“Alright,” he agreed, and led the way. She trailed after him silently and he worked his jaw as he tried not to draw any similarities with her silence after Silver Lake. “I’ll show you what we’re working on.”
When they stepped into the office, Ellie’s shoulders relaxed just a bit, and he did not allow himself a deep breath in relief.
He’d learned the hard way on the road that she liked him talking but not asking questions, not when she was feeling like this, so he started showing her the list and the repairs. She eased into a chair and leaned in to look at the town map.
By the time he got to the smaller projects on the outskirts, she had her chin in her hand and was staring off into the middle distance.
When she interrupted him, he stopped talking immediately.
“It was math class,” she said, voice quiet. Joel tensed and then forced himself to relax his muscles. “The teacher here isn’t even a man, isn’t…” she trailed off and frowned, and he could see her wrestling with herself. “But I couldn’t… fucking why couldn’t I—“
Joel was up and around the desk before he even realized he was moving, then on his knees next to her chair. He reached up and ran his hand over her hair and relaxed, just a bit, when she leaned into it. “Ellie, you don’t—“
“I can’t fucking sit through a math class, Joel,” she said, sounding disgusted with herself. She leaned forward and rested her forehead on his shoulder. “It wasn’t the teacher or the school, it was just math, and I ran away like a weak little b—“
“Hey,” he said, voice low and soothing. He cupped the back of her head in his hand and started running the palm of his free hand up and down her back. “Running away does not make you weak. It’s ok to not be ok, baby girl. And look, Tommy told me something.” He squeezed the back of her neck with his hand. “Plenty of the kids here haven’t been able to do school right away. Plenty of ‘em have eased into it.” She started to pull back but he squeezed her again and she settled. “It’s hard… to go from the road to something like school. Turns out they have whole plans here for kids who need more time.”
“Plans?” She asked, finally raising her head and looking at him skeptically. “Like what?”
Joel settled onto one knee and leaned against the arm of her chair. “Like half days, and doin’ some work on their own at home. Or every other day.” He took one of her hands and squeezed it. “I bet we could work out a plan for you to do your math work at home, or here, even.” He waved his free hand around the office. “Seems like I’ll be spendin’ some time here, if you wanted to hang around.”
Ellie frowned as she mulled that over, staring down at their hands. She picked at the seam of her jeans with her free hand and Joel fought the urge to hold that one, too. “Other kids have really done this, too?”
He could hear what she was really asking — she didn’t want to be the only one with a problem. It was a pretty normal thing to worry about, of course, but it was also such a teenager thing to worry about that he couldn’t help but smile. “They have. Pretty sure no one would think you were weird.” He eyed her and took a gamble. “Not for that, anyway. Got plenty of other reasons, like the way you put sugar on grits,” he said, voice teasing.
She rolled her eyes at him and he smiled, fully. “You’re the weird one, Joel. No one likes grits, I don’t care what you say. And Tommy told me no one else actually likes those old movies you told me about, too.”
“Tommy ain’t got any taste,” he said, moving to stand. He stopped when her grip on his hand tightened. “I’ll talk to the teachers, alright? We’ll figure it out.”
She nodded, looking much calmer than she had when he’d found her outside. He pulled her into another hug.
“And we’re in this together, right? We made a deal.” She nodded again, and smiled, this time, the way she did every time he referenced their deal.
When he let go, she started asking him questions about the repairs that needed doing, and he heaved himself off the floor to answer.
They’d be alright.
…
Their deal, as they’d both come to call it, had been hashed out on their fifth night back in Jackson.
Joel hadn’t wanted to rush her, he’d known she was feeling like shit. But he knew he couldn’t let the two of them start up a pattern of never leaving the house. Not if Ellie was going to have an actual life there. And that’s what he wanted for her, more than anything – to have a life.
It turned out she wanted something similar for him.
“How about just dinners, then?” he’d offered, when she’d refused to go out for lunch again. “We can start tomorrow. See how it goes.”
She’d agreed, but their truce had been short lived when she’d discovered he also wanted her to go to school. Not yet, but apparently wanting her to go at all was the problem.
“Why the fuck do I need school,” she’d spat, and he’d thanked his years of experience with teenage anger and discontent for his even response.
“Life here seems alright, don’t it?” he’d asked, and eventually, frowning, she’d nodded. “Seems like we can give things a try, the way things are done here. See how it goes.”
Ellie had frowned down at her hands in her lap on the couch but eventually looked back up at him. “If I’m trying,” she’d emphasized, “you have to, too.”
“Ellie, I don’t need anything, just—“ just you, he’d been about to say. Just for you to be happy.
“No, Joel. You, too.” She’d been implacable. And at the end of the day, all he wanted was to give her what she wanted.
So they shook on it. She would try, and he would try, and they wouldn’t just give up because something sounded dumb or like a waste of time.
They’d try living this new life they’d found, and they’d do it together. And see how it went.
…
The teachers were more than happy to come up with a plan for Ellie, it turned out. So she spent her mornings at school, and her afternoons in the office with Joel or Tommy, doing work they assigned for her to take home.
Joel loved it.
He knew it wouldn’t last forever – eventually she’d feel fine with school, he knew, and he’d lose this time they had together – so he tried to savor it. Tried to find time to teach her about what they were doing, to let her be a part of it. Every time he gave her something to do, she stood a little taller, smiled a little wider.
It turned out actually trying was good for her. And seeing her settle in and start to smile more? That was good for him.
She’d taken to sitting at a little desk Tommy had found god-knows-where in the corner of the office and chattering about what she was doing, which suited him just fine. Sometimes she threw balled up pieces of old homework at him to catch his attention and he always sent them right back, bouncing them off her forehead. It never failed to make her laugh.
About a week and a half into their new arrangement she finished her work early and started rummaging around in office shelves, keeping up her stream of consciousness stories about her new classmates as she went.
“... and did you hear about that new group that came into town? From somewhere west? Turns out one of them is Miss Jenna’s soulmate.” Ellie fiddled with an old broken stapler she found on a shelf, frowning at it as she turned to look at him expectantly.
It took Joel a minute to catch up with what she was talking about, but his mind snagged on soulmate. He knew Miss Jenna was her history teacher. “What?”
Ellie nodded. “Miss Tasha is taking over for her for the rest of the week to give them time to, I don’t know.” Ellie shrugged expansively. “What do soulmates even do? Talk, or some shit.”
He raised his eyebrows at her and smiled. “Or some shit?”
She sighed and flopped the stapler open. “What is this thing?”
“A stapler,” he told her, “but I doubt we have any staples. Used to use ‘em to bind piles of paper together with little metal bits.”
“The staples?” She asked, peering at it and then at him. He nodded. “Weird. Anyway, I don’t fuckin’ know. FEDRA never talked about soulmates. We only heard stuff from the other kids.” She shrugged again. “You hear music, right? In your head?” She looked baffled by this idea.
“‘S what they say.” He stretched his shoulders, settling in to talk about this. “I’ve never heard it myself, but Tommy and Maria did. You could ask them what it was like.”
Ellie leaned forward on the desk, stapler forgotten by her hand. “They’re soulmates?!” She looked intrigued. “Why didn’t you say so?”
He shrugged.
She rolled her eyes at him and flopped into the chair in front of the desk. “Useless, Joel. You’re supposed to find out things and then tell them to me. Duh.” She grinned at him when he huffed a laugh. “I’ve never met soulmates before. Everyone’s music is different, right?”
He nodded again. “‘S what they say.”
She hummed and kicked her feet up on the desk. He reached across and nudged them back onto the floor with a ruler and she grumbled. When she was quiet for a long moment, he looked up, and found her frowning thoughtfully at the ceiling.
“Ellie?” he prompted, and she sighed.
“Did most people, Before,” she started, and then cleared her throat. “Did most people find them? Their soulmates?”
Joel thought about it for a moment before answering. “A lot of people did, sure,” he said, thinking about his parents for the first time in years. “Our parents were soulmates, mine and Tommy’s. And I knew a lot of people who found theirs.” He shrugged. “Not sure of the numbers. One of your teachers might know.”
“Did…” she trailed off, looking hesitant, and he figured she was about to ask about him. “You said you didn’t–”
He shook his head. “Never found ‘em.”
She hesitated again, and he figured she was about to ask about Tess. He poked at her memory in his mind and discovered it didn’t hurt quite as much as it used to.
Still hurt, though.
“Did Tess–”
He shook his head again. “Lost hers in the outbreak,” he said, and he could hear the gruffness in his own voice. He cleared his throat. “We weren’t… we weren’t.”
She nodded, looking thoughtful. “Wonder how many there are in Jackson.”
“You’ll have to ask Tommy,” he said, sighing, “Wouldn’t know.”
Ellie hummed again, but before she could ask him another question about it the man himself walked in the door.
“Howdy, folks,” Tommy said, drawing out his accent a bit more than normal. It made Ellie snicker, which was the point. “What are you troublemakers up to today?”
“You didn’t tell me you and Maria are soulmates!” Ellie accused, and Tommy looked slightly taken aback before he smiled.
“So sorry, ma’am, didn’t realize you wanted to know.”
Ellie rolled her eyes. “Duh. What was it like?”
Joel figured Tommy had brought this on himself and turned back to his work. After all, only the day before he’d told Ellie she could ask him “anything at all” and he’d answer.
“The music?” Tommy asked, propping himself against the desk. Ellie nodded. “Pretty weird. It’s not like when you have a song stuck in your head, it’s like actual music playing inside your head. Full sound.” He tilted his head from side to side. “And it’s a song I’d never heard, never in my life, which made it even weirder.”
Ellie looked captivated by this information. “And Maria heard the same thing?!”
Tommy nodded. “Yep.”
“And were you, like, instantly in love?” Ellie looked both intrigued and put off by the idea, which made Joel smile down at his maps.
“I was,” Tommy said with a wink, grinning. “Maria took a little convincing, but she’s smarter than me, anyway.”
Ellie seemed to mull that over and then nodded. “Did you hear about Miss Jenna?”
Joel looked up, interested to hear the answer on this one, and found Tommy nodding. “Yep. I was standing right next to them when it happened, too.”
Ellie’s mouth dropped open and Joel smiled to himself – she had a true love of gossip, his kid. “What was it like? Seeing it?”
“Now, don’t go repeatin’ this to all the other miscreants, alright?” Tommy fixed her with a look and Ellie nodded eagerly. “But it looked like it went the same for them as it did for me. Mena was getting down off her horse when she happened to look up and catch Jenna’s eye and, well. They both stared, Mena fell down the rest of the way and landed in the dirt. Jenna helped her up and said something like, ‘did you hear that?’” He smiled. “So there you go.”
Ellie squinted at him. “That’s it?”
Tommy laughed. “What else do you want?”
She shrugged, and Joel smiled down at his maps again. “Guess I thought it would be a bigger deal, or something.”
Tommy hummed. “Well, for them it was. We got enough soulmates here in town that I guess it’s not so novel anymore,” he said, thoughtfully.
“Really?” Ellie asked. “Like, a lot?”
He shrugged. “Not sure what’s a lot. But enough. Not the first time it’s happened at the gates, either.”
Ellie considered that for a minute. “Huh,” she said, sounding surprised. “Maybe mine is here, too. Oh, or Joel’s!” He looked up from his work to find her grinning at him. “Somebody who can fall in love with that grumpy face.”
He frowned at her and she frowned back. “Soulmates–”
Tommy cut him off, and Joel recognized the voice he used as his Joel impression. He sighed as Tommy said in a deep, growling voice, “soulmates? Why bother?” And then laughed.
Ellie looked between him and Joel. “Was that supposed to be Joel?”
“Duh,” Tommy said, smiling as he repeated the word back to her with the same intonation she’d used when he came in. “Heard him say it enough times.”
Joel sighed again.
Ellie frowned at him. “Do you not want to meet ‘em?”
Joel looked at her and fought down his initial response of obviously not and who would want me now? That wasn’t exactly the message about love and relationships he wanted to pass on to his kid, not when all he wanted was for her to be happy. Even if it wasn’t in the cards for him. “Figure they’re not around anymore,” he said, trying to shrug it off. “Been long enough.”
“You are old as dirt,” Ellie said, rolling her eyes. “But they could be here. You never know.”
Joel couldn’t help but notice that she seemed pretty excited about the whole thing, maybe because it was so different from what she knew in Boston with FEDRA. He sighed again. “Maybe,” he allowed. “But I ain’t lookin’. Got plenty of other things to worry about.” Like you, he didn’t say.
“Joel,” she said, frowning. “We have a deal.”
He eyed her and tried not to notice Tommy looking between them curiously out of the corner of his eye. “Didn’t realize soulmates were part of the deal.”
“Of course they are!” She said, raising both of her arms and then letting her hands fall against her legs in exasperation. “Living, Joel. Life, or whatever.”
“Alright, alright, ok.” He worked his jaw for a moment, figuring out what he wanted to say. “If they’re here, somehow. I’ll tell you, alright? And I’ll…” he winced. “I’ll talk to them, I guess.”
Ellie grinned and Tommy looked shocked. “Deal,” she said, looking smug.
Tommy gave him a look that said, you really are wrapped around her little finger, you know, and Joel flipped him off the second Ellie’s back was turned.
…
The soulmates conversation was, thankfully, put to the side after that. Joel was certain Ellie asked Tommy about it more, apparently insatiable in her desire for more knowledge, but she didn’t talk to him about it again.
Considering that his opinion was still finding them now would be worse, despite the recent, more positive changes in his life, he figured that was a good thing.
So Joel settled into a daily rhythm of mornings at work and afternoons with Ellie and marveled at how much he liked this new life they’d found.
Ellie started running errands for them, too, and learning more about the work they were doing. It made him feel proud, which made Tommy tease him, which made him put Tommy in a headlock with a cheering Ellie off to the side.
It was nice. And Joel hadn’t had nice in decades, so it was difficult to trust. Difficult not to wonder when the other shoe was going to drop.
He figured if he kept his head down and did his work he’d stay out of trouble. Hopefully.
“Joel! I’m back," Ellie called, bursting into the office with a box in her arms. “Bolts had everything you asked for except, well.” She snickered. “Except the bolts. She said she’d check the storage area and get back to me.”
This wasn’t the first time Ellie had run over to get something from Nuts ‘n Bolts — she’d mostly taken over the job, in fact.
“She said you still haven’t been over there to introduce yourself. Not very social of you,” Ellie said, repeating what Maria had said a couple nights before, waggling a finger at him. He rolled his eyes and caught it, smiling when she squealed.
“I know, keep meaning to,” he said, releasing her but reaching out to mess with her hair as he stepped back. She swatted him away, laughing.
“Well you can’t have my job, slacker.” Tommy had taught her that word the week before and Ellie had been using it with delight ever since. “You’ll have to go over there on your own.”
He started going through the box and was impressed as always by how meticulously organized it was. Each different item was in its own little box or folded in paper with a tag noting how many were there in neat handwriting. It satisfied something inside of him, to see competence like this on display.
“Still checking her work?” Tommy said, stomping inside. “I told you she knows what she’s doing.”
Ellie nodded, agreeing.
“No, just looking,” Joel said, knowing they probably didn’t believe him. But he wasn’t.
He was more appreciating her work than anything else.
“Well, let’s get going then,” Tommy said, motioning towards the door. “Those stairs won’t fix themselves.”
…
About a month after Ellie started school, Joel did his first patrol.
It was time, but he was grateful for the extra time to settle in and prepare Ellie for him to leave and come back.
Well, for him to try to prepare her, anyway. And attempt to prepare himself, too.
“I want to come,” she said, stomping next to him towards the gate. She’d said the same thing every day since Maria had asked him three days ago.
“You know the rules,” he said, tone mild. “Not—“
“Not until I’m 17, ugh, I fucking know, Joel.” She frowned and crossed her arms. “What if something happens? What if—“
“Hey,” he said, stopping and kneeling next to her on the ground. She looked thrown, like she always did when he put himself below her like that. He hoped she’d stop being surprised by it eventually. “I’ll be with a group, and with Tommy, alright? I’ll be ok. We aren’t even going that far—“
“Just out to the dam, I know.” She finished for him. Her body was coiled as tight as a spring and he reached out to squeeze her shoulder.
He nodded. “Back by sundown. I’ll meet you right there.” He pointed to the tree by the gate. “Ok?”
She worked her jaw for a minute but nodded. “Ok. And you better not get hurt.”
He smiled and stood up, cupping her face gently. “I won’t. You don’t either, alright?”
She sighed, sounding so much like an exasperated teenager he had to hold in a grin. “I’m just going to hang out with Bolts and sort nails. Ooh, scary.” She waggled her fingers at him. He let his hand drop on top of her head and waggled it gently in response. She made a noise in protest and grabbed his hand.
“Alright. Be good for Bolts. I’ll see you later, ok?” She nodded and, quicker than lightning, ducked under his arm into a hug. He squeezed her and let his cheek rest on top of her head for a moment.
He wasn’t going to say so, but knowing she’d be safe with an adult she trusted while he was gone was the only thing letting him go at all.
“I’ll be right back, baby girl,” he murmured, and she squeezed him once more before letting go and watching him lead his horse to the gate. When he looked back after mounting up, she waved.
He waved back and ignored the feeling that he was leaving his heart behind with every step his horse took. He knew it was good for them to be separated for a bit, knew he couldn’t let her live in his pocket forever, even if in the moment all he wanted was to turn around and go home.
. . .
At dinner that night, Ellie sat much closer to him than usual. It comforted him, too, so he didn’t say anything. In between demands for stories about the (pretty boring, all things considered) patrol, he started to notice a pattern in her speech that he was pretty sure had been forming for a while, he just hadn’t noticed.
“Bolts said that Before, people used to put coins in machines and squish them, like, on purpose. And the machine would print a little design on them. That’s fucking wild! I thought money was important? Why would you squish it?”
“Bolts told me that Before people used to do something called glamping. Joel, did you ever go glamping? Why wouldn’t you just go normal camping? And why would you go camping on purpose at all? Didn’t you have a house?”
“When we were checking the storage area, Bolts found a box of staples, those little metal things you told me about! She let me staple some papers but then she said I had to stop because I was helping ‘a bit too enthusiastically and we only have so many staples, Ellie.’”
He knew he could trust her with Bolts, just based on the stories she told and what Tommy had said about her. But he’d never met her. Maybe it was time he made time to do that.
…
In the end, Joel didn’t make it over to Nuts ‘n Bolts for almost a week after he’d made up his mind to actually do it. The patrol had gone well, but Ellie had been more his shadow than ever afterwards, and he spent a lot of time reassuring her – and himself – that everything was fine.
Her teachers had suggested that she start attending the art class that happened in the afternoons at the school once a week on Tuesdays, and so Joel took advantage of her absence to go over and do Ellie’s usual pick up at the hardware shop.
As he walked up to the shop, he realized how strange it was that he’d been in town for so long and hadn’t actually been back there. When he stepped inside, he was again impressed with the meticulous organization and care.
He recognized the handwriting on all of the shelf labels, now, the same handwriting that would appear on the labels in each of the boxes Ellie picked up on her errands.
Must be Bolts’, he thought to himself as he ran his fingers over the words “washers, 4mm” in clear, tidy handwriting.
“Afternoon,” a voice called from the back. “‘S that you, Ellie?”
Joel called back a greeting. “She has art class on Tuesdays, now,” he explained, voice raised a bit to be heard as he continued exploring the shelves.
“Ooh, and how’s she feel about you taking over her job?” The voice was teasing, now, and it made him laugh.
“She warned me I better do it right and be polite,” he said, and he heard a laugh from the back. He turned another corner and found hooks of all shapes and sizes carefully organized and displayed along a shelf. “Said I had a reputation to uphold.”
“She’s right,” the voice called, and he could hear the laugh in it. “It’s an important mantle you’re taking on, you know. And you must be Joel.”
He was grinning at a shelf of caulk, he realized, and blinked. “That’s me. And you must be Bolts? Or should I call you–”
Another laugh interrupted him. “Bolts is fine! No one calls me anything but that around here.”
Joel was starting to feel like he was walking through a maze, looking for the corner to turn that would take him to the back, where the voice was coming from.
“I’ve heard all about you, you know,” Bolts called. “To hear Ellie tell it, there’s nothing you can’t do, you’re the tallest person alive, and you’re old as dirt.” He snorted. “Now, I know that’s not true from Tommy – maybe just old to a teenager, anyway – but I’ve been looking forward to seeing for myself.”
He couldn’t stop smiling. Walking through this maze of a hardware store was starting to feel like an out of body experience. He was pretty sure he was close, though, to figuring out where she was.
“I’ve heard quite a bit about you too, you know,” he said, and the warmth in his own voice startled him. “Ellie thinks the world of you.”
“She’s a special kid, Joel,” Bolts said, voice softer now, but a bit muffled.
“She is,” he agreed, and finally turned the corner to where he was pretty sure she was working. He was right – down at the end of the row, at a makeshift sales counter, there was a woman.
He couldn’t tell if she was shorter than him – she was leaning over a box with almost her entire torso inside of it.
She had a very nice ass, he couldn’t help but notice, and her jeans did nothing to hide it.
He blinked away from it as she started to rise, and his eyes trailed along her spine. He stepped forward, and she must have heard because she turned.
And then his eyes met hers.
In all the times he’d been told about soulmates, either no one had ever said, or he hadn’t been paying attention when they did, that the music that played inside your head was loud.
Or maybe it wasn’t that way for everyone. Maybe it was just loud for them.
He looked into her eyes and just like that, his mind was taken over by the most beautiful music he’d ever heard. Tommy had said bells but theirs wasn’t bells – it was strings. Almost like a symphony inside his mind, rising and falling and swelling together into a crescendo that took his breath away.
He couldn’t move, could barely breathe, staring into the eyes of the woman who was his soulmate.
The song started to fade, and Bolts took a single step towards him, face breaking open with some emotion he couldn’t name.
“Joel?” she said, one of her hands lifting towards him.
He blinked, and felt the space the music had left behind start to fill with panic.
He ran.
...
a/n: I know!! Joel, what are you doing?? find out next Tuesday in part 2! (and this fic has a happy ending, I promise)
Joel Miller x f!reader | 10k | 18+ | masterlist | fic masterlist | ao3
fic summary: Joel Miller gave up on the idea of a soulmate at least 20 years and one apocalypse ago. But it turns out the universe hasn't given up on him quite yet.
Part 2: Joel was pretty sure he couldn't do this.
a/n: hellooo it's time for part 2! where did Joel run off to? let's find out! see tags/warnings below and check the fic masterlist for the full tags. Thank you again @katareyoudrilling for being the best beta!! 🧡
tags/warnings for part 2: fluff, angst, panic attack (Joel), more family fluff, some pretty negative inner monologue (Joel), more soulmate lore, pregnancy mention (Maria), stop reading here if you like surprises, hand holding, a bit of other (PG) touching, reader has a brother who died, hand kiss, cheek kiss
Part 2
Joel was on the other side of Jackson before he registered his surroundings.
He came back to himself leaning against one of the houses they were working on, clear across town, chest heaving. He was covered in sweat but he felt ice cold all over.
He couldn’t breathe.
His chest felt tight, like it couldn’t expand far enough to let in any air, like he was trapped in a vice. He pushed back and leaned harder against the wall until his feet started to slip out from under him on the grass. He slid and stumbled his way to sitting against the wall in the dirt.
Joel knocked his head back against the wall and groaned.
Fuck.
“Fuck,” he muttered aloud. He couldn’t breathe.
And that was how Tommy found him.
“Whoa, shit,” he heard from his right and grimaced. “Joel? What the fuck–”
Tommy cut himself off as he dropped on his knees next to him. “Shit,” he repeated, reaching forward to grasp Joel’s shoulder.
Joel shuddered. “Can’t–” he tried to suck in a breath and failed. “Can’t breathe.”
“Alright, hey, big brother,” Tommy said, sounding a bit winded himself. He grabbed one of Joel’s hands and put it against his chest, and then flattened his own over Joel’s heart. Joel reached up and grasped it. Tommy pushed on his chest, just a bit, and Joel felt like his lungs opened up with the pressure. “Breathe with me, Joel. Just try and do what I’m doin’.”
He tried, and he couldn’t for a while. But Tommy was patient and after a long while of no sounds in their little corner but Joel’s breathing and Tommy’s voice, low and encouraging, he felt his breath begin to slow.
When Joel could finally draw in a deep breath again, he realized his hands were shaking.
“Shit,” he said, the first words he’d said in god knows how long. “Fuck.”
Tommy huffed a laugh and collapsed next to him against the wall. “You got that right. Shit and fuck, Joel.”
He clasped his hands together and focused on his breathing. “Yeah.” He shook his head. “Yeah, I know.”
“That happen often?” Tommy asked, looking over at him.
Joel closed his eyes, avoiding his brother’s gaze. “Not so much lately. That’s what… I told you about it. Before.”
Tommy let out a long breath. “Yeah, I remember.” For a moment neither of them said anything, their breathing the only sound aside from the light breeze rusting the grass and the leaves of the tree that was shielding them from the road.
It turned out that out-of-his-mind-with-panic Joel was good at finding hiding spots. Huh, he thought, looking around.
“What…” Tommy sighed, cleared his throat. “What set it off?”
Joel could tell by his tone he was worried Joel wouldn’t answer. He definitely didn’t want to answer but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to hide this. Not in a town this small. “She–” he coughed. Took a long, slow breath. “Tommy.”
“Joel.” His brother nudged his arm with his elbow and Joel sighed again.
“It’s… fuck. Ok.” He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. “Bolts.”
There was a pause, and then Tommy said, in a slow, confused voice, “what about her?”
“She’s– Tommy, she’s my–” He couldn’t say it. How could he say it? He didn’t know how to say it.
Tommy turned towards him on the grass, eyebrows raised. “Wait. No. No fucking way.”
Joel groaned.
“No, you’re shitting me.” Tommy was starting to smile, then, and Joel closed his eyes again. “She’s what, Joel? Say it.”
Joel sighed what felt like the heaviest, longest sigh of his life. “She’s my…” he shook his head and he swore he could feel Tommy roll his eyes.
“She’s your one, ain’t she?” Tommy was outright grinning now, Joel could hear it. That little shit. “Holy fucking shit, Joel. Goddamn. Bolts is your soulmate?” Joel gave in and looked at his brother and the excitement on his face almost made him want to hide again.
“Yeah,” he muttered, looking down.
“Shit, Joel.” Tommy nudged him with hand. “What are you doin’ all the way over here?” He gestured at the yard around them.
Joel shook his head, brow furrowed. “I panicked,” he said, voice low. “Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. Just… panicked. And ran.”
“You what?”
“I fucking ran, Tommy. What do you think I was doin’ over here, meditatin’? I ran and I couldn’t fuckin’ breathe and I don’t even know how I got here.” Joel was pissed at the universe for doing this to him, but most of all at himself. He felt his chest start to heave again until Tommy reached out and squeezed his upper arm.
“Hey,” he said, “ain’t no way you’re the first person to panic at meetin’ their soulmate.” Joel side-eyed him. “What, it’s probably true! Just– just go back and talk to her, it’ll be–”
Joel was shaking his head. “No,” he said, voice as firm as he could make it. “No way. I’m not goin’ back.”
“Joel–”
“No, Tommy. I won’t.” He didn’t know how to say what he was thinking, that she deserved better and he was broken, anyone could see it, why would he inflict that on anyone else and this? all this was… god she was so fucking beautiful. What would she think of him?
“Joel.” He could hear the exasperation coming back in Tommy’s voice. “You can’t–”
“I can.” He said and struggled to his feet. “And I will.”
He could hear Tommy’s sigh all the way down the block.
…
Joel spent the next two days hiding. There wasn’t a better word for it. He couldn’t pretend, not in his own head.
At one of their construction projects he managed to find and swap with someone who had patrol assigned the next day. He let Ellie know at dinner, and she grumbled again about not getting to go but didn’t seem to notice that Joel was very carefully not looking around the dining hall. Ellie was going to have a longer day again anyway, with some sort of special project at school in the afternoon.
Patrol kept him outside of Jackson for a while, and he felt his shoulders release the moment he rode through the gates. It was a boring route but just interesting enough to keep him from thinking.
Perfect.
That night he convinced Ellie to have dinner in, at home. He’d thought about it on patrol – now that he knew what Bolts looked like, he was certain he’d seen her around. He was certain he’d see her at the dining hall, too.
He squashed his brain’s attempts to linger on how perfectly he could picture her, after such a short time seeing her.
On the second day he went and dug into one of their projects on the outskirts of town, losing himself in the mindless tasks of ripping up carpet and sanding wood floors.
It was mid-afternoon before he realized he’d forgotten something important.
He froze when he heard Tommy stomp inside the building with Darren, knowing that meant it was well after 2 o’clock. It was Thursday, and therefore a day Ellie didn’t have school in the afternoon.
A day when she would go pick up supplies from Nuts ‘n Bolts. And he could ignore Tommy – he had years of practice, after all – but he wasn’t going to ignore Ellie.
Fuck.
…
That night Joel walked to the dining hall full of dread. He’d wracked his brain all afternoon and failed to come up with another excuse to eat at home. Besides, Ellie was a smart kid – she’d see through him sooner or later. And he had a feeling it would be sooner if she’d talked to Bolts.
Not that he thought she’d say anything. Not that he knew her, but from the way Ellie talked about her…
Joel very purposefully stopped thinking about it.
He stopped outside of the doors and took a deep, slow breath.
“Hey, brother,” he heard from behind him, and stifled a groan.
“Tommy,” he greeted, turning to look.
Tommy was squinting at him. “Showing your face today, hmm?”
“Shut up.” Joel walked inside without looking back.
At dinner, Joel used his Ellie and Maria buffer from Tommy to the best of his abilities. He kept Ellie talking about school and found himself asking Maria questions like he never had before.
Tommy eyed him the whole time.
“Hey Maria,” Ellie asked towards the end of the meal, looking thoughtful. “How many soulmates are there in Jackson? Tommy made it sound like a lot.”
Tommy laughed. “I didn’t say a lot, I just said it had happened at the gate before.”
Maria raised an eyebrow at her husband. “I’m not sure, Ellie,” she smiled. “According to George it’s more than the general population, Before. Percentage-wise. He was a sociologist.”
“What’s that?” Ellie asked, leaning forward.
“Like a scientist who studies societies and human behavior.”
Ellie sat up straight. “Cool! George from the stables?” Maria nodded and Ellie grinned. “Nice. I’ll ask him tomorrow.”
Joel looked over at her. “You goin’ to the stables tomorrow?”
Ellie nodded, looking smug. “I’ve got a delivery and a pick-up to do for Bolts.”
Joel coughed and clung to his neutral expression with every ounce of willpower he had.
“What?” Ellie said, eyeing him.
“Nothin’,” he wheezed and took a sip of water. “Went down the wrong pipe.”
Ellie rolled her eyes and patted him on the back. “What, are you too old to eat unsupervised now?” Tommy laughed and Joel scowled at him.
“You know, we’ve had a few more new people,” Tommy said, tone way too innocent. Joel narrowed his eyes. “Maybe we’ll be hearing about some new soulmates soon.”
Ellie perked up while Joel glowered, trying to transmit stop hinting into Tommy’s annoying little mind. “Ooh, yeah! Maybe I’ll get to see it next time.”
A few minutes passed without Joel realizing he’d stopped listening, until Ellie elbowed him in the ribs. He grunted and raised an eyebrow at her. “What?”
“What’s with you?”
“Nothin’.” Joel knew the moment the word let his lips it was the wrong move – she’d never believe him, and now she was insulted.
Ellie narrowed her eyes at him and he sighed. “No,” she said, tone suspicious. “Something is up with you.” Joel felt Maria’s gaze land on him too and stifled a groan. He was certain Tommy was grinning. “I’m going to figure it out, you know.”
Joel shrugged. “Nothin’ to figure out.” His tone was mild but he knew it probably sounded as forced as it felt. He needed to get out of there, out from under the too-knowing gazes of his brother and his kid. Not to mention Maria, who didn’t know him that well but was probably the smartest person in this damn town.
Not that he was going to tell her that.
Ellie glared at him for a minute and then allowed Tommy to change the subject. Joel didn’t trust it for a second.
…
She didn’t ask him about it when they got home, which put Joel even more on edge. She didn’t ask about it before she went to bed, either, or in the morning before school.
Joel was rusty but he recognized the paranoia that settled over him, the paranoia of knowing his kid was plotting something. Even if he didn’t know what.
Sarah, too smart for her own good, had done this to him more than once. There was the year she became determined to find her Christmas presents early. She’d launched an investigation in their house like nothing he’d ever seen, but still never found them. (They’d been at Tommy’s apartment the whole time.) And then there was the time she’d tried to set him up with her soccer coach (who was happily married, though Sarah hadn’t known that, and who had thankfully thought it was hilarious).
So when Joel found himself looking over his shoulder for a small, too smart menace all day, at least it felt familiar.
Somehow she still managed to catch him completely unawares when she pounced.
“You’re frowning even more than usual, so it must be bad,” she said, appearing from absolutely nowhere inside the house he was working on. Joel did not jump a foot in the air. He certainly didn’t make any noise. And he definitely didn’t launch his screwdriver 10 feet across the room.
“Jesus Christ, Ellie, make some goddamn noise,” he said, heart racing. He leaned against the wall next to him and turned to look at her. She was leaning against the doorway looking far too smug. He grimaced.
“You know your face is gonna get stuck like that.” She grinned at him. He’d said that to her on the road and now she said it to him every time he frowned. He didn’t think she’d noticed yet that he frowned more now because it made him feel warm inside every time she said it, when she picked up stuff like that from him.
Joel sighed. “I’m fine.”
Ellie rolled her eyes. “Sure. You’re not being weird at all, just like this morning when you left your coffee on the counter and didn’t drink it, or two days ago when you insisted we had to eat dinner at home and miss that weird chicken you like, or when you suddenly swapped patrol shifts with Pete rather than do whatever you’re doing in here. Totally normal Joel behavior. Nothing to see here, folks!”
Joel was a bit taken aback. “Ellie–”
Her face fell and he felt it like a fist around his heart. She seemed unsure of what she wanted to say but frowned. “We’re supposed to be honest with each other, Joel. If you don’t– if–”
“Hey,” he said, and held out a hand. Ellie came over and sat next to him as he slid down onto the floor. “I’m alright. I… It’s nothin’ like that. I’m just— I’m thinking through something’. Gettin’ my mind around it..” He winced internally, knowing he’d promised her already that he’d talk about soulmates, if and when it happened. Maybe he could put that off indefinitely. “It’s nothin’ bad. I promise. Just…” he sighed. “I need to think a bit. Let me figure it out, ok?”
She squinted at him again and nodded. “Ok. I can’t believe you didn’t drink your coffee, though.”
Joel groaned. “Me neither.” No wonder he felt like shit.
“And you have to tell me eventually.”
He sighed and shook his head. “I know, kiddo. I know.”
…
After all that, he couldn't muster the effort to even be surprised when Tommy was waiting on their front porch when they got home. Time’s up, Joel thought to himself, sighing. Just three days and he was already being cornered.
“Evening, folks,” Tommy said, smiling. Ellie doffed an imaginary cowboy hat at him before she scooted inside and Joel smiled against his will.
“Tommy,” he said, voice wary.
Tommy eyed him. “We need to chat.”
“Tommy–”
“Joel.” Tommy raised his eyebrows. For a moment they just looked at each other, and then Joel sighed.
“Get inside, then.”
Tommy followed him in and took a seat at the kitchen table. Joel heard the back door shut as Ellie went into the backyard. He sighed. “Well?”
Tommy leaned forward and didn’t waste time. “When are you going to talk to her?”
“I’m not.” Joel crossed his arms and frowned, looking away from his brother.
Tommy scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Joel, you live in the same very small, rural, post-apocalyptic commune. You’re renovatin’ the damn town and she’s in charge of our supply inventory. How exactly do you plan to manage that?”
Joel frowned down at the table.
“Don’t answer that, I know you don’t have a plan. You’re just hidin’.”
Joel looked up at his brother, scowling. “I am not–”
“You are,” Tommy said, pointing at him, “and we both know it. You’ve done it before, Joel. When you met Sarah’s mama? When our mama found out you quit football and didn’t tell her?” Tommy counted each item off his fingers. “It’s not the first time you’ve run off to think about somethin’. Sure it won’t be the last.” Tommy tapped on the table. “But there ain’t no other way this ends, big brother. You have to talk to her.”
“Tommy, I don’t…” he trailed off. He took a deep breath and finally let out the question that had sent him running, that had been crowding behind his teeth for 3 days no matter how he tried to choke it back. “Did you ever think about what it meant, that you found Maria here? Here and now, in Jackson.”
Tommy sighed. His face fell, and Joel knew that his brother understood what he was asking. Of course he did, Joel never should have doubted him. “You mean, this whole business is supposed to be fate, right?”
“Right,” Joel said, wincing. He wanted to get up and walk away from the conversation but he knew Tommy wouldn’t let him. Wouldn’t put it past him to sit on him and make him have it. It wouldn’t be the first time, and even if he never said it out loud, Joel knew he was getting old. Older than the last time he’d wrestled his brother, for sure. He curled his hands into fists and pressed them into the table.
“And if fate brought you here, what’s that mean about everything else that happened?” Tommy’s voice was soft and knowing and the words hit Joel like blows.
He blinked and dropped his face into his hands. His hands were shaking. “Tommy–”
“Joel, I been thinkin’ about that for years, now.” Joel looked up to find Tommy frowning, shaking his head slowly back and forth. “And I don’t think it works like that. No, hear me out,” he said, raising a hand when Joel started to protest. “Maria and I have talked about everything at this point, everywhere we’ve been since, you know, and even before that. And Joel, wouldn’t you know it, but we almost met twice before this.” Tommy raised his eyebrows.
Joel blinked. “What? How–”
Tommy nodded. “Once in Austin. Once when I took that trip, Before, out to California.” Joel’s jaw dropped. “We were even in the same room once.” He laughed, and Joel couldn’t help but huff a startled laugh in response. “It was a big room — well, a mall, technically, at the food court — but still.”
“No kiddin’?”
Tommy laughed again. “No kiddin’. So, way I see it, the universe is bringing us together, somehow, but it wasn’t necessarily meant to happen now.” He shrugged. “I won’t pretend I’m some genius. But it feels right. And George told me it’s not uncommon for that to be true, for people to have near misses like that. Even more common now after everything.”
Joel sat back in his chair heavily. Could it be? He wanted to believe and wanted to run away from it, all at once. He couldn’t bear the thought that any of this – Sarah, Tess, Bill, Frank – he cut himself off. He couldn’t bear the thought of any of that being fated. It made him want to scream, made him want to tear things apart. Tear himself apart.
But if Tommy was right… for a long moment he just closed his eyes and breathed.
“Shit,” he said finally, and Tommy smiled. “I can’t… I need to think.”
But of course Tommy wasn’t going to let him. “So,” Tommy said, leaning forward again. “When are you going to talk to her? You gotta, Joel.”
Joel’s heart was racing as he came down from the rush at what Tommy had just told him. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and groaned. “What do I even say, Tommy? ‘Hey, sorry for the massive fuckin’ disappointment I’m sure it is to be my soulmate, nice to meet you.” He shook his head, waving a hand at Tommy when he opened his mouth. “Don’t even start. We both know–”
“Soulmate?!” Joel whipped his head to the right and found Ellie standing in the doorway, hand pressed against each side of the door frame. She was leaning forward into the kitchen, face and tone incredulous. “Joel, what the fuck–”
“Ellie,” he groaned and then glared at Tommy, who raised his hands in front of his chest.
“No, Joel, what the fuck,” she repeated, stepping inside. “You found your soulmate?! When?!” She slapped both palms down on the table. “Who is it?”
Tommy looked between the two of them and then opened his mouth. Joel leaned forward. “It’s–” Tommy started.
“Tommy,” Joel growled, cutting him off.
Ellie and Tommy both started talking at once.
“Joel, you can’t–” Ellie said, crossing her arms.
Tommy rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you can keep it a secret forever, brother,” he said.
“I know that,” he said, voice tense. “Let me tell her.”
Tommy nodded, leaning back in his chair.
“Ellie, it’s–”
“Is this what you were hiding?” She interrupted, frowning.
He nodded. “I just… needed some time.”
She looked at him for a moment and then looked down and set her jaw. “Joel, we said we’d live. That was the deal.”
“I know it was.” He leaned towards her.
“You said you’d tell me, because it seems like getting to know your soulmate might be part of living.” She looked up at him and then back at the floor as she recited his words back to him. “Because FEDRA was full of shit, right? About pretty much everything.” Her tone said she wanted him to tell her that was true. It was something they’d talked about on the road, a bit, an idea she was still getting used to after growing up in their care.
“Right,” he said, voice firm. He didn’t want her to doubt that for a second.
She nodded. “And soulmates must be something good, then. If they didn’t like ‘em.” She sounded like she was reminding herself as well as him.
Joel nodded, watching her. “Yeah.”
“Who is it?” Ellie asked again, finally, and Joel leaned back.
“It’s Bolts,” he said, and her head flew upwards, mouth dropping. “When we met the other day. We heard it.”
Her mouth made a little ‘o’ of surprise and he felt himself smile. “Really?!”
He nodded. “Really. I, uh. I wasn’t… I just needed some time,” he repeated again, grasping for the certainty he’d felt for the last three days, that staying away was for the best. It was slipping away from him and he knew he wasn’t ready for what he might find in its place.
Ellie moved forward and leaned against the table next to him. She poked him in the shoulder. “Maybe you can take your time and talk to her at the same time. Or something. Bolts is cool, man, you’ll see.”
“She is,” Tommy agreed.
Joel looked between his brother and his kid and he knew he was outnumbered.
“Ok,” he said, and they both smiled. “Ok, look, if I promise to talk to her, will you lay off?” He looked between them. “Both of you. I can’t…” He scrubbed one of his hands through his hair. Ellie reached out and ruffled it up some more and he smiled. “I’ll talk to her but let me take my time, alright?”
They nodded. Tommy stood up. “Alright, Joel. Let me know if you want to talk about it. I’ll see y’all at dinner,” he said, and squeezed Joel’s shoulder on the way out.
When the door shut behind him, Ellie started to move away, but Joel caught her arm. “Hey,” he said, voice soft. “You know… you know you come first, right?”
She furrowed her brow but met his eyes. “What?”
Joel sighed. “I’m not… I’m not rushin’. But you know, no matter what. Soulmate or not. You come first for me. It’s you and me, Ellie. Before everythin’ else. Ok?”
Ellie wavered for a second, looking a bit like she had no idea what to do with that information. “Joel–”
“Just need you to know that, is all,” he murmured, poking her in the arm.
She grimaced and then grinned as she poked him back. “I do know that, Joel.” She looked shy and he smiled.
“Good.”
“Yeah, ok, enough feelings.” She pretended to puke and backed away from him. He laughed, feeling lighter than he had since he’d heard the music.
“Yeah, yeah, let’s go find dinner, kiddo.”
…
Promise made, Joel knew his time had run out. Still, he managed to push it three more days, until Monday. He drifted through those three days and tried not to think too hard about what he was going to do.
Ellie kept giving him looks, though, so he knew he couldn’t get away with going any longer than that. But she kept her word and she and Tommy both laid off of him.
When Joel stood up from his desk on Monday afternoon, though, Tommy grinned. “Where ya headed?”
“Mind your business, you old busybody,” Joel said, and stalked out of the office before Tommy could tell him he sounded like their mother, who used to say that often.
“Ok, mom!” Tommy yelled after him, and Joel sighed as he headed out the front door.
The walk to Nuts ‘n Bolts was quicker than he would have liked, and Joel grimaced when he stood outside the door. He tugged at his shirt sleeves and then sighed. Not like it’s gettin’ any better than this, he thought.
“Alright, Miller,” he muttered to himself. “Buck up.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and stepped forward to open the door.
He’d barely taken three steps inside when he heard her voice and froze in his tracks. “I’ll be right there,” she called, and he closed his eyes. Had her voice sounded like that last time? Or the time before?
So warm?
He clenched his fists and cleared his throat. “It’s me,” he said, and it came out garbled. He cleared his throat again. “It’s me,” he repeated, clearer that time. “Um, Joel. Joel Miller.” He winced.
The room suddenly felt still and he realized she’d stopped whatever she was doing.
“Oh,” she said, voice light, so low he almost didn’t hear it. He took a step forward. “I… let me–”
“I’m sorry,” he called. He hated the hesitance he could hear in her voice. “I… can we talk? I won’t run away this time.” He winced again and took another step forward and to the side so he could peer around the shelf. He still didn’t see her.
“You promise?” her voice sounded closer and he felt a shiver run down his spine.
“Promise?” he asked, overwhelmed. He could hear her footsteps and he knew she was nearby.
Bolts turned the corner at the end of the row, and Joel felt his breath catch in his throat. She was somehow more beautiful than he’d remembered, just more in general. He traced his eyes over the lines of her body and felt himself start to turn red.
“That you won’t run?” she repeated, and took a single step forward. He nodded and met her, step for step. They were so close now, only a few feet away from each other.
“I promise.”
…
You weren’t sure he was going to come back.
You’d heard all about Joel Miller before you met him. The whole town was full of gossips who loved to talk about anything new. Add in the fact that you were usually supplying the people he worked with on a daily basis and, well…
Safe to say you’d heard all about him.
He was tall, he was strong, he was scary, he was tough, he was only soft with his kid, he was grumpy, he had a great laugh, he never laughed, he was patient. He frowned all the time, but no, when he smiled he was so handsome, and did you see him lift that pillar into place? Did you see his arms? Did you see how careful he was with his big hands when he showed the new kid how to strip a wire?
You might have been eavesdropping at dinner for that last bit.
But for a while that was all he was to you – rumors. Until Ellie started dropping by to pick up their orders. That’s when you really started to learn about the man behind the stories, because he was all Ellie wanted to talk about.
“Joel says everyone Before wanted to be a contractor when they grew up. Is that true?”
“Joel told me about paintball, did you ever play? Sounds sick. Bet I would’ve destroyed that old man in paintball.”
“Joel said parents used to ‘ground’ their kids as punishment. Were you ever grounded? Was it really just staying home and doing nothing? It sounds like it should mean you have to, like, lay on the ground or something.”
“Ok, we were talking about the Olympics and Joel told me about water polo and luge and ski jumping and I need a second opinion. What? Like, what?”
Ellie was hilarious – every time she visited, Bolts found herself grinning and laughing. Especially at the puns.
You saw her with a man you presumed was Joel a couple of times, but they were always busy. And so for a while that’s who Joel Miller was to you – that broad-shouldered guy who ate dinner with Ellie, a good dad who clearly doted on his daughter.
And then, finally, you met him.
One of the patrols had brought you back some new supplies to sort, and you were waist deep in it (literally) when Joel finally stopped by the shop again. You could hear him moving towards you through the store, and found yourself grinning at the box you were leaning into, amused at the easy banter flowing between you.
When you turned and looked at him, still smiling, you froze.
He was gorgeous – brown hair, warm brown eyes, easy smile. You’d been right about his shoulders – so broad, so sturdy. He looked strong.
Somehow you managed to notice all of that despite the music blaring in your head.
You could barely wrap your mind around it. This man, this incredibly attractive man, was your soulmate? This man that you knew to be smart and capable and a great dad?
Your soulmate was still alive?
The music started to fade and you felt yourself shiver, breaking whatever spell had held you in place. You stepped forward, and said his name…
And felt your stomach drop when he turned and ran.
…
You might have avoided the dining hall for a few days after that.
To be honest, at least with yourself – and you’d gotten pretty good at that over the last two decades of apocalypse – you avoided pretty much everything that wasn’t work or your little house nearby.
You didn’t want to see anyone. You couldn’t get the look on his face when he ran out of your head and by the next day you’d pinpointed it.
Joel had looked panicked.
You wavered between worry that you had caused his panic and worry that he really did not seem to be interested in the idea of having a soulmate.
And it’s not like you were on the edge of your seat, waiting for yours. You’d given up on that years ago, as nice as it sounded. There had been a lot going on after all.
But the idea of finally finding them? Finding him?
Well. You might have been excited, until you saw his reaction. Now you weren’t sure what to think.
Maybe he just needs time, you told yourself, wincing.
When Ellie came in as normal, like nothing was wrong, you knew he hadn’t told her. You knew it hadn’t really been that long, and he’d clearly been upset, but you also felt a pinch of hurt at that.
You shoved it down somewhere deep.
By the weekend, though, you felt like your secret was bouncing around inside your chest trying to get out. After you closed up the shop on Friday you sighed.
You needed your best friend.
…
Thankfully, when you stepped inside their house, Tommy seemed to be out.
“Maria?” you called, looking around the corner into the kitchen.
“Upstairs!” you heard her call, and turned towards the stairs. “Come on up!”
You found her sitting in the baby’s room sorting little onesies. You knew she’d been collecting them for a while, both from others in town and Tommy on the lookout on the patrol.
“Think you got enough?” you asked, smiling. She rolled her eyes at you and laughed.
“More than,” she said, leaning back in her chair and placing a hand on her belly. “Got about half the hand-me-downs this town has to offer – Isabela has the other half.” She took a deep breath and settled back. “What’s up? Did we have plans?”
You shook your head and sat on the floor by the pile of clean clothes. “Want me to help fold?” you asked, and she nodded. “I, uh, need to talk to you about something.” you reached for the tiny t-shirt on the top of the pile – it said “taco time!” with a cartoon taco that appeared to be dancing – and snorted. “Where’d you get this one?”
Maria smiled. “Donation from someone. I have it written down somewhere.”
“Course you do,” you said, starting to move through the pile. The shirts felt almost too small to fold, which made you smile.
“Talk about what?” she asked, reaching for another onesie to fold.
You sighed. “So, um. I might have…” you put the shirt you were holding down – this one said “donut worry, be happy” with a picture of a donut with sprinkles – and covered your face with your hands. Maybe it would be easier to talk about if you didn’t have to look at anything. “I might have found my… my soulmate.” You coughed.
There was a moment of silence, and you peeked through your fingers.
Maria was frozen, staring at you, jaw dropped, onesie hanging from her fingers unfolded. As you made eye contact she started to grin. “No fucking way.”
“Way,” you said, and let yourself fall backwards onto the floor. Staring at the ceiling, you said, “on Tuesday.”
“Tuesday?!” she said, incredulous. You felt something hit your chin and lifted your head – she’d thrown the onesie at you.
“Seriously?” you asked, holding up the onesie.
“Tuesday?” she said again, holding her hands out.
You sighed and dropped your head back onto the floor. “Tuesday,” you confirmed. “I… he ran away.”
There was another silence, but this time you counted down in your head. 3… 2… 1…
“WHAT?”
You smiled at the ceiling. Maria sounded pissed.
“He did what? Who is it?”
You shook your head. “I think… well. He looked pretty panicked. I think he wasn’t expecting it.”
“Has he been back, talked to you again?” she asked and you shook your head, rolling it back and forth on the floor.
“Nope.”
“Who. Is. It.” Her voice was implacable and you knew you’d run out of ways to avoid the question.
“Don’t freak out, ok?” You lifted your head and glanced at her, and found she was staring at you, arms crossed, eyebrows raised. “Don’t freak out.”
She sighed. “That doesn’t sound promising.”
You fell back again and covered your face with your hands. “It’s Joel,” you said, voice muffled. There was a long pause.
“Did you just say,” she said, and her voice was carefully even, “Joel?”
You nodded.
“Joel Miller?”
You nodded again, hands still covering your face.
“Tommy’s brother Joel Miller?”
The evenness of her voice was starting to freak you out, so you peeked out from behind your hands. Maria’s face was carefully blank, and you winced.
“Yeah,” you said, heaving yourself into a sitting position. “That Joel.”
Maria stared at you. You wondered if you were about to hear another Joel freaking Miller rant from Jackson’s Number One Joel Skeptic, but after a moment the tension seemed to leech from her shoulders. She sighed again and rubbed her eyes.
“Ok, well clearly I must be at least a little bit wrong about him, if he’s your soulmate.”
You raised your eyebrows, shocked. “What?”
Maria groaned as she leaned forward, but waved you off when you moved to help. “I know you. I hope I know what kind of person would be your match.” She sighed, and it sounded like she’d rather step on legos that say what she said next. “If he’s yours, there must be parts of him I haven’t seen yet.” She grumbled something under her breath that sounded like “all the good parts, probably.”
You smiled. Maria may be stubborn at times, but she was the best friend you’d ever had, and it showed. “From the way Ellie tells it, he’s the best person in the world.”
Maria snorted. “Let’s leave that for another day.” You laughed. “Ok, perception-of-the-world-altering news aside, did you really just meet Joel on Tuesday?”
“Yep.”
“How is that possible?” She looked stunned. “You’ve met Ellie. Hasn’t he even been to the shop? Isn’t he constantly ordering supplies?”
You shrugged. “He left quickly that one time, never saw his face. Ellie picks up all of their orders now and she loves it.”
Maria hummed. “You know, you might have set the record in Jackson for the longest time in town before realizing you’re soulmates.”
You rolled your eyes. “It wasn’t that long.”
She eyed you. “Sure.”
“But anyway. He freaking ran. Not sure what I’m supposed to do with that.”
Maria shook her head. “Now that I know it’s Joel?” She shook her head again and sighed. “Makes more sense. Probably couldn’t handle his feelings.”
“I mean, maybe. He looked so panicked, though.” You bit your lip and looked down at your hands. “And from what I’ve heard from Ellie, he’s plenty up front about his feelings when he needs to be. She’s a good kid, you know? You can just tell he’s pretty open with her. And you can see his parenting in things she says.”
Maria sighed. “Yeah, I know he’s a good dad. Just surprised to learn he’s got room for anything else.”
You frowned, thinking of the look on his face before he’d turned away. “Well, he might not.”
Maria shook her head slowly, looking thoughtful. “I assume you don’t want me to talk to Tommy about this.”
You winced. “Not yet. I need… a little more time.”
“Alright,” she said, and picked up a new onesie to fold. “But hey,” when you looked up, she was smirking. Uh oh. “You know, now that I think about it,” she grinned, “not sure I’ve ever met anyone more your type than Joel Miller.”
“No,” you said, but she kept going.
“Tall, messy hair, broad shoulders? Those arms?” She waggled her eyebrows at you. “I’ve seen those hands. They must be genetic, because you know how I feel about Tommy’s.”
You couldn’t help it, you laughed. “Maria–”
“Shoulda guessed the moment I saw him.”
You rolled your eyes. “It’s not that bad,” you said, shaking your head.
She hummed. “Sure,” she said, and you knew she was mocking you.
You sighed. “That was my first thought, when I heard it,” you admitted. “Oh shit, he’s hot, basically.”
Maria laughed. “You know it was the same for me, with Tommy. From the first moment I couldn’t help but think, well damn, just look at him.”
You both laughed. “Guess those Millers have good genes.”
She shook her head, still laughing. “They really do. Bet this baby will be so cute they get whatever they want forever.” You both smiled at the thought. She sighed. “Jesus. What are the odds, us and them?”
“I wondered about that.” You smiled a bit wistfully. “Maybe George would be able to tell us.”
You both laughed again, and for a moment you let yourself feel the warmth of it – that you’d found your soulmate, and he was your best friend’s brother-in-law. What were the odds, really?
It was hard to feel very hopeful about it, but for a moment, you tried.
…
By the time Monday rolled around, you were wondering if you might need to be the one to seek Joel out. It felt like the ball was in his court, though, and you really didn't want to chase after someone who didn’t want to be chased. You figured eventually you could call in the cavalry, anyway.
The cavalry being Tommy, of course. You wondered if Joel had told him.
You lost yourself in your work, sorting supplies and filling orders, and before you knew it it was almost time for lunch. You’d just started sorting through your last order, eager to take a break, when the bell over the door tinkled.
“Be right there,” you called absently, frowning down at the pile of metal hooks in front of you that seemed to be tangled. How did these get so bad?
You heard whoever it was clear their throat. “It’s me. Um, Joel. Joel Miller.”
You froze, staring down at the tangled hooks in your hands.
Joel.
You needed to say something back. You shook yourself and dropped the hooks. The clank of their impact on the countertop made you wince. Your voice came out strangled. “O..oh. I… let me–”
But he interrupted whatever you were going to say. You weren’t even sure, yourself.
“I”m sorry,” he said, and you felt your stomach swoop. You had no idea what your face was doing, and you were suddenly glad he couldn’t see you. “I…” he trailed off and you had no idea if you should say something.
What would you even say?
“Can we talk?” he continued. “I won’t run away this time.”
You heard him take a step and it startled you into motion. You turned towards the door and took a step towards the shelf you knew was probably hiding you from view. You took a deep breath. He won’t run. “You promise?” You stood just around the corner from where you knew you’d probably find Joel and froze.
“Promise?” He sounded confused and you wondered if he was just as overwhelmed as you suddenly felt.
You can do this. You nodded to yourself and, after nervously straightening your shirt, stepped around the corner.
He was just as tall and broad as you remembered, even though he was leaning a bit like he was trying to make himself smaller. He was repeatedly tightening one of his hands into a fist and then releasing it, a nervous movement that caught your eye before you met his gaze.
He was looking right into your eyes, and he was so handsome.
“Um,” you said, shaking yourself. “That you won’t run?” You took a step forward and Joel nodded. He took a step forward, too, and you found yourself only a few feet away from him. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his.
“I promise,” he said, voice low. You could see the sincerity in his eyes, along with a lot of worry.
You smiled, and it grew when his gaze dropped down to trace over it. “Ok then.” You reached forward and lightly brushed your fingertips over the back of the hand he had strained in a fist. “C’mere,” you said, wrapping your fingers around his hand and tugging. His fist finally relaxed and he let you slide your hand into his. You felt a tingle slide down your spine.
You turned and led him through the maze of your shop to the back area with its little green couch. Tommy had helped you drag it back here when you’d first decided to use this space for inventory. It was just big enough for you to nap on, or for you to sit on with Joel without touching. You sat and turned so that you leaned slightly against the arm. He sat next to you.
For a moment, neither of you said anything.
You looked down and saw his hand resting next to his leg. Now that you’d touched him, you couldn’t help but want to touch him again. You reached out, slowly crossing the distance between you, and brushed your fingertips over the back of his hand. His hand twitched and you started to pull away, but he followed you – he slid his hand slowly along the couch between you, palm rasping over the worn fabric, before flipping it and taking your hand in his. He squeezed it lightly and you felt the corner of your mouth lift in a smile as you looked back up at him.
“I–”
“I’m–”
Joel started talking at the same time you did, and you both smiled. He ducked his head but lightly squeezed your hand again. “Go ahead,” he said.
You shook your head. “No, you first.”
He raised his head and met your eyes again. He gave you a half smile that made your heart start to pound in your chest. Handsome.
“Had the sudden urge to say ‘ladies first.’ Don’t think I’ve said that to anyone in years.”
You snorted a laugh. “I don’t think anyone has said that to me in years. I’m not exactly a lady. And there’s not a lot of time for pretence in an apocalypse.”
Joel shook his head, still smiling. “Being here, it’s so…” he looked around your little shop. “Normal? Not exactly like it was Before, but…”
You nodded. “It was never going to be like Before. But it is weirdly normal. Still gets me sometimes.”
He looked back at you, eyebrows raised. “Still gets you?” He huffed a laugh. “Haven’t you been here for years? Guess it might be a long while before I get used to it, then.”
You shrugged. “I think it still gets all of us, sometimes. Makes it easier not to take it for granted.” You turned towards him a bit more, lifting your knee onto the couch between you. Your hands came to rest next to it and you tried not to notice the heat of his hand against the side of your thigh.
Joel looked down and took a deep breath. “What were you going to say, before?”
You smiled again and let your eyes trace over the shape of him on your couch – his tousled hair, the line of his neck, his broad shoulders. His hand in yours. “I was just going to say, I’m glad you came back.”
He raised his head and met your eyes. “Me too.”
“I, uh…” you trailed off, glancing over his face. “I wasn’t sure you were going to. Come back.”
Joel grimaced, but when you started to pull your hand away he held on. “I’m sorry. Again. I’d…” he sat up straighter and turned a bit towards you. The side of his thigh came to rest against your knee and you felt your awareness begin to narrow to all of the places you were touching. You felt it like a tingle over your skin. It was so easy to touch him, you realized, and you wondered if that was part of being soulmates. His voice startled you when he continued, “I’d like to explain. Or, try to. If that’s alright with you.”
He looked at you, and for a moment you simply looked at each other. It hit you, suddenly, that you were looking at your soulmate. Your soulmate. You smiled again. “Have to admit, I’ve been curious.”
“I don’t blame you,” he said, and you noticed he seemed to be tracing you with his eyes the same way you’d done to him a moment ago. You felt your face start to get hot. “Must’ve been disappointin’... hearin’, um. Hearin’ it. And then me–” he cut himself off, shaking his head.
“I won’t pretend I wasn’t upset,” you said, but squeezed his hand. He was there now, after all. He came back. “But I might have been a bit distracted, you know, in the moment. The upset settled in after.”
“Distracted?” he asked, raising a single eyebrow.
Your face burned. “Um,” you said, looking down. You peeked up at him through your eyelashes. “You’re, well. You know.”
Joel started to smile and you knew he knew exactly what you weren’t saying. “I know?” His tone was teasing, and something inside your chest came alight. Your soulmate.
“Joel Miller, you know. Don’t make me say it.”
He leaned closer, just a bit, and his full smile took your breath away. “Would it help if I said I think you’re beautiful? Thought it last week and again today.”
You grinned. “Well, that does make it easier for me to tell you I think you’re handsome.” You bit your lip. “‘S those shoulders.”
“My shoulders?” he said on a laugh.
You nodded. He had a great laugh, but you noticed it seemed to surprise him every time he did it. “Definitely. And, well.” You hid your face. “I’m getting ahead of myself.”
He flushed, suddenly, and your eyes narrowed.
“Joel?” you asked, and he started to lean back. You reached out and tugged on his sleeve with your free hand. “What?”
“I, uhh…” he trailed off. “Nothin’.”
“Thought you were going to explain.” When he looked up you smiled, trying to make it clear you were teasing.
He shook his head, face serious. “I’ll… let me do that. Explain.”
“Alright,” you said, softly, squeezing his hand to encourage him. When you did, you realized your tangled hands were now resting on your thigh, you’d moved them sometime in the last few minutes without noticing. You bit your lip. “Go ahead.”
Joel sighed and dropped his head back to rest against the couch. “Well, I’m sure it was obvious that I panicked.” He peeked at you and you nodded. “I figured my soulmate had died. Long time ago.” He shrugged. “Never thought I’d find you here.” As he said that he let his head fall to the side so he could meet your eyes. “Never expected it.”
You nodded. You knew the feeling.
“But, um.” He took a deep breath. “Alright. Let me get this out, not sure if I’ll be able to. But I want to try.” You squeezed his hand. He shut his eyes. “I had a d– a daughter. Before.” He cleared his throat and you could hear how difficult it was for him to say this. You leaned forward.
“Joel–”
He shook his head and squeezed your hand. You squeezed back. “Sarah.” Saying her name seemed to leave him breathless and you wished you’d known him long enough to pull him into a hug. You figured holding hands was already pushing it. “And T–” he stumbled over his words. “Well, I’m sure we’ve both lost people. Important people.” His free hand, resting on his left thigh, was shaking. You reached across his body and slipped your hand into his. He let you tug it towards you, turning his body so that both of your joined hands were resting in your lap. His eyes were still closed. “And I couldn’t–” he sucked in a sharp breath and squeezed both of your hands. “I couldn’t bear the idea that any of that was m– meant,” he took another deep breath. “Meant to be.” He almost whispered the last few words and you felt it like a vice grip around your heart.
“No,” you said, voice firm. It startled him, and his eyes flew open. You could see the emotions swirling in them. “I don’t believe that. Never have.”
“No?” he repeated, leaning towards you. You could feel his full attention on you and you swallowed roughly.
“Never have,” you repeated. “I don’t believe in fate.”
He looked taken aback. You weren’t surprised, it wasn’t the first time you’d gotten this reaction. “You don’t? What about–”
You shook your head. “My parents weren’t soulmates,” you said. You still felt a pang, all these years later, just thinking about them. You shook it off. “And they were happy. And there are so many people out there who never find them.” You smiled, wryly. “Could be more now.” He nodded. “Way I see it, there’s someone out there who just fits you,” you squeezed his hands, “but that doesn’t mean everything’ll be sunshine and roses when you find them. You still have to work at it, to choose them. And…” it was your turn to trail off, emotions clogging your throat.
Joel leaned forward, seeming to realize you were suddenly having trouble. “Hey, you don’t have to–”
You shook your head, and he squeezed your hands. You realized he had turned more and your knee was now resting on top of his. Somehow it grounded you. You cleared your throat. “My brother. He– Outbreak day.” You took a slow breath in and out. “He met his soulmate young. They weren’t ready. They were just starting to…” you shook your head. “Anyway. It’s not always easy, even if you fit. You might meet at the wrong time. And you still have to try, to want it.” You looked at Joel again and found a look on his face that told you he knew exactly what you meant.
“I should be honest,” he said, and something about how he said it sent ice down your spine. You almost started to pull away but he wouldn’t let you. “No, listen, darlin’. I want you to hear it from me. I spent years scoffin’ at the idea of findin’ my soulmate. Tommy’s heard me say it, wouldn’t be surprised if he talked about it. But it wasn’t really because I didn’t want one.” He slipped his right hand free from yours for the first time since you’d sat down and your breath caught when his fingertips brushed against your cheek. His hand dropped back into his lap and you missed its warmth. “I think I always did. Want one. I just…” he grimaced. “Was pretty sure no one would want me. No one should, anyway.”
Your eyebrows flew upwards in surprise. “What?”
Joel tilted his head. “What?” he repeated.
“Joel.” you said, leaning forward. “Why wouldn’t someone want you?”
He blinked, taken aback. “I… well. Tommy’d say I’m a stubborn asshole. And I’ve done…” he shook his head. “Things that weren’t…I wasn’t… there’s not a lot of me left.” He struggled to put whatever he was thinking into words, but you were pretty sure you knew what he was getting at.
“Joel,” you said again, and he looked at you, eyes wide. “We’ve all done things we didn’t want to do, or things we regret. And more things we don’t, plenty of terrible things we’d do again if we had the chance.” You lifted your free hand, wondering if you could touch him the way he’d touched you, but you chickened out and dropped it on top of your hands that were still tangled together. “Seems like there’s plenty of you left, Miller.”
“How d’you know?” He sounded like he wanted to believe you but wasn’t sure if he did.
You smiled at him. “I’ve heard all about you from Ellie, you know. You’re a good dad, Joel.” You watched as he took a deep, shuddering breath.
“Ellie, she… I was different. Before her.”
“I think I get that,” you said softly, squeezing his hand. “I was a different person before I came here.”
You both took a moment to just breathe. You were starting to feel a bit runover from all the emotions you’d just spilled and Joel looked like he might feel the same. You decided to take a chance.
“Besides,” you said, smirking, “I’d say there’s exactly the right amount of you, Joel.” You watched as he started to blush, again, and grinned.
“Really?” he said, tone wry.
“I already told you I think you’re handsome,” you said. “I meant it.” You let your eyes trail over him again and bit your lip.
Joel coughed. “Earlier, when I said it was nothin’.” You nodded – you did want to know what he’d been thinking when he’d blushed that first time. “The first time I saw you, you were, ah…” he trailed off and turned even more red.
You thought back, trying to remember… and oh. Oh shit.
“The box?” you said, feeling yourself get hot. “Oh no.”
He nodded, and suddenly his gaze was different. It was deeper, somehow. “Oh yes. The box.” He smiled and leaned forward. “I was already thinkin’ how funny you were, and how much I was enjoyin’ talkin’ to you.” Was his voice deeper? You shivered. “And then I turned the corner and, well. Shit.” He laughed and shook his head. “Might’ve been my first thought when I saw you. Those jeans looked real nice on you, darlin’.” You shivered. You realized you’d shivered every time he’d called you that. You wanted to hear him say it again.
“Maria said she wasn’t surprised when I told her,” you said, grinning, “because you’re exactly my type.”
Joel looked surprised. “You told Maria?”
“Oh,” you said, but well, of course you had. “She’s my best friend.”
He nodded. “It’s– that’s fine. I told Tommy and Ellie. I’m just surprised you still want to talk to me.” He grimaced. “Maria ain’t my biggest fan.”
You laughed, and laughed a bit more when he sighed. “Oh believe me, Joel, I know. But I think she’ll come around.”
He looked skeptical. “Not sure I agree with you but you know her better’n me.”
His words finally registered with you and you couldn’t help but ask, “what did, ah… What did Ellie say?”
Joel smiled. “She likes you a lot. And me and her, we made each other a promise. About livin’ here.”
You tilted your head, studying him. “A promise?”
He nodded. “That we’d try. Try and live, I guess. Try and make it work. So… I would have talked to you either way, I want you to know that. But like I said, I’m stubborn. I might’ve been a bit slower about it without her remindin’ me.”
You laughed again. “She’s a force, that girl.” You knew he could hear how much you admired her in your tone because he grinned.
“She is,” he said, and you could hear how much he loved her. “I also promised her I wasn’t in a rush. And, well. Is that alright with you? If we take it slow. I want to get to know you, I do, just–”
“Of course, Joel.” You squeezed his hand again. “Of course. I… it was a surprise for me, too, you know. I’ve been on my own a long time. Even if you are way too handsome.”
He blushed. You grinned.
“Well then, darlin’,” he said, and you shivered again. He must’ve noticed that time because he smirked. “How do you feel about havin’ lunch together? Maybe tomorrow?”
“I’d like that, Joel.” You were feeling warm, now, and much more settled than you had in days. You figured Joel had the right idea, getting all of this out in the open early. “Here? Away from the peanut gallery.”
He smiled. “Sounds perfect. I’ll bring somethin’.”
As you fell into an easier silence you both seemed to realize that you were sitting with your knee propped on his and both of your hands tangled with one of his. You both sat back and gently disentangled.
“Alright, then,” he said, and made to stand.
You leaned forward before he could. “Joel?” He nodded, looking at you. You leaned forward even farther, into his space, until you could feel the warmth of him. You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and tried not to think about how much you liked the way his beard felt against your lips. “Thank you for coming back,” you murmured, close to his ear.
Joel turned his head slightly, and suddenly your faces were only an inch or so away from each other. “I was always comin’ back. Promise.” He leaned forward nudged his forehead against yours. “Thank you for waitin’.” As he leaned back he took your hand and lifted it to his lips. He kissed your knuckles softly and you gasped.
You nodded. “Of course.”
Joel stood, finally, and you let him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, darlin’.”
“Tomorrow,” you agreed, and you watched him walk back towards the front of the store. When he was out of sight you fell back against the couch and sighed, head swimming from the way he’d just kissed you. And you’d kissed him.
Joel Miller x f!reader | 10.6k | 18+ | masterlist | fic masterlist | ao3
fic summary: Joel Miller gave up on the idea of a soulmate at least 20 years and one apocalypse ago. But it turns out the universe hasn't given up on him quite yet.
Part 3: Joel and Ellie made a deal to live, and it turns out there's a bit more left for Joel in this life than he expected.
a/n: annnd we're here! Part 3 of 3. This is the end. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing this AU. I love these two. see tags/warnings below and check the fic masterlist for the full tags. Thank you again @katareyoudrilling for being the best beta!! 🧡
tags/warnings for part 3: fluff, angst, more family fluff, hand holding, dancing, Joel Miller can dance I don't know what to tell you, ogling, kissing, teasing, flirting, so much flirting, pet names (darlin', beautiful, sweetheart, baby), public cuddling? is that tag, smut (kissing, groping, fondling, grinding, oral (f!receiving), p-in-v sex)
Part 3
Joel had never felt like this before.
He walked out of the shop with his hands tingling, mind spinning, tracing back over the ways she’d touched him. The way she’d reached out and held his hand and he hadn’t wanted to pull away, hadn’t wanted to run. He’d wanted to stay right there on that couch, with her, and let her hold his hand. He’d wanted to reach out and touch.
His soulmate.
Something about the way she’d looked at him…
He blinked. He found himself standing frozen in the middle of the road, halfway back to the office. No one seemed to have noticed him standing there, but he hurried forward.
When she touched him it was like sinking into something warm. Something familiar. He had no idea how much time had passed while he was at the shop — no idea how long her gaze had held his and pinned him in place on that couch. How had she done it?
Joel couldn’t believe he’d said all of that. He’d told her, somehow, told her everything, and now he was walking the street in a daze. Something about her, her smile, her warmth, put him so at ease that he hadn’t even hesitated.
His eyes caught on his reflection in a shop as he passed. He looked down and realized his hands were clenched into fists. He couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything but the pounding of his heart and the vice-like squeeze around his lungs.
He didn’t know how to do this.
…
That night on the walk home from dinner, Joel finally managed to get it out.
“Talked to Bolts, today,” he said, and ignored how he sounded like he was being strangled by his own feelings.
Ellie lit up. “Yeah?? And?”
He shrugged. “And nothin’. We’re havin’ lunch tomorrow. Gettin’ to know each other.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Nothing? Were you grumpy at her? I told you your face will get stuck like that.”
He rolled his eyes and swiped over her hair before she could dodge, messing it up. He smiled when she squawked in protest. “You makin’ fun of my natural sunny disposition?”
Ellie poked him in the side and he bent in half with a played-up oof. “Sunny? Sure, Joel. More like cloudy. And thundery.”
He laughed and shook his head. Ellie always knew how to make him laugh. “We just talked. I apologized for takin’ so long. ‘N I told her I told you, so it’s not a secret. Just don’t go botherin’ her about it.”
Ellie gasped dramatically. “Are you calling me a bother?”
Tommy had called her “a bother” a few days before and then had to explain what he meant when Ellie had responded that’s a verb, duh. Her vocabulary was expanding in the most unexpected ways.
“Isn’t bother your middle name?” Joel asked mildly, and raised his eyebrows when gasped again. “Ellie Bother Williams, ain’t it?”
Ellie started coming up with middle names for him in retaliation – Grumpy, or maybe Grandpa. No, Old Man! – and he smiled the whole way home.
…
Joel arrived at Nuts ‘n Bolts just before noon the next day, lunch carefully tucked into a canvas bag he’d borrowed from Tommy. He took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders before stepping inside.
“Hello?” he called over the tinkling of the bell over the door. As he glanced around he marveled again at how good Bolts was at her job.
“In the back!” she called. “Same spot as yesterday. Lock the door, would you?”
Joel smiled as he turned and locked the door behind him before heading back. “That ain’t gonna be a problem?” He took his time remembering the way through the maze of shelves but found it easier than he expected.
“Nah,” Bolts called, and he could hear her smile. “People know if the door is locked to come back later. If it’s an emergency they’ll knock.”
He turned the last corner and found Bolts tugging a low coffee table towards the loveseat. “Hi Joel,” she said brightly, and he smiled. “I usually keep this in the office but I figured we’d need it. Might work better here, anyway.”
He looked around. “There’s an office, too?”
She stood up straight and waved her hand to the right. “It’s over there. It’s pretty tiny, but it’s helpful to have a place to keep the inventory. That’s mostly what it’s for.” She gestured for him to come closer and he set the bag down on the table. “What’d you bring?”
“Sandwiches. Nothing fancy, but Priya over at the dinin’ hall told me you’d like ‘em.” Joel felt suddenly nervous at his admission.
Sure enough, Bolts looked up at him from where she’d just sat on the loveseat. “You told her it was for me?” She sounded hesitant, but she hadn’t lost her smile.
He nodded. “Yeah, um, might’ve said we were havin’ lunch.”
She grinned. “It’s ok, Joel, Priya’s not much of a gossip. You’re just lucky Artie wasn’t there. It woulda been around town before dinner.”
He laughed and moved forward to take a seat. “Didn’t even think about it, honestly. Just wanted to make sure you’d like it.” Now that he was thinking about it he couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it then. He felt a sudden tightness in his chest and took a deep breath to ease it.
“Thank you,” Bolts said, and he glanced at her. She was smiling down at her hands. “Shall we?”
Joel nodded and started to get the food out. He divvied everything up and relaxed back into his seat as they dug in.
“Priya was right, this is my favorite,” Bolts told him when she opened the cloth wrapping around her sandwich. “Thank you.”
“‘Course,” he said. He felt awkward, suddenly, and cast around in his mind for something to say. The silence grew longer as he stared down at his sandwich. He took a bite to stall and glanced over at her again.
She was already looking at him. “What, am I suddenly scary?” She was smiling, but he thought he could see a little bit of worry around her eyes.
Joel shook his head, setting his sandwich down in his lap. “No. And yes. You’re not scary, but this whole thing…” He sighed. “I just… don’t know how to do this.”
“Me neither, Joel,” she said, and reached out to take his hand. As soon as she touched him he felt it again. “It’s the first time for both of us, right? Never had a soulmate before.”
He smiled and felt himself relax a bit more, and marveled at how she made it sound so easy. Her hand was warm in his and he squeezed it lightly. “Alright. Maybe we’ll figure it out together.”
“We will,” she agreed, and squeezed his hand before taking her hand back to eat. “So, you were a contractor before, right?”
“That’s right. What about you?” He settled in and watched as she smiled a bit wistfully before she answered.
“I worked at a hardware store through college,” she said, “but after I finished I was working as an engineer.”
His eyebrows flew upwards. “An engineer? Why’re you–”
“I know, I know,” she cut him off, laughing. “Why am I working in here? Well, not a lot of need for robotics, nowadays.” She shrugged. “I help out with stuff where I can. I helped with the dam, even though I never did much with hydraulics. But this?” She waved a hand, gesturing at her shop. “This I’m good at. Got years of experience, after all.”
He nodded. “You are good at it.” Bolts looked suddenly shy, and he smiled. “You are. I could tell even before we met, just from the way you do your work. Too smart for me by half.”
“Joel–”
“It’s true.” He nudged her foot with his boot. “Did you tell Ellie you worked in robotics?”
Bolts grinned. “Not yet. I’ve been saving it for a rainy day.”
He laughed, and a warm feeling settled inside of him at the knowledge that Ellie had someone else who knew her well enough to know she’d freak out. In a good way. “Can I be there, too?”
She eyed him. “We’ll see.” He could hear the tease in her tone.
Soulmates, huh? he mused to himself. He couldn’t deny it – she made him smile. Made him want to smile. He couldn’t get the smile off his face for the rest of the day.
…
Joel went back for lunch twice more that week, and then once over the weekend.
By the next week they were having lunch almost every day, and he found himself thinking of her all the time. He’d be doing some demo or working on some wiring and realize he’d completely stopped moving, lost in his thoughts, smiling at nothing at all.
Thinking only of her, of her smile, of the curve of her neck when she ducked her head, of the way her nose scrunched when she laughed, of the warmth of her hands in his. The ease he felt every time he reached out to touch, so foreign and unexpected. The way she’d clung to his hand when she told him more about her brother, and the way she’d made him feel able to talk about Tess at all. The softness of her gaze when he confessed how worried he was about doing right by Ellie. The light in her eyes when he told her he was happy Ellie had found in her another person she could trust. The way they both seemed to know exactly how to be there for each other already.
Sometimes when he looked at her, he could hear the echo of their music playing in his mind.
He didn’t know he could still feel like this. He was trying to savor it, to actually let himself enjoy it, and it wasn’t nearly as hard as he’d expected.
…
A few weeks after their first lunch, he convinced Bolts to come see a few of the houses he was working on, the ones she’d heard all about already.
“Have to admit, I’ve been curious,” she said as they stepped inside the house he and the team had just finished working on the day before. “I know these were pretty run down…” she trailed off, looking around, mouth dropped open. “Joel! This looks amazing!”
She moved to the middle of the living room and turned in place, taking in the changes they’d made – some new paint, of course, but under that repairs to the walls, a new beam in the roof, and repaired wooden flooring. They’d fixed up the windows and made the fireplace operational. She was grinning and she hadn’t even seen the kitchen yet.
“This is some good work, Joel,” she started to wander further into the house. “I mean, you know the guys, they had some experience. But with you and Tommy together?” She disappeared around the corner into the kitchen but poked her head back around the doorway and grinned at him. “Well, this is a whole new thing.”
He smiled. “Yeah?”
She nodded. “I’m impressed.” She disappeared around the corner again and he heard her make an “oooh” noise in the kitchen.
He felt a warmth filling his chest – of course he liked that she liked it, that she was impressed, but really he just liked the way she looked at him. During their lunches and now, she looked at him and seemed to really see him. It was heady. He could feel himself getting lost in it.
It had been that type of knowing look that had hooked him with Tess, back in the beginning. She’d always seen straight through him. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised, he mused. Thinking of her still hurt, but he was pretty sure he could hear Tess yelling at him – you better not be thinking of wallowing, Miller.
Joel followed behind Bolts and turned into the kitchen to find her marveling at the back window. “Was this like this before?” she asked without turning. It was a big picture window, they’d been lucky to find the glass intact.
“It was, but the frame was rotted. And it was pretty dirty, ‘course.”
She turned to look at him, still grinning, and took a step forward. They were looking at each other, and so they were both surprised when she stumbled over a stray bit of flooring.
“Oh–” she started, and put her hands out in front of her. Without even thinking about it, Joel stepped forward.
He caught her, arms wrapped around her middle, firmly holding her up. She was leaning forwards, hands on his shoulders where they’d landed as she fell, toes still on the floor but not holding all of her weight.
Her face was inches from his, and for a moment they just stared at each other. He slowly became aware of all the ways she was pressed against him and felt his face start to get hot.
“Thank you,” she breathed, and his gaze traveled across her face, tracing the lines of her eyebrows and cheeks and jaw, and finally coming to rest on her lips. Every thought, every word, flew from his mind.
Without consciously deciding to do it, Joel leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.
She kissed him back instantly, and the moment their lips touched, he heard it again.
He lost himself in it, in the music, in all the new sensations – the feeling of her body against his, the softness of her lips, the warmth of her in his arms. When she broke away with a gasp, he realized they were both breathing hard. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers and took a deep breath.
“Darlin’,” he murmured, and smiled when she tightened her arms around his neck. She liked it when he called her that, and just knowing that she liked it lit up something inside of him that had gone out when he lost Tess. He thought it had gone out forever, but now it raced through his veins, setting him on fire from the inside out. “Never thought I’d feel like this again.”
At some point in the last few minutes she’d gotten her feet underneath her and she was steady in his arms. She hummed and he felt it in his chest. “Me neither, Joel.”
He nudged his nose against hers and smiled. “Sorry I’m so slow,” he said, already regretting the fact that he knew he shouldn’t go further than this. Not right then. Even though he wanted to. Even though he could feel her against him and wanted nothing more than to take her hips in his hands and squeeze, tug her forwards and–
“It’s ok,” she said, interrupting his runaway thoughts, and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He felt it like a lightning bolt to the chest. “I get it.”
Joel wanted more, though. And he thought he might be ready for it. “Can I take you out?”
Bolts pulled back to look at him, but neither of them released their hold on each other. From just a few inches away, she smirked at him. “Sure,” she said, and he could hear that she was teasing him. He smiled. “To one of our commune’s many fine dining options?”
He laughed. “I was thinkin’ maybe to the Bison. Get a drink, maybe dance a little?”
A wide smile broke across her face. “Joel Miller, do you dance?”
The smirk that took over his face felt both familiar and not, like he was stretching a muscle he hadn’t used in decades. But it also felt right, it felt easy to flirt with her, to tease her back. His soulmate. “Well, darlin’, why don’t you let me take you out and see for yourself?”
…
Joel was taking you dancing.
Joel Miller was going to take you dancing.
You’d been floating on air ever since he asked, ever since he kissed you. And that kiss…
It had been soft and warm and hot and you hadn’t wanted to pull away, hadn’t wanted to do anything other than let him press you against the wall and do it again. And again.
You’d had to stop, but you were pretty sure there was going to be more kissing in your future. You thought of little else as the days passed until Friday night. You kept finding yourself humming a familiar tune, lost in the music, mind across town rather than in your work. You had no idea how you’d wait until Friday for drinks at the Bison and dancing.
By the time Friday rolled around, you’d had to re-sort a new delivery of screws three times because of your own inability to think of anything other than Joel Miller’s lips. And his hands. And the way his shoulders had felt under your hands, the way his hair had curled around your fingers. The way his face softened when he smiled at you, and the way he’d smirked at you when he’d teased you about dancing.
You looked down at the pile of screws in the box in front of you and sighed. You were going to have to do this later, you were absolutely useless.
At that exact moment, Maria popped her head around the side of a shelf, eyebrow raised.
“Shit!” you said, startled. “I didn’t hear you come in!” You took a slow, deep breath to calm your racing heart.
“I noticed,” she said, tone wry. “I called your name and you didn’t respond.”
You sighed. “Sorry, I’m distracted.” You stretched your neck from side to side, feeling some tension release from your shoulders. You must have been hunched over the box for a while.
She laughed. “I bet! Why are you still here? You can close up shop and go home, get ready.”
You shook your head. “I’ve still got like four hours, Maria, if I go home I’ll be even more useless than I am here.”
Maria clicked her tongue at you. “Well, then, you’re coming home with me. Come on.” She took the box of screws away from you and placed it to the side of your workbench. “I’ll feed you and then distract you while you get ready.”
“I knew you were my best friend for a reason,” you said, and she laughed again.
“Don’t worry, you’ll pay me back with babysitting.”
You looped your arm through hers as you walked towards the front. “You don’t have to barter with me for that, you know I’ll do it for free.”
Dinner with Maria was exactly the distraction you needed, and after she helped you pick your outfit, you were feeling much better. Still nervous, as you watched the clock and waited for Joel to arrive, but better.
When Joel knocked on the door, your heart rate picked right back up again.
You opened it to find him looking extremely handsome on the other side, in a dark green, button-up shirt that fit him like a glove, and jeans that you were certain were doing nice things for his ass, even though you couldn’t see it yet. His hair was tousled and styled and you wanted to dig your fingers into it.
He was looking at you, eyes wide. “You’re beautiful,” he said, voice low and sincere.
You smiled. “You’re looking pretty handsome, there, yourself.”
Joel reached forward and tangled his fingers with yours. “You ready?”
You nodded and let him tug you out the door. As you walked to the Bison, he told you Ellie was having movie night with Tommy and Maria.
“I heard,” you said, smiling. “I had dinner with Maria, she told me Ellie and Tommy have been talking about it all week.”
Joel rolled his eyes and you laughed. “They love those space movies.”
You gasped, playfully. “You don’t? Joel, they’re classics!”
He sighed, and you felt something fizzing inside of you, light and airy. You loved teasing him like that, especially because he would tease you right back every time. Flirting with Joel was so easy and you marveled a little at how quickly you’d become used to it.
He squeezed your hand. “Not you, too?” He shook his head.
You teased him more as you walked, and before you knew it he was holding open the door of the Tipsy Bison for you. As you stepped inside you noted the Friday night crowd with a few couples already dancing in the middle of the floor.
“Let’s find a table,” Joel said, leaning in so he could speak lowly in your ear. You shivered as his hand came to rest against your lower back. “And then I’ll grab us some drinks.”
You settled in at the table you found and let yourself watch him as he moved across the room. Your eyes caught on his shoulders and slipped down the curve of his back to – I knew it – the nice outline of his ass in those jeans.
You smiled to yourself. Right at that moment, Joel turned to glance at you and caught you looking. He smirked.
“What,” you mouthed, trying to look innocent. He grinned, and you smiled back. He began moving back across the room towards you, drinks in hand, and you didn’t hide the way you checked him out as he got closer.
“See somethin’ you like, darlin’?” he teased as he sat down across from you at your small table. His knee nudged yours and you took the chance to hook one of your ankles around his.
“Maybe,” you said, and took a sip of your drink. “Maybe I’m taking a page out of your book with those jeans.”
He reached across the table, suddenly looking a bit shy, and tangled your fingers together. “Yeah?”
You leaned forward, eyes darting across his face. He has to know, you thought, and decided to tell him just in case. “Joel, you are very handsome,” you said, tone sincere. “Hot, even. So freaking hot.”
Joel’s eyebrows flew up, and you wanted to lean forwards and kiss his cheek that had just turned a bit pink. “Me?”
“You,” you said, nodding. “I might’ve had to completely start over with some inventory I was doing earlier because I was thinking about it.”
Joel looked at you and then suddenly stood up. You blinked, wondering if you’d said something wrong, but before you could even fully form the thought he sat down next to you on your side of the booth.
He nudged you over with his hip and curled his arm behind you on the seat. He leaned in, and you could feel his lips brush against the shell of your ear when he murmured, “thinkin’ about what, darlin’?”
You shivered, again, and this time you knew he noticed. “You,” you said, your eyes meeting his. He leaned back, but not far, and you were so close you could feel his breath tickling your jaw. “Your smile. The way your eyes crinkle when you laugh.” He laughed, a bit taken aback. “Just like that,” you said, smiling. “Your hands.” You looked down and watched as his free hand slid onto your knee. “Your arms. Your shoulders.”
“You said that before,” he said, looking down to either side at his own body. “My shoulders?”
You nodded. “You are very broad, Joel. It really does it for me.”
He laughed. “Well, darlin’, everythin’ about you does it for me. Everythin’,” he repeated when you opened your mouth. You closed it again and he nodded. “God, you’re so smart, so good at what you do, you know that? And then on top of that you’re funny?” He leaned in and hummed, pressing his lips to your jaw in soft kisses. “And you’re so fuckin’ beautiful. Takes my breath away.”
“Joel,” you breathed, and your breath hitched when he kissed the corner of your mouth. You turned to kiss him fully but he leaned back.
“Dance with me, darlin’?” He held out a hand for you, expression open, eyes full of hope. You took his hand.
“Where’d you get these moves, Joel Miller?” you teased as he pulled you to standing.
He shrugged, eyes bright. “Come over here and find out.”
He led you onto the dance floor, and you realized a more upbeat song was playing. He maneuvered you into a position you’d seen other people take before – other people who knew what they were doing.
“Uh, Joel,” you said, suddenly realizing you’d never brought up your less than extensive experience with dancing. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
He just smiled and tucked you more securely in his arms. “Don’t worry, darlin’, we’ll start slow. I’ve got you.”
And he did. Joel showed you the steps, slowly at first, and then speeding up a bit when you caught on. He led you carefully around your little corner of the dance floor. You could tell, just from his movements, that he was very good at this.
Once it felt like your feet didn’t need your full attention, you asked, “where’d you learn to dance like this?”
Joel turned you and you looked down at your feet again. “Been dancin’ like this since we were kids,” he said. “Me ‘n Tommy. Learned from our family. Our mom’s side was huge, we had so many cousins. Every family gatherin’ had dancin’. A bit of this, a bit of that. Everybody was two-steppin’, we’d dance to anythin’. And my aunts loved bachata. Had a cousin that used to teach salsa lessons.”
“Wow,” you said, impressed. “Can you do those, too?”
He laughed. “Haven’t in years, but I probably still know the steps somewhere up here.” He tilted his head. “This is goin’ well enough and I haven’t two-stepped in more than 20 years.”
“Well, I’m impressed,” you said, and you really were. He was leading you seemingly effortlessly, after all, and you’d been pretty sure you were a terrible dancer just 10 minutes ago.
He taught you a few more moves, and before you knew it you were twirling and breathless as he showed you what he could do. Your head was spinning from the feeling of his hands guiding you, his body pressing against yours, his voice murmuring instructions and praise in your ear. That’s it, darlin’, just like that. You were dizzy from it, from Joel.
After a few songs you stepped back, ready for a break. “Let’s sit,” you said, and Joel followed easily behind you back towards your table. He slid in next to you in the booth without hesitating.
“Joel, that was amazing,” you said, after taking a long sip of your drink. “We’re going to do that again, right?”
He laughed, looking very pleased. “Whenever you want, darlin’. Might be sore tomorrow, but it'll be worth it.”
You turned in your seat to look at him and ignored it when your knee came to rest atop his thigh. He dropped his free hand onto your leg again. It was big and warm and the tips of his fingers were touching your inner thigh.
“Joel,” you said, leaning forward. Your eyes dropped to his lips. “I like dancing with you.”
“I like dancin’ with you, too, darlin’,” he said, leaning forward. “Like it quite a bit.”
You took a breath, and then took a leap. “Liked kissing you, too,” you said, meeting his eyes.
“Did you?” he murmured, and his eyes were dark as he leaned even closer.
“I did,” you said, and he hummed.
“Didn’t want to stop kissin’ you,” he said, nudging his nose against yours.
“Me neither,” you breathed. “Joel?”
“Yeah, darlin?” He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, and you sighed.
“Wanna get out of here?”
Joel leaned back slowly, eyes dancing over your face. “You mean–”
“Come home with me?” You could hear the hope in your voice. Please say yes.
“Darlin’--”
You could hear the hesitation in his voice, and your stomach dropped. You cut him off. “No, I mean, it’s ok, I know you said slow, Joel, I’m sorry–”
“Hey,” he said, voice soft. He cupped your face in his palm and titled it gently upwards until you met his eyes. “Hey, I was goin’ to say – yes. I’d love to. I just can’t stay over, I promised Ellie I’d be home. Didn’t want you to think that meant I didn’t wish I could.”
You let out a breath, relieved. “Oh, no I totally understand.” You laughed, a bit embarrassed. “I thought you were going to say–”
“No, darlin’,” he interrupted, leaning forward to kiss you once, gently. When he leaned back he ran his thumb over your cheekbone. “You got no idea how much I want to go home with you.”
You grinned. “Well, then. Let’s get out of here.”
…
You flirted all the way home.
It felt like a first crush, dizzy and disorienting in the best way. He teased you and you laughed, he slipped his arm around your waist and you pressed a quick kiss to his scruffy jaw.
By the time you stepped onto your front porch your entire body was buzzing like a live wire.
Joel crowded behind you as you unlocked the door and you sighed when you felt his lips trail down the side of your neck.
“Joel—“ you sighed. Your breath hitched when he kissed you, right behind your ear.
“Let’s get inside, darlin’,” he said, voice deep and gravely. You shivered as you opened the door.
He tucked his arms around you and followed right behind you as you stepped inside. Before you could even blink you found yourself with your back to your closed front door, Joel smirking at you with his left forearm resting on the door over your head. His right hand slid down to your ass. He squeezed.
“Hey there, beautiful,” he said. He leaned in and kissed you softly.
“Hi,” you murmured, chasing after him when he pulled away. He looked at you, dark eyes dancing over your face. Warmth was coiling inside of you just from the way he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.
You felt like a starry-eyed teenager, like someone feeling everything for the first time, but also like everything was somehow familiar. You’d never kissed him before, and you’d kissed him a hundred times. The touch of his fingers sliding under your shirt was new, but you knew them. It felt like something beloved that was coming back to you, only just forgotten. The way his body fit with yours had you teetering over the edge of something huge and new, but it wasn’t scary.
You knew what you’d find at the bottom of that drop. It had been waiting for you all along, just out of reach. Like you’d just been waiting for the right moment to fall.
Joel’s eyes fell to your lips again and you smiled. “Can I touch you, darlin’?” He asked, and you nodded.
“Please,” you said, and he smirked.
“Since you asked so nicely,” he teased, pulling you from the door and walking backwards towards your couch. “C’mere, beautiful.” Joel dropped down onto the couch. He pulled you towards him as if he wanted you to sit next to him, but you straddled his lap instead.
“Well hello there,” he said warmly, hands drawn like magnets to your hips. He squeezed.
You grinned. “Hi,” you said, and wrapped your arms around his neck.
“You know, darlin’, I’ve been thinkin’ about this,” he said, tugging you closer and leaning in to kiss your neck.
You hummed. “This?”
Joel traced his lips along the line of your neck and teased with his teeth behind your ear. You wondered if he was leaving a mark. “Pullin’ you into my lap on that loveseat. Touchin’ you. Gonna be hard not to do this in the shop, now that I know how nice it feels. Never gonna get any work done.”
You dug your fingers into his soft hair and ground forward with your hips. His breath hitched and you smiled. “Well, the door of the shop does lock,” you said, voice teasing.
He laughed. “That it does.” Before you could say anything else, he leaned forward and kissed you.
You lost yourself in it instantly. His grip on your hips tightened as his mouth moved against yours. When his tongue teased against your lips, you shivered.
Joel tugged your hips forward and you felt the growing evidence of his interest under you. He was big. He shifted one hand to your back, sliding it upwards until he could cup the back of your neck.
You realized your hips were moving, rocking in a rhythm you’d started without consciously deciding to. Joel broke off and pressed soft, warm kisses down your neck until he reached your collar. “You feel so good, sweetheart,” he said, and you almost moaned at the new endearment. The hand on your hip slid under your shirt and up your side. “Shit.”
“I love the way your hands feel, Joel,” you said, almost burning under his touch.
“Yeah?” he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice from where his face was buried in your neck.
“Mm-hmm,” you said, nodding.
“Well, I like touchin’ you with ‘em,” he said, voice a low murmur. “Can I touch you more?”
You used your grip on his hair to turn his head just right so that you could kiss him. “Yes, please.”
Before the word was fully out of your mouth, he cupped your breast in one hand and unbuttoned your pants with the other. “Lemme make you feel good, darlin’.” Joel slid his hand inside your pants and cupped you. It felt like your entire body flashed hot, suddenly alive.
“Joel–” you said, but cut yourself off on a sharp inhale when he rubbed his thumb over your nipple.
He hummed. “That’s it, sweetheart,” he said, nibbling a mark just above your collarbone. “Let me hear it.” You moaned when his fingers nudged your underwear to the side and teased along your slit. “‘S that good?” he murmured.
You nodded. Joel twisted his fingers and almost instantly found your clit. You gasped.
“You feel so good, you know that?” he said. His flingers slid down to tease around your entrance while his thumb took over working you up. “Show me how you like it, darlin’.”
You did – you moved against his hand until you had it just right, and you sucked in a sharp breath when he curled his fingers upwards. Your heart was beating so fast you thought it might beat right out of your chest.
“Just like that, huh?” He said, voice low and deep as he watched you. “Let me see it, yeah?”
He moved his hand faster and you tilted forward to rest your forehead against his. “Joel—“ you breathed, and he smiled. Your world narrowed to the places he was touching you and the warmth of his gaze, everything else faded away as he drove you to the edge.
“Yeah, darlin’. Come for me, I wanna see it. Bet you look so beautiful when you do. Come on,” he urged, lips brushing against yours. With every word you felt it stoking higher inside of you, pushing you upwards towards a fall you knew you’d never come back from. It was lighting up your spine and tingles all over your body and you couldn’t get enough.
“C’mon, sweetheart,” he murmured. He pressed down with his thumb in a tight circle and quirked his fingers just right, and you did. It hit you like a wave that washed over you from head to toe and swept you out to sea. You lost time, adrift on the perfect sensations he wrought from you, until you came back to yourself gasping.
Joel was still talking. “I knew it,” he said between hot kisses down your neck. “Knew you’d be fuckin’ breathtakin’.”
You grabbed both sides of his face between your palms and pulled him into a kiss. He hummed into your mouth and you couldn’t help but thrust your hips downward against his hand. The sudden overstimulation made you whine.
Without another thought, you slid both palms down his chest and to his jeans, unbuttoning them. “I need to touch you,” you said, voice rough.
To your delight, Joel shivered in response. “By all means, darlin’,” he said, smiling. “Ain’t nothin’ I want more.” As you slid his zipper down he pulled you into a kiss. “Been thinkin’ about it,” he murmured against your lips.
“Me too,” you said, and gripped his cock in your fist.
Joel made a very gratifying noise.
“Hmm, I like the sound of that,” you teased, twisting your palm around the head. His eyes opened and he looked dazed. “How do you like it?”
He reached down and squeezed your hand just a bit tighter. “That’s perfect, darlin’, I—“ he sucked in a sharp breath when you reached down with your free hand to cup his balls. “Shit, that’s good. Fuck me.”
“Not right now but you bet your ass I’m getting this inside me sooner rather than later.” You grinned when he laughed, just once, looking a bit taken aback and very turned on. You like to laugh during sex, so it was probably good he learned that now.
You sped up a bit and watched as he completely lost himself in it. His cock hardened deliciously in your hands and you leaned in to kiss him, imagining all the things you could do together.
He groaned when your tongue teased his.
“C’mon, baby,” you said softly, kissing him again. “Get me all messy.”
Joel thrust his hips upwards at your words and, with your name on his lips, he came.
His cock pulsed in your hands and you watched the bliss wash over his face with a smile.
“Fuck,” he said again, collapsing back against the couch with his head thrown back. “That’s already so good, anything more might kill us.”
You laughed. “Speak for yourself, old man.”
He tilted his head back up and smiled at you. “You are not that much younger than me, darlin’. Did I not tire you out?” He pulled you in for a kiss. “I’ll have to go for another next time, then.” He squeezed your ass and you realized at some point in the last few minutes he’d parked his hands there. “Maybe get my mouth on you.” You squirmed in his lap and he winked. “Ah, you like the sound of that?”
You laughed and kissed him again.
“So,” he said, pulling back. “Baby, huh?”
You nodded. “Figured you've taken a bunch, better claim one fast.” He snorted and you grinned. “Like it?”
He cupped your face in one big hand and smiled softly. “I do.”
You leaned into his hand, just looking at him, and then moved forward and murmured, “good,” just before you kissed him.
You made out softly for a few minutes, no urgency at all, soaking in the feeling of doing nothing but being there together.
Finally you pulled away and tucked yourself into his shoulder with a happy sigh. He wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your head, and you were pretty sure you hadn’t felt this warm and happy in years. You almost dozed off, but Joel squeezed your hip gently, rousing you.
“Hey,” he murmured, and you picked your head up off his shoulder to look at him. His face was open. “I’m real glad I found you here.”
You smiled and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. He turned his head towards you, lips brushing against yours as you said, voice soft, “me too, Joel.”
…
After that night, you saw Joel and Ellie almost every day.
You kept up your lunches, most days, and then he invited you to have dinner with them– with him and Tommy and Maria and Ellie. You’d been nervous at first, but it turned out there was no need – you and Ellie were friends, you spent time together almost every afternoon when she came to work in the shop, and somehow having dinner together with all of them felt like settling into a place you already belonged. Like so many things with Joel, it was so new and so familiar, all at once – it just felt right. And that was wonderful and terrifying at the same time.
Joel seemed to feel the same, as he’d told you that first day you had lunch together. It was scary, but it was also good, so good. And like you’d said to him, you were figuring it out together.
A few weeks after your date, after a couple more dates and many more lunches and dinners and easy afternoon walks and brief moments behind the locked doors of your shop, you were starting to trust in this new thing you’d found.
You were humming while you worked, reorganizing some of the shelves to make room for some new inventory, when the bell tinkled.
“In the back!” you called, and you smiled when you heard Ellie’s voice call out a greeting. A few seconds later her head appeared around the shelf to your right. You turned to smile at her but faltered when you saw the look on her face.
“Ellie? Are you ok?”
She frowned a bit and nodded. “Yeah, um. Can I talk to you about something?”
You straightened up and moved away from your workbench, nodding towards the back. “Come sit.”
She followed you, and when you turned back to look at her you started to worry. “Ellie, are you–”
She plopped down on the seat next to you and sighed. “No, it’s ok. I mean, ugh.” She curled into herself a bit and crossed her arms. “I just… wanted to ask you something.”
“You can ask me anything,” you said immediately, voice firm.
She nodded, which made you feel a bit better. “I know.” she was quiet for a moment, and then continued, “ok, so, I was talking to Joel yesterday. And he said, um. Well I know you’re dating or whatever, and I’m happy about that. I promise. But he said, um, he said you…” she trailed off and you resisted the urge to say anything. You just nodded and gave her some space. She sighed. “I know that people who are together, I mean, obviously they live in the same house. That’s just normal. I get it. But I’m not…” she winced. “I’m not ready— I don’t—“
“Hey.” You couldn’t help but say something. “And that’s ok, Ellie, I–”
“No, listen,” she said, and she sounded so worried, you felt like something was squeezing your heart. “I don’t… I don’t want to take things away from Joel. I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get to have things, things he should have. He’s my…” she trailed off and bit her lip. “I don’t–”
“Ellie,” you said, gently. “Listen. You’re not taking anything away from Joel. You are his world, you know that? You’re his kid. You come first for both of us. And I think I get what you’re saying. But it doesn’t feel like we’re missing anything.” You smiled when she looked up at you. “I promise, it doesn’t.”
She frowned. “You don’t want to live with Joel?”
“Someday, sure,” you said, and nodded. “But we haven’t known each other that long. As much as we like each other, it’s still all pretty new. I’ve lived alone a long time, you know? Pretty set in my ways. And we have time.” You smiled. “Besides, dating is fun. I promise we’re happy just the way we are.”
She turned towards you and leaned her head against the back of the couch. She looked so young, curled up in front of you, and you felt suddenly proud and honored that she was comfortable coming to you with this.
“Ok,” she said, “I believe you. And I’m not, like, against the idea, it’s just–”
“You’re not ready,” you said, and she nodded. “And that’s ok. There’s no deadline here, you know? We’re not on a schedule, and it’s ok if you’re never ready.”
She sighed. “I don’t think it’ll be never.” Ellie finally smiled, and you felt it warm you from the inside. “Just.. not now.”
“Ellie, it could be never, and I’d still be here. For you and for Joel. I need you to know that. I don’t have to live with him to love him. Or you.” You took a deep breath, hoping that wasn’t too much. You hadn’t exactly said it to Joel yet, but you felt like she needed to hear it.
She swallowed, looking a bit choked up, which made two of you, because you were feeling a bit teary yourself. “For me?” she asked, clearly a bit overwhelmed.
“For you, Ellie. Of course.” You reached out and squeezed her forearm gently. She twisted her arm so that she could grab your forearm from underneath and squeeze back. “Even without Joel, we’re friends, too. Right?”
She nodded. “Right.”
You smiled. “Right. I’m here for you, too. Besides, you’re the coolest kid I know, you have to keep me in the know about what the cool kids are doing these days.”
She laughed and leaned back, and you grinned, letting go of her arm. “Joel said you’d be cool with it, but I had to make sure. I just don’t– I don’t like feeling like he has to give stuff up for me. Because of me.”
You hummed. “I get that. But I don’t think he sees it that way, you know?” She shrugged and you shrugged back. It made her smile, which was the goal. “It’s not about him not getting to have things, it’s about giving you everything he wants you to have. And he wants you to have a lot, you know? Because he loves you. You’re family.”
Ellie blinked her eyes a few times, looking a bit lost. “He, um. A while ago, when we weren’t… he said he wasn’t my dad. But last night, he said, um.” She turned red and looked down.
“Did he say he was?” You brought your own knee up on the couch, half-mirroring her.
She nodded. “Kinda. Said we’re family, and we don’t have to use the words for it to be true, not if I don’t want to. That he feels, knows that it’s true, either way.” She peeked up at you, still red, as if looking for confirmation.
“Well, he’s right, and he knows what it’s like to be a dad. He would know,” you said, smiling. “And Ellie, oh my God, he is such a dad. But you don’t ever have to use the words for it to be true, for the two of you to know it and trust it.”
She seemed to turn that over for a minute, looking thoughtful. “I’ve never had a family,” she said in a small voice, and your heart broke.
You poked her foot with yours. “You do now, though.”
Ellie finally looked up at you again and smiled. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
…
One year later
You walked quickly towards the other end of town, already racing against the clock but determined to eat lunch with Joel. You had a few more orders to get prepped before you headed over to the town meeting scheduled for just before dinner, and it was going to be tight.
(The meeting promised to be a boring one, with nothing scandalous or controversial on the agenda, but they were always more fun with Ellie and Joel on either side of you, muttering to each other under their breath and making you laugh until Maria glared at all three of you from her spot up at the front.
That’s what she got for wanting to be in charge.)
You spotted the house you knew Joel was working in and passed the rest of his team coming out as you stepped inside.
“He’s upstairs in the back bedroom,” Stan told you, grinning at you as you passed. “Glad you’re here, he’s been grumpy today.”
You laughed. “He’s always grumpy on town meeting days.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Stan called, laughing too.
The stairs had been finished since the last time you were there, and you smiled as you climbed and ran your free hand up the now-polished railing. You looked left and right at the top of the stairs, not sure where to go next. “Joel?” you called.
“Back here, darlin’,” he called back from the left, and you turned to look for him. You found him all the way at the end in the last bedroom, moving a bed frame into place. “Hey there, beautiful,” he said, looking up when you walked in. “Just about done.”
He lined up the frame with the wall and stepped back, hands on his hips, looking over the room. “It’ll be nice to be done with this one, and I know the Martinez-Carlson clan is about to burst out of that two bedroom over by the school.”
“It looks great,” you said, setting down the bag with your lunches and stepping up beside him. He snaked his arm around your waist easily and you leaned in to his side. “As always.” You looked up at him and smiled. “And you know I like watching you lift heavy things.”
Joel laughed, cheeks a bit pink. You loved that teasing him still got him to blush like that. “Should I go do it again?”
You hummed. “Nah,” you said, turning into his arms. “I like you right where you are.”
“‘S that right,” he murmured, and then kissed you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned into it.
Joel broke away and smirked at you. “Thought we were havin’ lunch,” he said, and laughed when you tugged on his hair lightly.
“Well, I mean, if you’d rather eat than–” you squeaked as Joel turned you suddenly and pressed you against the wall beside the empty bed frame.
“Now, I don’t think I said anything of the sort, did I?” He teased before kissing you again. You sank into it, arms around his neck. The shape of him was warm and familiar against you and you felt the evidence of his interest against your hip.
He nudged one of his legs between yours and you tugged on his hair again. He pulled back but not far, pressing a line of kisses along your jaw and down your neck.
“Forget lunch,” he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. “I got a better idea.” And he sank down to his knees.
You shivered. “Joel–”
He shook his head as he undid the button of your jeans, yanking them down unceremoniously. “Don’t you say a word about my knees. C’mere,” he said, helping you step out of your pants and underwear. He pushed you back into the wall with his left hand and lifted your left leg over his shoulder. “Now, let me take care of you, darlin’. Been thinkin’ about it all day.”
Your head fell back against the wall and you gasped as he dove right in. He held your folds apart with his thumbs and licked from your entrance to your clit, soft and dizzying. He took you apart expertly with his tongue, circling the tip around your clit before pressing the flat of it down. By the time his fingers teased at your entrance you realized you were breathing hard with your hands tangled in his hair, holding his head in place.
“Fuck, baby,” you said, head spinning. “I’m– how–”
He thrust his fingers inside of you, setting a pace that you could barely wrap your mind around, while also keeping up a steady rhythm on your clit with his tongue. He was pressing all of your buttons at once and somehow you were already about to fly over the edge.
You tugged on his hair, but he didn’t let up, and you knew what he wanted. He wanted you to come so he could fuck you and make you come again on his cock.
Just the thought of it sent you flying.
“Joel–” you cried, and you would have fallen over if he wasn’t holding you up so firmly against the wall. Your orgasm crashed into you and you surrendered to it, unable to do anything but breathe as it sent lightning down your veins and shivers up your spine.
You tugged on his hair again, breathing hard, and he finally pulled back. You flopped your head forward to look at him and found him grinning up at you, way too fucking pleased with himself, face glistening.
“You fucker,” you said, smiling at him. “I’ve never come that fast in my life.”
Joel laughed and leaned forward to kiss your hip. “Thought we were in a rush,” he said, and nipped at your hip.
You squirmed. “C’mere, then, before your guys get back.”
He surged upwards and captured your mouth in a kiss while your hands dropped to undo his belt. “You and this damned belt buckle,” you complained, finally tugging his belt free.
“You can’t fool me,” he said, leaning down to slip the neck of your shirt to the side so he could kiss your shoulder. “I know you like the way it looks.”
“Shut up and help me undo your pants,” you said, and he laughed. You reached inside and grasped his cock.
“Mmm,” he groaned, thrusting his hips forward. “I wanted you so bad this mornin’, darlin’. Can’t believe we slept late.”
You sighed as he grasped your hips and turned you around. “I know,” you agreed, flattening your palms against the wall and tilting your hips back. “You felt so good in bed, I didn’t want to get up.”
He pressed up behind you and you both sighed when his cock slipped between your thighs, nudging at your clit. “Right where I left off,” he murmured, and you smiled. You’d woken up to him wrapped around you in bed that morning, with his cock pressed against your back and his face buried in your neck. He’d just tugged your underwear down, ready to slip inside when Tommy had burst in through the front door and called for you both to come downstairs.
You were already plotting how you were going to get him back for that.
Your thoughts were brought back to the present when Joel notched his cock at your entrance. As he slipped inside, pressing forward, your mouth fell open. You pushed your hips back, reveling in the stretch of his cock.
“Fuck, darlin’,” Joel groaned, squeezing your hips and holding you in place as his hips came flush with yours. “You always feel so fuckin’ good.”
Joel braced his right hand against the wall, just above yours, and held your hip firmly in his left. “You ready?” he asked, and you nodded. He pulled almost all the way out and then filled you again in one quick thrust.
You gasped.
“Darlin’--” he said, sounding a bit worried, but you shook your head.
“Fuck me, Joel, just like that,” you demanded, and he laughed.
“Whatever you say, sweetheart,” he said, and started up a pace that had you seeing stars.
You pressed your palms into the wall and pushed your hips back to meet his thrusts. From the very first time you’d loved how he felt inside of you, and you never got over it.
He knew just how you liked it, fast and deep, hitting just right inside of you. You were breathless and tingling all over. Joel leaned forward and murmured in your ear, “you feel so good on my cock, darlin’. You know that? Can’t ever get enough of it.” He slipped his hand from your hip to wrap around you, sliding down to tease at your clit. “You gonna come for me again, beautiful?”
“Yes, Joel,” you said, breathing hard as he thrust forward again and circled his fingers around your clit. “Please–”
“Faster?” he asked, and you nodded. His hips sped up and so did his fingers and you lost yourself in it. Every thrust sent you spiraling higher, gasping for breath. “C’mon, darlin’,” he said, nipping at your neck behind your ear. “Let me feel you come on my cock.”
You squeezed him and his hips stuttered. You were so close.
“That’s it, darlin’,” he said, burying his face in your shoulder. “Come.”
You whined and pushed your hips back as you teetered over the edge for the second time in just a few minutes. You felt it rush through your body like a wildfire and squeezed his cock until he gasped, thrusting inside you as he came.
For a moment you both just breathed, hard, and then Joel slumped forward onto you. You laughed as you staggered under his weight, though he wasn’t even really putting all of it on you. “Tired?” you asked, teasing.
He nodded into your shoulder. “Need a nap,” he groaned, and then slowly stood and pulled out. Your breath hitched as his cock slipped out of you. “Mm,” he hummed. “Messy down here.” You felt his fingers sliding between your folds and shivered.
“That’s enough of that,” you said, squirming, and he snorted as he pulled his fingers away gently.
“You don’t want another?” he asked, turning you in his arms and gathering you to him. When you met his gaze it was warm, his happiness easy to see.
You shook your head. “Pretty sure you’d knock me out with a third,” you laughed. “And I’ve got work to do.” You leaned forward to kiss him and he smiled against your lips.
Just as he opened his mouth to say something, you heard the door open downstairs.
“Shit,” he said, and you both reached for your clothes. You dressed in record time, laughing, while Joel pretended to frown at you. “They’re gonna notice I haven’t eaten lunch yet.”
You laughed again. “Sounds like a you problem.”
He smiled, finally, and kissed you again. He tugged you into his arms one more time. “See you at home later, before the meeting?” he asked, tucking his face into your neck.
“Yeah, baby,” you replied, running your hands through his hair and trying to tidy it. He leaned back to look at you and you kissed him again, quick. “See you there.”
…
“Thank god that’s over,” Joel said as he stepped outside onto the road, groaning as he stretched. “Jesus, they can really talk.”
You laughed. “Joel, you didn’t even listen to a single thing anyone said after they finished talking about patrol training.”
He smirked at you. “You tellin’ me they said anything remotely interestin’ after that?”
Before you could respond Tommy stepped outside. He spotted you and immediately moved over to where you were standing nearby. He groaned. “Well thank god that’s over. You think they ever get tired of talkin’?”
You burst out laughing. You flung your hand out and tangled it in Joel’s flannel shirt to hold you up.
“What’s this?” Tommy asked, and Joel scoffed.
“Don’t scoff, Joel Miller,” you said between laughs. “Not my fault the Miller genes run strong.” Joel sighed. You straightened and took a deep breath.
“Ohh-kay,” Tommy said, drawing out the first syllable. “Whatever. Y’all comin’ over for a drink?”
You shook your head. “We got plans.” You waggled your eyebrows at him, fighting a grin.
Tommy made a disgusted face, just like you knew he would. Joel sighed again, but you could tell he was amused. “You know I got a delicate constitution. Why’re you doin’ this to me?” You laughed again. “Joel, why is she doin’ this to me?”
Joel shrugged. “You probably did somethin’ to deserve it.”
Tommy gasped, hand over his heart in shock. “My own brother? Betraying me?”
Before either of you could respond, Ellie popped up out of nowhere, grinning. “What’d Joel do now?”
You and Tommy both startled, but Tommy jumped about a foot in the air. Joel didn’t react at all, just smirked, and you figured he’d seen her coming.
“Jesus, Ellie,” Tommy said, taking a deep breath. “I’m gonna put a bell on you.”
Ellie raised a single eyebrow at him. “You’ll never catch me.”
Tommy pointed at her. “You’ll never see me comin’.”
Ellie opened her mouth to start another patented Ellie-and-Tommy Show but someone called her name before she could really get going. You looked and found Dina and a couple other teenagers waving at her. “C’mon, Ellie!”
Ellie spun back around to look at you. “Gotta go!” She darted forward to give you a hug, and then Joel. You could see him fighting the urge to squeeze her tight. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”
He murmured something to her before he pulled away, and she grinned back at you both.
You reached out and tugged on her braid. “You know what to do if you need us?”
She rolled her eyes but nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I can come home if I need to, I know. I’ll only be one street over.”
You smiled. It was still kind of new, for all three of you to say home and mean the same place. You’d moved in just a few months ago, after Ellie had burst out with it at dinner one night (oh come on, Joel, she basically lives here anyway. Besides, she has better taste in movies than you, I need her for back up) and it made you feel warm inside every time you thought about it. And a little bit like you might cry. “I know. Have fun at your sleepover, Ells.”
“I will!” she said, smiling brightly. As she turned and ran over to her friends, you glanced at Joel. He was looking a bit misty-eyed.
“She’ll be fine,” you said, nudging him with your elbow.
He nodded and turned to look at you. “I know. Just–”
“Just worried,” you said for him, and he nodded. You smiled. “Bet I can take your mind off it.”
“Annnnd that’s my cue. I’m leavin’,” Tommy butted in. He shook his head, hands raised in front of him, palms out. “I don’t wanna hear anymore about that. Good night.”
You laughed as Tommy walked away, and turned to grin at Joel.
“You ever gonna get tired of teasin’ him like that?” Joel asked, still smirking.
You hummed thoughtfully. “After all the times he and Maria couldn’t keep it in their pants and I stumbled across them? After the number of times I’ve seen your brother’s bare ass?” You shook your head. “Not any time soon.”
Joel laughed. “Alright, troublemaker, let’s get out of here.”
You let Joel lead you down the road towards your house, arm around your waist. You snaked your own around his middle, leaning into him as you walked.
“Whole house to ourselves,” you said, smiling. You watched him out of the corner of your eye. He hummed. “First time in quite a while.”
“Sure is, darlin’,” Joel said, looking at you.
You turned to look at him and smiled. He was still the most handsome person you’d ever seen. “What’re we going to do with it?
Joel pretended to think it over. “Well, I got a few ideas.” He winked at you.
You laughed. “Do you?”
He nodded. “Sure do.”
You turned at your front walk and stepped up onto the porch. “You gonna share with the class?”
Joel leaned forward and kissed you, and you smiled into it. It had been a while since you’d heard the music when he kissed you, but that didn’t stop you from reacting to it, to him, just the same way every time. You felt a shiver run up your spine as he murmured, voice deep, “let’s get inside, sweetheart, and I’ll show you exactly what I’m thinkin’.”
You smiled and did as he said. Whatever he had in mind, you had a feeling you were going to like it.
I'm still chipping away at the [redacted] Joel fic. maybe I'll finally finish it this weekend. I've been laughing at this part since I wrote it so here you go:
Maria was frozen, staring at you, jaw dropped, onesie hanging from her fingers unfolded. As you made eye contact she started to grin. “No fucking way.”
“Way,” you said, and let yourself fall backwards onto the floor. Staring at the ceiling, you said, “on Tuesday.”
“Tuesday?!” she said, incredulous. You felt something hit your chin and lifted your head – she’d thrown the onesie at you.
“Seriously?” you asked, holding up the onesie.
“Tuesday?” she said again, holding her hands out.
thanks for the tag @evolnoomym! and I think @schnarfer and @sawymredfox tagged me last week lol. guess what??? [redacted] Joel is finished!! it is 27k and 3 parts pre-edits! and it is coming soon! here's another peek. :)
When Joel stood up from his desk on Monday afternoon, though, Tommy grinned. “Where ya headed?”
“Mind your business, you old busybody,” Joel said, and stalked out of the office before Tommy could tell him he sounded like their mother, who used to say that often.
“Ok, mom!” Tommy yelled after him, and Joel sighed as he headed out the front door.
one more bonus under the cut 👀
"Thank you for waitin’.” As he leaned back he took your hand and lifted it to his lips.
thanks for the tag @sawymredfox! And @galway-girlatwork for the wip tag. I have been thinking about this wip all day because it’s happy and some other canon related things are not 😭 the last line is way too revealing, though, so I’m cheating. I guess you wouldn’t know that if I didn’t tell you but 🤷🏻♀️ anyway here’s the Joel [redacted] fic, back again:
He was grinning at a shelf of caulk, he realized, and blinked.