Why I Made This Blog
I'm a mother of two awesome little boys; Juju (age 3) and Blaze (age 1). I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted a girl, but now that I have two boys I'm really very happy. Like most parents though, I'm concerned about their development and how the world will receive them.
Juju is at the age where gender is starting to matter. He loves to play with cars and trucks. He loves to wrestle with his dad and his brother. He loves to pretend he's Superman and act like he's a chu chu train or a flying airplane. He loves most things that boys are "supposed" to like. But that's not all he likes. He loves Elsa and Anna and singing "Let It Go" when he watches Frozen. He loves going on adventures with Dora and Boots. He enjoys relaxing in front of the TV while he watches Strawberry Shortcake. He doesn't really like blue, he prefers purple, orange, and sometimes green, instead. He likes cute things and cuddling stuffed animals and fluffy pets. When we go shoe shopping he almost always picks out a pair of pink sneakers as one of his potential options. And all of that is perfectly fine with me.
What I'm afraid of is how people will respond to his interests when he's not in the safe environment of home, when he has to be around people who constantly tell him "this is for girls," and "this is for boys," when he has to be surrounded by people who pick on every little detail and make it hard for him to be himself. I read these stories about kids getting bullied--or worse--committing suicide at such terribly young ages just because they're different or because they like things that people of their gender are "not supposed" to like. It's infuriating and terrifying and honestly, I'm not sure I won't smack a kid if my babies ever come home crying.
So I've been thinking a lot about gender and gender relations in our society and I've come to realize there's a real disconnect. We have teenagers now that have completely abandoned fundamental boy/girl stereotypes and standard relationship labels. Not only do we have young people who are openly gay or bisexual, but who have more complex identities such girls who identify as boys but still like boys and visa versa. That's amazing! Basically these young people are saying "I am going to be who I want to be" and that's how I feel things should be.
So we have that...and yet, at the same time, we have companies gendering merchandise now, more than they ever did before. Toys and games that were once unisex by default (such as the board game Candyland or Troll dolls) are now targeting girls over boys or boys over girls. Cooking and house items are targeted almost exclusively to girls. Building and action sets almost exclusively to boys.
Color schemes and fashion trends are even more rigidly gendered than it was before. The girls section in clothing stores is overrun with pinks, purples, and pastels--leaving very little room for any other colours. Boys sections are all blues, grays, and dark muted tones with not even a hint of pink or purple (why? Because the girls section took all the pink and purple!). We act as if this is the way it's always been, but even just 20 years ago it was not this way.
So why is it that while people are changing and becoming more open to the idea of gender not being a defining attribute of who a person is, why do we have marketing campaigns going against all that completely?
While discussing this with my husband he gave me some insight on what might be the answer to that. It's because people are afraid. All this open acceptance and new ideas and emerging identifies is terrifying people. Companies are picking up on that, exploiting it, and offering comfort in the best way they know how, by creating products that promote "normal" and comfortable and familiar ideals--however archaic those ideas may be.
My reflex is to say "Well f*** that!" and do whatever I can to oppose the system in any way I can....but then I think of my kids. How will my rejection of cultural norms affect them? Is it fair for me to use them as an excuse to combat cultural norms?
If I'm confusing you then I'm accurately describing what's going on in my head right now. This blog, in short, is a sounding board for my annoyance with gender stereotypes and how I wish they would just dissolve already so people can be exactly who they want to be...so my kids can be exactly who they want to be...and I'll never have to smack some kid and their mama and/or papa for picking on my kid for some stupid gender related issue (my boys are already going to have to deal with the fact that they're multiracial...they really don't need any other things to have to worry about).
I don't know what will come of this, or even if it's necessary, or if it will go anywhere at all, but here it is and I hope those of you who stumble across this page find comfort in it. Please feel free to make submissions on the topic. I promise I won't be too picky.