edited sidestep's background on the wiki and if i think about baby sidestep too long i have to cry and lie down about it
weird baby sidestep at the farm getting to understand the world
and then escaping!!! and they're so scared!!!
they were SO SMALL AND SHINY AND CARED SO SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH THEY SHOULDN'T AND THE FARM FUCKED THEM UP!!!!!!!
"Look, just because I helped out once or twice doesn't mean I meant to be in the spotlight." The spotlight was a liability, as was your inability to say no back then. Helping people out. Feeling good about it. Such a seductive notion. Such a dangerous path. (ch24)
Existing, probably. Back then, you weren't angry enough to stop caring. There was still that soft, hurt spot inside you that wondered if what you were doing was right. If you really deserved to be happy. To have a life. To have friends.
*if trans
To be who you really are.
Fake it till you make it had really worked for you—or maybe they had finally pushed you too far. Made you realize that if you wanted something from life, you had to take it.
You're not ashamed anymore. (ch3)
"I was," you admit. "But I really had no idea what being a hero meant. I did something good. It made people happy. So I did it again and remembered what it was for next time."
You stop your nails from scratching at your skin. You know you're regressing but are helpless to stop it. "I was taught to please my handlers, and when I didn't have them anymore, people were the closest thing. Humans. They mattered more than me."
"And Charge. Charge was a hero. They liked ${him}. So I tried to do the same. Be the same. Please them. Please ${him}." (ch20)
"No, that's true." You didn't know how to make friends back then either, but somehow you made it work. Maybe it was because you wanted to be normal so desperately. Because you wanted to fit in. To have friends. To have a life. Now…things are different. (ch7)
Still, you miss those days. Even a lie of a life could provide some comfort. Maybe you if you had dared to trust Ortega enough to tell the truth, maybe… (ch3)
None of the people in these pictures had any idea who you really were. If they had, would they still have been your friends? You know the answer to that: a resounding no.
Had you really thought you might pretend to be one of them forever? Smile at their jokes, listen to their personal stories, build friendships with the intent of having them last?
It pains you to admit that you had. It had just felt so good to belong for once, and even if your stories were fake, plundered from other minds than yours, they were still real, right?
(ch3)
the way halabi gets so protective of mortum in the revealed selfcrash puppetstuck route when helping you out if the puppet and mortum were flirting
*if mortum_flirting_puppet
"So this is the one?" She gives Dr. Mortum a piercing look.
"The one?" You look between them.
*if puppetmortum_relationship = "revealed"
"The one that's broken my old friend's heart." Her stare is intense, but you hold your own.
"That's enough of that," Dr. Mortum interjects, looking more than a little flustered. "What's broken here is a body. Let's focus on that."
"A body. Of course. Rationality." She rolls her eyes then looks around.
as opposed to
*else
"The one that's bewitched my old friend."
"That's enough," Dr. Mortum interjects, looking flustered. "We've got work to do."
"Work. Of course." She gives you a wink then looks around.
what does she know what's mortum told her what does she knowwwwwwwwwwwww
also you just know she was the one to let mortum know about the puppet getting brought to hospital in the puppetcrash route right before mortum gets sky-raider to rescue them. i need to be a fly on the wall for that conversation SO bad. i need junostuck sura to be sweating BULLETS during the rehab sessions with halabi lol
- ch 21: frozen desserts (chocolate cake) if they stay late at Ortega's
- ch 22:
-- herald: capsule "more chocolate than coffee" coffee / creamer in coffee if sidestep stays the night
-- steel: coffee + cake
-- argent: two brownies w/ coffee
- ch 25: chocolate bar w/ peanuts / cookies + soda / bagels AND doughnuts if seeing herald post-crash / bagels if seeing argent post crash / ice cream sundae in chen's mindscape
over half of the things sweetsteps specifically eats are chocolate or chocolate flavoured lol
i did some maths/research about the game's height benchmarks based off the descriptions in the books for relative heights, the startup.txt comments and canon heights given in the qnas and patreon lore posts (copied over from what i wrote on sidestep's wiki page)
Short: "about Argent's size, shorter than everyone else."[21] Argent is is 5ft 3in[nb 77] and described as "almost the same" and "about the same height" to short Sidesteps in Chapter 14.[1]
Average: "shorter than ortega and chen, about the same as herald, mortum a fraction shorter, argent shorter."[21] Herald's height is 5'9,[nb 78] and Mortum's is 5'7.[nb 79]
Tall: "taller than everyone,"[21] which includes Ortega (6ft)[nb 80] and Chen (6ft1in)[nb 81] Ortega is shorter than tall Sidesteps, though "not by much."[5]
When standing close together, short Sidesteps will be at Ortega's chest, and have Ortega almost rest their chin on Sidestep's head.[16] This is compared to average height Sidesteps which can comfortably rest their head on Ortega's shoulder.[5]The same is true with Chen.[14] When they kiss, short Sidesteps must stand on tiptoe, whereas average Sidesteps only need Ortega to lean down.[19][1]
Edit: @apocynthion reminded me the line that av sidesteps used to be taller than Chen pre HB when he was 5'9 (ch15) so
based off this my best guesses for the benchmarks: 5'4-5'5 for short, 5'10ish for average and 6'2ish for tall (to be taller than both ortega and chen, sidestep would have to be 6'2, since chen's 6'1 with his modded legs).
also, favourite recent additions to Ortega's page's trivia (mostly from the books):
Sidestep can be shorter or taller than Ortega, but not the same height (6ft).[19][nb 80]
They cooked often enough for Sidestep that they still know Sidestep's favorite meals.[16]
Ortega's accent has a hint of a Texan twang which comes up when talking to people from the area, or talking to their mother. They occasionally play this up to annoy the Rangers PR team.[nb 91]
In the demo version of the Chapter 21 bed scene, Ortega originally had uncanny aim with their finger and found Sidestep's lips even with the lights out. When this made playtesters paranoid that Ortega had darkvision and could see Sidestep's Re-Gene tattoos, Rydén changed this to have Ortega nearly poke Sidestep's eye out instead.
While Ortega is generally very patient with the press, they make exceptions for Sidestep, and have exploded at least three cameras to protect them.[7]
After their accident, they punched their shrink from bed by speaking low enough for him to lean in, though Ortega admits they "hurt [them]self more than [they] did him."[10]
Sweet vice Sidesteps used to eat pancakes together with Ortega.[23] Ortega also let sweet vice Sidesteps steal their snacks.[10]
Ortega never let smoking vice Sidesteps smoke indoors and made them smoke on the balcony when they visited the apartment.[16]
Ortega never smokes unless they're drunk.[16]
Sidestep has been hit by Charge's lightning before.[nb 57] Past flirting Sidesteps have also been accidentally zapped by Ortega when they got handsy.[16]
while i was writing up the wiki article for the heartbreak incident (yes i've been working like a maniac on the wiki) i figured out why sidestep has the burning hair smell and blood in their mouth when they get super stressed out, they're having functional seizures (and auras)!
i didn't actually understand how sidestep could have seizures while not being epileptic, but then i found out that's still possible. anyways, sometimes people smell burning hair or other phantom smells when they're about to have a seizure, and burning hair in particular is a stress scent for sidestep. you can also bite your tongue during a seizure.
they (almost always) trigger when sidestep's facing something very traumatic eg:
the final hb flashback in rebirth (and malin confirmed they're having a seizure in their sleep for the december 2023 qna)
[i]Around you, the apartment shrinks into focus, the hallway ejecting you into the living room. A small, dead space, smelling of feet and antiseptic.[/i]
(And burning hair.)
when they wake up in their body at the gala debut, they have the burning hair smell and the taste of blood in their mouth
"It takes a moment to tap in the right sequence, bringing the armor to life; green numbers scroll across the corner of your vision. You can taste metal on your tongue as you feel the Rat King cozy up against your hindbrain, the telltale stench of burning hair tickling your nose as the nanovores contained inside your glove come alive.
triggers if you fuck up setting off the sword of damocles left in argent's head during the bridge fight if you didn't already trigger it in rebirth
("You can feel their thoughts wrap themselves around yours, tugging at you, and you obey, falling back in their grasp, falling back in your body, gasping in pain as you're greeted by what must have been a seizure.")
release the catastrofiend in chapter 19 at the auction (even as the puppet it will trigger) or chapter 20 (mortum shoots you with the disintregun)
end up seeing chen's version of the heartbreak events while attempting to dethread him when you ask him to help you find the threads with too low friendship.
"What…happened?" Things start coming back, uneasy things, terrible memories. You must have blacked out again. Running on empty, too tired, and Chen's mind was a lot tougher to work with than you imagined.
"You started seizing up. I was about to call an ambulance when…" His voice drifts off, and you can see it in his eyes. No ambulance. He wouldn't have. Not this time.
it's also possible that this is a defense mechanism against telepathic intrusion
[Ortega's immunity against telepathy as an epileptic] has something to do with the electrical storms in the brain that cause the seizures; there is enough static in there to make it nearly impossible to read ${his} mind. Or in this case, be influenced from the outside.
dunno how well this works if HB is riding shotgun inside their brain though. these moments are often (but not always) accompanied by sidestep's scar level increasing and/or a gate being opened
notably, rat king is Scared of you
You must have had a panic attack. You're five blocks away from the casino; you've walked past your pickup point. Is anybody following you? Your head is hurting too badly to scan for it. Instead, you try to jog the Rat King to life, finding…
Nothing?
You stop, a cold shiver down your spine, checking the life support…still green. Still alive. They are still alive. Your worried wave of concern prompts a small, questioning reply.
[i]A tiny squeak. Barely.[/i]
Are you okay? Are you? The answer is no, the Rat King is…terrified. Of you? No. Not anymore. That doesn't make sense.
so it might've been the imposter (or heartbreak?) briefly taking the wheel.
also, food for thought, from yoinking carter's memories.
It's hard to keep mental shields up under torture. You should know.
You do know.
Your helmet disguises the twitch on your face as you kneel down and take hold of Carter's face. Physical contact is not needed, but it makes it easier to focus.
Pain makes it easy to slip inside because that's the brain's priority alarm. Unlike panic, which can shut things down, or fear, which can lock things into loops, pain opens everything up. All the gates. All the hidden rooms. Enough pain, and it's impossible to focus on anything but, leaving defenses crumbling and hidden secrets crawling out.
here's all the physical scar mentions of step's ive discovered so far that aren't choice dependent! (choice dep scars will be in another post). lemme know if i missed any!
edit: hi people from r/hostedgames o/
edit 2 (nov 8th): added some more i missed!
edit 3 (nov 30th 2024): put these all (excepting the photographs related one because i'm not sure that's ever confirmed in the text itself) on the wiki!
(cw for sh/sui mentions and graphic injury description)
general
"Have you seen me?" You don't bother to hide your sneer. Even with your clothes on, there are enough scars and marks that many people would pay dearly to remove them. (ch 22, argent meetup)
Regenerate…the notion is a tempting one; could it work on your tattoos? You've tried cutting and burning, but there's just too much, you'd be scarred and mutilated before you were done, but this…this prototype, could it help you too? (ch 19, etc, regenerator discovery)
"What?" A moment's confusion and then—finally—he adds up the dots. His frown deepens, and he looks between your face and your chest, marred by scars and brightly orange tattoos, marking you as other. As not human. "Are you saying that—" (ch 22, flystep apartment scene)
"Do you like scars?" you tease, taking one of [Daniel']s hands, tracing it across one on your chest. An ugly one, a remnant from an angry attempt to carve away your tattoos until the drugs couldn't keep the pain at bay any longer. (ch 22, flystep apartment date)
It's a slow, circling motion over the small of your back, palm against skin, warm fingers tracing the deep scars you both know are there. And a few that ${he} doesn't. (ch 17, hoots makeout)
${his} hands are running over your skin, over your back. You know ${he}'s tracing scars, the same as you, and having an easier time of it. No fancy hospitals for your body, just your own skills, and no need to make it look pretty. (ch 21, chargestep apartment nsfw)
autopsy (incision) scar(s?)
"I obtained…pictures." He lets out a sigh, rubbing his face. "Classified. Highly classified. I assumed they were from the autopsy." He focuses on you. "Your autopsy." […] "The damage from the fall was horrific…you looked dead. Opened up." (ch 22, steel bar meetup)
legs
You remember that [Psychopathor] fell against the wreckage, and it moved and caused you to scream out loud as it dug into your leg. There's still a scar there somewhere. (ch 2, warehouse fight)
face
"Yeah, things changed. For me." You touch your face without intending to. The thin scars there are the most obvious legacy of your fall, of the window tearing into you like memories. (ch 21, hoots)
"I'm not the only one with scars." He rubs the side of his face as he looks at you, and you have to fight not to do the same. You can feel your own face itch with the need to pick at your scars.
"Yeah," you admit with a tired sigh. "Looking into the mirror is not fun." For more reasons than one, but you'd be lying if the scars weren't one of them. Bad memories imprinted on your flesh, a reminder of nightmares you can't ever forget.
It's interesting, really, the way they see you as another vet. Are you looking out of place enough for that? A helping of scars. The nervous awareness.
(ch 22, steel bar meetup)
hands/wrists
"Does it say that the scar on your hand always itches when you're stressed?" (ch 22, flystep apartment date)
"I'm not sure about this," he says, looking down at your scarred hands as if he could read your mind. Soft. Human. He doesn't want to hurt them. (ch 25, post puppet crash step leg rights, chen apartment minddive)
You let Ortega take your hands in [theirs]. Warm. Calloused. Scarred. Just like yours. You can't help but trace the edge of ${his} mods where they break the skin, strangely cool to the touch. (ch 21, trans mc ortega apartment reveal)
You look down at hands so much cleaner than your own. $!{puppet_name} hides all scars. (ch 18, puportega stakeout)
"It feels like they do," you say, scratching one of the scars on your hand a little nervously. "I wish I could tell you, but I can't."
[…]
Your hands are clenched. Hard enough that your knuckles are white. There are a few scars across them, memories of punching things you shouldn't punch. People. Armor. Walls.
[…]
You press two fingers against your wrist, feeling your pulse, feeling the scars. It's a familiar sensation, but instead of the weight pressing against your shields, you feel like a balloon, ready to burst.
(ch 17 - finch therapy scene)
arms
tattoo removal attempts
You tried to get rid of them after your first escape. A specialist, suitably coerced. You still have the scar on the inside of your arm where the lasers didn't quite take. Too deep. Something she had never seen before, and she wasn't lying. Almost as if they were regenerating. (ch 15/ch 17, reader regenereveal tag )
You've tried lasers to remove them. You've tried dermabrasion. You even flayed off a piece of your own skin, and while that worked, it left another scar, a deep one. You know it's not possible to do that for your entire body. It's too much surface area; the process would kill you or leave you maimed. Not exactly the life you want. _(ch 15/ch 17, reader regenereveal tag / ch 19, puppet auction)
You tug at your sleeve; it keeps clinging to your sweaty skin. The small hairs on the back of your arm stand on end. The scars are visible now, the ones you made yourself. The ones where you tried to remove them. (chapter 19, argent regene reveal)
"I'm not lying anymore." You very slowly tug your sleeve up, rolling it past the scars, past the places where you tried to obliterate the tattoos, up to where they peek out beneath the fabric. Sharp. Orange. Inhuman. Like you.
You look away, regulating your breathing, keeping a straight face as ${mhis} fingertips trace the edges of the design. There's a slight "tsk" at the burn scars that cut them off, no doubt ${mhe} is adding the clues together. […] "I tried to burn parts of them off," you say, […] so ${mhe} doesn't need to ask. "Didn't work too well. Needs third-degree burns, or they'll grow back."
"Really?" $!{mhe} bends your arm, and you shift to allow it. "Fascinating."
"Flaying works if you cut down to the flesh." Your voice sounds dispassionate even to your own ears, and Dr. Mortum takes a step back with a shocked look on ${mhis} face.
"I'd hate to know how you found that out."
"Other arm." You tug your sleeve down now that ${mhe}'s stopped touching you. (ch 20, "good" mortum mc reveal at the lab)
Holding your breath, you raise your arm in front of you, watching the pale green hospital robe slip back, revealing the intricate tattoos etched into your skin, broken only by scars. Neon orange.
(ch 24, mccrash, revoked legrights)
dog bite
Some [dogs] were kept to guard the perimeter; you got bit once for straying outside. You still have the scar on your arm, a reminder that things that are hurt inevitably turn on each other. (ch 15, 1st boneyard scene)
general arm scars
It's so easy to feel human around ${him}. So easy to ignore the fear. Your sleeves are rolled up to your elbows. Anything more would risk revelations you aren't ready for, but even like this, the scars are enough for conversation. […] *if suitag: The bubbles hide most; you keep them buried deep in the soapy water to make sure ${he} doesn't look. (ch 21, ortega apartment dishes)
sh scars (suitag dep)
The scars on your arms are hidden under your sleeves, and maybe they would be something you could talk about. Something she would expect. A safe revelation of self-harm. *if suitag: Across. Not lengthwise. Your one deal with yourself. Not yet. You have things to finish first." (ch 17, finch therapy scene)
took me four hours of wrestling with wikitext tables but i did it, the chapter table has icons now and retri's divided up by checkpoints!
also, turns out 1) there are six total checkpoints, the first one isn't named, the second one is checkpont 1, so we're counting from 0
2) there are TWO checkpoint 4s (one in chapter 20 and one in chapter 21), and if you were captured at the auction, checkpoint 4 is the last checkpoint you have
i can't believe i forgot the disintregun was SIX MILLION DOLLARS as a starting point for auction until i actually went back to check for aetherl. jesus that does put into perspective how fuckin loaded wealthy and rich sidesteps are. holy Fuck
