Alastor: Gooooood evening, listeners! It’s your favorite voice on the airwaves, here to share a rather special announcement. Times are changing, my dear little fawn Calliope is growing faster than a rabbit on the run, and I’ve found myself with the peculiar task of—ah, how shall I say it?—investing in her future. Clothes, food, tuition, the occasional toy—why, it all adds up, doesn’t it?
He taps the microphone, the sound echoing with theatrical flair.
Alastor: And so! I am offering something unique to my cherished audience… personalized voice recordings! That’s right, yours truly, immortalized on demand, just for you! Whether it be a cheerful greeting, a dramatic soliloquy, or perhaps a bedtime story whispered with just the right amount of menace—I’m your demon!
His voice dips lower, teasing but sharp.
Alastor: Ah, but of course, there are rules. Always rules.
Nothing vulgar or inappropriate. I’ve a reputation to uphold, after all.
No magic—no curses, no spells. I dabble in entertainment, not the arcane… at least professionally. The magic is just for my personal use.
Absolutely no hate speech of any kind. Such things sour the airwaves, and I won’t have it.
Alastor: Now, as for pricing, my dear little sinners, here’s how the menu reads:
— A simple one-minute recording, only $10!
— A monologue of my own design, $50!
— A song—oh yes, a full performance!—a mere $100 and up!
— And for the truly ambitious, I’ll record an audiobook of the classics, starting at $500! Imagine my dulcet tones guiding you through The Picture of Dorian Gray or Dracula! Doesn’t that sound simply divine?
His laughter cuts in, static crackling with it, sharp and musical.
Alastor: So! Place your requests, line up your coins, and remember—every penny goes to raising my little darling in the grand style she deserves. Until then, this is Alastor, signing off…