This is something that's been tugging at my heartstrings for as long as I can remember.
I'd be lying if I said I've never quite felt as the gender that was assigned to me at birth. Because I did. I was born a cisgender male and it felt right. Or, at the very least, it felt partially right. Like it was always just one half of what or who I really am.
I would adamantly try to deny these strange feelings I'd get while coming across terms such as "non-binary" or "intersex".
Because we've always been taught that there only exist two sexes: male and female.
Transgender people are viewed as "strange" or "diseased" by most cishet folk because of their simple inability to comprehend those who are different from them.
However, they are, at the very least, becoming more and more visible in both media coverage and the regular everyday life. And their existence had become much more digestible to the general mainstream culture under the oversimplified explanation how transgender people are just "people who feel like, and desire to be, the opposite gender".
Then what can someone tell me about those of us who've always felt like multiple genders at once.
As previously mentioned...
I was born and raised a male but always felt like the other half of me is missing. Like this gender identity I possess is only half of the entire truth.
Because I've always felt like I was meant to be both a man and a woman at the same time. And this is not just when speaking about my identity, but body and mind as well.
Even my genital always felt incomplete without the lady bits.
And that's when I learned of the old Greek legend of a "Hermaphrodite", or "Hermaphroditus".
Now, for those of you who are not familiar with this term, let me explain...
There are multiple versions of this ancient myth, but they all share one major important aspect in common.
Hermaphroditus was the bastard child of Aphrodite, goddess of love, and the messenger god - Hermes.
"It" was described as a two-sexed being of both male and female likeness and was considered an important symbol in fertility and marriage unions, as it symbolized both "power of a man" and "beauty and compassion of a woman".
But, as it turns out, Ancient Greek people were not the only nation known for such a tale.
Majority of the Hinduistic pantheon are gods and goddesses described as at least partially androgynous.
Come forth, Ardhanarishvara
The one whose name would literally translate "Half-Female Lord" from Sanskrit.
The form taken by the very supreme god Shiva when merging with his consort goddess, Parvati.
Ardhanarishvara represents the synthesis of masculine and feminine energies of the universe (Purusha and Prakriti) and illustrates how Shakti, the female principle of God, is inseparable from (or the same as, according to some interpretations) Shiva, the male principle of God, and vice versa. The union of these principles is exalted as the root and womb of all creation. Another view is that Ardhanarishvara is a symbol of Shiva's all-pervasive nature. And that's not even mentioning traditional Hindu notion of the "third gender" people known as hijras.
Or who can forget the gender nonconforming individuals of ancient Hawaiian and certain Native American tribes. "Two-Spirit" individuals, as they are called today.
These men and women behaved in a manner befitting both sexes and we're often permitted or even downright encouraged to participate in roles attributed to the opposite sex.
Mahū, as they were called in Hawaii, were "third gender" people with traditionally spiritual and religious roles in their society. Historically, it's been used primarily for those born male, but it's meaning had evolved since then and has come to refer to multitude of genders and sexual orientations in modern Hawaii.
Māhū were particularly respected as teachers, usually of hula dance and chant. In pre-contact times māhū performed the roles of goddesses in hula dances that took place in temples which were off-limits to women. Māhū were also valued as the keepers of cultural traditions, such as the passing down of genealogies. Traditionally parents would ask māhū to name their children.
The term itself may be used either pejoratively or respectfully when referring to modern LGBTQI+ people of Hawaii.
But yes
All these traditions and mythologies aside,
Hermaphroditism and Intersexuality had always been so very intriguing and inviting for me. Imagine my surprise to learn that over half of the plant world is hermaphroditic and in possession of both male and female reproductive parts. The same thing applies to creatures such as snails, slugs, leeches,etc. Not to mention a pseudo-hermaphroditism that occurs in female hyenas and cassowaries evolving pseudo-penises.
Or the very people who are born Intersex and thus possess characteristic of both sexes.
Gender dysphoria has been something I've come to consider a lot. Especially as of late. And I cannot deny that I've always felt amused when somebody happens to misgender me online.
Once I had been referred to as "ma'am" by an online friend of mine when rp-ing as a genderless character from an old video game.
I was intrigued not because I found it funny but rather endearing. Something deep inside told me that calling myself ma'am feels just as right as being announced as sir.
I've always felt as intersex in a way. At least in my subconscious.
I've always identified as pan or bi and felt attracted to both men and women (especially to dominant, muscular ones but that is a story for another day). But I was always particularly fond of gay shippings and stories. And it's very fun to see many best fanfics blur the line between "passive/feminine" partner and an "active/dominant" one. Only further emphasizing the duality within human being.
But, of course, my yearning to explore more themes of gender nonconformity and "Intersexuality" do not stop there.
Intersex People sorely lack in representation and it is never unwelcomed to behold a cool fictional character falling under that category.
Seeing The Titan from The Owl House present themselves as bigender being was beyond awesome.
Not to mention that, while I don't know if they can be counted as such, Raine Whispers perfectly captures an androgynous non-gender specified appearance.
Or the amazing Body Swap mode that Shovel Knight offers to it's players. In which you are not only able to genderswap any important member of the original cast (and thus create semi-canon queer romances 😉), but also put your titular protagonist into a female body while giving then gender neutral or even masculine pronouns.
And how a very similar thing is included in the critically acclaimed masterpiece that is Elden Ring.
In which you are not just able to change your character's gender and body type at will, but also experiment with them. Putting a female head on a male protagonist (and vice versa) is a memorable and progressive feature for sure.
Sadly, however
Such portrayals aren't always in positive light.
One of my all time fav 3D Platformer franchises, Ty The Tasmanian Tiger, does include a villainous eldritch race of hermaphroditic shape-shifting extraterrestrials known as "Quinkans". Who serve as the main antagonists of the 3rd installment.
This also applies to old myths.
Take the old Romani mythology that includes a horrific self-fertilizing Poreskoro
The progenitor of many illnesses that wreak havoc upon humanity to this very day.
But as with everything else. Bad ones should be separated from the good portrayals and not be taken as the root of all beliefs, thus giving rise to prejudices and negative assumptions.
And for the sake of not making this post hours long, I shall just end it by announcing my support for all the other people who feel similarly about themselves. And to say that it feels so very liberating to be true to one's self.
Yes I AM a guy. But I am also equally a woman. Not neither. But both. And I am so very glad to be a part of this wonderful social media where differences between people are highly celebrated and explored.
And I want to thank anyone who took time and energy to read through this little article of mine. Hope it wasn't too long or tedious to read.
And with that, I wish you all a wonderful day 💐💖