Fiki Week Day 6: Inspired by Music - my fill for @gatheringfiki
Du riechst so gut (You smell so good)
Du riechst so gut (You smell so good)
Ich geh dir hinterher (I follow you)
Du riechst so gut (You smell so good)
Ich finde dich (I find you)
so gut, so gut (So good, so good…)
- Du Riechst So Gut, Rammstein
So here is a bit of a work in progress that I’m not entirely finished with yet, but here it is! This wasn’t the initial story I had in mind, but I couldn’t help myself! This is actually not so much inspired by the song, as it is inspired by the music video, which most fans know as Du Riechst So Gut ‘98 (they made two for this particular song), which you should watch HERE right now…(And what I’m watching right now as I’m writing this!) There’s probably grammatical errors running rampant; I hadn’t had the time to touch it up, but here it is!
…Kili is a werewolf who moves to the country side to avoid eating people. However, he gets a craving every once and a while, and happens to find some dinner living in a cabin. Unfortunately for Kili, his prey isn’t so easily caught…
I apologize if this is a little morbid, it was all meant in good fun. Mein Teil might also work for this too….
______
Being a werewolf in the city wasn’t exactly easy. When the full moon makes it’s appearance, and all the bones and ligaments in my body start to contort and shape into a gargantuan, gnarly beast in the middle of the subway, things didn’t exactly go too well…and I happened to think I was a relatively good-looking werewolf.
The short text read “It was a bad day. He’s going to need you.” But that was all Kili needed to know.
Prompt: Laughter or Tears
WARNINGS: Paramedic Fili. Mentions character and child death (both non canon characters), also mentions an accident.
“It was a bad day. He’s going to need you.”
Brown eyes read over the text once more as Kili waited for the front door to open. It had been sent about twenty minutes ago, and it would take about twenty five for Fili to drive home from work.
The brunet shifted on his feet, anxious to see his husband home and safe, but he wasn’t sure if greeting him right when he walked through the door or giving him his space was best. It was sometimes hard to tell which kind of bad day it was.
He sighed and slipped his phone into his pocket, deciding that Tauriel’s statement of he’s going to need you meant that he’d stay right where he was, watching and waiting for the door to their apartment to open. She’d been Fili’s partner on the job for the last four years now and knew best what kind of mood the blond was in at the moment.
A bad day for Kili consisted of an unruly or disrespectful student, maybe an irate parent, or a bunch of marking to do. A bad day for Fili meant that someone had lost someone important to them, and despite his line of work, Fili always took a loss hard.
There was a slight shuffle from outside the door, and Kili couldn’t help but tense up a little as he waited. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt when he heard the key sliding into the lock, but by the time the door knot turned and door was pushed open, his hands were at his sides again.
The figure entering the apartment paused only for a moment upon seeing him, and Kili took that moment to determine the best course of action.
Fili’s eyes were red, and they weren’t just bloodshot from a long and tiring shift. More than a few locks of gold had come loose from the tie holding the rest back, but it wasn’t enough to cover his face like he seemed to want. His shoulders were curled forward in almost defeat, and he looked so absolutely haggard that a lump formed in Kili’s throat from just looking at him.
The door was pushed closed and locked automatically before Fili dropped the bag he’d been carrying that held his uniform and leaned back against the wood and forced a smile. “Hey. It’s late. Shouldn’t you be in bed?” His voice sounded rough and just as exhausted as he looked. “You have class tomorrow.”
It was just past midnight, but Fili had been on the late rotations this week and had been coming home later than this the last few days. Kili didn’t care about having class tomorrow. He’d already sent an email notification that he’d need a substitute knowing it was probably going to be a late night. “I figured you might need me.” Kili could have lied and told him that he had just been passing to go to bed or he’d been waiting up to say goodnight, but he’d never lied to Fili before and wasn’t about to start now.
Somehow, the blond’s shoulders drooped a little more as he leaned his head back against the door with a light thud. Those blue eyes shifted to look at the ceiling so they didn’t have to look at Kili, and Fili’s bottom lip disappeared between his teeth as the man tried to hold himself together. It would take a bit for the defenses he desperately needed for the job to drop so that he’d allow himself to be taken care of, but Kili was patient and could wait. “Tauriel called you.” It wasn’t a question.
“Texted me.” Kili admitted readily, “She said it was a bad day, and I can see for myself that it was.” The concern in his voice was obvious, but he refrained from asking about what had happened just yet. Fili would tell him when he was ready. “Have you had anything to eat?”
“Not hungry.” Fili was sill staring at the ceiling.
Kili’s lips pursed together. His first instinct was to push, but he knew it wasn’t the time. Questions weren’t going to be met with cooperative answers either, but that was okay. After three years together, Kili didn’t need to ask questions to know what he needed to do. “Okay. Then I’m going to draw you a bath and I’m going to wash your hair while I tell you about my day.” He insisted, wanting more than anything to draw Fili into a hug instead, but he knew the man wasn’t ready for contact like that just yet.
When those eyes finally flicked down to look at him, Kili offered him a gentle smile, “Let me take care of you, okay, Fee?”
Fili considered it for a moment, face rather blank despite the clearly conflicting emotions held in his gaze, but he gave in with a slight nod of his head.
“Okay. Meet me in the bathroom when you’re ready.” Kili turned and headed to their bathroom.
The area wasn’t as large as their first apartment together, but the tub was significantly bigger and soaking in a bath together had become a favourite activity. Tonight, however, Kili was content to stay dry.
As the tub filled with water, he gathered the largest and fluffiest towels they owned, and he even lit the two lavender scented candles that sat atop the wall cabinet in hopes of the smell helping Fili to relax a little.
Just as Kili turned the water off, he spotted movement at the door. He hated the defeated slump of his husband’s usually confident and almost cocky stance as he stood just inside the room like a muted shadow. He’d stripped down to his boxers and had taken his hair out. The strands even seemed limp as they hung over his shoulders. He was a very heartbreaking sight since he was usually the one taking care of Kili, and the brunet could barely stand this.
“I think it’s hot enough.”
Fili took the invitation for what it was and finally stepped closer, stripping off the last of his clothing and climbing in. Kili fiddled with the bottle of shampoo while Fili submerged himself under the water for a few moments to get completely wet, but once he was sitting again, Kili went to work without hesitation and began a litany of talking that really wasn’t important as long as it gave Fili something to focus on instead of the thoughts that Kili knew were running through his mind.
“Tyler tripped and fell into the fish tank this morning, so that hour was spent saving the fish and cleaning up the mess. I’ll need a new tank now, but Nemo, Flounder, and Mrs. Puff will be happy in the big mixing bowl a couple of my students stole from the Home Economics room.”
“Stole?” The question surprised Kili, but Fili wasn’t facing him to see it. He still sounded utterly wrecked, but at least he wasn’t silent.
The brunet grinned sheepishly even though Fili couldn’t see that either. It was obvious in his voice. “Borrowed without asking?” He suggested as he ran his fingers through the soapy strands of hair, making sure that his nails were lightly scratching along the scalp underneath.
There was a soft snort, “Their teacher is a horrible influence.” Fili murmured quietly.
“Hey, I put a stop to the betting pool in the next class to see who could swallow Mrs. Puff whole. They were even willing to give me a cut.”
When no other comment was made, Kili didn’t take it personally and continued on.
“Ms. Walker, the chemistry teacher you’ve met like three times, kept flirting with me at lunch again. I like the woman, but she can’t seem to take the hint that I’m already ecstatically spoken for. We may have to do something drastic at the next Christmas party, Fee.” He insisted as he gently tugged on a few strands of hair, “Ready to rinse.”
As Fili uncurled from the position he’d moved into and leaned back, Kili slipped his hands under his head to help rinse the shampoo away. Conditioning went much the same, Kili talking about a skit presentation his class had done in groups on the book they’d all been assigned to read as he lathered, and then scrubbed Fili down with the soap. Some days the smell of hospital and stress stuck to Fili like glue, and Kili hated the thought of it bothering him tonight.
Once he had his lover reclining again, he took his time rinsing out the now silky strands of hair and the remaining soap clinging to clean skin. Fili had closed his eyes and had accepted all of Kili's ministrations without complaint, and he remained just like that even long after the brunet was finished.
When a slightly wrinkled hand rose from the water, Kili grasped it gently and squeezed when Fili tightened his grip. Making himself comfortable on the floor next to the tub, Kili mentioned the conversation he'd had with his mother that morning, and how they'd been invited for supper on Sunday when he'd run out of school related stuff to talk about. It was easy to keep talking about his mother since the woman always seemed to find herself in odd situations. It was obvious where Kili got it from.
When the water grew cool, the brunet decided it was time to get out and gently tugged and prodded Fili until the blond relented.
Fili wasn't one to wear a shirt to bed, but when he pulled on one of Kili's frequently worn t-shirts for the scent it carried, Kili's heart clenched a little tighter than before. He studied the blond for a moment after Fili sat down on his side of the bed. He was still for a long time and continued to remain silent.
Kili was running out of things to say, but he picked up a brush from the dresser and crawled across the bed until he could situate himself behind his husband. With a leg stretched out on either side of Fili, Kili began to run the brush through his damp hair with the intention of braiding it before bed.
The movements were almost methodical and seemed to soothe them both. Kili was so focused on the gentle glide through Fili's hair that it took him a moment to realize that Fili's shoulders were shaking.
His walls had started to crumble.
"I was thinking," Kili began softly as he continued the movement of the brush, "We should host Christmas this year. We haven't had both families under the same roof since our wedding." He pointed out, which was both true and something he'd thought of earlier in the week. It had been a passing idea that he hadn't thought of again until now.
"W-we'd have to watch my dad butter up y-your grandmother again." Fili's voice was quivering and now it was impossible to notice the tremors.
Before Kili could say anything else, a harsh sob was ripped from Fili's throat and he keened. "Kee..." The broken sound of his name had Kili dropping the brush and curling his slightly taller frame around Fili as he pulled the blond back against his chest in an attempt to surround his lover.
"Talk to me, Fee." Kili whispered into an ear when there was nothing else, when all Fili seemed to be able to do was shake within his embrace. It was hard to see his normally strong and protective partner in so much pain and not be able to fix it. "I'm right here." He promised and pressed a couple of kisses to the shoulder beneath his chin while ignoring the burning in his own eyes.
The noise Fili made was somewhere between a whimper and a moan, and Kili could feel tears dripping onto the arm that held the blond tightly. It took a few minutes of Fili gasping through his built up anguish before he could finally speak again, and while his voice was barely a whisper, it was loud in the quietness of their room.
"We were called to the scene of an accident. A mother and her-" he hiccupped, "her daughter had been hit when another driver ran a red light." Fili bowed his head and forced himself to take deep breaths. "The mother was pinned...h-her legs were..." He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. "Sh-she knew she w-wasn't going t-to make it. B-but she made me promise to save her daughter."
Kili gently nuzzled his nose into Fili's hair as he listened to the story through halted starts and abrupt stops. He didn't know when he started to rock them, but he held on to Fili tighter than he ever had before and let his body do the rest.
The daughter hadn't been breathing but had still had a pulse, and while Tauriel had raced them to emergency, Fili had worked on getting her to breathe again. His attempts hadn't been enough.
By the time Fili had finished, Kili had pulled them both up so they could lie down in the bed properly. Kili's pillow was tucked under Fili's arm with his face buried in it for the time being as Kili gently stroked over his back and through his hair. Eventually Fili surfaced once more, face blotchy and eyes red. "I couldn't save her. She was pronounced dead at the hospital." He managed to get out before falling silent once more, exhausted both emotionally and physically.
Kili's hand continued its motions as he focused on Fili's face. His husband was still distressed, but he was worn out and waning. Tears continued to soak Kili's pillow, but the trembling and hiccupping had been replaced by an occasional sniffle.
There were a lot of things the brunet could say. It wasn't your fault. Everything will be okay. You did your best. But he knew none of it would bring Fili any comfort. Saying what instinct told him to say was useless. Children were Fili's weakness, and he always blamed himself when one was lost. He might have understood that it hadn't been his fault, but in his mind his best wouldn't have been good enough. Things would be okay, but only with time.
The blond was good at his job and had always gone above and beyond the call of duty for the patients he brought to the hospital. He had an aura about him that was instantly calming, and his smile and honest eyes could put even the most difficult people at ease. Many people that he and Tauriel had brought into the hospital had thanked him for making them feel so safe.
And Kili would know all of this first hand, since he'd experienced it the night they'd met.
Kili closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss to Fili's forehead even as he wrapped the other up in a tight hug. "I wish I could take your pain away, Fee." He murmured softly as he rested his hand against Fili’s cheek, "Tell me what you need from me, anything to make this more bearable for you.”
The small smile he was given felt like a gift. “Just hold me, please?”
“You never have to ask me for that.” He shifted closer on the bed, tangling their legs together and pulling Fili flush against him. One of the loose blankets was pulled over them and tucked around Fili in an attempt to shield his beloved from the world for as long as he needed.
With that done, Kili settled down himself, close enough so that their noses brushed every time either shifted and they could easy share soft kisses between them without having to move. The lamps would be left on to help chase any darkness and nightmares away until morning.
“Anything else?” Kili whispered against Fili’s lips.
“No. This is all I need.” Fili promised and finally allowed himself to give into his body’s demands for sleep. “Love you, Kee.”
“Love you too, Fee.” Kili pressed one more kiss to the lips against his before stilling once more so Fili could rest.
There’d be appointments to see the counsellor that the hospital employed specifically for its staff, and there would still be some lingering guilt over the next few days. Smiles would be less frequent, and Kili would treasure every single one of them.
But for the moment, as Kili stayed awake a little longer just in case, he was content knowing that his presence and love were comfort enough for tonight.
Shopping had been part of the plan. Aliens? Not so much.
Prompt: Crossover or Borrowed Universe
It was supposed to be an easy shopping trip. Take the bus to the store, get what they needed, and go back home. The plan was to put everything away, and then curl up on the couch together to watch a movie or two.
Dodging and running from the aliens that had flown out of a giant worm hole to attack the city had not been a part of this plan.
Neither had been to lose Fili in the massive crowds of panicking people, but Kili's plans never seemed to work out right, so why should this one have?
Cells were down, probably either destroyed or overloaded with emergency calls, so Kili couldn't even reach him that way.
Being the taller of the two, the brunet tried to spot the familiar head of blond, but it was useless with the way everyone was pushing and shoving to get to safety. That probably was the smart idea for everyone, but Kili had no self-preservation when it came to Fili’s wellbeing, and he wasn't going to leave his boyfriend somewhere where there were aliens flying around!
He ducked and wove his way through the crowd, trying to yell Fili's name louder than the screams and cries from the masses keeping them separate. It was an impossible task to say the least, and Kili gave up rather quickly. Instead, he found a car that had already been smashed up by what looked like falling debris and jumped on top of it to see if it would prove better.
It took a few moments for the screaming crowd to disperse, but even then he couldn't see any sign of Fili. "Fili!" He shouted frantically, heart pounding in his chest at the idea of losing the love of his life to this mess.
"What's that green thing?" He heard someone yell and it was followed by the loud sound of glass and rock.
On instinct Kili looked up only to find the building coming down on top of him. He leapt from the car and back onto the ground, skidding on loose chunks of building and glass. He managed to dodge the pieces of building as they completely destroyed the car but ended up falling on the roughened street, scraping his hands and his chin.
Dazed for a moment, Kili laid panting against the asphalt; his breath stirring up the dust from the destruction. Eventually, the need to find Fili and make sure he was safe gave him the motivation to push himself to his feet, which was a good thing since not even a minute after, a couple of the aliens appeared on foot and began to shoot their weapons toward the few people still about.
Screams erupted once more as everyone ran forward toward a building that looked stable enough to withstand the abuse, Kili included. It wasn't safe on the street; not with the aliens and not with that big green guy that seemed to be intent on smashing everything. Kili could only hope that Fili had found some kind of shelter too.
The building wasn't anything special holding offices of some kind. There was plenty of space though, and everyone inside was able to have a quiet moment to catch their breath and try to collect their reeling thoughts and emotions. Kili realized his hands were shaking and his legs were trembling now that he had time to think.
They wouldn't be able to stay there long, Kili figured. It wasn't safe with everything going on outside; it was probably just a matter of time before this building was attacked too.
The brunet glanced around at all the people, a piece of him hoping that somehow he'd found Fili and they could be reunited. But instead of his lover's face, the faces around him caused a chill to run down his spine, and he had to wonder if his own face was as pale as theirs or expressing any of the varying degrees of shock he saw. Everyone was covered in dust and smeared with dirt, and some of them, like Kili, had bloody clothes or obvious injuries.
But they were alive, right? That's all that mattered.
He refused to believe that Fili wasn’t alive too. The blond was a fighter, had always been since Kili had met him. Fili had to be alright.
Sudden gasps and a couple of screams broke Kili from his thoughts, and he realized that someone had entered the building. The man was short and that tight leather outfit didn’t look particularly practical, though the large bow he held in one hand and the arrows strapped to his back certainly were. The man scanned the crowd a moment before speaking into a communicator of some sort. “I found approximately twenty civilians on East 9th. Alive but shaken.” There was a pause as someone else spoke. “Alright. I’ll bring ‘em to you.”
The moment he’d stopped speaking, the man was bombarded with questions.
“What’s going on?” A woman asked from the back.
“What are those things?”
“Who are you?”
The guy seemed a little annoyed but tried to calm everyone down. “Who I am is the guy who’s going to get all of you to safety, and I’m sure you’ll be able to find out what’s going on and what those things are once you’ve all made it home tonight and watch the news. Now, I need you all to work together while we get out of here.” He stated to the group before talking into his communicator again. “Iron Man, we clear?”
The name of the familiar figure caused a few of the group to relax, knowing that the Iron Man was around giving them hope. Kili didn’t care who was out here as long as he found Fili.
“You got about five minutes, Hawkeye. What, did you all stop and have a tea party?” The loud and sarcastic voice came from the device, causing this Hawkeye to roll his eyes.
“We’re coming out.” Was all the man said before motioned for everyone to get outside. “Move quick, stay low, and follow the red tin can in the sky.”
“I heard that.” The communicator was still on apparently.
“You were supposed to.” Hawkeye retorted before hissing to everyone still standing there, “Come on!”
That got everyone moving.
The devastation of the area was jarring as everyone paused only a moment to look at the damage done by the fighting. Buildings were crumbling and the air was thick with smoke and dust. The group was ushered forward so nobody got to look for very long before they were following the gold and red form of Iron Man who hovered a few feet above them.
Following him led them to a small police encampment that had been set up to tend to those who were injured. It was well hidden and well-guarded, and the moment they stepped into it they were all ushered to different areas to get checked over. Kili allowed himself to be checked with the idea that he’d be able to look for Fili sooner than if he fought with anybody. Luckily he’d only sustained a few scrapes and a lot of bruises and was suffering from a mild case of shock, which was common today.
He was close enough to the man called Hawkeye to hear him mutter to one of the doctors, “Cap’s bringing in a group. He says there are three injured, but he doesn’t know how critical they are.”
The doctor only nodded and got to work getting three beds ready for the injured parties.
Kili got up when there was a commotion at the door since he didn’t need the bed he’d been sitting in and he wanted to get out of the way, but he froze in his tracks at what he saw.
Every boy by the age of twelve at least knew who Captain America was, but Kili was very familiar with the figure in red, white, and blue because his boyfriend was a not so secret fanboy and had a little collection back at their apartment. Kili had always thought it was rather adorable, especially when Fili would bashfully – but very eagerly – accept anything new Kili might find for him to add to the collection.
Now, being faced with the impressive figure of the man himself – (how it was possible a man from the First World War was here and alive, Kili couldn’t have cared less), the brunet was rendered shocked with surprise and utter relief. Not with the man himself, but with the battered but clearly blond haired person slung over a patriotic shoulder.
“Fili!” Kili cried out as he darted forward, ignoring everything else as he made his way over just as Captain America was setting the injured form onto a bed.
“Kee?” To Kili’s relief, Fili spoke, forcing his head up once Kili was there next to him. There was a jagged slice along Fili’s forehead and temple, and blood stained the side of his face. They gripped at each other for a few moments, breathing in the same air as their sudden tears mingled.
“I’m here.” Kili promised as he reluctantly moved enough to let the doctors do their job, though he refused to let go of Fili’s hand now that he’d found him.
“Ah, now it makes sense.” The voice caused Kili to turn away from his boyfriend and up at the man who’d saved him. Kili couldn’t really see Captain America’s face from behind the mask – which was probably the point of wearing it – but he could easily see the gentle smile. “He kept telling me he had to find his key. He’d hit his head, so I thought he meant a key to something.”
The knowledge that Fili had been looking for him but had gotten hurt in the process made Kili’s heart ache and he swallowed roughly, “No…we lost each other when those things attacked.” He explained before flushing a little. Captain America probably didn’t care about little things like that.
A hand squeezed Kili’s shoulder and he focused on the man once more. He was treated to a sympathetic smile, “You found each other and you should both be fine. My men and I will take care of the aliens.” He stumbled over the word ‘aliens’ as if even he couldn’t believe they were real. “I found your partner and that other young man,” He motioned to a bed nearby where another guy was being treated for serious looking injuries, “helping people who’d been trapped in their cars get out safely—”
Kili unintentionally interrupted him with a snort as he wiped his face of any lingering tears. He still felt shaken and maybe a little emotional, but he was calming down now that he knew Fili was safe and alive.
“—You should be proud.”
“I am.” Kili promised, nodding his head as he looked back at Fili with an altogether sappy smile. His boyfriend was still awake but his eyes were shut tightly as one of the doctors cleaned his head wound. It looked pretty deep and was apparently painful if the tightening grip on his hand that Fili was squeezing was anything to go by. It would probably scar. “I’m just not surprised. Thanks for bringing him to safety, uh…Mr. America.” Kili stumbled, unsure what to call the man.
Thankfully Captain America chuckled, “Steve is fine.” He introduced then winced a little, maybe like he wasn’t supposed to reveal that much. Kili knew that Iron Man certainly hadn’t cared about his identity, but maybe this man was different. “But no need for thanks; I never leave a man behind.”
Kili would keep his secret. “Thank you anyway, Steve.” He said instead before a groan caught both their attention.
“Kee?” Fili muttered, clearly not completely with them yet as he struggled into a sitting position with Kili’s help, hand held to his head in clear pain. “I had the strangest dream. You’re going to make fun of me. There were aliens and I had to be rescued by Captain-” Those blue eyes Kili had missed so much finally focused on him before sliding over to the figure standing a little behind Kili, “-America. Oh my god.”
Kili knew he was smirking at Fili’s shocked expression, “I don’t think I’ll be making fun of you for it.” He promised, “You hit your head, and the Captain brought you here.”
“I-” Clearly intelligent thought had fled the mind of his normally eloquent boyfriend as he stared up at the image of his childhood (and adulthood) hero, “You…you’re really here?”
“I am.” Steve nodded as he held out his hand and waited patiently for Fili to get the hint and take it. They shook before Steve clasped Fili’s hand between his own. “You did a brave thing. The world could use a lot more people willing to stop and help out another.”
“Cap! Thor needs backup!” Hawkeye called from behind them, gaining the attention of all three.
“Roger that.” Steve nodded before turning back to the two men. “I expect you two to stay out of anymore trouble, and I have my ways of checking.” It sounded like the man was warning two children, “It was a pleasure to meet you both. Make sure to take care of each other.”
With that, he turned around and stepped closer to Hawkeye so that they could speak more privately.
Kili glanced away from the man and back to his boyfriend, only to snicker as he found Fili’s wide eyes still glued to the Captain. He nudged the blond gently, “Hey. You’re going to attract flies that way.” He teased.
Those blue eyes blinked and Fili turned to look at Fili for just a moment before his attention was once more on Captain America.
“Stop staring at his ass, you jerk!” Kili began to snicker, the stress and fear of the day slowly melting away and leaving him a little giddy with relief.
“I can’t help it.” Fili shook his head before wincing and hissing at the pain the action caused. He finally looked at Kili before pulling the brunet onto the bed with him. It was small and they barely had any room to maneuver, but they made it work. “You’re not hurt, are you?” He murmured into Kili’s hair as they clung to each other.
Kili shook his head. “No.” He promised as he curled up a little more into Fili’s side, reveling in the familiar heat and scent that was almost covered by smoke and ash. “But you were so rest. Captain America says he and his guys will beat the aliens, and if Captain America says he’s going to do something, I think I believe him. We might be here for a while, so go to sleep.”
The arm around him squeezed lightly before Fili sighed and gave in. “You won’t leave?” He asked, even as he settled down as comfortably as he could and closed his eyes.
“Not even for a naked Iron Man.”
Fili snorted, but then whined as the action hurt. Kili gently kissed his head and murmured his apology before falling silent so Fili could rest.
He lay quietly for a while, gently stroking Fili’s dirty hair as he planned on what would happen after. Because surely Captain America and his team would win (they had to, alright?) and everyone could go back home, hopefully. He didn’t want to think about going back to a destroyed apartment, but he supposed it was possible. It wouldn’t matter, they’d figure that out. He managed to plan out a shower, a proper meal, and then finally sleep in a proper bed, but anything after that was halted as exhaustion caught up with him and Kili finally followed Fili into sleep.
After what he can only assume was a wild night out in Vegas, Kili wakes up naked next to the hottest example of the human race he's ever seen in his life, and though he has no recollection of how he got there or who the man is, he thinks drunk him has very good taste.
* I would like to think that all the chapels in Vegas take care about drunk people getting married, but for the sake of this fic I'm going to pretend not.
* I'm hesitant about posting this as it's been my baby for the last couple of months honestly, but it fit well with the prompt, so I decided to post it.
* I love an overbearing drunk Tauriel, but I hope her language didn't offend anyone!
* I'm a sucker for the accents. That's literally it.
Chapter One: Sunday Morning...ish
A pitiful groan brought Kili back to consciousness, and after a slightly disorientating moment where the world spun and his stomach attempted to vacate his aching body, he realized the groan was his own.
He winced at what little light he could see from behind his heavy eyelids, and even that slight movement made his head pound so profusely that he almost missed the fact that he was stark naked beneath a thin sheet. He wasn’t particularly against sleeping naked were he at home and didn’t have either of his friends randomly entering his hotel room without warning.
After finally prying his eyes open, the brunet stared up in confusion at a ceiling he'd never seen before. It was just a ceiling, if not a little more lavish with designs pressed into its surface, but not one he knew. The hotel he, Ori, and Tauriel had booked into at the beginning of their vacation was definitely not this fancy and was probably considered a little dull by the rest of Vegas' standards.
Because he was a smart little cookie after a night of heavy drinking, Kili deducted that this was not his hotel room. So he was naked in a strange hotel room after what he could assume was a wild night, and now that he was more awake he could feel the warmth of another body stretched out against his left side. This wasn’t something he’d normally do, but he’d been listening to Tauriel preach about what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas for the last three days.
Apparently drunk Kili had taken that advice to heart.
He really couldn't recall the night before, (but he was still alive after it, even if his head felt like it could explode at the slightest sound and his stomach seemed ready to take a vacation of its own) and he was curious to see who his bed partner was. He shifted slowly in hopes that whatever was left in his stomach wouldn't be making a grand reappearance.
The thought of being sick melted away as he was greeted with a mass of what looked like spun gold that glinted in the light sneaking through the barely closed curtains. His eyes traveled down the expanse of an uncovered back, noting the nice muscle tone of the shoulders and arms hidden beneath all that hair and the pillows. There was a slight scar along the spine that started between the shoulder blades and disappeared under the gold, but it did nothing to impede Kili’s enjoyment of the view. His downward observations were hindered by a sheet that sat very low on the form's hips, giving Kili just enough of a tantalising peek to the lovely swell of what was clearly a fantastic ass.
His bed partner was clearly male despite the length of hair, and so far Kili highly enjoyed what he could see. Kili was no slouch himself, but the body next to him was pretty compact and broad. That happened to be one of Kili’s weaknesses.
Drunk Kili had very good taste.
Unable to resist the temptation to touch, Kili reached out and trailed his fingers along the man's arm to see just how firm those muscles were. The skin beneath his fingertips broke out into goose flesh and the body twitched but otherwise remained still. Fascinated by the softness and the heat radiating from the other, Kili didn't realize he was being watched until he happened to glance up and find a pair of amused blue eyes watching him sleepily through that mess of gold.
He snatched his hand back quickly and smiled sheepishly. “Um…sorry.” He chewed his lip and waited for the awkward morning after feeling to settle in.
It didn’t.
The other man shrugged a shoulder before a hand appeared from under the pillow to push the hair out of his face. Kili was greeted with a wide albeit sleepy grin and a set of dimples that could just be seen beneath the scruff on the man’s face. “Don’t stop on my account, felt nice.” He murmured, words accented nicely though Kili didn’t know where it was from. Those blue eyes scrunched up a little a moment later as they regarded Kili, “I didn’t kidnap you, did I?”
The brunet huffed out a regretful laugh at the question – regretful because it hurt his head to make the sound. He hissed a little and pressed his fingers to his forehead. “I don’t feel kidnapped.” He assured before the thought of Ori and Tauriel worrying about him entered his mind.
“Are you sure? Don’t know how else I got someone so pretty in my bed.” The guy responded as he shifted, turning onto his back to better have a conversation with. He looked like he regretted the movements as soon as he made them, and when he was finally resting against the headboard of the bed, he held his head with both hands.
Kili certainly wasn’t feeling pretty in his death-like state, but he flushed at the compliment and the sudden view he got as the sheet slipped enough to provide him with quite the eyeful. He followed the trail of golden hair underneath the guy’s navel, and he realized that the front was just as well toned as the back and had a fine dusting of hair. He wished he could remember if he’d gotten to trail his tongue along the creases of those abs last night.
“You’re calling me pretty?” He almost snorted but then remembered how much just the laugh had hurt and thought better of it. Instead he bravely reached out and ran his right hand along the stranger’s chest, fingers caressing over a nipple that quickly hardened at the attention as the guy shivered just slightly at the touch.
He didn’t make a move to make Kili stop, despite both of them being sober. “I’d be happy to stare and listen to you talk all night. Irish, right?”
“Yeah, Irish. But home is here, now.” Kili smiled sheepishly at that, knowing that his own accent was sometimes popular with the right crowds. “But how I ended up falling in bed with a bloody Greek god is what I’d like to know.” He glanced up at the eyes watching him and grinned. “Maybe I kidnapped you, Apollo.”
The man returned the grin and flashed those dimples at Kili again. “Hm. You might want to rethink your kidnapping plans, Ireland.” He pointedly looked around the room. “We’re in my hotel room. Besides, if anybody’s the god here, it’d be you.” He reached over and Kili felt a light caress against his cheek and the guy didn’t hide the way his eyes moved along Kili’s body as he took in his fill. “I think I’ll be feeling you for the next few days.”
Kili hummed as he leaned into that warm hand before the last bit registered and he felt his face heat up. “Sorry.” He wanted to laugh but knew it would hurt to do so. “Guess I got a little carried away.” He admitted, allowing his hand to slide down to rest against the guy’s stomach.
“It wasn’t a complaint.” The blond promised as he took his hand back and relaxed against the headboard. “I just wish I could remember it. Feels like quite the night.” The smirk he directed at Kili was full of heat that set Kili’s own blood on fire.
Kili returned the look with one of his own, his fingers twitching against the warm skin in a desire to touch. “I’d love to remind the both of us with a re-enactment, but I don’t want to break you, and I should probably try to contact my friends so you don’t have a SWAT team busting down the door or something looking for me.” And it was with great reluctance that Kili forced his hand to slide away before he carefully crawled off the bed to search for his jeans.
“Isn’t a SWAT team a little extreme?” The man pouted just a little, though he didn’t stop Kili in his progress.
“You don’t know my friends.” Kili managed a soft chuckle without too much pain, though he winced and held his head again as the room spun a little once he was standing vertical. “They’re...um…” He couldn’t think of a word this early or this hungover, “crazy,” he settled on even as he heard shifting in one of the drawers behind him and the sudden rattle of a pill bottle.
God he hoped it was Tylenol.
He found his pants and carefully bent down to retrieve them, finding the cellphone inside the back pocket where drunk him thankfully stashed it. He had a couple of missed calls and a lot of texts from both Tauriel and Ori, but none of them seemed all that concerned just yet.
[From: Tauriel]
You stole my guy you asshole! I wanted to sit on his face!
[From: Tauriel]
I called DIBS, Kili! How could you BETRAY me like this! I thought you loved me!
[From: Tauriel]
I want to hear ALL THE FUCKING details in the morning you lucky bastard!!! DON’T YOU DARE FORGET A THING. >|
[From: Tauriel]
TAKE A PICTURE OF HIM NAKED FOR GODS SAKE I NEED SOMETHING TO SOOTH THE PAIN
[From: Ori]
Don’t listen to Tauriel. She’s just jealous that you caught the hottest guy at the club.
[From: Ori]
I really hope you’re okay. The way that guy looked at you, I’d have thought he wanted to eat you. >;D
[From: Ori]
Be careful, Kili! Use protection!!!! And as your best friend, I need to be informed of all the details of your night with that stud.
[From: Ori]
And any pictures you might happen to take.
Crazy was rather fitting for his friends actually.
Kili was beginning to think he didn’t want to talk to them right away. He didn’t want to face the teasing he’d get because he couldn’t remember anything or the harassment over pictures he most certainly wouldn’t take. He couldn’t even remember meeting the guy let alone fucking him.
“Hey,” the voice from behind him brought him out of his thoughts, “are you Killian Oaks?”
Hearing his name, Kili looked over his shoulder. “Yeah, my wallet over there?” He wondered because it wasn’t in his pants and he figured the guy had checked out his ID.
The blond wasn’t holding a wallet though but a piece of paper and a blessed bottle of Tylenol. “Uh, no…” He held out the paper instead of explaining.
Confused and curious, Kili stepped forward and took it before reading it over and freezing on the spot.
“This is to certify that the undersigned Justice Gandalf Grey did on the 6 day of August, 2016 at Little Church of the West in Las Vegas, Nevada, join in lawful Wedlock Killian Oaks of Dublin, Ireland, and Philip Durin of Auckland, New Zealand, with their mutual consent, in the presence…”
Kili stopped reading and looked at the man across from him, this Philip. “This has to be a joke,” he decided, heart racing and hands shaking. Surely it was revenge for apparently stealing the guy Tauriel had wanted the night before. She and Ori must have set this whole thing up to get back at him. It had to be. Right?
Philip didn’t seem to be too bothered by this news, though he was staring rather intently at his own hand. Kili followed his line of sight and found a golden band on his ring finger and automatically looked at his own hand to find one that matched. “I don’t think so.”
“We got married?!” Kili found himself almost shrieking and he began to pace at the end of the bed as he read and reread the certificate in his hand over and over. On one of his turns he looked up and noticed the blond – Philip – looking relaxed. In fact, he’d settled with those magnificent arms crossed behind his head and was watching Kili and looking amused, and the brunet noticed that his fingers were playing with his wedding band. Wedding band. Fuck! “Aren’t you the least bit concerned?” He asked as he shook the certificate at him for emphases.
Philip shrugged, “I can think of worse people to be married to.” He grinned, eyes lit up with something almost gleeful as they pointedly roamed down Kili’s body. It was then that Kili realized he was still naked and had been walking about for a few moments and giving Philip an eyeful.
“You don’t even know me!” Kili blurted out the obvious as he grabbed his jeans from the floor and began to tug them on, “And I don’t know you!” He shrieked as he fell over, falling half on the bed as he tripped over his pants.
Philip groaned and tugged Kili across the bed, ignoring his jeans. He stretched out and dragged the brunet with him until they were settled against the pillows. Philip didn't seem to have a problem with the fact that they were complete strangers as he tucked himself against Kili, his arm staying loosely around the brunet’s waist, and he relaxed further as he closed his eyes. "We're both too hungover to deal with this right now. How about we sleep for another few hours and deal with it then?" He suggested. “A few hours isn’t going to change much.”
Kili stared at him with what he knew was shock, their faces only a few inches away. How was he supposed to sleep now? "Nothing fazes you much, does it?" He forced himself to relax against the form and he found it easier than he thought it would be. Philip was pleasantly warm and his skin was rather soft, and Kili wouldn’t deny that the arm around him felt nice.
Marriage. He'd gotten married. This man was his husband. His HUSBAND. Oh my god. His mother was going to kill him. Drunk him made very, very bad decisions.
The blond smiled but didn't open his eyes. "Nope. I've learned things happen for a reason, and I try not to stress about them. Gives you wrinkles.”
Kili's mouth curled into a frown, “So you think we’re supposed to have gotten married.”
The blond shifted on the bed to find a more comfortable position and Kili found a pair of legs tangling up with his own. “Who knows? There are worse things in life than marrying a stranger, and there's always an annulment. So we're married for a week and we see how it goes."
"We see how it goes." Kili repeated incredulously.
He watched as Philip’s lips quirked up slightly and one blue eye cracked open to look at him. "Yeah. You'll probably be in love with me by the end of the week anyway." His tone was smug.
Kili huffed loudly at that and didn't even care that his head hated him for it. "Bullshit!”
Philip just shrugged. "Guess we'll have to see, won't we? Either way," he yawned, "I get to cross off three things from my bucket list all from one night."
Kili's eyebrow raised but the blond couldn't see it. "You have a bucket list?"
"Mm hm."
"And just what do you get to cross off?"
"Well…getting married for one. Befriending a stranger – and this totally counts – but also taking said stranger out for breakfast and getting to know him better." Philip smiled, "While I hadn't expected them all at the same time and I just added the breakfast now, I’m not really complaining."
Kili gave up and settled back down again figuring that he’d deal with everything later. The blond was right; they were still hungover and nothing would change if they got a few more hours sleep. His head and stomach were thanking him for calming down and getting some more rest too. Before he could fully relax, his eyebrows narrowed at a sudden realization, "You haven't taken the stranger out for breakfast."
Philip moved and pulled the sheet over them before nuzzling his nose into Kili's hair. "Not yet I haven’t, but I’m willing to change it to supper seeing as how it’s almost noon. Now close your eyes, relax and go to sleep. I’ll feed you later.”
Kili released an offended huff but decided to do just that anyway. It should have been awkward, sleeping cuddled up to this other man, but it wasn’t and as he finally drifted back to sleep, he couldn’t help but wonder just what he’d gotten himself into.
fikiweek day 6: crossover or borrowed universe
a collab with my wonderful bro @damnitfili <3
In a galaxy far, far away, Fili and Kili join the Resistance to fight for what’s right.
Their life is a paradigm for how paradoxes are done.
Fili was born with earth-bound feet and Kili with starlight in his veins, yet they always seem to meet at a halfway point.
Fili misses gravity when they’re out there; the solid, irresistible pull to a safe ground, somewhere familiar, a place bigger than life - because Space is immense, but Space is also the risk of falling into a bottomless eternity and fear has an iron-cold grip on a lover’s guts.
Then again, he always finds himself in Kili’s orbit - his safe, familiar, bigger-than-life place - drawn to him by many a force.
Kili though, Kili comes to life in his x-wing. Kili breathes in the thrill of the flight, sees blazing suns where most see shy beacons in the everlasting darkness; he dubs every star with Fili’s name, curls his arms around Fili’s neck and says his feet should bless every planet in the universe with their touch.
There are nights when he looks up at the sky, some kind of longing flickering through his frame - the echo of it vibrates all the way into Fili’s heart like ripples on clear water. Fili thinks it’s for something out there - the unknown, the infinite, a thousand oceans’ worth of worlds and wilderness to discover, to fill Kili’s heart and eyes with wonder.
Kili leans against him instead, pressing tightly into Fili’s own space and further away from the sky, his blood thrumming thick and fast underneath his skin. He links their fingers together in the meager privacy of Fili’s pocket, his eyes heavy with starlight and yearning and hushed whispers of Fili’s name. Fili can almost feel them rub into his skin, sinking bone-deep inside of him.
“I can only fly because you’re out there with me, you know.”
Kili’s voice is so rough it almost breaks around the words, but Fili understands - he always does.
He may not hear Kili’s thoughts, but he can feel the rush of his brother’s blood as if it were his own; he can feel the pounding of Kili’s heart as if it belonged in his own chest.
His hand cups Kili’s face, his dimples like tiny half moons in the gold dust of his stubble. Their noses touch, and Fili calls it perfection.
“Now do you.”
And sometimes, most times, every time, Fili’s eyes smile and his lips kiss, well into the starlit night.
fikiweek day 6: crossover or borrowed universe
a tiny Beauty and the Beast AU
There was a time when all of Fili’s needs were not simply tended to, but met in advance, before a request could even form on his lips. There was a time when his desires were only a wave away from reality - days when a look, a word, a snap of his fingers would have sufficed, with no need for him to even contemplate a wish before it was fulfilled.
Afterwards, a time came when Fili had no looks, no words, no gestures to spare. There was a time, a very long time, when Fili never looked, for mirrors terrified him and windows even more so.
A time when Fili never did speak, for a growl could roughen his words and threaten the last scraps of his humanity if he didn’t try hard enough.
A time when he gave up on wanting, for he could not get; a time when he had one too many needs and thus acknowledged none of them.
Now, Fili looks. Now, Fili looks and wants and needs, and he does so until his eyes and his heart and his very skin are full of Kili, of his shy grins and his wonder-struck gaze when he walks the gardens, all of Fili’s senses prickling at the sheer presence of him.
He needs, and lets himself feel that need until the golden fur coating his arms and the nape of his neck rouses with static and the sweet pangs of pleasure.
He wants, wants so much it feels like his chest will burst open and roses will take root in his ribcage, reach deep into his heart and bloom anew every time Kili calls his name, every time Kili’s fingers curl around his clawed hands to guide him through a waltz or a jig.
He looks, and looks, and looks again to catch every last detail, all the ways Kili’s hair caresses his shoulders, all the shades of pink on his lips and cheeks, the shapes of his many smiles, the gentle flickering of his knuckles when he plays the old piano in the East wing ballroom.
Now that he allows himself to feel for the first time in many, many years, Fili knows that he has never wanted, or needed, anything as much as he wants and needs Kili by his side; and like a newly born child, slowly, tenderly, in a secret corner of his heart, he begins to wish again.
fikiweek day 5: prologue or and aftermath
A little Supernatural!AU (can also be read here on ao3)
Sometimes it feels like his whole being is made of memories, patch after patch sewn together in a colourful, fuzzy swirl. His childhood is the fuzziest of them all – Kili remembers it like a spinning pinwheel, days of scurrying through churches and libraries, bibles in hand and countless blessings on Thorin’s lips, curses thrown over their heads, the damp stains of holy water on the car seats.
He remembers the tall windows of a cathedral, the tiny shards of colored glass set perfectly in their frames, shaping figures and clouds and shining suns, white birds and joined hands and half-bald men like Dwalin – remembers asking Fili who they were, Fili’s smile as he said “they’re saints” and let Kili clutch his sleeve in the astounding, humbling silence of any empty, sun-filled sanctuary.
“What do saints do, Fee?” He remembers asking.
Most of all, he remembers the shades of gold and silver of Fili’s hair as he looked up, swathed in sunlight like a soft halo.
“They protect you.”
He tries to learn all about them when he’s a kid, stashes his mind full of curious data, all these little pieces of information that will probably never leave him.
He finds that not all saints spend their days looking up at the sky wistfully or tending to their modest garden. Some of them chitchat with God and bring him wine every other day. Some have swords. Some fight dragons, spiked backs and fire-blazing jaws, their armors shining with noble crests and dark blood. Some fight slithering shadows with bare hands and blind faith, clawing their way back to light at sunrise. Some even have wings, and walk with God’s flames at their feet.
Kili hopes they can be like that when they grow up, he and Fili. Warriors, proud and fair and kissed by the sun, their hearts as brave as any.
He draws angel wings on the back of Fili’s hand one afternoon, a tiny masterpiece in blue ink, like his brother’s eyes. He doesn’t know that their future lies in the shadows, too, and Fili doesn’t tell him.
It takes Kili a while to realize what this one does, really. After so many years they’re all identical – they all come down to this, holy water and guns and cheap motels and the next creature trying to throttle them, so he stands his ground, knife in hand, the demon’s fingers twitching and clawing into his shirt, grazing for Kili’s chest.
He just doesn’t expect it to look him in the eye. Somehow he never sees that coming; Thorin’s glares and scowls when he messed up, his slumped shoulders and downcast gaze whenever Dis was mentioned, build this idea in Kili’s mind that you only look someone in the eye when you’re in the right.
You think they’re in the wrong, Fili always reminds him, but they don’t.
But then the creature is looking, his eyes piercing as if they were going straight for Kili’s soul, and he’s in Kili’s mind, rummaging, raking through every memory, and for a second Kili’s heart freezes.
At six his world is in uncle Thorin’s car, grease smeared on his fingertips and the dashboard from their latest pizza, the gentle lull of the radio kept low at night while Thorin drives.
At seven he rehearses the basics like kids do for their tests – silver bullets for werewolves, salt and fire for ghosts, don’t mess with witches, if it’s a vampire aim straight for the heart, watch out for doppelgangers ‘cause they’re total bitches. Fili chokes on his apple juice; Thorin laughs and agrees. He ruffles Kili’s hair, says Dwalin would approve too.
At ten he counts their kills to fall asleep at night, flank-to-flank with Fili on the backseat, a bag of Lay’s cradled in the circle of his crossed little legs, a couple of Batman comics sticking out of his schoolbag along with history and math and a pocket-sized Bible. He shuts his eyes against the streetlights, head leaning against Fili’s arm, and counts. One poltergeist, two demons, three trolls, four ghosts...
At eleven, he stands his ground with a loaded gun clutched in his hands, knees ready to buckle under him. Fili takes the shot for him.
At fourteen he’s gone through the charms of fifteen states and a thousand motels. It’s a lot less cool than they make it sound like in some novels. Kili’s not sure he likes it.
At sixteen he sleeps with Fili’s dagger under his pillow and Fili’s arm around his waist. Thorin is gone every other week.
At nineteen Fili is sun and stars and the sound of kisses shared in the dark, the quiver of lungs, the melting of breaths like glistening gold in a forge. Thorin doesn’t know. Kili keeps his eyes low, but his heart soars ever so high.
Twenty is their hands clasped together desperately, their dust-spitting engine, Kili’s fingerprints on their car’s hood, his breath staining the window, switching seats on long drives, silence wrapped around them. Thorin is gone. Something in Fili breaks. He is distance and Kili is fury and he is bottled-up yearning because fuck, he cannot lose every single good thing he’s ever had in one go.
Twenty is for missing.
Twenty is for fucking up.
Twenty-one is for healing, slow and one little piece at a time. It’s for mistakes and birthday pies and forgiveness, for kisses and warm skin, for ridiculous coffee names and cheap beer, for lazy lovemaking and daydreams that make a road trip just a road trip, and hunting only for fairytales and evil queens’ henchmen.
Twenty-two is when the count goes up to a hundred, but it’s not kills this time - it’s kisses and touches and the nights they spend as one.
It’s only when Fili calls his name, a sharp sound dripping with anguish, that Kili can snap out of it.
He cuts it down in one move, his knife sharp and his hand ready, and the creature falls apart in a heap of dust.
“Fuck you. That was none of your business.”
At some point Kili realizes, reminiscing might just be his own coping mechanism. Like on their endless days of hunting, when time slows down and frustration rusts in his bones and screaming until his throat bleeds still sounds like the best option; or locked in the shower after a kill, when it feels like all the world’s filth is stuffed in his chest, beneath his very skin – he forces himself to breathe and dusts his oldest memories, letting them fill up each of his senses.
The warm scent of a diner’s apple pie, the crisp feeling of early mornings’ air on his bare cheeks, the sound of Thorin’s raspy ignition like a tipsy horse, the tangy aftertaste of blood in his mouth when other kids would corner him, Fili’s familiar silhouette stark against the car window every time his eyes blinked open, the world a fuzzy string behind him, and he a steady spot of colour shooting Kili a smile.
There’s this one memory he is very fond of, a somewhat ancient one.
She’s not the first ghost he sees. The sixth, the seventh maybe - Kili’s eight and come on, ghosts are Hunting 101 - but she’s different. She feels different. Her house doesn’t feel haunted, more like something you’d see in adverts - sunlight pooled on the floor, nice curtains hanging over open windows, and even over the layer of dust on every piece of furniture you can smell the vanilla-y scent of cookies and muffins from the bakery across the street.
Kili intrudes on her by accident, but she doesn’t get mad at him; she smiles and greets him, a peaceful soul with a fancy accent, and they sit together in her veranda. Their toes brush the twisting tendrils of jasmine beneath their feet, and as the breeze rises and dances around her fingers, Kili swears he can smell a hint of basil from the empty pots in the little garden.
She tells him about love, and loss, of memories to keep until they keep you alive and the ones to bury before they bury you. She tells him of the power of fresh mint and rosemary, of cinnamon and laurel, and she lets him play her favourite vinyl record – an old ballad Kili’s father would have liked, hick with melancholy, yet somehow drenched with passion too. It’s all curly sounds and garbled words that Kili can’t make out, and she laughs a silvery little laugh and teaches him a few - corazón for heart, she says, and siempre for always; mi and me only a little twist down the road, razón as close to reason as it gets. Adoring sounds almost the same, Kili congratulates himself, his stomach full of butterflies as she croons her foreign words. Adorarte para mi fue religión, she’d say, and instinct would call for Fili, paint pictures of his caring hands in Kili’s mind with soft pink and gold.
He can only visit her twice before Thorin declares that they’re out of here, but that’s enough for her to leave her imprint in Kili’s heart.
Some scents bring her back to him sometimes – herbs and spices, tingling like a pinch of pepper on the tip of his tongue, her sweet lilting voice a faded memory dancing in the back of his mind.
Sometimes, when the longing rises like a tide in his chest and he seeks relief in his brother’s arms, he can hear it echoing from that day long ago – siempre fuiste la razón de mi existir, it says, running as deep as blood inside of him, trickling off his fingers and into Fili’s skin. Fili’s heartbeat seems to pick up on the rhythm; the holiness of it mirrored in the sated stretch of his golden limbs. Adorarte para mi fue religión.
Fear always holds fast onto his heart when something goes wrong. When they barely escape with their life. When Fili is almost gone forever and Kili thinks he’ll go crazy if it ever happens again.
He curls up against Fili’s side, their arms crossing and slipping around each other tightly, securely.
“Don’t you ever leave me.”
If he closes his eyes it will feel like any day in any lover’s life, laptop washing the wall with blue lights, maps and pencils scattered on the table, two beds pushed together, their plans for the next trip laid out on the sheets. If he closes his eyes, the monsters in the closet will disappear and the two of them will be happy, doomed but happy. The average, everyday-like happiness everyone else gets, homes and potted plants and groceries and silly prints on pyjamas.
Fili smiles, eyelashes twined around his baby blues, eyes tired but twinkling.
“I never planned to.”
If there is a difference between his soft memories and the bits and pieces of data cramming his mind, it’s in the way they come to be in the first place. Memories are something you make just by living, by simply being there; information is something you seek and absorb with purpose.
Unsurprisingly, Fili is an extraordinary compendium of all that, a rare moment of truce in Kili’s forever-whirring mind. Kili lives and thrives on the new memories they make every day, delighting in the simple fact that they exist together, and he draws strength from them. And yet, at the same time, Kili studies Fili, learns him by heart, seeks new angles and shades and perspective on the gentle curve of his back, on the familiar texture of his skin, on the way his hair will curl on the nape of his neck, well-known and always new.
He’s the peace and balance in Kili’s mind and, all in all, the only thing truly worth remembering.
He kisses the bare span of Fili’s neck, nuzzling the tip of his nose into the furthest corner, roaming over freckled planes and the smooth bas-relief of a collarbone.
Fili is tendrils of sheer feeling against him, curling sweet and enticing around him - he is warmth and he is flesh and he is weight between Kili’s legs, he is the tingle of downy hair beneath Kili’s hands, hot breath laving Kili’s lips, happiness buzzing under Kili’s skin.
What do they do, Fee?
His palms spread down over Fili’s stomach to cup his ribs and Kili is a child again, arm stretched out to point at tall windows, sunlight fanned in the spaces between his fingers, warm and ticklish, painting his skin a soft red, edged with bright gold and white.
They protect you.
He sighs his brother’s name, sinking into this back-arching, toe-curling pleasure, furled hot and tight inside of him.
That’s how it felt back then, reaching for the light-flooded ceiling. That’s how it feels now - his hands on Fili, warm like summer, burning like the sun, holier than heaven.
“Kili,” he says underneath him, kissing his mouth with breath and tongue and teeth and all of Kili is hot, hot, hot, set alight in his brother’s grasp.
“Fili-”
They do say God is made of fire.
*Siempre fuiste la razón de mi existir
Adorarte para mi fue religión
roughly:
You were always the reason for my being
Adoring you was my religion
The lyrics are from Historia de un amor; there are many versions of this song, but the one I'm referring to in particular is performed by Guadalupe Pineda ft. Los Tres Ases.
In Kili's mind, it's not fair that Fili's the only one being punished.
A small dwarfling stomped angrily away from the small wooden cottage where he lived with his mother and brother, a dark storm cloud hanging over his head as he clutched tightly to his small bow.
He'd been kicked out of the house to play on his own because his mother had firmly stated: "Your brother is being punished for fighting. It's not a punishment if you're there to play with him!"
Kili growled to himself as he remembered how he'd tried to explain again what had caused the fight in the first place.
"That's not fair, Mama! Fee was just-"
"I don't want to hear it, Kili." His mother had interrupted him. "He broke that boy's nose! I will not have my sons fighting our own people like that. Now go outside to play. It's about time you made friends with different children and spent some time apart."
That was the last thing Kili wanted to do. Nothing was fun without Fili there to enjoy it with him, and none of the adults in their family understood that. They did everything together, even get punished together!
What made Kili upset the most was that the fight hadn't even been Fili's fault and their mother wouldn't listen to them when they tried to explain. It had been that stupid Demli that had started the whole thing.
Demli and his little gang of older dwarves had been picking on both Fili and Kili for as long as the brunet could remember. But Kili was the easier target since he was small and easy to get a rise out of, and they had taken great joy in tormenting the younger dwarf, laughing when Kili would finally burst into tears.
Fili had been taught to turn the other cheek, and he always had to drag his little brother away from the jerks so he could try to calm him down and reassure Kili that nothing they said was true.
"When you're the best archer in the whole world, they're going to be sorry they ever called you an elf." Fili would always ruffle Kili's hair and hug the smaller boy tightly, making up jokes and stories until Kili was bright eyed and laughing again and his earlier tears were forgotten.
But the bullying had escalated the day before as he and Fili had been getting some supplies for their mother.
Demli and his friends had started up again the moment they spotted they younger dwarves, but Kili had been adamant that he was going to ignore them. He grabbed a tight hold of Fili's hand as the eldest led them through the market and to different merchants.
"Hey, Flea, shouldn't you keep that cave troll on a leash?" Demli drawled smugly, and he practically beamed when his friends laughed.
Kili wanted to turn but forced himself not to. Fili always said they kept doing it because he reacted, so if he didn’t react then maybe they’d go away.
"We still need to get some flour for Ma." Fili squeezed Kili's hand, effectively drawing his attention away from the group. It was Fili’s way of telling Kili that he was doing a good job without having to say so out loud. "Then we'll have fresh baked bread for supper, Kee." He grinned at his brother and Kili returned it.
"You're obviously too dumb to understand. Here, let me show you." Demli insisted.
Before Kili could comprehend what had happened, something was placed over his head and tightened around his throat.
"Fee!" He automatically cried out, but the word was choked off rather abruptly when whatever was around him tightened more.
Panicking at his inability to breathe, Kili collapsed to the ground and tugged frantically at the thing around his neck. There was shuffling and a lot of yelling before the small dwarf managed to pull it away with shaky fingers.
It had been a rope.
A cry pulled his attention away from the rope, and he looked up to find Demli flat on his back in front of him with Fili sitting on his chest. Kili watched in wide eyed awe as his usually calm and collected older brother drew back his fist and slammed it into Demli's face again and again.
"Don't you touch my brother!" Fili snarled animalistically. He'd gotten hit somewhere in the scuffle while Kili had been struggling with the rope because Kili could see blood oozing out from a cut along his cheek, staining his light stubble red. But any injury he'd sustained was not stopping him from pummeling Demli.
The young brunet stood frozen, shocked by the ferocity in which his big brother was defending him. Fili had always been protective, but nothing had ever escalated to something physical before, and it was clear that the few fighting lessons that their uncle had taught him were paying off.
The shouts from Demli and his friends had eventually drawn the attention of some of the adult dwarves, and one of the shopkeepers had appeared and had pulled Fili off. After that it was a confusing blur of yelling and others talking as Demli sobbed to one of the dwarves that he'd been attacked unprovoked. Nobody had witnessed anything before Fili had launched himself at the other youth, and they wouldn't listen whenever Kili tried to explain.
Fili remained silent as he was scolded first by the dwarves around them, and then by their mother when she'd finally appeared and dragged them home.
"Fili, you are a prince. Princes do not go around attacking others!"
Kili hid behind his brother, arms tightly wrapped around Fili's waist and his face buried in the familiar material of Fili's coat. The small brunet was just so overwhelmed by all the noise and activity that had happened that all he could really do was cling to who he felt safest with.
Eventually, Fili had been sent to their room as punishment, and Kili had gone with him because that's just the way their punishments always went. They curled up under their blankets and Fili wordlessly checked to see if Kili had been hurt, finding a little rope burn just beneath Kili’s chin.
That had been yesterday and today Dis had finally separated the two when she'd heard them giggling as they played a game.
Now Kili was on his own until dinner when he would need to return home. He hoped that Fili's punishment wasn't for much longer since the younger dwarfling was already bored without his brother, but he hadn't seen their mother so angry before. Maybe Fili was going to be grounded forever!
With little else to do, Kili made his way to a small wooded area just outside the village that his uncle had created so that his nephews could practice using a bow. Fili was alright with the weapon, but Kili knew the blond preferred his sword more and had only taken up the bow so that Kili wasn't the only one. Fili had probably hoped that it would have lessened the teasing Kili had to endure, but because the brunet had excelled at it, Fili learning hadn't done anything. Kili still appreciated the gesture, even if he didn’t know how to express it.
He'd been practicing for almost an hour before his ears picked up the sound of someone else moving toward the range. At first his heart hoped it was Fili, that maybe their mother had finally relented or that maybe his big brother finally managed to tell her what had happened.
But no.
There were multiple footsteps and that only ever meant trouble for Kili.
"Aw look at the elf-spawn, playing with his toys." The sound of Demli's voice made Kili's grip tighten around his bow. The smaller brunet just took a deep breath and reveled in the satisfaction that that ugly voice sounded nasally because of his broken nose.
Brown eyes glanced at the other dwarves warily, but Kili knew better than to show fear. "That crooked nose makes your ugly face look better, Demli. You should be thanking my brother." He growled as he nocked another arrow, intent on ignoring the group.
Demli waited for Kili to draw back his arm before muttering, "I heard that yellow rat isn't even really your brother."
Shock at such an accusation spread through Kili and his arrow went too wide, disappearing in the bushes and trees behind the target. He turned a glare at the group only to be faced with a bunch of smirks and sneers.
"Of course Fili's my brother." Kili hissed angrily, "He must have hit you too hard." He moved to get another arrow, the entire idea so ridiculous. Everybody knew that Fili took after their father.
"He doesn't even look like you or anyone else in your family. You're not really brothers." Demli said calmly, but Kili refused to believe it. “Your uncle should use him as dragon bait! I bet that dragon would notice that piss coloured hair of his and mistake it for gold.”
Kili was not afraid of many things. He still had a child's fearlessness and had never had a reason to really know fear. He'd always had a big brother there to protect him or distract him or help him face the scary things so he wouldn't have to do it alone.
The things Kili was afraid of most were angering their mother and losing his brother. He shuddered at the very idea of Fili being hauled off by a big scary dragon.
“Then the beast could add that piece of orc-shit to his collection.” Demli finished off.
Kili’s eyes flashed at that word, and he turned to glare at the older dwarf, any fear he’d felt replaced by rage. “What did you call my brother?” He demanded.
Names were nothing new to Kili, and he’d heard them thrown at Fili before too, but to call anyone something so vulgar was unheard of!
Demli caught on that this new nickname bothered Kili, so he smirked as he leaned forward a little to make sure the brunet heard it right. “You heard me. He’s. A. Piece. Of. Orc. Shit.” He spit the ‘t’ in Kili’s face.
Kili reacted before he could even think about it, drawing his fist back like he did with his arrow, only this time throwing his fist forward much like he’d witnessed Fili do the day before. While Kili’s hand was rather small, it landed square on Demli’s already broken nose.
The larger dwarf howled loudly at the sudden pain and it quickly brought others to the scene to see what was going on.
Kili knew his mother would find out and he’d be in trouble, but for the moment he didn’t care. He was too busy feeling smugly satisfied by seeing tears on Demli’s face for a change. That would teach the dwarf to spout such garbage about Kili’s big brother.
***
Kili stomped up the stairs toward their bedroom with his mother in tow. She hadn’t said much of anything since she came and got him from the range except that they were going to be talking when they got home. But Kili didn’t want to talk. He knew she wasn’t going to listen to him either, and he didn’t care. This meant he’d be getting punished for fighting, so he and Fili could be punished together like it was supposed to have happened in the first place.
He pushed open the closed door to the room, eyes automatically seeking out the familiar figure and finding him at a small desk that their uncle had built so they could practice their letters on. It looked like Fili had been reading from one of the books he had for lessons, and Kili felt utterly horrible because nobody deserved that for punishment.
Blue eyes automatically looked over the smaller figure for any signs of injury or distress, and Kili knew better than to try to hinder his inspection. Once Fili was looking at his face again, Kili gave him a wide grin to reassure the blond once more.
The brunet heard their mother’s long suffering sigh as she nudged Kili forward and into the room a little more. “Your little brother was caught fighting today.” She sounded tired but also annoyed. “He looks up to you, Fili. You have to remember how much your actions influence him-”
Kili saw red just as he saw Fili open his mouth to apologize. The youngest Durin exploded and spun to face his mother, his hands moving to his hips much like hers did when she was scolding them. “Stop blaming Fili!” He shouted at her in hopes of her actually listening this time. His fac was scrunched up and turning red from his frustration. “It’s Demli’s fault because he’s always picking on us, and I only punched his ugly nose because he called Fili a bad word! And yesterday Fili defended me because Demli put a rope around my neck and was choking me!” Angry tears blurred his vision and quickly trailed down his cheeks.
Kili sniffled and wiped his nose, yelping in surprise as his mother was suddenly on her knees before him and her fingers were moving along his neck. When he realized she was just looking him over for injury, he stood still and let her until she pressed her fingers against the mark beneath his chin, then he hissed and pulled away. He didn’t get very far before he was enveloped within her strong arms, and after a moment, Fili joined them in the hug. A kiss was pressed to both their heads before the embrace tightened just a little.
“I’m sorry.” Their mother murmured quietly, sighing into Fili’s hair as she squeezed them again. “You tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen.” Dis admitted quietly. “You’re both so usually well behaved; I was just so shocked and flustered by your actions. I should have listened to you the first time.” She pet both their heads.
The three were quiet for a while before they separated.
“Does that mean we’re still going to be punished?” Kili frowned, now wiping his face of any tears. Normally their punishment ended when they apologized, but Kili was far from feeling sorry for what he’d done, and if Fili opened his mouth to do it then the brunet was going to stomp on his foot. “’m not gonna say sorry for standing up for Fee.”
A nudge to Kili’s side caused him to look up to find his brother smiling, “And I’m not going to apologize for defending Kee.”
The two boys waited quietly as Dis made her decision, and when she did she scooped them both up into another hug. “You can come out of your room and go play, but stay close to the house. You’re both helping me with dinner tonight, and we’ll talk about what happened yesterday and today in more detail. Then we’ll decide from there, how’s that?”
There wasn’t really a choice to make and both boys agreed to it immediately. Even if they were punished, at least they’d be listened to first.
