#final exam hell

[academiahatesme]

I think I just reached the point where I've been overthinking my assignment so much it's lost all meaning. Kinda like repeating a word so many times it makes no sense anymore. "I'm writing all those things that other people has already written, just in other words and I compare their views, what is the point?"

[academiahatesme]

I have been so grumpy and uninspired about everything for the past month it's not even funny anymore.

And one of the biggest problems with final exam is, well at least for me, that I don't know if I'm doing it right. I don't know what those people even want! Sure there are guidelines and shit, but since I can't read a bunch of final exams I'm basically at loss here. And this adds an annoying bonus to already frustrating writing. "Is this normal, am I doing this right, this is how people do this right?" And the more I have to think that, the more I get stuck and unable to write anything. ( I mean, with thesis you can read a bunch of them and formulate some sort of understanding of the basic structure.)

I know I should just switch to "not giving a fuck" mode but I'm not emotionally there yet. I'm suspecting that after a meltdown next week I reach the stage where I just laugh while I'm heading straight to DOOOM.

[academiahatesme]

The reality is that I can't have any life (read: even my already minimal social life) outside the final exam this month. I feel mainly hopeless and I have lowered my expectations to the point that I'm praying I'm going to pass. So, is this shit happening because

a) I have been grumpy and unmotivated b) I have lost half of my cognitive abilities in last couple months c) I just can't anything anymore d) The demands of the task are pretty overwhelming in general and it's not just me e) I have entered to a whole new circle of self-sabotaging hell

or f) all the above?