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"Being human, you will experience what it's like to fall, to feel broken and to endure pain. It's in these moments when we are cracked wide open that the light is able to peer through the gaps and ignite the path." ~Jerry Sargeant ✨One Love. One Heart. One Human Family ✨
Today...
I sit in a hospital room. I'm in a recliner that's to the left of my mother's hospital bed. This has been my perch for a little over two weeks now. She's fighting. Making some progress but it's highly likely that things will never be the same.
I'm trying to prepare myself for it but how prepared can you be for something that has no particular end date? Can you really be prepared for a heartbreak, even when you know it's coming? The doctors are talking palliative care. In home hospice care where a nurse will be around for 4 hours a day and 4 days a week. The rest of the time will be all on me. I welcome the help. This is a lot to handle on my own but by the grace of God, I have been doing my best.
She's 7 years post cancer diagnosis and treatment. We're approaching 3 years since I left my job to care for her full time. 3 years since her last hospitalization. Two weeks ago, she was barely speaking. Now she's all "good mornings" and "I'm fine thank yous" to the nurses whose voices she recognizes. Other times she says nothing. I tell myself she may not like the person asking the questions. I know, though, that my mom is tired.
Exhausted in a way that my body and insomniac mind could ever be. But, for now, she keeps fighting. And I will fight with and for her for as long as she needs.
Finding my inner light
Life is taking me on yet another journey. I'm trying to adjust. Accept change. Rise to the occasion. It's a challenge more often than not. I've created this space to just process. To vent, to grow, to learn, to search. I know there is light at the end of this tunnel. I just have to remember it's there. I have to keep searching until I find it. I will not forget. I will not give up. I will definitely stumble but i will do my best not to fall. As I heal, I will continue to attempt to heal others.
High Above - India.Arie
Ideas... #crow #head #human #body #microns #dark #mystic #curse #findYourInnerLight #fingersCROSSED #art #artist #arches #drawing #illustration #sketch
