https://archiveofourown.org/works/65982130
Title: Yearning Waxes
Fandom: Jack Jeanne
Pairing: Kai/Kisa
Word count: 1427
Warnings: Kai route/Winter performance spoilers
Summary: Kai invites Kisa to read through the winter performance script together. While doing so, Kisa falls asleep, and Kai agonizes over his feelings for him.
It was a warm November afternoon, and Kai was taking advantage of the nice weather by reading the script for the winter performance in the courtyard. He sat with his back propped against a tree, the sound of paper pages being turned periodically cutting through natural sounds of chirping birds and breeze-rustled leaves.
'A priest from Havenna…'
Kai heaved a deep sigh and paused his reading to stare up at the sky. Kokuto had thrown all of Quartz for a loop with the role assignments this time, and Kai knew that it was his fault. If only he could have kept up with Fumi and the rest of the class, they wouldn't have been separated, allowing everything to proceed as smoothly as it always had…
"Huh? Kai-san?"
Pulled from his thoughts, Kai's head snapped back down and he saw Kisa approaching him. He felt his face heat up, and he lifted his hand to cover it as he cleared his throat; he hoped that was enough to hide any blush that may have appeared on his suddenly hot cheeks.
When they first met, Kai never expected to grow so close to Kisa. He had kept everyone else at arms length, after all, so why would this extremely talented first year be any different? However, as the year went on, Kai felt inexplicably drawn to his determined, compassionate junior, in spite of his best efforts to keep to himself as he always did. Kisa was just…different, and he somehow managed to steal Kai's heart before he knew what hit him.
"Ah, Tachibana," Kai said when Kisa stopped in front of him. Kisa smiled, which made Kai's heart skip a beat, and his eyes flicked to the script in Kai's hand.
"You're reading the script?"
"Yes," Kai said with a nod, before adding quickly, "Would you…like to read it together?"
Kisa hesitated and shifted his feet. "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to bother you."
"Yes. You…could never bother me," Kai said. His heart leapt into his throat when Kisa's eyes lit up, and he beamed as he took a seat on the ground next to Kai.
"Okay!"
Kai couldn't help but smile back, but he silently cursed his careless words. He had always been earnest with his feelings before and never thought to lie, but if Kisa caught any sign of Kai's affectionate feelings for him, Kai was worried that he would reject him and they couldn't be friends anymore. The very thought of not being by Kisa's side shook Kai to his very core, so he vowed to be more careful with his words from now on.
They read through the script together once, and Kai was reminded just how small of a part he had. He had brought this upon himself, and with Kisa struggling with his role as one of the Al Jeannes, Kai realized that he had brought this upon all of Quartz as well. He felt so…useless, worthless.
Kai was snapped out of his brooding when he felt a sudden weight drop onto his shoulder. He turned and found that Kisa's head had fallen against him. His eyes were closed and his breathing was soft and steady; Kai realized that he had fallen asleep.
Knowing that Kisa had been working extra hard this past week, Kai opted not to wake him. Instead, he gently moved Kisa into a more comfortable position so that he was lying down on his back with his head resting in Kai's lap.
Kai tried to resume his studying of the script, but he couldn't stop his eyes from flicking back to Kisa's sleeping face. He looked so…peaceful, like he didn't have a care in the world. However, Kai knew better than that, and he wished that he had been good enough to stand beside Kisa as Jack Ace. Maybe then, he could do something to ease his worries about his role as Al Jeanne, and to be a vessel to help him shine as brightly as he could upon the stage.
A chilly breeze suddenly blew by, and Kai felt Kisa shiver. His brow furrowed and he quickly removed his jacket to drape it over Kisa like a blanket; he had enough to worry about right now, and Kai would never forgive himself if he let Kisa get sick.
As he tucked his jacket snug around Kisa's neck, Kai noticed that his pretty pink hair was disheveled and in his face. Kai didn't want Kisa to wake up from being tickled by his hair, so Kai brushed the loose strands to the side. As Kai's fingers lingered far too long against his soft skin, his breath caught in his throat when he noticed Kisa's lips curl up into a smile.
It was a sight of unmatched beauty, and Kai felt his throat grow tight. His heart ached more and more with every rapid beat, and yearning unlike anything he had ever felt before erupted painfully deep within his gut. He couldn't stop his emotions from bubbling right up to the surface.
"T-Tachibana, I…"
Kai squeezed his eyes shut, but he was unable to stop a steady stream of tears from flowing down his cheeks. Placing a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs, he clenched his other hand tightly to try and keep himself from moving too much and waking Kisa. He felt numb to the discomfort of his nails digging into his skin, because all he felt was the agonizing pain of not being worthy enough to stand by Kisa's side. Kai would give anything for the chance…even if the only thing he could offer Kisa was to protect him.
Taking a few deep breaths, Kai managed to stop crying, and he quickly wiped the tears from his face; he didn't want Kisa to worry about him when he woke up. Kai continued to watch over him as he slept, and even though a part of him never wanted this moment to end, Kai knew that they couldn't stay out here all night.
When the sun had fully set, Kai gently shook Kisa's shoulder. "Tachibana…Tachibana."
A few seconds ticked by, and Kisa's eyes suddenly shot open. "Huh?! O-Oh, yes?!" he gasped, blinking rapidly as his eyes darted around. "Huh? It's dark already?"
"What was I…" Kisa mumbled, and when his eyes finally met Kai's, he seemed to realize what position he was in. Letting out a surprised squeak, Kisa jolted up into a sitting position.
Kai chuckled; he couldn't help but think that Kisa looked exceptionally cute right now. "You were sleeping."
"I'm so sorry!" Kisa blurted out, his cheeks flushed a pretty shade of red. He then noticed Kai's jacket, which was now bunched up in his lap after he had bolted upright. "Huh? Your jacket…? Ah!"
Waving his arms in front of him, Kisa apologized profusely: "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! You must be cold, Kai-san!"
"I can't have my-the Al Jeanne catch a cold." Kai winced at his slip of the tongue - so much for being careful with his words - so he blurted out something without thinking to try and cover it up: "…and, I'm quite warm now myself."
"Huh?"
Kisa thankfully didn't seem to catch Kai's Freudian slip; he knew that he wasn't good enough to stand at Kisa's side on stage anyway…let alone off of it too. He didn't want to - actually, he couldn't even if he wanted to - explain what the heart-wrenching warmth that was currently permeating his entire being was, so Kai stood up and held his hand out to Kisa.
"Let's head back to the dorm."
Kisa stared at his hand for a moment, before nodding and taking it. "O-Okay…"
Kai helped Kisa to his feet, and he had to use all of his restraint to keep himself from continuing to hold his hand. Instead, he reluctantly let go, and Kisa turned to head towards the dorm.
"Oh, Kai-san!" Kisa looked back at Kai, whose throat tightened when Kisa's lips curled up into a bright smile. "Thank you for keeping me warm."
Kai offered a small smile in return and nodded, waiting for Kisa to turn back around before rubbing at his watery eyes. The excruciating longing that he felt threatened to tear his heart asunder, but Kai would endure any pain as long as he could stay by Kisa's side, to protect him at the very least.
And yet…Kai's heart still yearned for a day when Kisa returned his feelings nonetheless, no matter how impossible that was.