#finnmurphey

[fckjamie]

[text] I’m only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar.[text] Would you think less of me if I told you I was eating pizza on the toilet right now? (from finn)

[text] I’m only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar.

[text]: why do I let you keep using me as your dealer? get your own cocaine you punk. 

[text]: i have LSD and milky-way bar. do you agree? I am allergic to peanuts and if I die you get no drugs and i’ll haunt your ass down.

[text] Would you think less of me if I told you I was eating pizza on the toilet right now?

[text]: depends, are you pooping or barfing? Also, is there pineapple on your pizza?

[text]: i’ll only judge you if you say yes to the pineapple. the rest i can relate to.

[fckjamie]

"It's about the baby. It's yours." ☏:my muse's voicemail to your muse after a huge fight. [text]:This is why you're my best friend. (these are also from finn)

@finnmurphey

“It’s about the baby. It’s yours.“ 

Jamie arched an eyebrow, amused by their friend’s words as she tried to hold back a muffled laughter, walking closer to the male and resting their hand on his stomach, a small tear running down their cheek with ease “I cannot believe this miracle, this must be a signal. The lizard god wants us to be on his team, this is our way to heaven Finn. This is our opportunity to redeem ourselves. You could be Virgin Mary without the virgin and I’ll be Joseph, but a good-looking version. I’ll take care of ya. You, me, and the lizard baby.” 

☏:my muse’s voicemail to your muse after a huge fight. 

“Of fucking course you are not picking up the phone. Jesus Christ dude, what if I was dying and I needed you? Just because we had a fight you wouldn’t pick up and I’d waste my last call on you for nothing? Rude. Listen, I know, I know I fucked up, we both did. And a lot was said last night. I think I let my frustration and anger come out and you were just there and I am sorry. I really am. I’m not used to opening up to people, to anyone other than Sienna, and when I felt like I could open up to you, I freaked out. I’m sorry. Just, can you please let me make it up to you? Because all day today I’ve been grumpy and I hate life like this, I hate not texting you when something stupid happens or criticizing strangers through FaceTime with you. What I’m trying to say is, I fucking missed you today and I am losing my marbles here. Please, call me when you get this. Please.”

[text]:This is why you’re my best friend. 

[text]: what do u mean THIS is why. 

[text]: fuck off there are a THOUSAND reasons why im your best friend

[text]: the most important one being: we both hate people, doing stuff and we like food alcohol and drugs. and we are awesome.

[fckjamie]

[Text]:Dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate. [Text]:Apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with her... [Text]:I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozzarella sticks.

[Text]:Dumbass I drove… you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate. 

[text]: excuse you i was playing mario kart with myself in a 4d kind of experience. apparently i kept getting bananas and red shells bc u can’t drive. fight me.

[Text]:Apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with her… 

[text]: god you are a fucking mess. i love you. was she that bad? 😂

[text]: next time tattoo a dick on your forehead for real tho, i assure you no one will want to have sex with you ever again.

[Text]:I’m sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozzarella sticks.

[text]: i’d be angry, but i did threaten to fist you if you touched my pizza rolls or my “special corner” inside my closet that one time… we are even. 

[text]: ps you owe me motherfucking mozzarella sticks.

[alexanderwarren-archive]

[text] Be careful., [text] Are you SERIOUSLY bringing that up right now!?, [text] This is YOUR FAULT. And you can’t even pretend like it isn’t, because you know it is. (from Finn)

[text] Be careful.

[text]: You know, don’t you? How did you find out? Did your moms tell you?

[text]: Don’t worry, it’s just another case, I’ll be fine. Don’t tell anyone, alright? I’ll come by later to talk, but don’t. Tell. Anyone. Believe me, it’s all to keep you safe.

[text] Are you SERIOUSLY bringing that up right now!?

[text]: Well if it’s not now then when? I can’t believe you are still so blind. You are twenty-two now. Aren’t you old enough to have your own thoughts now? To make your own questions instead of following your moms’ train of thought? I am the one who was there, Finn. Not them. I saw her die. Not them. She was MY mom.

[text] This is YOUR FAULT. And you can’t even pretend like it isn’t, because you know it is.

[text]: You know what? Maybe you are right. Maybe I’ve been wrong all along. Maybe I am the one to blame. Just.. I need all of this to stop. I’m so tired. So if you want to keep believing that, be my guest. I’m fucking tired.

[fckjamie]

fluff please (from finn)

Cooking together.

“Finn, seriously, get the fuck out of my kitchen!” the DJ warned with a laugh as they watched the other fail to put the pasta on the boiling water, a handful of spaghetti falling directly on the fire, making the brunette laugh harder while trying to take every piece out without creating a bigger mess on the kitchen. “That was just bad timing. I am a good cook alright, my moms taught me well” he beamed cheerfully, making Jamie shake their head, amused “First of all, have I mention how cool it is that you have two moms before? Because, yes” they exclaimed with a cheerful yell while trying to put out the small fire on their hand before the fire alarm went off, throwing it on the sink and letting the water run, shooting their friend a knowing smile “Secondly, you are fucking wasted, dude. You may end up burning this place down” they grinned. “I won’t, trust me. See? The pasta is doing fine, now I just have to heat up the sauce and we’ll be ready to go. You are the one who wanted spaghetti in the first place, Jamie! I am just making your wish come true” they saw him smile charmingly and drunkly, making them laugh slightly harder, handing him a pan with a fond smile “You are such an asshole. And you are lucky I am starving. I’m baking brownies in the morning for us and you better be helping then, idiot.”

[fckjamie]

[text] I know you may not feel like you are, but you are loved. And important. Please don’t forget that., [text] Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You’re going to drown and die and leave me and I’m not having that.,[drunk text] Please don’t hate me I’m too tired and too dizzy to be hated (from finn)

@finnmurphey

[text] I know you may not feel like you are, but you are loved. And important. Please don’t forget that.

[text]: look at you getting all sappy on me, Mr Smurphey. normally i’d be weirded out but im kind of diggin’ it. 😌 kind of got me to smile, which really weirded me out.

[text]: also, i don’t say it enough so i feel like i should for the sake of everything nice and your sober self being cute af. i love you too and you are important to me and i am pretty lucky you are my friend.

[text]: 🍑🍆🍌💃 (it got too deep so i just had to add weird emojis. still true tho)

[text] Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You’re going to drown and die and leave me and I’m not having that.

[text]: wtf if i die i am taking you with me, you are my ride to hell remember?

[drunk text] Please don’t hate me I’m too tired and too dizzy to be hated

[text]: you literally ate all my food Finn. i left you at home and you took my stash and ate ALL MY FOOD in three hours. who does that???? 😤

[text]: i don’t hate you. but u a lil bitch. i forgive you tho. come on, tell me where you are, i’ll come for you and get you home, dumdumb.

[fckjamie]

✉ ☠ ♣ ( from Finn)

Send ✉ for an 2 AM text

[sent - 2:47 a.m]: dude, guess what?????

[sent - 2:49 a.m]: i did the impossible. i am a god. i am the god.

[sent - 2: 51 a.m]: i made the most amazing treat ever. it involves oreos, cookie dough, whipped cream and oil. i fried everything. and i’ve never been more proud of myself. get in here.

Send ☠ for a threatening message

[sent]: well i think you are pretty cool actually, like, i’m kind of glad we’re friends

[sent]: if you tell anyone i said that to you i will cut your dick off and fry it and make you eat it. i’ll also make you sit on glass while doing it. 

Send ♣ for a drunk message

[sent]: yoooooooo

[sent]: i bought yiou somethugn. but ysou have to wear it, promsie me you’ll weahr it! ok cool cool

[sent]: i boutgh you a ‘bitch 1″ shhturi and i got me a “bitch 2″ obne. we can match. let’s gro to the strip ands malke girsl show us theuir boobs for mardi grass beadsa.