Jun 9
Pokes Cain with a stick heyyyy man please wake up you’ve been sleeping for like two weeks and we can’t function too good without you
seen from China
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from Hungary
seen from Portugal
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from Pakistan
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Australia
seen from Yemen
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Singapore
Pokes Cain with a stick heyyyy man please wake up you’ve been sleeping for like two weeks and we can’t function too good without you
I tell him this but god damn I’m lucky to have my boyfriend. I am feeling so painfully disabled this week and he’s so nice to me. Woke him up extremely sick at 4am after he worked a ten hour shift (and is working again today) and still today he’s finding doctors I need, he’s checking on me, he’s offered to get me food. The other people I live with heard I’m half blind and violently sick and haven’t checked in once, but he’s actively trying to help me despite being at work. I am so so unbelievably lucky.
I do think that part of the reason I try so hard to be straightedge is if I dare buy something consumable it has to be a community item. If I smoke that is inherently selfish, because it’s an unwinding activity and not a community act. I don’t WANT to be straightedge. I just think it’s what is expected of me.
Man sometimes being a working artist is staring at the ceiling and realizing it would be cheaper for myself and my family if I killed myself
Bangs head on table. I’m so out of it today I feel like I have not strung together a single coherent thought.
Boyf’s host 2.0 just looked at me and said “we’re not a system”
Sir would you like to try that sentence one more time
Am I smoking more? Yeah, absolutely. Does it a little bit make me feel like I’m turning into my father? Oh yeah. Oh a hundred percent yeah. But do I want to stop? No. I don’t know if I can stop or not because I don’t care. I’m not statically going to live past 35 and for once I actually want to live. With a decade left? That’s all? That’s not fair. But I have this, and it makes me feel better, so I don’t care if it’s a bit of a problem.
God just. God. Fuck. Damn. Wow. Love IS like that. It’s a full time job, it’s pain, it’s warmth, it’s the heaviest weight you’ve ever had to carry, it’s worth every second, it burns you, it’s the worst pain you’ve ever felt, it leaves you scarred. How lucky to be alive to experience it all.