Jun 14, 2018
lmaooooo a significant part of me does not want to go back home ughhhh i’ll miss college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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lmaooooo a significant part of me does not want to go back home ughhhh i’ll miss college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God's awesome.
So this past week has been really rough, in the best way! I love God so much I just want to talk about what He's done for me. So, last Thursday I threw out all this junk I had, tying me to my past. I ended up filling four trash bags! Once that was out of my house and out of my life, I felt like I was on top of the world!! Literally it was so cool! After I had that out, God was able to work in ways I've never seen Him work. Just speaking, giving me visions, and just chilling with me. That sounds so weird but it's so chill. On Saturday I went to a Woman's conference, where I saw a friend from church. She pointed out how I looked different, not physically but just radiant. She also introduced me to a friend of hers as a 'true worshipper' this reminded me that I LOVED to worship. The joy was really able to come through after that. I felt like I did back when I first got saved. Then God broke a soul tie later that night. Like what?! I don't even have words. Fast forward to today, so I'm sitting in chapel journaling. and God leads me to Mark 5:6
When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him.
After some hesitation I got on my knees and God spoke to me, "All that you have asked for, has been given. My prayers have been answered. What a confidence booster, when the God of the universe is like, "Hey I hear you, and you're important to me, I love you, and your little prayers about your little life have been answered. Okay? I love you bye." What happens when deference to God has been given. I know this isn't the most well written of blogs, but I thought it'd be cool to just share a bit. Yeah, how cool is He? Pay obeisance to God and you won't regret it.
Being Childlike
If you know me, you know kids scare me. Actually anything under 30 scares me. Since starting Bayside College I've been able to chill with some little kids in ACME. I love the preschool age and anything younger because they're not too difficult, but God really showed me just what it means to be childlike. We often think being childlike is being immature and that's not the case. First off if you don't spend time with pre-k, you should. They are hilarious! They also include a lot of God's qualities, joy, forgiveness, love, acceptance, etc. For example, last Saturday one of the boys in the pre-k room decked another kid, square in the eyeball. I don't know what happened but man, it was intense! One stood in the corner while the other cried out of his good eye, but I tell you, as soon as the one at fault apologized, it was accepted, and forgotten. They went back to playing IMMEDIATELY. This could be reflected in our spiritual walks, how often do we hold on to our 'eye' and weep, waiting and in pain? Last night, I was able to mingle with all the pre-k cats and I came across a little boy named Chase. Now Chase was a pretty cool dude, and he boldly asked me, "What's the worst you've ever done?" I have done some pretty bad things in my life, but sin is sin, sooo, I went with "lied to my parents'. He got so serious and just said, "That's pretty bad." We often compare sin, like a lie is not as bad as drugs. The truth is, it's death. It's incomparable and thankfully we have a God who loved us and sacrificed His son, so we don't have to pay that price. Ultimately it reminds me, that we justify what we do. The truth is we have become numb to a world that treats things as, 'not a big deal', it's a downfall. We think children are 'sheltered' but they live with a heavily convicted spirit, and that makes me desire the same. Kids are awesome, and we can learn a lot from them. We trust God's word just because He says. They have a powerful faith, because of the trust and love they have for Him. I truly hope that I continue to grow into a childlike love, faith, conviction, forgiveness and stay in that mindset even when life throws the old fist of fives at me.
Feelings Over Facts?
"How much would you change, if you changed your perspective?" God has been working on me like no other these past two weeks. We get the privilege of learning about freedom in a class led by our head staff. Through these past weeks we've received packets of different prayers, scriptures and tools we can use in every day life to gain freedom through Christ.
The thing is, we're already free. God says so many things in scripture about freedom, in Him, through Him, and from Him. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. -2 Cor 3:17
So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. -Galatians 5:1
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. -John 8:36
I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts. -Psalm 119:45
Freedom is littered throughout the entire bible, and I asked for freedom from the Holy Spirit, who led me to Isaiah 52:1-2, 7-12.
Wake up, wake up, O Zion! Clothe yourself with strength. Put on your beautiful clothes, O holy city of Jerusalem, for unclean and godless people will enter your gates no longer. Rise from the dust, O Jerusalem. Sit in a place of honor. Remove the chains of slavery from your neck,
How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns! The watchmen shout and sing with joy, for before their very eyes they see the Lord returning to Jerusalem. Let the ruins of Jerusalem break into joyful song, for the Lord has comforted his people. He has redeemed Jerusalem. The Lord has demonstrated his holy power before the eyes of all the nations. All the ends of the earth will see the victory of our God.
Get out! Get out and leave your captivity, where everything you touch is unclean. Get out of there and purify yourselves, you who carry home the sacred objects of the Lord. You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives. For the Lord will go ahead of you; yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind. God showed me that I need to wake up. clothe myself with strength, rise from the dust, sit my butt down in a place of honour, and REMOVE THE CHAINS OF SLAVERY FROM MY NECK. We are to rejoice in the freedom and victory we have in Christ. He has redeemed us, comforted us, and brought good news of peace and salvation. We are instructed to leave our captivity, but not to the point where we're running for our lives...BECAUSE...God has gone before us and He is protecting us from behind. So that to me says, all we have to do is walk away. We don't have to run and hide, or constantly flee from sin, but simply put down those chains and choose to walk away. Easier said than done I know. God spoke to me a sentence after this..."Freedom is not necessarily a feeling, it's a fact."
Fact- n, a thing that is indisputably the case. reality, actuality, certainty We have to stop basing our foundation with God simply off of feelings. Take a court case for example, if all I had was my gut feeling that my defendant is not guilt, how would my case hold up in court? The prosecutor would destroy me with evidence, and with facts. Spiritual warfare is the same thing. If I go off of gut feelings, what happens the time I don't feel free? How will I defend myself against the enemy. We've got to have the facts, and our facts are scriptures and our faith. They're God's promises and if we hold them, and believe them, we will win the battle. Or court case if you will. We fight our enemy with our God's word.
Imagine if we changed our perspective to that of freedom? We can take comfort in God's promises for new life without bondage. It's fact, it's in scripture. My point is to stop holding on to your bondage. Snap out of the victim mentality and walk away from captivity and into the new life God has for you. We praise and rejoice Him in all situations, whether we feel like it or not. We choose to pick up the chains, we choose to walk back in the jail cell, we choose to not believe God's word and wallow in the woe is me. So, imagine if instead we chose to worship God, we chose serve His people with a kingdom heart, and chose to stand firm on the faith of God's word and believe that we are free. Perspective is everything, if we believe that we are free, the feelings will come. Take a moment and answer, how much would you change, if you changed your perspective? How much would your situation change? How much would the people around you change? How much would your relationship with God change, if you change to a perspective of freedom? Choose to choose facts over feelings. Live as free people, but don't hide behind your freedom when you do evil. Instead, use your freedom to serve God - 1 Peter 2:16 (God's Word Translation)
Persevering with Perspective
This week has been a roller coaster; I've really taken my focus off of God, searching for things to fill the 'void'. It's so funny how a good day can be offset by something so small...IF YOU LET IT. There are situations in my life that are a little tough, and it's hard to keep eyes pointed up when so many things are pulling you down. I've got to persevere, there are so many things that I am blessed with on the daily. For example, a fellow first year offered to fix my shattered phone screen for me, which I was originally told is over 150$ to fix. He bought the screen for me, and spent a few hours working on it, I was blessed by my phone bill being paid and my gas for the week. I was blessed to be able to sit down and talk with my Women's Director. I was blessed by being around my peers who are constantly lifting me up. I am blessed, man... I'm working on my grateful heart, it's hard when the world is so dark but we HAVE to remember what God has promised us. We have to reach out when we are falling. He's what keeps us strong, it's what keeps our faith in the Lord. He's there, even if we can't feel Him right now, or hear Him, or see Him. He is there. Waiting. We had a pretty cool session on Friday, I was able to get free from a lot of stuff, including my perspective. I was led to a couple scriptures in my bible.
The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me.... ...I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my whole being shall exult in my God; for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation, he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth brings forth its shoots, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring up before all the nations. -Isaiah 61:1, 10-11
...because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. -Romans 8:2
I don't have time to be moping, with all what God is doing in my life. I need to be rejoicing because I am covered, I have salvation, I am anointed, and I am free.
Pride Is Powerful
Pride can be powerful, and that's not a good thing at all. It hinders you relationship with God, and is often sneaky, and really hard to see. I never thought I was prideful, and then God hit me with a wake up call. I was too prideful to get on my knees, I was even too prideful to say that I loved God. Man...that's pretty crazy to type out. Often times I hear God and fight it. I argue with almost everything that comes out of His mouth. Most people beg to hear God and here I am flagrantly ignoring Him!
Yesterday was amazing, I have been telling God for the past two weeks, that I'm willing to be obedient. That I would get on my knees any time He wanted for however long He wanted. So I'm worshiping before chapel and I get on my knees, then the song ends and I'm listening to the sermon, which was titled "Let Go and Let God." and it comes back to the same place I was in. I feel that I need to get on my knees, and I say, "God...I just got done with that." No joke, I hear, "Surrender is not a one time thing." Talk about a slap to the face, and it's true. Then God showed me Zephaniah 3:18-20 “I will remove from you all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals, which is a burden and reproach for you. At that time I will deal with all who oppressed you. I will rescue the lame; I will gather the exiles. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they have suffered shame. At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home. I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes,” says the Lord. Then my friend Hollie comes over and prays for me. Her prayer? That I could surrender...Hmm, God are You trying to tell me something? It all comes down to surrendering, God had to remove the wicked before he restored the fortunes. It's really hard but I had to forsake my pride, get down on my face, before I could say, "I can't do this without You." I haven't fully surrendered, but I take comfort that it's not a one time thing. I can continually work toward the goal, starting fresh the next day, until my time ends. God is pretty chill. He never ceases to amaze me, and His love and patience for me is unbelievable. He's just standing there, waiting for me to lay down my pride and pick up all of His promises.
Thankful And Trialling Times.
God has blown me away this week, and I had the audacity to pout. Literally he has done nothing but bless me and it took a meeting with Pastor John for it to finally sink in. Let's catch up on what's been happening.
So last week God brought to my attention some things I needed to work on, he postponed my freedom session a week and told me to really focus on my problem areas. One of which being not asking for help, before I fall. Accountability is something I've struggled with, not keeping others accountable but reaching out when I need it most. I tend to think my problems are not as important as others.
Well I found accountability in a few people, and when the time came I was tempted. For the first time, I reached out and called my friend Shummy, and let me tell you it was a grave mistake. Just kidding. It was actually the best decision I could have ever made. I posted on an app for the first year girls, telling them I wanted to quit the program and to pray for me. Shummy forced herself over, giving me literally NO say so. Oh and she brought our friend Carly over, again didn't give me a choice, just barged right in.
It was so fantastic though, I have never had something so great happen to me in my life. They took me to Taco Bell, out to a park, then prayed and worshipped with me. We had Creative Encouragement the next morning and it meant so much that they both came over at 9pm and stayed up with me til 3am. We had three hours of sleep, and then had to pull weeds for an hour and a half. If that isn't true friendship, I don't know what is. Phone calls and texts poured in that whole night, my first year family reached out to me. God's love yet again hitting me over the head. I had a meditation session on Monday and God hit me with tons of different verses, proclaiming victory, grace, love, and goodness in my life. Zephaniah 3:17 says, The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
I have a love in Jesus, I have a complete victory over the enemy and this life. I need to rejoice, to delight. I, like Him, am a mighty warrior, because he is with me, and has saved me. I was shown that victory yesterday, as my women's director, a LOT of girls, and Jarod circled around me and prayed for me.
I was crunk off the Holy Spirit, let me tell you, I couldn't even walk straight. That night I lost sight, I lost the feelings of joy. I lost sight on the Lord and focused on the problems in my life.
Carly said something to me that has stuck with me all week. That she has never met a person that has more prayers answered than me. Wow...that's a pretty bold statement. The fact of the matter is God blesses me ALL of the time, from someone who's overcome drug addiction, depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, self harm, eating disorders, abuse and let's not forget HELL, I am nowhere near as grateful as I should be.
God is restoring me and has restored me, I see little miracles in my life constantly. From my car starting, to someone's encouraging words, to my homesponsor packing my lunch, I am being touched by the Lord day by day. The Holy Spirit chooses to talk to me frequently, I GET to be a child of an almighty King who has overcome death, so why am I not acting like it? Why am I not filled with a constant joy and state of overwhelming contentment?
It is all about focus, Peter fell when he took his eyes off of Jesus. He is our support, if we keep our eyes locked on Him anything is possible. I don't want to fall, I want to walk on water with the coolest guy I know.