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Do you think sockeye salmon know they are loved & prized at the end of their life line?
Do you think they ever die & that their little ghosty bodies swim around to see all the artists drawing them in their most tired & worn out form?
Do you think any of them see their pictures framed?
Do you think they hear the awe humans have seein them on salmon runs?
I hope they do
the word fish seems so funny and funky to me like
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. . .
its not okay to eat fish . because they truly do have feeeeelings .
something in the way .
mmmmmmhm.
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i don't like eating fish genuinely . they stop me from breathing for 2 seconds .
[ cyyber possibly allergic to fish ?!?! ]
[ I'm not . just allergic to amoxicillin .
[ yes yes, fun fact ! I am deathly allergic to amoxicillin !!!1!! ]
i have a goldfish actually :D her name is shinsetsu and I got her from a carnival 2 years ago .
It snowed last night.
And for the first time in years, I wasn’t camped out in the kitchen and waiting for the inevitable drip to start so I could quickly place a bucket under it and mitigate the flood to come until the roof froze over. I wasn’t sick with anxiety over the worry of whether the same roof would hold out for the rest of winter, knowing that my family was powerless to do anything about it. Wasn’t already anticipating how many blankets and socks I would need to keep warm because the leaks meant drafts, and that the snow meant it would be constantly cold even when we had the heat roaring.
For the first time, I just watched what little snowfall there was, with the ghosts of those sensations flickering about, and could actually appreciate the beauty of it, safe and warm.
I don’t know if anyone here cares to hear, but for a full decade I lived in a house that was reduced down to less than half of its space being usable due to a roof leak that no amount of patching seemed to fix. A house that due to a shady seller and even shadier practices from the town we lived in, we could not get repair permits for because of legal bullshit. A house my parents were supposed to own but didn’t due to the same bullshit, and us being unable to leave without getting into legal trouble that we couldn’t afford. A house where the sounds and smells of dripping, musty water were a constant in the spring and winter, where we had to learn how to put up plastic to try and redirect the water flow to specific points just to try and keep the floor dry in the kitchen long enough to actually use it. Where the floor was starting to give out because of moisture we couldn’t stop and had to patch and pray the patches held out when we needed to use certain rooms.
A house we were finally evicted from earlier this year, after a decade of nightmarish conditions that have left a lot of very specific traumas my entire family is still working through. Mine has specifically been water-related; I can’t hear dripping or running water without rushing to figure out where it’s coming from, and even the rain all summer left me anxiety ridden, waiting to hear about a leak in our kitchen or see water stains above my bed like I had before being forced to move to the living room. The anxiety was so bad that during a trip with friends last year, it began to lightly rain, and they had to reassure me that the hotel we were in was sound and wasn’t going to leak. And these friends had never even seen the damage, only heard me talk about it, seen just how scared it made me. Mind you, these friends had met me before the issues started, and knew how much I loved thunderstorms. They watched in real time as the house stole my ability to enjoy them.
My family was forced to split between two apartments, and it was only some kindness from the universe that we ended up being neighbors with each other, less than a minute’s walk if we wanted to see each other. And the difference having that stability has made has been incredible to see, even as we deal with the strangeness of living in an apartment complex.
You don’t realize how healing it is to have your own room until you don’t. You don’t understand how triggering something as innocent as weather can be if you’ve never experienced a home with leaks and mold issues that you weren’t legally able to fix.
I don’t know if I’ll ever truly move on from what happened in that old house. We lost so many things we can never get back, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
But for now, I can look out at the snow, and finally know some sense of peace.
Aight, soooo I’ve been letting this blog get away from me in terms of what its supposed to be. This was originally going to be just an art blog, but its slowly become a personal blog, one that is getting cluttered and utterly losing my art among all the posts I reblog. So, in the interest of rectifying this, I will most likely be making a new blog, one JUST for my art and D&D shenanigans. I’ll keep anyone interested in seeing that posted.
So today marks not only my 26th birthday, but also a full year since I publicly came out as Nonbinary. A lot has happened since then, not all of it good, but you know what? I’m content with my decision to come out. Plus during that year I finally started playing D&D, and have basically fallen down the hole with a shovel as my characters go on more adventures.
So while life is far from perfect right now, I’m happy to look at the good things that happened
Slowly chugging through this emotional wreck of a week. Distracting myself currently with a project of mine I’ve been working on for the last two months, a homebrew campaign for D&D that draws inspiration from Bloodborne, Dark Souls, Call of Cthulhu, and Silent Hill. Hoping to have it finished by October at the latest, but time will tell. Quick preview of just one of many beasties I have to conjure up, just to keep my motivation strong.
Curse of being someone who wears their heart on their sleeve; I express grief openly, even for strangers, because life is precious.
This week has been nothing but grief, both because of recent tragedies and personal ones.
But I won’t rant and ramble. I don’t have the energy for it.
“My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friends stopped running today.”
I apologize for anyone who follows my blog expecting just Fish Furry (Scaly? Gilly?) stuff. This is slowly becoming my main blog, and right now that means I get occasional bouts of ‘must post things I find relevant because I’m having a bad day’. That, and without a scanner and no access to a drawing program I can’t post as much art as I’d like.
So again, sorry. When the situation is rectified I will definitely be posting more and more art, including a character whose redesign has been a long time coming.
