#five-card spread

[bloodygranuaile]

Uuuuuggggghhhhhhh

[bloodygranuaile]

I decided to do a health and fitness question today when I did my Tarot spread, partly because I feel like I might be coming down with something a little (my throat's all scratchy; I otherwise feel fine but it's worse now than it was earlier in the day), and because I've been extra bummed out lately by being able to get back to what I'd begun to consider my "standard" or ideal weight. I had to let my favorite corset out a few inches to wear it to the party last night, which highlighted that extra weight for me, although I've generally been thinking about it with some frequency lately, probably because I'm turning 30 soon and I'm afraid my metabolism might be slowing down. 

I used my vampire deck, and the cards ran out as follows:  Ten of Cups, The Lovers, The Moon, Seven of Swords, Six of Pentacles.

The Ten of Cups, here representing the past, is Joy. This card refers specifically to harmony in personal relationships and to having all the external elements of your life fulfilled and in balance. I don't know if in this case it is supposed to represent good health in and of itself, if it's supposed to mean that I got into the situation I'm in for good reasons (for having lots of awesome friends and family to eat and drink and stay up late with?) or if it goes back further than that, to when I used to have people to work out with and coincidentally was in better shape. It could also be reminding me that while I might be internally cranky about my weight, I have in actual fact been perfectly healthy for quite a while.

The present card, representing my current thoughts, feelings, and actions on the matter, is Major Arcana VI, The Lovers, representing Choice. The choice I have been mulling over in my head lately is basically "Should I make significant lifestyle changes to my diet, exercise plan, drinking habits, etc. and if so what should they be?" On a shorter timeline, I will have to make a choice about whether or not to skip work tomorrow if I don't feel any better after a good night's sleep. Which choice the spread is talking about is unclear to me at this point. The card usually refers to major decisions, though, and taking a sick day tomorrow would probably only have major ramifications for how my Monday goes. Sometimes the card actually does refer to romance or new relationships of some sort, and the Louis book suggests "You may find yourself buying new clothes or otherwise improving your personal appearance to attract new love into your life." I'm not sure that's really why I want to get back into the sort of shape I was in when I was 22, although it probably couldn't hurt to sit back and closely examine all my motivations. 

The hidden influences card here is Major Arcana XVIII, The Moon, which basically itself represents hidden influences, so nice going there, Tarot. I kid, sort of. The Moon represents deep instinctual forces, past conditioning affecting present behavior, dreams and intuitions, deceit, lies, confusion, all that kind of stuff. It suggests I am "entering a period of fluctuating moods and uncertainty during which you must confront unconscious forces in order to proceed." If the choice in the previous card is indeed about making lifestyle changes to be healthier, this I guess would indicate that I need to figure out what's holding me back from doing the healthy thing already and that it's likely some sort of emotional dysfunction or deeply ingrained bad habits. I guess it is time to try to pay more attention to the signals my body is giving me naturally rather than trying to have the super willpower to enact major changes just because they sound good? Or something?

The advice card is the Seven of Swords, which, despite being a sword card, is not terrible: It's the Stealth card, representing doing the unexpected. I am now fairly at a loss for what is supposed to be going on in this health and fitness reading. Maybe I should shake up my workout routine? The card advises "Do not become your own worst enemy. You will need to be diplomatic, crafty, or evasive to deal with the opposition and reach your goal." Does anyone know how to be "diplomatic and crafty" in a way that can outwit 15 pounds? Between this and the Moon card, I think we're looking at trying to figure out a way to somehow train or trick myself into developing better habits, rather than my usual setting of clear goals until I get tired of them. I don't know what this would look like. A lot of these cards are not really coming off as being very physically grounded. Maybe I should be focusing more on mental health than explicitly targeting physical health; that stuff can certainly have an effect on the immune system and appetite and things of that nature. Maybe I need to be on the lookout for someone who is affecting my mental health negatively by screwing me over, thus making it harder for me to be physically healthy? 

The final outcome card is the Six of Pentacles, the Generosity card, representing "getting what you deserve." It often refers to material gain, helping others, financial assistance, etc. Work paying off, that sort of thing. What I'm getting from this is either that if I can be crafty and diplomatic enough I'll finally get that raise, which would certainly be good for my stress levels, or more generally, if I can work out the mental health stuff that the earlier cards seem to be pointing to, my physical health will sort itself out. Which would be good. 

Overall it's looking to me like the big choice to make is what avenue focus on in terms of fixing my health and fitness, and that it's probably a better idea right now to be working on mental health and psychological issues rather than trying to force myself to make deliberate changes to my diet and exercise. If I feel better in my brain, hopefully it'll be easier to do things like do proper workouts rather than wussing out on them first thing in the morning because I haven't slept well, or whatever. 

So. How do I go about taking better care of my mental health? Should I scale back on some of the stuff I'm over-committed to? Meditate more? Journal more? I've been doing a bit more self-care-y types of things lately, but it's clearly not enough. I don't think I can really afford to go back to therapy. I've been doing on-and-off better than I was early in the year, but I still spend way too much time stressing myself out about politics and stuff. I definitely have been having problems with focus and motivation for the entire year. I don't want to be thirty.

Anyway, food for thought, but step 1 in self-care is going to be taking NyQuil and going straight to bed. 

(Original post.)

[bloodygranuaile]

Lots of coins for this week.

The past card here is the Queen of Coins, which is interesting to me since that's my signifier card. It's also showed up in readings over the past few months either in reverse, warning me that I am being the greedy shadow version of that archetype, or in a future/advice spot, apparently instructing me to adhere to being that version of myself. In this one, it's in the past, indicating possibly that I have been this person, or that I have been in a Queen of Coins-like situation for a while--one of success in business and financial matters; of taking shrewd, conservative measures to my own affairs; of being generally practical and sensible and working to build up material comforts. I suppose I have been taking some measures to get my concrete life under control lately, and to some degree it has even paid off.

The present card is the Moon, which is very much the opposite of the Queen's sensible, material-oriented approach to things. The Moon signifies that I am in a sort of liminal, hard-to-interpret space; one where the direction is not clear and where I might be deluding myself. According to Louis, it indicates that I am in "a period of fluctuating moods and uncertainty in which you must confront unconscious forces in order to succeed," which is fancy divination talk for having crazypants electoral stress and a total inability to concentrate on stuff, and I need to figure out what's going on in my head that will let me pull myself together and let me focus. I can't even manage to actually listen to the guided meditations I'm trying to do. I just took a Twitter break from writing this short-ass paragraph. It's bad, y'all. I probably really do need to find a way to listen to myself that doesn't involve my body trying to get my attention with psychosomatic nonsense, like the eight-day tension headache earlier in the month, or the fact that my period's been coming every two weeks since September when it usually comes never because I'm on medication for this. Basically, the Moon means that these days, I'm feelin' weird.

The Hidden Influences card gets us back to the suit of Coins. The Nine of Coins has been showing up a lot in readings for me lately; I don't know why, possibly just as a reminder to myself that things aren't as bad as I'm perpetually stressed that they are. The Nine of Coins represents some sort of material project coming to fruition, being alone and surrounded by stability and the fruits of one's labor. It is the card of a woman relaxing in her own space. It is the Self-Reliance card. Here, it again probably means that I'm more self-reliant than I think I am, and that my situation is more stable than I think it is. I do keep hoping this card means that some sort of profitable thing is in the works and the money hasn't reached me yet but will soon, but I've been hoping that since June and it ain't happened yet.

The fourth card, then, the Advice card, is a fun follow-up to that, bringing us backwards in the Coins narrative from the Queen to the Nine to the Ace, Firm Financial Foundations. The Ace of Coins represents an opportunity or windfall, and suggests the start of a profitable venture. What I'm hoping this means is that the practical approach of the first card and the self-reliance of the third card have brought me to a place that, while apparently liminal and weird and I'm feeling weird about it, nevertheless means I have enough resources of some sort--time, money, maybe the ability to stop freaking the fuck out so much--to launch a new project properly, something that will pay off long-term but that I've been putting off due to short-term concerns. There are certainly a lot of things that fall under that description, from writing to building a website to focusing properly on the magazine to really looking at the possibility of saying fuck it, I'm going to Atlantic City in November. I will have to think carefully about what's the most sensible thing to do, since apparently I'm in a current state of easily self-decieved building castles in the sky (not entirely unusual for me, really).

If I do this correctly I'll apparently end up at the Three of Wands, Birth of an Enterprise. The Stiefvater deck says that this card represents the part of a project where you've made enough progress that you've got something to share with other people to get advice/workshopping/support and where you need to work to protect your motivation. The Louis book says that opportunities abound, and you should count on teamwork and cooperation to move to the next stage. Business matters are active and thriving; you may travel or correspond in connection with your work; it is a good time to publicize your creative accomplishments. We'll see what this ends up being precisely in reference to, and if it's something at work or outside of it.

In the meantime, today, I have a long list of things I could be doing before this Halloween party tonight.

[bloodygranuaile]

Draw of the day

Did a spread with the vampires today because I was feeling a bit nostalgic for them. They are my oldest and trustiest deck.

The past card is the King of Wands, Leadership, representing an ambitious man (usually, might be me in this case) who is driven and who pursues his lofty goals logically and analytically. Perhaps this was me earlier in the year when I was trying to map out what I wanted out of my career and figure out what I had to do to get there. Perhaps this was any of the colleagues I talked to then.

In the present, I have the Two of Swords, the Stalemate card. It represents exactly what it sounds like. This card signifies being stuck on some sort of dilemma or decision, of being unable to decide which is the best path to take. Right now I think it is speaking to my indecision over whether I should look seriously at changing jobs or if I should look seriously at taking more radical steps to be able to afford to keep this one.

In the not-so-hidden influences section, I have the Five of Cups, the "Loss and Disappoinment" card, which signifies mourning. This card signifies that I have suffered some sort of loss, and that I may need to sever a tie that has led to regret and disappointment. It says I may need to "allow the grief work to proceed while you revise your emotional priorities."

In the advice section, I have the Queen of Pentacles, which is my signifier card, the Practical Manager. This card can represent good business sense and financial security, which right now I don't think it does. As an advice card, it says that a sensible, practical approach can bring steady progress--I have been TRYING and it EMPHATICALLY HAS NOT. But perhaps it may be worth revisiting what sort of "practical, conservative measures" I can further apply to my own affairs. I'm trying not to feel like the positive Pentacles cards mock me when they show up, but that's how I feel lately.

The final outcome card, if I follow the advice of being practical and sensible in the management of my affairs, is the Three of Pentacles, "A Job Well Done," in its upright position representing "Beneficial use of talents." This card promises developments on the physical plane. Once nice development on the physical plane would be if my computer magically rediscovered the ability to allow me to conduct a simple task without making me restart it four fucking times. Seriously, it has become a microcosm of my ongoing ability to catch a fucking break or get a single fucking thing done without umpteen hundred annoying minor fuckups clogging shit up. I have restarted my computer three times in the course of writing this stupid post. This tarot thing was supposed to be a mindfulness exercise, but no. I wonder how many attempts it will take for it to post. I'm putting the over/under at 5 if anyone's interested. I might call my Internet provider to yell at them just because yelling at someone would make me feel better. Is that practical management? Anyway, the Three of Cups, against all probability and in defiance of everything I've ever found to be true about how the universe works, promises some sort of financial improvement, such as a promotion or some other kind of reward for doing a competent job and making use of my skills and talents. That would be nice. Again, I'm straight-up starting to feel like positive Pentacles cards are just personally mocking me when they appear in a reading.

But, hey. I guess I'll try to be pragmatic and keep my shit together this week and we'll see if it pays off in any way.

[bloodygranuaile]

Saturday reading

Guh, I do love the Raven's Prophecy deck.

For once, I think the story this spread tells is pretty straightforward, although I'm not 100% sure what specifically the Tower is referring to, and that should usually be the easiest thing to figure out.

But the Tower is in the Past section of the spread, representing some sort of chaos or destruction or major change or instability, which could refer to any number of things. Considering the rest of the spread, it may represent my financial situation somehow, or just the material aspects of my life in general. Whatever it was specifically, there is certainly no shortage of candidates for ways in which my life, financial, and employment situations have been change-filled and chaotic over the past, oh, however long you want to look for, really.

The Present card is the Knight of Coins, the root of the Earth element. It's the "Slow, Steady Progress" card according to Louis, and Stiefvater gives the keywords "Dutiful, Methodical, Cautious, Hard-Working." The shovel represents the duty and workmanship required to get through a situation with dogged, hands-on (or butt-in-chair, depending on the field) labor. In Louis' book, the card suggests that the querent asked about financial or employment-related matters. It stands for industriousness, diligence, determination, etc., and promises that new sources of prosperity or income may be forthcoming. Diligent, hard work pays off, and a friend may help you out or you may render services to someone else. Coming immediately after the Tower card, it seems to indicate that things have stabilized since whatever incident the Tower represents, and that attempts to create order out of the Tower's period of chaos are seeing themselves pay off. I am, indeed, in slightly better financial shape now than I was a month ago, at least, so that's a possibility--I've picked up a few freelance assignments and some extra time off in which to do them, and tomorrow I've got plans to look at some jewelry with Lyndsay and see if I can get rid of it profitably.

The hidden influences card is The World, the very last card in the story cycle told by the Major Arcana, which is pretty cool because the Tower is basically the low point right in the middle of the story--at number 16, clustered in close to other Darkest Moment type cards like Death (13) and The Devil (15)--so this kind of suggests that I'm at the happy ending of this story arc without realizing it. Hopefully the story arc in question is the perpetually unstable career-hopping mid-twenties one, and I'm entering into a more established one. But it could honestly refer to any number of things, probably, especially since the card's placement indicates that whatever it is, I haven't been paying sufficient attention to it! It's overall a pretty positive card, though, which fits in with some other readings with very positive cards in that spot, indicating that I'm probably quite often insufficiently aware of how well things are going for me. This is very likely.

The advice card--or, in this case, the warning card--is the Four of Cups, "Discontent." The Discontent card indicates that the querent is feeling somehow stagnant or dissatisfied, and may be feeling like they're treading water and be in search of new stimulation. Louis says the card advises the querent to slow their roll and think stuff over before doing anything rash (my words, but that's the gist of it). Stiefvater says this card represents "Apathy. Waste. Taking for granted. Self-absorption" and says that it warns that relationships are not being sufficiently tended to, so that relationships that appear fine on the surface are less fine underneath. Honestly, Louis' warning that this card says you "might not be aware of the good around you" mirrors pretty well the placement of the World card in the "hidden" section. So far, all four cards together seem to indicate that I'm in a stable enough place materially that I could stand to take my focus a bit off of hustlin' for cash and a bit more toward maintaining my friendships. The need to put more work into maintaining my relationships is another thing that has come up more than once recently.

The final outcome card--the one for if I heed the advice--is the Ten of Cups, "Joy," which is basically a follow-up to the Nine of Cups, and represents "deep happiness with the relationships in your life" and everything working together in perfect balance, according to Stiefvater. This is illustrated by a big ol' happy raven family. This is similar to last weekend's reading, so I feel like I'm on roughly the same path, if I can follow the advice I keep getting.

Anyway, I've got plenty to keep me busy this Labor Day weekend--some of it social, some of it work, some of it arguably both--but going into the fall I think I need to make more of an effort to reconnect with some friends I haven't seen in a while.

[la-pendu]

A spread that relies on you choosing a card that represents something you're working towards, and drawing other cards to help you figure out how to get there. Applicable for a wide variety of situations — choose a minor arcana card for a more immediate, lower-stakes goal (like the Three of Pentacles to work on better teamwork for a group project), a court card to work on an aspect of your personality or character (like the King of Cups to become more outwardly loving and emotionally expressive), or a major arcana card to work on embodying an important characteristic in the long term. 

If you use it, let me know how it works for you! :)