#flatuence

[rock-a-noodle]

While I didn't like Kangaroo Jack as a child, I cannot get over how on tv the closed captions for the farting camel scene said "violent farting."

I still think about that. I truly do.

[healthychoicenetwork2-blog]

Best Tips For The Prevention Of Flatulence And Cramps - Healthy Choice Network

Make sure you prepare yourself for beating flatulence and cramps with the following tips! Activated carbon! Keep an active carbon at hand, because it absorbs unpleasant acids and gases that can accumulate in your stomach. However, this only relieves the symptoms, while it is important to change habits for prevention. Bitter vegetables! Eat the bitter green leafy vegetables that stimulate the production of digestive juices and makes it digestible. A good choice is a salad of argula, chicory or chicory. Sprinkle with olive oil and a little lemon. Do not eat in the evening! Do not eat too

[microkink-labs]

*A small floating orb begins to approach the science goddess. Upon it getting closer, she notices tiny swirls that look like cloud formations, along with several landmasses and bodies of water. It's a tiny planet, roughly the size of a water bottle cap. She then hears a voice. * "Hello Science goddess! We from this planet rely on flatulence for fuel. We have travelled the Galaxy to find yours. Can you help us, science goddess?" (Hope it's not too weird, tried to mix it up) -right toenail anon

(Not too weird! I love unusual Asks!)

Maxine watched in frozen wonder as the tiny planet approached her so closely. What a trusting little orb! The tiny voice just barely reached her ears; luckily for this civilization, the professor is well-practiced in listening for itty bitty sounds.

“Do you now? You won’t find much of it out in the open air like this, little ones!” replied Maxine as she fished in her lab coat pockets. With a triumphant smile, she retrieved her freeze ray (not an ice beam, that’s all Johnny Snow) and zapped the orb to safely preserve it and its citizens in suspended animation.

In no time, Maxine had created a safe little docking station and placed the tiny planet inside. 

It seemed like a pretty basic structure. To the untrained eye, it simply looked like a small steel cage about the size and shape of a ping pong ball. It came apart in halves which were connected by a single, thin cable.

Once the planet was inside, microscopic and invisible tractor beams emitted from the orb-shaped cage and kept it suspended perfectly in the middle so as to avoid damage from collisions.

Maxine observed her work, holding the cage carefully between her hands and clicking the sides together to keep the planet safe inside. The click on her end translated to a massive, thunderous crack across the lands on the planet itself.

“You may want to turn on some lights, dears.”

Another massive crack then made itself known as the professor lifted her skirt and began inserting the cage and planet up between her ass cheeks. She didn’t insert them into her rectum, but pressed the planet as close to it as she could before allowing her cheeks to fall and settle around it, clutching it in place and thrusting it into complete darkness.

As the cities on the planet lit up in the dark, their fuel levels dropped drastically! Panic began to seep into the hearts of billions, and they cried out to the hot, smelly darkness around them for help!

Maxine sighed and put on some music to help her relax. It wasn’t long before a rumbling in her abdomen rang throughout her entire body and signaled to the pleading planet in her ass that their turmoil was over.

Fuel was on the way.

[microkink-labs]

Do you happen to have Kik? I'd be more than happy to become your personal farting subject on a more... Personal level.

No kik, only Skype. :) Maxine.Microkinkster is my username there.

[parttimereporter]

And you thought your job stunk!

There are time you need to take news online with a grain of salt. And if it's from the ONION you should just laugh, and not spread the headlines as though they're true.. So when I read this SMOKING GUN story about a federal worker who was reprimanded for farting too much, I could not help but first think it was a joke. However, sadly in a way, as the story went on and copies of documents were referenced, it became clear that the Social Security Administration employee from Baltimore, really could not control his flatuence. But the story of the man gets weirder.. According to a reprimand letter, he created a hostile working environment because of his repeated passages of wind. And the office co-workers didn't think grin and bear it.. No, they recorded the times and dates when he flatuated (is that a word?) .. Now picture your own office, or workplace.. Picture a co-worker next to you breaking wind every half hour or so.. How long until you start keeping "documenation" on all of the times he farted in your space? Well, according to the SMOKING GUN expose, this SSA employee had 17 incidents on September 19, according to records kept by employees. And he even broke wind during a May 18 performance discussion! There is now a legal fight taking place over the reprimand.. I don't know how much further the public will be udpated on the farting government worker. But every time I see my social security deduction on future paychecks, I'll raise a glass and bust an ass. Praise to the farting Social Security Worker! So misunderstood...