Sammy, 28, is a secondary school teacher turned stay-at-home mum from Malaysia. Here she shares the difficult journey of her twin pregnancy, how this strengthened her character and built her resilience in the face of adversity.
“I'm currently a stay-at-home mum. I left my teaching job a year ago due to my twin pregnancy.
My twin girls were born prematurely at 32 weeks gestation. The NICU stay is not for the faint of heart and it has changed me and impacted my life a lot. It was an overwhelming and emotionally exhausting experience as I am a first-time mother. I was completely unprepared for the weeks that followed their birth. I didn't get to hold them right after birth like any other mothers with a full-term pregnancy. I had to see them being hooked up to lots of tubes and wires. There was no time to rest after a C-section delivery which I was supposed to have. I went to the hospital with my husband every day to have “kangaroo care” sessions with them. It was the only time we got to care and bond with them.
Back at home where relatives and friends thought I had a good rest, I was pumping breastmilk around the clock and put a lot of pressure and blame on myself for not providing enough for two. I pushed myself to walk faster whenever I was in the hospital and I ended up injuring my ankle during one of the visits as I was still weak. It did not stop me though, my husband would wheel me into the NICU and carry me in and out of the car and house.
My preemie twins spent the first month of their lives in the NICU before going home. One of them was readmitted right after one day of discharge. She had to fight with death at the age of one-month-old due to choking and poor suck-swallow-breathe coordination in feeding. I rushed her to the emergency room. There was more than 10 medical staff surrounding her tiny body. She stopped breathing for 4 minutes. They had to resuscitate her and I saw the whole CPR process while standing in one corner and feeling helpless. She survived. It was extremely heartbreaking to see the tiny her being transferred to the NICU in an ambulance, being on a ventilator again, being hooked up to wires and tubes and oxygen support because she was too weak to breathe on her own. The image of her in that state is blurry as it is too painful for me to recall.
Today, they are both striving and perfectly healthy, and the NICU journey was behind them, but this traumatic experience has never really left me as a parent. It has taught me to appreciate what we have especially our loved ones. It has given me a strength I didn't know I had and I have overcome fears I didn't know existed. My preemies are truly my warriors and miracles. I thank my husband for putting up with all my emotions, late night cries and supporting me in whichever way he could.
I'm now juggling between taking care of my girls and taking courses to stay up-to-date though I won't be able to work anytime soon. This is important to me as I would still love to develop professionally. I have always enjoyed learning and improving myself. I was not a brilliant student, but I fought hard to get a placement in a public university doing a degree in teaching which was what I really wanted. "Success is often the result of hard work than talent." and "When you feel like quitting, think of the one reason you started." These are two of my favourite quotes, which have been keeping me going since my university days. I'm grateful to this day that I was offered a course of my first choice and graduated with a first class honour which was a personal milestone and a form of self-satisfaction.
I will never forget the day where my father stood up and clapped his hands in the presence of thousands of people as I walked up to the stage to receive my scroll on the graduation day. I was born and raised in a conservative Chinese family where expressing love openly is not our forte, but he did it without embarrassment. I had teary eyes and quickly composed myself not to shed tears on the stage. He could not hide his joy and told me in person that he was proud of me.
Now that I'm a parent, it strikes me hard whenever I think of the younger me who was defiant and headstrong. I fought with my parents especially my mother to get things the way I wanted. I fought them hard to leave my job and the country to travel abroad. She gave me the freedom to explore and roam. I am regretful of the things I have done which caused them pain and still love me for who I am. The NICU journey and being a parent of preemie twins have shown me how challenging it is to raise children. I am forever thankful towards my parents.
I came across FutureLearn when my husband introduced it to me along with few other online learning platforms. He feared that I felt left out of the outside world, being at home almost 24/7, and that I had lost my identity other than being a mother of twins. He was right. I was in search of a sense of purpose and belonging in other aspects. A sense of guilt hits me whenever I feel this way, but there is no doubt I love my children; in fact, they play a role in leading me to start investing in myself. I had a look at the sites suggested, and somehow FutureLearn stood out amongst the rest.
Now, I spend my limited spare time to do courses I am interested in with FutureLearn. It can be during the twins’ naptime or after midnight where both are asleep. It can be challenging to give my full concentration in learning throughout the day. Most days I struggle to keep a balance in between doing my part as a mother and caring for my self-interest which keeps me sane. Is it worth it? It is exhausting some days, but I will say yes without hesitation. I crave knowledge and intellectual conversations. Through FutureLearn, I am able to learn and communicate with a community which shares a common interest as me.
I enjoy my newly found passion and contentment in learning with FutureLearn.”
Inspired by Sammy’s story?
Take a look at a few of the courses she values:
Teaching for Success: Lessons and Teaching
An Intermediate Guide to Writing in English for University Study
Teaching for Success: Learning and Learners
Understanding IELTS: Techniques for English Language Tests
Or browse all Teaching and Study Skills courses.