» pairing: tom holland x actress!reader
» song: hoax
» word count: 1.4K
"They're going to ask questions about the relationship-" your publicist reminded you as you stood to the side of the stage. This was the first talk show you were doing in a while. "-remember you don't have to answer any of them." She finished looking at you directly with a reassuring look.
Nodding you, adjusted top trying to compose yourself.
Waving at the live audience, you smiled brightly. The best fake smile you could muster as you approached the host who was standing up. His hand reached towards you as you shook it politely before taking a seat.
You'd been in the clear for the first few minutes until the dreaded question came up. "So is it true?" You caught the end of the question, the beginning was a blur, but you knew exactly what he was talking about.
'Remember you don't have to answer any of them.' Your publicist's words rang in your head and you smiled awkwardly intertwining your fingers in your lap.
"I'm taking this time to really focus on my career and that's what really matters to me right now" you feigned a cheerful smile, something you'd picked up being in the business. You weren't lying, you were only exaggerating the truth.
Actually, the truth was that you were miserable. Life without him was miserable. Without your best friend. Without the person, you'd confided in and thought was your future.
It didn't help that you couldn't grief in peace. It felt like the world was looking at you with a microscope and you couldn't leave your house without the questions. The noise and fuzz over the break-up. You didn't have time to process it all.
"I think we should keep things professional," you whispered as Tom held you close. One arm around the small of your waist, one hand on your cheek. Both your arms were curled on your chest, holding the collar of his shirt.
Things had moved quickly. His lips were on yours before you could think or breath and soon your arms were curled around each other pulling each other closer.
But the small voice in the back of your head told you to stop. You couldn't do this again. You couldn't go down that road again. Not with Tom. You didn't want to ruin things with him. Not like your previous relationship. Who, shocker, had also been with a co-star and did not end well.
Tom knew that.
Yet his lips felt so right on yours and neither of you wanted whatever it was you were doing to end.
"I want to be with you," Tom whispered back brushing your cheek with his thumb before planting a soft kiss on your lips. His lips lingered on yours slowly peeling away to breathe. His forehead pressed against yours.
"I don't want things to end badly," you sighed shutting your eyes. You felt Tom shaking his head.
"They won't."
That'd been a lie. A big fat lie that you relived every day.
Exhaling, you slumped your shoulders. You were home safe. No other questions were asked apart from the one you answered, not really answering it. You made it clear you weren't there to talk about it. But it was the only thing you thought about on the ride home.
It was the only thing you could think about now as you wiped your makeup off. The reflection in the mirror was tired and weak. Emotionally drained. You could feel your throat tightening as you ran a damp cotton pad under your eyes, remembering the time you were so tired he carefully tried wiping your eyelids.
Splashing your face with water, you swallowed the knot in your throat. Shutting off the lights, you dragged your feet towards your bed crawling into it burying yourself under the covers. Your body relaxed as you laid your head on your pillow.
Somehow you could still smell him on your pillows. Maybe you were going crazy, but you got a whiff of his cologne and you felt the knot in your throat coming back. This time the tears were quick and before you could stop yourself, they were running down your face and onto the pillow.
"I trusted you, Tom." You breathed rapidly trying to stop yourself from hyperventilating. You could feel your throat closing, your chest compressing, you felt dizzy.
"I'm sorry," Tom rushed behind you trying to reach out to you, but you shrugged him off. You were in his hotel room, but the distance between the two of you felt infinite.
Your head was fogged with the images of Tom with another woman.
"It wasn't like that," He continued talking, but you couldn't understand him. His words had no meaning.
"Stop," you breathed, your heart pounding and the tears hot on your cheeks. You leaned against the wall trying to gather yourself. "How could you do this to me? You knew what I went through, you knew why I was scared of this-" you were out of breath your voice was getting louder as you spoke.
Tom seemed to grow smaller as you towered over him.
He knew this would tear you apart.
"It was nothing. She's a friend," Tom exclaimed, but you were way too heated. Friends didn't stand so close to each other. Friends didn't hold hands like that.
"How could you do this to me? To us?" You huffed shaking your head. The tears were still there, but you were now on fire. You were burning inside with anger and pain.
"Sweetheart, please-" Tom begged trying to get a hold of you. You brushed him off shaking your head.
"I can't do this, Tom. Everyone has seen those photos," you shook your head biting your lip as the tears continued to form and fall. You wrapped your hands around yourself. "You did the same thing he did," you shook your head.
"I thought you were different," you sobbed turning on your heel and towards the door. It closed with a soft thud as you left.
Swallowing the memory, you grabbed your phone. You were curious to see if the interview was circulating. You were sure it was. People had been in your business since your first relationship and they'd been so invested in the one with Tom.
The one you hoped would be different.
Through blurred vision, you saw people were reposting the part of your interview where you talked about it. Everyone was quick to jump to conclusions. But what caught your eye was not all the reposts and the added commentary. It was him.
A screenshot of something he'd posted on his stories. Something that seemed to be a direct reply to your interview clip. Someone had posted it and though you hated that people were so invested in your love life, you were glad they reposted it because there was no way you were looking at his stories these days.
It was a quote. A quote about loss and forgiveness and you don't know if he was directly talking about you, but it sure felt like it.
You felt your heart fall to the pit of your stomach and suddenly your hands felt clammy as you held your phone.
Inhaling deep, you turned it off. You had to sleep.
But as you placed the phone on your nightstand, the screen turned on illuminating your dark room.
Shakily, you brought the phone back under your covers shielding it as if there were others who could just look over your shoulder and see your phone. You huddled under your covers seeing the notification. The three letters and the spiderweb emoji flashed on your screen.
You opened the message. The thread of messages, the grey bubbles took up your screen. The unanswered messages all pleading to talk. Had you been childish to not answer his messages? Maybe. But he'd hurt you in a way you weren't expecting.
Can we talk please
The text read. You weren't going to answer. You refused. You were about to turn it off when the phone started vibrating in your hand. He was calling.
You let it ring once. Twice. Three times, until you inhaled deeply swiping your phone bringing the phone up to your ear.
"Don't hang up please," Tom's voice made your heart flutter and you froze. "Please let me talk to you," he begged. His voice was low, but there was a hint of gratitude that you'd picked up the phone.
"Okay...talk."
He talked. You listened. It wasn't going to be easy, but you also couldn't let go of Tom. You hadn't been able to in the weeks that you were separated.
taylor: you knew you won so what's the point of keeping score? you knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart, but what you did was just as dark.
