“the sky looks so pretty tonight.” you say dreamily, in awe at the starry and picturesque wonder above you. beside you, chan
has to force himself to tear his gaze away from the twinkle of your eyes and gloss of your moonlit skin. it didn’t help that the lines of your neck dipped and curved with shadows in all the right places, or that the scent of your hair wafted over him each time a wave crashed on the shore. he rubs sand grains between his fingers to negate his urge to run them through the tendrils of your hair.
“hey, which one is vega again?” you quip, turning your head towards him and glassy dark orbs fill his vision. he turns his attention to the sky, scanning it like a map.
“right,” he raises a finger to point at the direction he finds it; northeast from your current vantage point. “there.” you squint your eyes up, searching for it eagerly.
“there?” you point up in the same direction, but not quite on the mark. “a little more to the right.” he guides, chuckling when you pout and search for it again.
“show me again?” you plead softly, your eyes rounding up at him which does things to his heart.
“it’s right there, silly.” he teases, looking and pointing back up. you scoot in the sand until he feels your hips brush his own and your scent makes his mind grow foggy. innocently, you lean your body close to his chest, trying to get a better look at where he’s pointing. but you still can’t manage to spot the damn star that you scoot even closer until your back is flush against his chest and he has to fight himself to resist the urge to runs his lips across the curve of your neck.
“i still can’t find it,” you mumble to yourself. he brings his hand up to guide yours and he makes the mistake of gliding his fingertips along your supple skin. he leads your pointed finger right to the ball of gas that he suddenly resents (and thanks) for putting his in this position. “there.” he says quietly, his lips accidentally brushing the spot next to your ear, and for a moment he savours then mourns the fleeting feeling of his lips against your skin. his mind erupts into the thoughts of what it would be like to indulge completely in the feeling of your plush skin against his own, but he gulps them away.
you hum excitedly when you finally spot it- a mix between a soft giggle and breathy sigh- completely oblivious to the hammering in his chest. he prays you don’t notice it, and yet a part of him hopes you do. that you take a notice to the command you have over him. if you asked, he would travel all twenty-five light years away and back just to give you that damned star.
he has never resented himself more for falling in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.
summary: they say time heals all wounds, but the one left by han jisung on your heart is one that you still treat tenderly.
warnings: none
word count: 1.5k
note: this is my first piece after being so MIA for the past 3 months kfjglfjsgl it’s PURE angst and i was planning on making it multi-chapter but i decided to just stick to keeping the prologue and fic separate. i missed writing here, and this quarantine really got me in the mood to do something, so here is that something :) i hope you’re safe and staying inside, i love you muah <3 the next [and final] part will be up soon !
I’ll never forget that day.
Spring of 2006. The first day of the first grade. the first day I met you. You’re puffing up your cheeks at the back of the class, nervously fidgeting with your spiderman pencil case. The room is full and boisterous, and the only empty seat is right by you. I take it hesitantly; I thought you looked mean because your furrowed brows and stoic expression was not exactly the most welcoming. But then you offered to share your fruit-scented markers with me, and suddenly I wasn’t so scared anymore.
I couldn’t stop telling my mom all about you.
I’ll never forget that night.
The middle school dance. I have a date- well, an “escort”. you were too shy to ask anybody, and too hesitant to say yes to the girls that approached you first. But, like the good bestfriend that I am, I convince you to come nonetheless. So you show up, in your maroon trousers and white dress shirt with a matching bow tie round your collar, and I feel shy in my navy dress, but you tell me i look pretty and the red never leaves my cheeks that night.
My date sucks; he dances with everyone but me, and forgets that I exist when a slow song comes on. And so I pout by myself, sitting alone at one of the poorly decorated tables. Until you show up. You’re so nonchalant about asking me to dance so I try to feign calmness when I say yes. We sway to Something About The Way You Look Tonight, and I’ve never felt safer.
That song stays on repeat in my head for weeks.
I’ll never forget that smile.
The first day of high school. Everything seemingly changes, except you and I. Like the first day I met you, you’re at the back of the class sitting alone, nervously fidgeting with puffy cheeks to match. Only this time, a bag occupies the seat next to you, reserving it for me. I think to myself that we could never be separated; it would take a tornado and a half to do so.
You meet my eyes from across the room and a smile lights up your face as you wave me over.
You really are the personification of sunshine.
I’ll never forget that friday.
I come over early for our weekend movie night and your mom lets me in. She tells me that you’re in your room upstairs, so I make my way to you. But then I hear it; your voice. Soft, but loud enough for me to hear clearly through the door. You switch between bars and melodies and I can’t help but think you sound like an angel. I’m too distracted by hearing you belt out perfect notes that I don’t hear you approach your door and open it. You’re horrified to say the least to see me standing there, wide-eyed and with a grin on my face. You didn’t hear that, did you? I say of course I did, and you tell me everything.
About how you feel when you sing and rap. About all these lyrics that you can’t help but write down. About how you know you want to take a chance on music but you’re too afraid to disappoint. Your family, yourself. Me. I call you ridiculous because you are. You’re talented, I tell you. You were born to do this, i say. because I know in my heart that it’s true.
The way your eyes shine and look at me that night is imprinted in my mind forever.
I’ll never forget your eyes.
You’ve been practicing for months now, waiting for audition season to come around. I catch you pacing back and forth in your kitchen when I come over with cookies and our favorite Land Before Time DVD. I ask you what’s wrong, but you just ruffle your hands through your hair and sigh shakily. You’re anxious, I can tell. So I go over to you and stop you from pacing, grab your face in my hands and tell you you got this. You look at me with quivering eyes, welling with tears, and you say that you’re afraid. So I hold you in an embrace for a moment, willing your fears to go away. You hug me so tight, and you try so hard to stop your tears from staining my shirt. After a while you pull away, and I tell you I believe in you.
You say okay. That was the moment you started believing in you too.
I’ll never forget that feeling.
Your birthday celebration, sophomore year. Chaotic to say the least. Your parents were out of town on a business trip so, abandoning all sense of responsibility, we threw a party. The music is so loud that I can feel it thump in my chest, and the beers hit us hard that we messily slur all our words.
We’re in your living room, dancing haphazardly to a song I can barely understand, when you grab me by the waist and smile down at me wiht half-lidded eyes. Everything slows, and my heart almost stops beating when you kiss me. Two seconds. That’s how long it lasts, before you pull away.
We dance like nothing happened, and we don’t address it ever after.
I tell myself it was a drunken dream to stop the pain.
I’ll never forget your voice.
You call me up at 4am in the morning. I sleepily scold you for doing so, but you just continue talking. You tell me you’re nervous about your audition that’s later in the day and you ask me to take your mind off of it. So I do. We talk about whether or not mint chocolate chip ice cream is gross or ingenious, and debate about which tv show to binge next. I slowly fall asleep as time passes.
You don’t know that I hear you whisper I’m so grateful for you before you quietly thank me and end the call.
I’ll never forget that moment.
You got in. You got in. we rejoice in your room, making a ruckus much to your parents’ dismay. I hug you tight and tell you that I’m so proud of you, because I truly am. Something drops in your face when I pull back, and I ask you what’s wrong. For some reason you’re sad, and the crestfallen expression on your face does not help you when you say nothing. I persist, so you tell me you’re going to have to move soon.
It hurts, but all I say is we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
I’ll never forget that day.
You’ve been acting distant this past month. I didn’t know why, because you always brushed it off. You always seemed to brush me off.
Now I know. It’s pouring when I find out. I’m at your front door waiting for you to answer, when your mom does. She looks surprised that I’m here, tells me she thought I was out of town which is why I couldn’t make it to the airport last night. My heart drops. I play it off and walk away.
I call you more times than I can count but you don’t answer. All my voicemails are of my voice breaking, begging you to call me back. You don’t. I feel pathetic crying in the rain alone.
You left. Without telling me. Without saying goodbye, I’ll see you soon. Or don’t worry, we’ll facetime as much as we can. I move from hating you to missing you so much that it drains me.
You don’t call, or leave a message, and it kills me to have to accept it.
I’ll never forget you, Han Jisung. I want to, I need to, but I can't. We grew up together. I spent most of my life by your side. Everyday I feel like I’m missing a piece of myself, because I am. You took a part of me with you so selfishly, so unfairly. In return I feel like I have nothing left of you. Just memories that my mind refuses to forget.
Your mom told me where you went, what company you joined. I bite my tongue every time I get the urge to ask how you’re doing because I’m afraid she’ll tell me you’re doing just fine. She hugs me and tells me she knows you must miss me too. It’s hard to distance myself from your family when they feel like my own.
Years have passed. I see you on TV now, and I’m so, so proud of you. You made it. The pain in my heart is numbed by the smile on your face that I get to see through a screen. I make it a point to not search up your name, but I always listen to your music. It’s the closest I’ll ever get to hearing your voice again.
Summary: bang chan is always complaining about being single since birth, so best friend reader decides to play cupid and sets him up. big mistake.
Genre: angst-y?? with some fluff later on idk you decide (a Lot of slow burn so idk how many parts this multi-shot will have lmao)
Warnings: none
college life, to summarise, was hectic.
multiple deadlines for multiple classes; pages upon pages of assignments and essays that needed to be done; hour long lectures almost every single day, and on top of all of that, a part-time job as a book clerk at the library that needed to be held down in order to help pay for your apartment rent.
needless to say, your days were filled with so much to do encapsulated in such little time.
thankfully, you were not alone.
you had your best friend Chan to hold you down through it all even though he had just as much struggles as you did
you had met him right before you started college on a website while looking for housemates in order to afford rent (you were drowning in student loans and so was he, so to you it was a match made in heaven)
to say your parents were reluctant to let you live with a male was an understatement- but after meeting him and realizing that he was a total sweetheart that couldn’t hurt a fly and that there was no other option, off you went.
you two were very similar in many ways; for one, you both shared a deep love for movies and films and star wars, which is why you both made a childish pinky promise to always have movie nights on wednesday evenings and the tradition hasn’t been broken since
another thing you also shared in common was the fact that you both were completely, utterly, stupidly and perfectly single.
he, since birth, and you since the 11th grade when your first love became your fist ( and, thus, worst) heartbreak
bonding over these things and the fact that you both were endlessly passionate about reaching your goals allowed you both to develop a deep and meaningful friendship, enough to make you both realise that you were each others’ best friends
whenever he’d stay up and pull all-nighters to get his work done, you were always next to him on the dining table doing the same even though you didn’t need to, but wanted to keep him company just so that he didn’t feel alone.
and whenever you had mental breakdowns during exam season, he was always there with ice cream and flash cards in hand to help you get through it all
needless to say, even though the first two years of college were anything but a breeze, chan always made you feel okay.
so now there you two were, third year college students on your run-down, second-hand couch, watching re-runs of the big bang theory and catching up on how the week was so far.
“it makes me feel so lonely watching minho and his girl act all cutesy in class, i feel like the ultimate third wheel.” chan whined next to you on the couch and you rolled your eyes
“you’ve been complaining for so long about how you feel oh so lonely, why don’t you just find someone then? there are enough people all over campus pining over you anyway.” you said, scoffing at the brunette.
chan had been complaining for so long about how he felt like a deprived lovebug and how he was an utter virgin in everything that had to do with love, and you were getting annoyed with how often he complained
“but that’s the thing- i don’t even know where to start! how do you even approach people? how do you even know whether that person is a nice person? god, they should teach us ‘finding a life partner 101′ instead of the laws of thermodynamics, it’d be way more useful.” he rambled on
“you’re so whiny channie. you know what? let me help you. i can set you up on a blind date with someone who i think you’d like so that the filtering process would be shortened- how does that sound?” you turned to look at him, propping your elbow onto the couch headboard and rested your head into the palm of your hand
suggesting this was your first mistake.
he looked at you quizzically, his thick eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinty
“you would do that? for me?”
“if it gets you to shut up then of course.” you grinned sarcastically and giggled, with him rolling his eyes at you
“oh haha,” he said and stuck his tongue out “forget i even said anything.” he huffed and got all pouty and exaggerated by crossing his arms and looking away from you. you could only laugh at his feigned hurtful expressions
“i’m kidding! you know i’m just joking- oh stop pouting you big baby.” you said, grabbing ahold of his bicep to get his to turn and look at you
his very muscular bicep
“i’m being serious okay! i want to set you up with someone so that my poor channie stops feeling so lonely all the time.” you mimicked his pout and patted his head
“alright, fine. i’m trusting you with this. if i get dumped i’m blaming you.”
“deal.”
you didn’t have to blink twice to agree to this whole ordeal or even to suggest it; you and chan were just friends- best friends at that, and everything between you both was completely platonic
or so you thought.
so there you were, in your literature lecture, spying on the one girl you thought would be the perfect fit to chan’s empty heart.
so far you knew that her name was Hana, that she was a screenplay major (and so, obviously, knew a good lot about film), that she was recently single and ready to mingle (according to people around campus), and that she looked absolutely gorgeous
jackpot
being your outgoing self, you immediately approached her all wide-eyed and hopeful.
“hi, you don’t know me but would you mind going on a blind date with my friend?” you quipped innocently
she looked completely shocked and dumbfounded
afterall, the only thing she knew about you was that you shared literature class together- and that’s about it.
reader you complete weirdo
“uhm, may i ask what your name is?” she said, looking bashful and flustered
“i’m y/n. and don’t worry, chan isn’t a complete weirdo- shit did i just say his name?? fuck i just took out the point of a blind date.” you mentally slapped yourself for being this much of a dumbass, but to your surprise, hana’s eyes flickered with interest.
“do you mean bang chan? as in cute-boy-in-the-physics-department bang chan?”
“uh yeah i think so? cute boy? since when was channie known as cute bo-”
“i’m definitely in! i’m sorry for sounding so overly-enthusiastic, it’s just chan’s been quite popular these days, and i’m just a little excited.” she said bashfully
“don’t be sorry! just give me your number and i’ll text you the details soon!”
to say that chan was excited when you told him would be an understatement
“you’re going to love her, channie! god, i’m such a good wingman, you should pay me for setting you up this good.” you said, smirking, feeling proud of yourself
“don’t get too cocky just yet. but oh my god, i can’t wait to meet her!” he said grinning, completely over the moon, and your smile matched his.
wednesday evening rolled around, the day of their blind date, and you couldn’t have been more excited for him. you had arranged for them to meet at a cute little trendy café downtown- perfect for a first date- where they could just talk and get to know each other.
you honestly felt like a proud mom sending off her son to get married, and the happiness you felt for him was genuine- no if’s, and’s or but’s.
“do i look okay?” chan said, coming out of his room dressed in black jeans with rips in the knees, a black muscle tank top and his white denim jacket. he wore an expression of nervousness- a very cute one, at that- and you couldn’t help but let your gaze linger a little longer than normal with a little more affection than you’d like to admit.
“you- you look great channie!” you said, stuttering at first as you were taken aback by just how attractive he looked
you always knew your best friend was handsome- but something about the way his ruffled hair settled on his head and how his lips were flushed a deep red from biting them out of nervousness made your heart skip a beat
but of course, you ignored it.
this was the second mistake.
he was attractive, and that was that.
“you really think so?” he smiled bashfully, ears going red when he saw how your eyes gleamed after seeing him. it made him feel fluttery and giddy to have you compliment him.
“you look really handsome, channie- i mean it.” you said again, a soft smile dancing on your lips and he looked down and scratched the nape of his neck, suddenly feeling embarrassed by all the attention you were giving him.
“you should wear that really nice perfume you own!” you said giddily
“already am! i know it’s your favorite scent- i just hope she likes it too.”
after a few more minutes of chan’s nervous questions and you telling him to calm down, he was off.
he didn’t know what Hana looked like- all you told him was that she would be sitting alone next to the window in a pink top.
so when he laid eyes on the girl you described, he had to do a double take to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.
she was a sight to see, that was for sure.
before he entered, he sent a text to you
to stardust: u didnt tell me you were setting me up w a fukn model
from stardust: oopsies (✿◠‿◠)
he chuckled and rolled his eyes before entering the café and making his way over to her.
he introduced himself, as did she, and the night played on.
meanwhile, on the other side of town, there you were on the dining table, finishing up your last analytical essay on whatever the heck you had to analyse for your creative writing class
it was ten pm now, and you groggily made your way onto your sofa with your fluffy throw blanket wrapped around you like a burrito
you flicked through the channels on the tv, being unable to find anything remotely interesting, until you realised something
it was wednesday.
movie night day.
and you were alone.
you felt a pang in your chest at that realisation. after 2 years of almost always spending wednesday nights with chan by your side, you suddenly grew increasingly aware of how lonely you were. by now you two would be cramped on the couch, debating over whether or not to put on a new movie or series or to re-watch some of your all-time favorites.
but there you were, staring into space, alone and cold on your couch, chan no longer beside you.
you immediately buried those thoughts away
‘he’s happy and having a good time, and i’m so happy for him- he’s my best friend.’ you thought to yourself
your phone dinged, interrupting your train of thought
from solo: this is going too well, im buying u sushi next week to thank u
you let out a breathy laugh at that
to solo: hehe glad to hear that
from solo: gosh i love you
your breath hitched in your throat when you read that message. it made your heart suddenly pick up speed and made your tummy feel weird. he’s never said that before, you thought to yourself, your mind malfunctioning. you blinked yourself back into reality.
to solo: i know.
with that, you shut off your phone.
you had to remind yourself why he said it.
he was being thankful, nothing more. that’s all there is to it.
i’m his best friend, nothing more. that’s all there is to it.
you had to shake of the stinging feeling in your chest and chose to distract yourself by watching the nature documentary that was playing on tv, even though it bored you out of your mind and caused you to just stare at it blankly for the rest of the night.
soon enough you fell asleep on the couch, alone and cold, with the tv playing a show you didn’t like on a channel you didn’t watch with a dull pain brewing in the middle of your chest that you chose to actively ignore.
and that was the third mistake.
i’ll just end it here for part one. please reblog and like so i know you want this multi-shot to continue! also all my star wars babies- peep those references heheheheheheh
