#for eating

[wasp-that-never-misses]

For the Tumblr recipe exchange, I offer: This skirt steak with cucumber salad. It’s so simple but so delicious and perfect for warmer days. I always double the dressing for the cucumbers and use half of it as a marinade for the steak—even if you only marinate it for an hour, it adds a really nice flavor and the honey helps a lot with getting good browning on the steak without overcooking it. Don’t skip the chili crisp!

SKIRT STEAK WITH CUCUMBER SALAD via Good Housekeeping (paywalled):

THAT LOOKS DELICIOUS

[freckledsweetpea]

a bitch could use a tub of icing.

[greyenvy-a-blog]

*whispers* i have gummy fruit snacks in my pocket.

[not30stoatsinatrenchcoat]

the concept of "acquired taste" is so funny to me. like, oh yeah this food is nasty as hell UNLESS☝️you are forced to consume it since birth🙂‍↕️

[wasp-that-never-misses]

Good morning nerds, today I am powering through a hangover so I'm gonna show off the bread I made yesterday.

This one is a cinnamon loaf, so you are going to need:

2 1/4 tsp yeast

2 cups warm water

4 1/2ish cups flour

2 1/4 tsp salt

2 1/4 tsp sugar

1 tbsp ground cinnamon

1/4 cup honey

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

3 tbsp Bread Lube (your choice of oil)

You will also need, For Later:

1/2 cups brown sugar

2 tbsp ground cinnamon

1 stick butter

1/2 nutmeg

1 tsp cloves

1/2 allspice

First, mix your water and yeast with about half the flour. Mix well, but a few clumps are fine. Then put on some funky music and leave your yeast to it for like half an hour.

Come back when it gets bubbly.

Add in everything else except the stuff we set aside For Later. When it's well mixed, put a dough hook on your stand mixer and let it run for a few minutes. If you don't have one of those, just skip that step. You'll make up for it with more kneading.

Flour your work surface and throw down your dough. It will be sticky. Knead with the flour until it feels nice and silky.

Cinnamon bread is made with love.

A little heartbreak is good for you. Within reason.

When you're done kneading (when your shoulders are heavy but your feelings aren't so leaden) lube up a bowl and toss that dough in. Put more oil on top of the dough and cover it.

Put your music back on. Walk away for a couple hours. Your yeast would like another round.

Take this time to go eat a snack and perhaps do some small chores. Read fanfic. Build a snowman.

When you come back, the dough will have roughly doubled in size. Flour your work surface and Punch it down again.

Knead it some more. Think on the catharsis of gently weeping into your bread bowl. Do not actually begin weeping.

Remember that stuff we set aside For Later? It's Later.

Melt your butter and throw everything in and mix until you get a nice slurry. It will look like apple butter.

Flatten your dough into a roughly rectangular shape. Spread this slurry over it. Keep a little bit back.

Now roll it up.

Oil a baking pan and put the roll seam-side down. Cover it and switch to your 2003 Nightclub playlists. Your yeast wants another go.

After an hour or so, come back.

Take the rest of the mix that you held back earlier and slather liberally across the top of your roll.

Toss that in the oven at 375F for 35ish minutes.

BREAD.

[wasp-that-never-misses]

Alright nerds today we're gonna learn about garlic cheese bread because I'm ripping out my kitchen island today and that's A Lot so we're stress baking! Woo!

First, your ingredients:

6 1/2 cups flour, 2 packets yeast, 3 tsp salt, 2 tsp sugar, 1 tsp pepper, 2 1/2 cups milk, 5 tbsp butter, 4 cups shredded cheese, herbs, and an amount of garlic equivalent to how much you love yourself*

You will also need, for Later, perhaps half a cup of shredded cheese divided from the other three and a half cups, a stick and a half of butter, more herbs and garlic, and an egg or two.

Also needed, a spray bottle, because you have cats who do not believe you can bake without their input.

First, toss about half the flour in your bowl and add the yeast, sugar, salt and pepper and mix it together. Then heat the butter and milk together until it's warm but not hot. Then throw it in and mix until smoothish.

Add the rest of the flour in batches along with the cheese. Then the herbs and garlic.

If you own a stand mixer, use the dough hook for like five minutes. If you don't, turn your dough as-is onto a floured work surface to knead. Pretend it's your shitty coworker who yells at you all day. Use your fists. Try to forget words like "breathing exercises" or "displaced aggression." This is what you need right now.

After that highly therapeutic beat down, put your dough into a greased bowl and cover it.

Now turn around and immediately forget your bread exists. Object permanence? Who's that?

Have a snack. Make tea. Do a chore. Weave a tiny net for your idiot reptile. Come back in an hour or two when your dough has doubled in size.

Now. Beat. It. Again.

Punch all the air out. Then shape it into a bunch of little globs on a greased baking pan. Cover it again and leave it for 30-40ish minutes to double up a second time.

Go eat another snack. Build a shelf. Fight God and kick his punk ass. Play with your cats. Star in your very own terrible dance movie. There are no rules here.

Remember all that stuff we set aside for Later? It's Later.

Beat your egg into a nice wash. Slather it on the tops of your globs. Melt your butter and mix it with your herbs and garlic. Slap it on the bread. Cover the whole mess with the remainder of the cheese.

Bake at 375 for 30-35 minutes. Have another tea. Breathe out the existential crisis. You're doing okay.

BREAD

*if you don't love yourself, choose something you do love, like the cat or being bisexual. Use an amount of garlic equivalent to how much you love that.

Anyway this concludes my tutorial. Get that fucking bread.

[mattthedungeonbat]

Designing magical animals