A Nightmare Before Christmas.
Hindi ko gets kung bakit minsan kelangan mo maramdaman ng paulit-ulit yung mga pinagdaanan mong hindi maganda noon. Nakakalunod. Nakakapanghina. Ang tagal-tagal naman na nun. Like a decade ago pero it all felt like yesterday na naman because of what I've been through last night. It was a peaceful day and I was expecting a well-deserved rest pero yung panaginip ko was so bad and I can't believe I have to wake up remembering most of it. The story of my dream was like the breakup I never had and it hurt way more than how it actually happened years ago. Kalmado lang naman before eh. Like it didn't sink in until years later knowing you lost someone very important in your life. But having to see that scene play in your mind in the most sarcastic way is truly devastating.
In that dream I kept saying repeatedly "tangina, ayoko na umulit". And I woke up like feeling na it was more of a memory than a dream or parang reality that might have happened in an alternate universe (yuck? pati multiverse dinamay pa sa kwento -_-). But anyway, I know it's a feeling na I don't ever wanna feel, ever again. It may not have happened in this lifetime pero it feels like a reminder from my dear subconscious na I still have unresolved issues and I won't be able to really move forward until I forgive myself for all that has and could have been.
Kaya dear self, here's me endlessly saying like from the movies we have always loved to look back to - I hope you find what you are looking for.