I personally am not that fond of fantasy that has the structures of aristocracy but also Gay Marriage is Fine. Eyam is not that, in Eyam, patriarchy still holds the most power. The Prime Minister's ban on men's jewellery has clear homophobic undertones towards the Cobra. Lia clearly did not feel it was an option to try and find a powerful heiress to marry her instead.
But Emer is a lesbian, Forge Strike is (to me) a lesbian, the Golden Brothel seems to serve a variety of sexualities. The Cobra had a threesome, that includes another man and his servants clearly knew. Queerness seems to be much more accepted on the fringes/ among the working classes, which reflects historical reality.
Fabianus' entire experience implies that queerness is not considered a valid life choice by most of the aristocracy, but they're not going to imprison/ kill one of their own over it. It's more 'don't ask, don't tell'.
And the passage where a lord pointedly talks to Marius about his 'charming and attractive son' shows that even some of the more conservative upper classes are aware of the things that people aren't allowed to say. Perhaps the lord is like General Nemeth and just wants his son to be happy, but Marius is a rich and powerful person and would make a great alliance. Accepting the reality of queerness is another way that you can use someone.
