#forjr

[glassyeyedmind]

Letters of a wish...

I wish to write you letters Even when we are together, Letters of pain and sadness Letters of happiness that may give you a shiver, I wish I could write you letters I wish I could seal them away, Put them in a treasure chest Give you a map for it and let you find your way, I wish to write you letters Tear stained and scented just to make a good read, My letters could may be say All that I couldn't dare breathe, I wish I get a letter from you Have you address me' Dearest', And say' Yours Faithfully' at the end So of all the letters I have written, yours may be the best.

[glassyeyedmind]

Soul on a canvas...?!

I wish I could paint now... Well I almost always pull out things that don't make sense to anyone,not even to me at times.So who knows where this is coming from... o.0 But here it goes... I wish I could burn my soul on a canvas n give it to you as a present.It would tell you what I want to say,maybe. I have tried speaking to you but it comes out all wrong.I try to write to you but the words fall on top of each other.My head is a mess,I walk around like I'm a mirror reflecting sunshine but that ain't the truth.I walk around to forget and move on.And move on.And move on and on that I may not forget only to remember,the bitter halt to our conversations. I wish it was sweeter,though I never wanted to stop...

I'm asked to stay away now for my own good and yours too and I pushed u away for all of that too.You would get angry,I knew it but why did you break your only unbroken promise and hurt me anyway? All of that and I still can't hate... I wish I could paint my soul and thoughts of you,all the vibrant shades of your favorite hues.I'd paint them and tear it all apart.I would gift you the pieces and enjoy your amusement as you try to put it back together. You would spend days,months and years to look back and try to complete it,but you would never finish my puzzle...

All this 'cause I will keep the last part.

[glassyeyedmind]

I have been staring at the screen for so long now,I wish I could spill my mind's ink somewhere,on the screen,on the paper in my hand,anywhere.I feel it all coming down today,well it was building from a while back.My frustrations at me being unable to express myself,completely.I can't say it all,it will take too long.I can't sit back and forget,that's never been me.Now I wish it was. I don't know what exactly I feel today or the past few days.I feel the pain of rejection without being directly rejected. I feel a wistful sad coz the year is almost gone and its taking someone away from my life again.Such a measure of time often lets me know the importance of the precious few who stay.

Every year I realize I have trust issues deep within.I try to trust more but each time I start trusting people more to just stay with me,its time for them to walk away.With that I end up with the question,"Was everything a lie or a dream that I just woke up from?" always.In the end,I repeat to myself," Never will I go down that road,Never again!". But why does this pattern become like the most common New year resolution of losing weight or being a healthier person?You stick to it a few days(not enough to make a habit) and one day you wake up wanting to change again and you change back to the same old toxic lifestyle or in my case,'searching for a mate' pattern(love life pattern is too cliche for me).

So I think I'll make a resolution on the 29th instead of the 1st(since it's NOT a new year resolution) that I would try to self sabotage myself less and try to pick people who actually have a spine.A hopeful adios to the ones who didn't have the guts or the right way to make me stay.I hurt right now but it's not my loss yet. Yours truly Over thinking,self sabotaging wreck for tonight  P.S. I think it is also the end of a voice in my head,the one that was telling me,you could be the 'one'.Now I can once again love my sleep.  

[glassyeyedmind]

Its so weird when your walls are torn down finally, the person who did it has to walk away n leave u defenceless n naked... When will someone learn to come in through the door n not tear my walls down... Now to lay d plans for a new emotional fortress o_O

[glassyeyedmind]

Questions and an answer for u...

Tell me, am I dreaming? Or is now my awakening… My love for u I question no longer For your love has left me conquered Tell me what I know of your love, is it true, really? Or am I fooling myself once again, subtly… I ask for no comfort if it isn’t true I want to know for sure, not search for a clue… I ask this coz I’m afraid of losing me in you Without finding out if u r lost in me too… I’ll give my all, no matter your call Stay with u for time, no matter how small In you, I received a blessing of courage Something that I will treasure through my age I may let go when I’ll be asked by you But it will never change how I love you…

[glassyeyedmind]

A want of YOU by ME :)

Wanna call you up at 2am

Just to hear your sleepyhead voice

And take out the truth from your pretty mouth

In your sleepy,hazy phase

I want to bring you closer,melt into me

I want to leave you at peace,set you free

I want to call out and ask for help

I want to be strong and never utter of pain

All of your lovely self,I want for me

But the 'want' should not be something that haunts me

So I walk two steps to you and take one back for me

You and I are becoming parts of a unique melody

Hearing you speak and listening to you breathe

Your words and your silence,they make me fall

These sudden wants for u r confusing me

And the question always is for how long can I have it all?

[glassyeyedmind]

So says d lover..

I have so much to speak of

Can't spit it out

Can't leave it in,its tough

Its choking me to leave you out

Even wen I want to let you in

But you don't look back

You are hard to pin 

So am I,its what I lack

That is why I stop mid way

I stop all my questions at this point

And wait, for you to look this way

But you dnt gt d hint

You stay right there and show me that you don't see

I pretend that it don't matter but on the in 

I ask myself,oh why did I let you see those things about me

Why do I always let you in

It was so simple before

Maybe it is about time my walls start coming up

But I m trying to climb over to your shore

So give me your hand and pull me up

Else you and I will become stranger

Won't know how to stray into each other

Would simply endanger

Our discovery,so says your lover...   

[glassyeyedmind]

As my heart is ready to jump out of my chest again,I question myself again....  Is it the sight of you in the distant figure Or the vision of you in my memory That lets me listen to my chest thump...? Is it your low toned voice Or d voice of desire in my head That makes me wet...? Is it just me or is it just you, Or is it me n you too, The thought that's delighting my world with every hue...? :)