I'm thinking about you even though I really don't want to. I miss you, but at the same time I don't. I know you don't think about this stuff and I'm basically torturing myself, but idk- I was fine until today when I decided to look through old pictures and messages and shit. It's my fault, but it's weird. Idk what I'm feeling. Like I know What I'm feeling I just can't put it into words. I can't sleep, I don't know why. When you think about it, our stories are so different from each others, I'm starting to think we don't even know what happened our selves. There's always three sides to every story right? His, hers and the truth. I don't even know what the truth is anymore. It's weird I know I've been over it for months now but I keep finding out more and more and I realized other people knew more about my relationship than I did. Whatever though, it's whatever. Idk what I'm doing tbh. This is a lot of words and no one's gonna read this so that's probably why I'm doing it. Ugh idk. I don't miss you like that tbh, I miss having you as a friend. I miss being able to talk to you about dumb shit. You broke your promise you know. You promised that you'd always be there for me, no matter what, even years from then, even if I didn't want you there, you'd still be there. Funny- you're not here. And it's all over some he said- she said bull shit. 99% of that isn't even true. I don't hold you to that btw, I understand why you don't wanna talk to me. Okay, I don't- but let's say I do. Ugh idk. Idk what I'm doing rn. Idk why I'm writing this. I don't even know if I'm gonna post it. All I know rn is that I have to be up in an hour and here I am, writing an essay getting my fucking bitch ass feelings out when I know no one's gonna read this anyway. So idk man. Idk what I'm doing. I know how much better off I am with out you. I know how much happier I am, how much healthier I am. I'm just a better person and I'm not all dark and twisty any more. A part of me wishes you would give me another chance so we can try to be friends again. But another part of me wishes you would transfer out and never visit. Idk what you're doing man. You were a good kid. I pity you, you're better than this. People message me saying I made the right call because you're a "poser" and a "fuck boy" and a "loser" I know you're not those things, it may seem like you are now, but you're not those things. I truly hope that you prove them wrong. Somewhere down the line, you pick yourself up and let yourself feel emotion and let yourself think on your own.
