but add in kink, especially, and sometimes it just kinda sucks
last week I experienced subdrop and this week I'm ??? idfk, Bad™, had to have it out with Him while actively having a sobbing fit that this just is not working the way it's been going and He needs to either be straighter about what he wants and when or it's not fucking happening anymore, because I can't keep doing feeling like this before, during, and after
can't keep getting pushed into situations where He wants to force me to ask for something from someone because the answer is that I won't be forced, I will simply Not Fucking Ask, and then everyone feels bad
okay look i'm gonna be so real. He Is by Ghost truly doesn't even rank on "ridiculous" for being added to Loki's playlist. it just doesn't, because unfortunately, Porn Star Dancing by My Darkest Days is already on there, and i don't really see anything beating that one.
but He Is is still fucking absurd as a song to add to a playlist for Him.
despite a fairly interesting post i did see on here about Loki re: the devil figure concept — i think it's in my likes, i'd have to go find it again and reblog it — He isn't actually a devil figure
He's a fucking cosmic goth kid with no shame, is what he is, actually
one of the things that i started doing specifically with Loki has been automatic writing, or something similar to it (depending on how strictly you're defining the practice).
it started, strangely, because it was an easier way to communicate with Him; there was tarot, which seemed on its face (ha) easier, since i'm intimately familiar with it, and i've been using it to communicate, especially with divinity, for over a decade, but. there were (and are) days that it just...doesn't quite work. there's a kink in the line. something doesn't quite translate.
(and i cannot use the runes; both due to unfamiliarity, and also because even with the little knowledge i do have, i am unable to read the present or the future with them. my sight and abilities with the runes are relegated strictly to the past.)
so i end up taking my glasses off and letting my eyes unfocus while i write a conversation down, half me and half Him. oftentimes, the conversation happens much faster than i can write, and a lot of it is often less words than feelings, sensations, etc. that i have to write down instead. but it works.
the more interesting thing is that it's now branched out; instead of only being something i do with Him, i've done a little of it with Hekate, as well (supported by the cards, because our communication is so firmly tied to the tarot and Her oracle). recently, it branched again, this time into speaking to the dead.
it was a specific person who wanted to speak specifically to me — my beloved's brother, who passed last year — and it was, at first, frankly, like pulling metaphysical teeth. there was (is) a sort of disconnect that made hearing difficult. since i've never done this with another person in the afterlife, only divinity, i don't quite know if it was because of something between he and i, or something to do with Death itself; to be honest, despite my familiarity with death and grief, i don't have much interest in trying to test it out, to figure out which it was. this was the longest, and most involved conversation i've had with anyone after they've passed, and it was a difficult conversation to have for all sorts of reasons.
i'm currently being told — not asked, not negotiated with, told — by His Unhighness over here that He will be putting me into subspace tomorrow, and i mentioned to my partners that i would ask why i started letting Him Dom me except i have a whole list of reasons, and they would likely have their own lists, too,
and my darling, dearest girl, my beloved, who is insane, and also not fucking wrong,
"I Lost Touch With Reality and All I Got Was This T-Shirt Godfucking About It"
Loki has realized i no longer live in a hell space where an adult cannot just Buy Booze and so while i was picking up meds He wanted Jaegermeister, because that's a thing i can just. get at a CVS now
and like His taste in booze is still a tripping hazard in hell but it was cheap so alright, fine, He gets the Jaegermeister
at least it can also be an offering for Hekate as well if She decides to lower Her standards. She won't, but y'know.
there's this funny thing that keeps happening in various different shapes, now that Loki is a patron versus just a god in my general, uh. metaphysical space, i guess
because, see, important context: He's been around and adjacent to me for years. various acquaintances, friends, and close loved ones have worked with Him and been devoted to Him, so He's been a close part of my life since i was a teenager. and, even after i had found who i thought would be my only patron, the goddess i would devote myself to and never stray—working and worship are two different things, for me—He had a lesson to teach me, in how to say no to divinity. how to put my foot down and hold my lines, keep my promises to myself and others, to make the gods keep theirs.
so, back to what keeps happening:
that lesson still applies to Him.
He's shocked every time, and it never gets less funny
currently the state of this blog is under construction.
welcome to the chaos, also known as my personal adventures in godfucking.
you can call me foxfull. if you must shorten it, i'd prefer you went with the end and not the beginning. i'm a genderfluid mess of a creature, but my pronouns are they/them or he/him, no matter what kind of kink posts i might reblog. i come from the tail end of the 1900s.
this blog is a combination of a pagan devotional blog and a kink blog. which means you're going to see a lot of different things on it, and a grand portion are going to be 18+. i don't actually believe in DNIs, because the fundamental premise of them is flawed; i will curate my space myself, under the expectation that you will curate yours yourself. if i'm a person you don't want interacting with you, curate me out of your space because it is your responsibility, not mine.
(that said, i'm not out hunting for people to piss off or hurt. i just don't have the time, spoons, or crayons to pay attention to all of the bios and DNIs and pinned posts in the world to make sure i never step on any toes. if i've stepped on yours, it's because i wasn't looking.)
as i build this blog, i will add further information and things like kinks, limits, and tags.
PERSONAL TAGS
⇢ tags used for my personal organization, specific to this blog
∘ foxfull speaks
⇢ my own text posts
∘ foxfull reblog
⇢ anything i reblog
∘ foxfull.txt | foxfull.img | foxfull.vid | foxfull.ref
⇢ text posts, image posts, video posts, and a keep tag
∘ foxfull personal gnosis
⇢ a collection of my own beliefs, often UPG
DEVOTIONAL TAGS ∘ The Archduke of Annoyances
⇢ Loki Laufeyjarson, Norse deity, the second of my two patrons
∘ adventures in godfucking
⇢ Loki and i have both a patron/devotee and a sexual relationship
ORGANIZATIONAL TAGS
⇢ common tumblr tags i use on my posts mostly for organization
∘ lokean
∘ hekatean
∘ paganblr
∘ witchblr
∘ pathandpractice
∘ bd/sm
below the cut, you'll find the explicit kink.
generally it's kind of easier to go over specific kinks i don't have, but for the sake of disclosure, the main stuff you'll see on this blog:
∘ daddy kink, because daddy is the dynamic title i use for Loki
∘ oral sex, facefucking, and related
∘ power dynamics, especially extreme ones, like misogyny kink and master/slave dynamics
∘ sadomasochism and pain, weapons like guns and knives, and blood
∘ fantasies dealing with non-consent and related violence
