Fractured Ego || SHRPGTASK15
WARNING: This survey contains trigger warnings for suicide, homicide, drug abuse, violence, and self-harm
1. How easy is it for your character to feel anger? What’s usually a good tip off that they’re experiencing it? (Physical reactions, movements of appendages, etc.) Anthony will never experience rageful anger at Serenity. But, when he’s pissed off from something ridiculous a patient or staff has done, his brow will furrow, his eyes will narrow, and his jaw and fists will clench and unclench. He does not come by this emotion easily at work, but outside of work, he can come by this emotion much quicker. At work though, though he will show those outward signs of anger, often, he will sit behind his desk in silence to keep a barrier between himself and the emotion. a. Sadness? He does not find it easy to experience sadness. But, if it’s just the typical, bad day kind of sadness, he won’t show any real outside form of the emotion. It’s not important to him to outwardly express this. But, if it were more of a devastation type sadness, he would fall apart completely. There would be no physical way for him to hide this feeling, but luckily for him, he hasn’t felt this in many, many years. b. Happiness? When Anthony is happy, he will express it to a more mild extreme. He’s not going to go over the top, so it appears to be fake, but he will smile and laugh. He comes by happiness pretty easily, because he finds amusement in things most people don’t exactly find funny. He has such a unique sense of humor, that he can almost always find something to be happy about in any situation. He enjoys this emotion more than the other three, but he’s well aware that life isn’t a fairy tale, and he won’t be happy every moment of every day. c. Fear? Anthony will try his damnedest to hide any fears, and normally, he does pretty well at Serenity. Outside of Serenity, his fear looks more like a paranoia. He will be very observant, watching each and every moment, and he will be prepared to attack back, should the situation arise. He can recognize when there is an immediate threat in his local position, and he is always prepared to act. His bigger concern now is that he can’t always tell when there are intruders entering the building, because they’re often farther away, and by the time they reach Dr. Holmes, it will have been too late. 2. What state of mind is the character usually in? Anthony is often is a state of thought. He doesn’t really identify with a typical mood on a daily basis, as he allows his moods to be situational. He gives people the power to control his emotions, because he believes then it can be an obvious statement that the other person is being rude, kind, etc. He is often very busy, and he’s never really without some kind of task that needs to be done. He doesn’t waste much time on taking emotion over logic. 3. Are there any emotions the character is particularly afraid of, or really resents having to feel? At this point in his life, Anthony doesn’t feel afraid of any emotion. He’s experienced a great deal in his life, and he’s felt a wide range of emotion, and he’s come out on top. He doesn’t believe there is any emotion that can trample him to the ground, so he doesn’t fear or resent any emotion. He simply takes each as they come, and he survives knowing that each will pass as quickly as they come. 4. How easily does this character trust their feelings with others? Anthony does not trust his feelings with anyone at his job. It’s not completely impossible, but he feels that he needs to keep his emotions in line in order to not appear to be weak. He especially doesn’t believe in discussing his personal problems with his patients, as he’s there to help them, not vice versa. The only way he might ever share his past emotions and experiences is if it would benefit the patient. For instance, if it would somehow encourage them to see that people can overcome their problems and still succeed. a. Has anyone ever betrayed them? Anthony has been betrayed dozens of times in his past. When one lives in the world of drugs, there is often thousands of opportunities for someone to turn on you. He believes the only person who won’t betray him is Mr. Stark, the father who never had to be. If he hadn’t found him, Anthony would have more than likely ended up in jail or dead. b. How did it affect their ability to trust? Anthony’s past does affect his ability to trust people, as he is still rather weary of people he doesn’t know to the fullest extreme. He does know that trust is possible, and that there are some truly wonderful people in the world, but at his job, his only job is to continue working and making as much money as he possibly can, so Mr. Stark can live without worry. Most patients and staff believe him to be vain, but they’re completely unaware of where his spending is centered, and he doesn’t mind leaving it that way. 5. Can this character easily hide their emotions? Yes. Anthony is calm as a cucumber in a state of crisis, and this is very typical for his position. If Anthony appears to be falling apart, as Head Therapist, then the rest of the staff may follow in his lead. This will trickle down to the patients, and there will be chaos. He would prefer to keep the calm instead allowing people’s emotions to destroy themselves, so he leads by example. a. Do they find it difficult to express emotion, thus tend to look neutral? Anthony tends to look rather neutral, unless he’s having a good laugh at something or if he’s annoyed. But, upon serious emotion, he will look stoney faced, as if he doesn’t care about the problem at hand. But, he simply wants to keep himself composed, and just because he looks like he doesn’t care, doesn’t mean that he actually doesn’t care. Anthony is a natural born leader, and most of the time, leaders need to be on their game. And, he will lead his facility to the best of his ability. 6. How well can this character resist their emotions and impulses? Anthony is a skilled professional at resisting his emotions and impulses. He is required to keep himself together when everyone else might fall apart. He is required to not fall victim to emotions, and he can’t allow them to get ahold of him. And, he looks down upon his staff that can’t seem to keep themselves together for the patients. Being a therapist isn’t about you, it’s about the patient, and that requires him to go home and deal with his feelings at another time. 7. Does this character ever get violent (with others, objects, themselves) when feeling any certain emotions? At the hospital, Anthony would never become violent with object, people, or himself. But, outside of the hospital, Anthony has absolutely broken objects in anger. He’s been in fights with others before, but of course, when he was younger. And, he’s never been violent with himself -- he’s hurt himself enough in the past, and he doesn’t wish to continue that cycle. But, he is a true professional when at work -- violence doesn’t belong in the workplace. 8. Has this character contemplated suicide? Yes, in his past, he has contemplated suicide. This, of course, was while he was either high or coming down from a high. The drugs had, of course, altered his mind, and he felt either completely on top of the world or he felt so incredibly broken and paranoid, that he could have just jumped off a roof. He never came close to actually taking this into his own hands, mostly because he usually passed out before he could. He regrets these feelings from his past, and he struggles with the children who have these feelings in Serenity but refuse to take their lives into their own hands and recover. a. Self-harm? In the past, he was too focused on drugs and violence to really think about directing the harm towards himself. He has, while high, cut himself to prove that he could do it without wincing. But, it wasn’t in a real ‘self harm’ mindset. He now can understand, though, why it seems to be very ideal. He remembers the way the knife did seem to release pain as opposed to causing it, and he doesn’t judge patients who use this as a form of release. But, he does not try to help until the patient specifically requests it. b. Physically injuring others? He’s contemplated this as a teenager, and often, he acted on this. He had to prove he was more than just that broken foster kid. He had to prove to his little gang of friends that he was strong, so he’d attack whoever was in his way when they were beginning to question his strength. It was also his way of taking his anger out in a very unhealthy way. He has a lot of regret for these past events, but he can’t allow it to consume his present. He was nothing more than a scared kid back then, and he had to learn to forgive himself. c. Killing others? One of Anthony’s darkest secrets is he was an accomplice to murder. He carries this around with him, and only Mr. Stark knows of this. His ‘friend’ at the time had dragged one of their disloyal members out to an empty field, and he and Anthony began to severely beat this young man up. Anthony thought it was another ‘lesson’ on how to keep loyalties, and the moment he turned his back, laughing as there was blood on his fists, the other had pulled out a gun and pulled the trigger. Days later, Mr. Stark had found him, and the two decided to rat on the actual murderer, and then they ran and hide for their protection. 9. Does the character have any triggers? Why do these things trigger them? Anthony use to have many triggers, but he had to learn to overcome them. Life on the streets and in foster care typically causes a severe paranoia of authority and noises. Especially from using certain drugs, his paranoia use to be heightened, even when not high, from the side effects on his brain. But, now, he has flown past these triggers, and the only thing that may trigger him is certain deaths, because it projects his fear of Mr. Stark dying. But, again, he keeps his feelings and emotions under control. 10. What would hurt this character so badly they couldn’t even breathe? The only time Anthony would truly fall apart would be if Mr. Stark did pass away. Anthony owes his life to him, and he feels that taking care of this man in the way he cared for him gives his life purpose. When this event occurs, there will more than likely be a huge change in the way people have ever seen Dr. Holmes, because he will not be able to keep himself together. And, the worst part is, he is well aware no one knows his past life or Mr. Stark, so it’ll come as a complete shock and confusion. 11. What is guaranteed to make this character smile? Anthony actually finds the rebellious, sarcastic, and somewhat rude patients to be rather entertaining. Even if he’ll never admit it. He finds their disobedience to be respectable when it’s done properly. Children who speak like fools and act like they know more than he on certain subjects just because? He does not find this as amusing. But, the ones who rebel against him, because he’s the Head. These children remind him of his younger self, and he finds it to be refreshing. He’d rather deal with a child who has an attitude problem then the ones who will be too submissive. 12. If the character could remove one emotion from their life, which would they choose? He’d remove sadness. He hates feeling weak and out of control. And, furthermore, he’d rather that his life be a swap between anger and happiness. Anger motivates, and who doesn’t like to be happy? Sadness is what will keep people in dark places, despite people’s usual belief that it’s anger. Sure, people can hold grudges, but sadness takes ahold of the mind, and it only opens up feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. 13. If they’re feeling upset, who are they likely to talk to for comfort? Or do they keep it inside? He’d likely go home and talk with Mr. Stark. He doesn’t like to keep problems inside for too long, because he know the ramifications of bottling emotions inside. So, he has his outlet right in his own home, and Mr. Stark always seems to have the right answer for him. They’ve grown to be so close in their last years, and it’s like second nature to be able to fix whatever is hurting Anthony inside. And, for this, he will be forever grateful, because he’s never had someone he could confide in. 14. How would this character cope with losing someone extremely close to them? Anthony would not cope as well as he might think he would. He believes that he would be able to go forward as if nothing happened. But, in reality, in this situation, he would probably break down completely. From there, he would contemplate back tracking, he’d consider drugs, he’d consider violence, but hopefully, there would be someone who would stop him from destroying everything that Mr. Stark had built for him. But, that would require some serious observation from his staff who really doesn’t know him at all. 15. How does this character look and feel when crying? Anthony hasn’t cried in years, but when he cries, it is heartbreaking. He’s typically very strong, so to see him break down and sob is truly devastating. He’ll stand still for a few moments, staring off into space as he tries to get his thoughts together to prevent the tears. But, eventually, he will fail and they will begin to fall. But, he’s not a silent crier, he will completely break down if he allows himself to reach that point. 16. If the character had to live out the rest of their life either perpetually angry, sad, or frightened, which would they choose? He’d rather be perpetually angry. Sadness is for the weak, and he doesn’t wish to feel afraid of anything. He’d rather continue feeling invincible. When he’s angry, he doesn’t feel like he’s out of control, which sadness typically makes him feel -- unlike most people. Anger is a feeling that levels his thinking and helps him to focus better. But, like most people, anger has a toll on his mental health, so he doesn’t choose to be angry constantly. He simply uses it to his advantage. 17. Does this character tend to blame or punish others for their own emotions? He doesn’t necessarily blame or punish for his emotions, but he does allow them to see that they are causing an emotion. People should see the effect they have on other people, because otherwise, how else will they understand it’s not proper to make people feel that way? But, especially with patients, he refuses to give them too much satisfaction in knowing that they even have enough power to affect him in a negative way. And, he’s in a positive of power, so he’s not exactly allowed to punish anyone for no real reason. But, he can be passive aggressive! 18. Is this character empathetic, and tends to be influenced by the emotions of others? To the surprise of others, Anthony can be a very empathetic person, which is why he decided to go down the therapist route. He really does feel for patients, and he would like to help them, but he believes that help has to be asked for. Constantly badgering people into therapy when they’re not ready to ask for help only pushes people away, and he refuses to take that route. But, if someone genuinely asks for help and wants therapy, Dr. Holmes would have no issue with giving them his knowledge and expertise. 19. What is the strongest emotion they have felt? The strongest emotion Anthony has ever felt is love. He’d grown up without family, friends, or any real direction, and to be suddenly surrounded by someone who would give him the complete opposite without even being asked was mind-blowing to him. It has surpassed any negative emotion that he’s felt in his life. Fear, anger, paranoia, they were all so minuscule when he finally found that one significant feeling. And, it changed his life. a. What event caused that? The moment he realized Mr. Stark was pulling him out of the Hell he called his life. Once he was lifted from this, he grew weary, but quickly, that changed into a real respect. That respect grew into a love, and from there, he’s never been that same frightened child he was before. He feels incredibly lucky to have been saved, because he knows there are many children in this hospital who have lived lives very similar to his own, and that easily could have been him. b. How would they react if that happened again? If he found love again, true love, he would accept it as he had before. But, his current relationships with women, co-workers, patient.. none of them are very deep, and it’s not necessarily because he doesn’t want it to be. But, there’s this barrier between him and the rest of most people, mostly because of his position and his typical theory on how to handle a patient. He doesn’t believe in coddling, and he is full of tough love. 20. If the character were to come face to face with their darkest fears in a nightmare, what would be the scene? His darkest fear is coming home to find his one family member dead. Or, to everyone’s surprise, he has had nightmares of finding his staff and patients dead in some murder event. He may seem to be uncaring, indifferent towards things like the stabbings, earthquakes, tornados, etc., but deep down, it eats away at him. He feels responsible for each person in this hospital, and when something tragic happens, he has to stuff his feelings down for the sake of appearances.