Discover Top Posts Tagged with #frederik andersen

Edmonton – Frederik Andersen

summary: Freddie signed a one-year deal with the Edmonton Oilers behind your back.

pairing: Frederik Andersen x Brind´Amour!reader

word count: 5.6k (part 1 only)

tropes/warnings: angst, breakup, high tension, hockey player x coaches daughter, age gap (25 / 36), Freddie being a selfish asshole, this part will not have a happy ending!

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

not proof read!

----

Wednesday evenings weren’t usually memorable.

You had been sitting on your couch since dinner with the TV on in the background, your phone never far from your hand.

Every few minutes you checked the screen, hoping to see Freddie´s name.

Free agency had opened that afternoon and while you knew anything could happen, you still expected him to call.

He hadn’t.

The NHL network broke the news a little after eight.

Frederik Andersen had signed a one-year contract with the Edmonton Oilers worth one million dollars and performance bonuses.

For a few seconds you just stared at the screen, convinced that you had heard it wrong, but then the analyst repeated it.

Edmonton.

Your stomach dropped.

You had known there was a chance that he wouldn’t return to Carolina.

The Hurricanes already had Pyotr Kochetkov and Brandon Bussi and Freddie wasn’t getting any younger.

Hockey was business, you understood that, but none of that explained why you were finding out from a tv broadcast instead from the man you had spent nearly every day with for the past few months.

Yesterday he seemed quieter than usual when you left his house.

You had assumed that free agency was weighing on him. The uncertainty had been hanging over him since the cup celebrations ended and you had tried to give him space.

Now it all made sense.

He already knew.

----

Your eyes stayed fixed on the tv as they replayed highlights of him in a Hurricanes jersey.

The deal had apparently been in the works all day. Maybe longer.

A tight feeling settled in your chest before it turned into anger.

He spent the entire day knowing he was leaving. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t texted. He hadn’t asked you to come over.

There had been nothing.

You and Freddie hadn’t been together long. Just a few months.

Hardly anyone even know, part of that was because of your father.

Rod Brind´Amour had made one thing very clear over the years: the last thing he wanted was one of his daughters dating one of his players.

The other reason was simpler.

You wanted to make sure this relationship was real before inviting everyone else´s opinions into it.

You had planned on telling your families after the summer. Now it seemed like that conversation would never happen.

Freddie would leave for Denmark first, then Edmonton.

And Raleigh would become another place the two of you used to share.

----

You technically met Frederik Andersen years ago.

He had been one of your dad´s players and you had crossed paths at team barbecues, holiday parties, and family events.

There were polite conversations, smiles and the occasional joke but never anything more.

The first time you actually got to know him happened thousands of miles away from Raleigh.

You were visiting one of your college friends in Herning, Denmark, when you walked into a small café one rainy afternoon.

Coffee in one hand, phone in the other, you weren’t playing attention until you bumped into someone walking toward the door.

Your coffee sloshed dangerously close to spilling. “Oh…I´m so sorry.”

The man muttered something in Danish before looking up.

“So…what?” you asked with a confused laugh.

His eyes widened, then he laughed too.

“What are the odds?” Freddie asked.

You shook your head. “I honestly have no idea, but they can´t be very high.”

Neither of you could stop smiling.

Without thinking, he pulled you into a quick hug. It was so casual that you barely had time to react.

“What are you doing in Herning?” he asked as he stepped back. “Of all places.”

“I´m visiting a friend from college for a couple of weeks.”

He nodded. “That makes more sense than you secretly moving to Denmark.”

“I figured I´d keep that from everyone.”

“I appreciate the commitment.”

You laughed.

“So, what about you?”

“Home for the summer,” he shrugged. “Enjoying not having to be at the rink every day.”

There was a brief silence before he tilted his head toward the counter. “Can I buy you another coffee? I nearly knocked yours over.”

“You definitely didn’t.”

“I know,” he laughed.

“So, you´re using that as an excuse?”

“Maybe.”

You looked at him for a second, surprised by how easy this conversation had already felt.

Back in Raleigh he had always been friendly, but there had always been boundaries.

He was your dad´s starting goaltender and you were his coach´s daughter. Neither of you had ever even thought about crossing that line.

Now, halfway across the world, it somehow felt like those rules had disappeared.

“I´d like that,” you smiled.

His grin widened. “Good.”

----

You texted your friend that you would be a little late before finding a table near the window.

Freddie returned a few minutes later carrying two coffees.

As he sat down, you found yourself noticing him in a way you never had before.

No hockey gear. No team-issues workout clothes. Just shorts, a light button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and an easy smile that made him look younger than he usually did around the rink.

You caught yourself staring, then immediately looked away.

Absolutely not.

That was your dad´s player. You were not going down that road.

“What was that?” Freddie asked.

You blinked. “What?”

“You just shook your head at yourself.”

Heat climbed into your cheeks. “I was trying to stop thinking about something.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Not unless you´re secretly a mind reader.”

He laughed. “No, but now I´m curious.”

“It´s nothing.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Good thing you don’t need to.”

He smiled and let it go.

You appreciated that, mist people would´ve kept pushing.

----

Conversation came easily after that.

What started as a quick coffee turned into almost two hours.

You talked about everything except hockey.

Freddie asked about your job, the degree you had earned, your siblings, and what you thought of Denmark so far. You told him about the friend you were staying with, the places you had visited, and how different Herning felt compared to Raleigh.

In return, he told stories about growing up here, skating on frozen ponds as a kid, and leaving home as a teenager to chase a dream that had never felt guaranteed.

“I think people assumed it was always going to happen,” he admitted, stirring his coffee absentmindedly. “Like I always knew I´d make the NHL.”

“You didn’t?”

He smiled, shaking his head. “There were years when I wasn’t sure I´d even get another contract.”

“You never looked like someone who doubted himself.”

“I got pretty good at pretending.”

You looked at him for a second. The version of Freddie everyone in Raleigh knew was calm, quiet, almost impossible to read. The one sitting across from you now, he seemed lighter somehow. More relaxed. More willing to let people see who he actually was.

----

By the time the cups were empty, neither of you had noticed how late it had gotten.

Freddie glanced out the window before looking back at you. “I think we´ve been kicked out without realizing it.”

You followed his gaze.

The café had emptied, and one employee was stacking chairs nearby.

“Oh.”

You laughed.

“I should probably head back anyways.”

“Probably.”

Neither of you moved, then your phone buzzed. Your friend: Lunch is ready. Are you alive?

You smiled. “I should definitely go.”

Freddie stood with you. “It was really nice seeing you.”

“It was.”

For a second, it seemed like he was debating whether to say something else.

Finally, he took a small breath. “Can I take you to dinner while you´re still here?”

You blinked. “You mean…like a date?”

“I was hoping that´s how you´d take it.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “I´ll be here another two weeks.”

“So, that´s a yes?”

“It´s a yes.”

His answering smile was impossible to miss. “Good.”

----

One dinner turned into three.

The first was at a quiet restaurant overlooking the water. The second was a walk through the city after you had both claimed to be “too full” for dessert before stopping for ice cream anyway.

The third happened at his apartment the night before your flight back to North Carolina.

He cooked. You offered to help but he insisted that you would somehow burn water.

“I have never burned water.”

“You´ve thought about it.”

“I have not.”

“You hesitated.”

“I was offended.”

“You should be.”

By the time dinner was finished, both of you were laughing so hard it took nearly half an hour to clean the kitchen.

Later, you settled onto his couch with a movie playing, but neither if you paid much attention to it.

You were somewhere in the middle when you noticed him looking at you instead of the tv.

“What?” you asked.

“Nothing.”

“You´re staring.”

“I know.”

“So?”

He smiled to himself. “I´ve been trying to figure out of I should kiss you.”

Your heart skipped. “And?”

“I still haven’t decided.”

“Liar.”

“You think?”

“I think you decided about twenty minutes ago.”

He laughed quietly. “I probably did.”

You met his eyes. “So, what are you waiting for?”

That was all the encouragement he needed.

He leaned in slowly, giving you every chance to pull away. You didn’t.

The kiss started soft. Tentative, almost careful.

When you kissed him back, one hand sliding into his hair, it deepened naturally and before long you were both smiling against each other´s mouths between kisses.

Somehow you ended up halfway in his lap while his hands rested carefully at your waist, never pushing further than you were comfortable with.

The tension that had quietly built over the past two weeks finally had somewhere to go.

By time you pulled away, both of you were breathing a little harder.

He rested his forehead against yours. “I´ve wanted to do that since the café.”

“I was wondering how long it would take.”

He laughed. “I was trying to be respectful.”

“You deserve points for that.”

His thumb brushed absentmindedly against your side. “I should probably stop.”

You frowned. “You don’t want to kiss me anymore?”

“I definitely want to kiss you.”

“Then why stop?”

“Because if I don’t…” He smiled sheepishly. “I´m probably going to want a lot more than kissing.”

Heat spread across your face. “Oh.”

“And I don’t want to rush this.”

There was no awkwardness in the silence that followed. If anything, hearing him say it made you like him even more.

He wasn’t trying to impress you, he wasn’t trying to play games, he was choosing to slow down.

You leaned over and kissed him once more. “I appreciate that.”

“So, we´re okay?”

“We´re more than okay.”

----

The next morning he drove you to the airport.

At the security entrance he pulled you into a long hug. “I´ll be back in Raleigh in a few weeks.”

“I know.”

“I´ll call.”

“You better.”

“I´ll text too.”

“You definitely better.”

He smiled before kissing you one last time. “I´d like to see where this goes.”

You smiled back. “So would I.”

----

Distance turned out to be easier than either if you expected.

You texted every day.

Sometimes it was something meaningful. Sometimes it was just a picture of your breakfast.

He sent photos from workouts, beaches, and afternoons spent with family.

Occasionally he would send a gym selfie that he knew would make you stare a little longer than you should.

You got revenge with bikini pictures from afternoons by your dad´s pool.

It quickly became a game.

He texted “You know exactly what you´re doing” after one picture.

I I have no idea what you´re talking about.

Freddie: Liar.

I Prove it.

His reply was another shirtless mirror selfie.

You rolled your eyes.

I You´re insufferable.

Freddie: But I know that you´re still looking.

Unfortunately yes.

----

One afternoon, you were smiling at your phone when your younger brother Skyler walked outside.

“Why are you blushing?”

You locked your screen so fast you nearly dropped your phone. “I´m hot.”

“It´s ninety degrees.”

“Exactly.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Mom said you´ve been glued to your phone lately.”

You shrugged. “Amy is addicted to that word game, nobody says anything to her.”

“That´s because she´s yelling at letters, not smiling at her screen.”

You threw a towel at him. “Go away.”

Laughing, he tossed a bottle of sunscreen into your lap before heading back inside.

The second the door closed, your phone rang.

Freddie.

“You got caught,” he answered before you could say hello.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You are responsible for that.”

“I think your brother is just observant.”

“You laughed, didn’t you.”

“I absolutely did.”

His laugh filled the speaker. It made you smile immediately.

-----

When Freddie returned to Raleigh at the end of September, neither if you wasted time pretending you were just friends.

He invited you over the day after he landed.

The plan had been to watch a movie, but you made it thought exactly ten minutes before he reached over, pulled you into his lap, and kissed you.

“So much for the movie,” you mumbled against his lips.

“I wasn’t very good.”

“We´ve seen nine minutes.”

“I´ve seen enough.”

You laughed into another kiss.

Weeks of anticipation disappeared in a single evening.

Everything you both held back while you were in different countries finally caught up with you.

The chemistry you had joked about over text became something much harder to ignore.

----

The next morning you woke up tucked against his side, sunlight spilling across the bedroom.

He was already awake.

“Morning.”

He looked nervous for it being just shortly after eight in the morning.

“I´ve been thinking.”

“That´s dangerous.”

“It usually is.”

You smiled. “What about?”

He hesitated just long enough to make you curious. “I don’t really want to keep calling whatever this is “seeing each other”.”

You propped yourself up on one elbow.

“So…?”

“So…” he scratched the back of his neck. “I´d like you to be my girlfriend.”

A smile spread on your face. “I was wondering when you´d ask.”

“You knew?”

“You´ve been nervous from the second I woke up.”

“I wasn’t that obvious.”

“You really were.”

He laughed. “So?”

You kissed him instead of answering. When you finally pulled back, you rested your forehead against his. “I´d love to be your girlfriend.”

----

Being Frederik Andersen´s girlfriend turned out to be both easier and harder than you expected.

The easy part was being with him.

The hard part was making sure nobody else knew.

Dates happened in small restaurants outside Raleigh where neither of you were likely to run into anyone from the organization.

If you wanted to stay in, one of you would cook while the other picked a movie neither if you ended up paying attention to.

Most nights were quiet.

You would end up against him on the couch, your legs tangled beneath a blanked while he absentmindedly played with your fingers or traced circles along your arm.

Sometimes you would talk for hours.

Sometimes neither if you said anything at all.

Those evenings quickly became your favorite.

At games, things were different.

Officially, you were there because your dada was behind the Hurricanes´ bench.

Unofficially, you found yourself searching for number thirty-one every time he skated onto the ice.

You learned his routines without meaning to.

The way he always adjusted his blocker before warmups. The little tap of his stick against the post after the anthem. The glance he took toward center ice before the puck dropped.

Once, after a shutout, he looked into the crowd while the team saluted the fans.

For half a second, your eyes met.

His expression didn’t change and neither did yours, but when you got back to his house later that night, he smiled the second you walked through the door.

“I saw you.”

“I know.”

“You smiled.”

“It was tiny.”

“It still counted.”

“You almost smiled back.”

“I would´ve gotten caught.”

He laughed. “Worth it.”

----

Not every night ended with a win.

Some losses stayed with him long after he left the arena.

Those nights, he barely spoke during the drive home.

You learned not to force conversation. Instead, you would hand him something to eat, sit beside him on the couch, and let him process.

You would wrap your arms around him, and he would stay there until the frustration eased.

“You don’t have to fix it,” you told him once after a particularly rough game.

“I know.”

“So, stop apologizing for being upset.”

He rested his head against yours. “I´m not very good at that part.”

“You don’t have to be.”

He smiled tiredly. “I´m starting to think you´re the calm one in this relationship.”

“You only think that because you haven’t seen me in traffic.”

----

Keeping the relationship a secret became harder as the season went on.

Not because either if you wanted to tell people, but because you kept getting caught.

The first was Nikolaj.

He knocked on Freddie´s front door one afternoon without warming.

Freddie had barely opened it before Nikolaj looked past him and found you asleep on the couch wearing one of Freddie´s hoodies.

There was a long silence, then Nikolaj slowly looked back at Freddie. “Seriously?”

Freddie sighed. “I can explain.”

“I don’t think you can.”

“You absolutely cannot tell anyone.”

Nikolaj looked between the two of you before grinning. “This is insane.”

“It is.”

“I´m definitely making fun of you later.”

“You can.”

“But I won´t tell.”

“You swear?”

“I swear.”

----

A few weeks later it was Seth Jarvis and Jesperi Kotkaniemi.

You and Freddie had slipped away from the noise at a team Christmas party hosted at your dad´s place for five quiet minutes in the hallway.

You weren’t talking about anything important, then he kissed you.

It lasted maybe ten seconds, but when you stepped apart, Seth was standing at the end of the hallway with Jesperi right beside him.

Neither of them said a word.

Seth simply blinked. Jesperi looked at Freddie, then back at you, then at Freddie again.

“Huh…?”

Freddie closed his eyes. “Neither of you saw anything.”

“We definitely saw something,” Seth replied.

Jesperi nodded. “I saw several things.”

“It stays between us.”

Seth burst into laughter. “I´ve got to admit, this wasn’t on my bingo card.”

“You swear?” Freddie asked.

Both of them exchanged a glance. “We swear.”

“But,” Seth added with a grin. “I´m never letting you live that down.”

----

The last person to figure it out was Shayne Gostisbehere, and that while he wasn’t trying to.

Freddie had left his phone on the training room table while he stepped out.

Your name flashed across the screen, a heart beside your contact name.

Shayne frowned. “Why does Rod´s daughter have a heart next to her name in your phone?”

Freddie looked at the screen, then at Shayne. “Because she´s my girlfriend.”

Shayne stared. “No way.”

“Yeah.”

“You´ve got guts.”

“I´ve got a death wish.”

Shayne laughed so hard he nearly doubled over. “You realize if Rod finds out before you´re ready, you´ll really be dead.”

“I´m aware.”

“You need better hiding spots.”

“I know.”

----

The people who knew respected your secred.

Yes, there were teasing comments, knowing looks and the occasional joke when nobody else was around, but no one would betray your trust like that.

It made you believe that maybe one day you wouldn’t have to hide anymore.

Maybe after the season.

Maybe after free agency.

You imagined introducing him to your family properly. You imagined spending part of the summer in Denmark.

You imagined him still being in Raleigh next year.

For the first time in a long time, the future felt easy to picture.

----

It shattered on this Wednesday night.

The tv kept talking. Highlight after highlight played across the screen while analysts discussed what Edmonton was getting in Frederik Andersen.

You couldn’t hear most of it anymore.

All you could think about was the fact that he had know. Maybe for days, maybe for weeks.

Every conversation you had recently replayed in your head.

The way he would change the subject when you asked if he had heard anything from his agent.

The distracted look he wore yesterday.

The goodbye kiss that lingered just a little longer than usual.

Had he almost told you or had he already decided you didn’t need to know?

Your phone vibrated.

Freddie.

You stared at his name until it stopped ringing.

A minute later, it rang again. You let it go to voicemail.

If you answered now, you would say something you would regret or worse, you would cry before he explained himself.

You weren’t willing to give him that.

Not yet at least.

----

Sleep barely came.

Every time you closed your eyes, you saw the words scrolling across the tv again.

ANDERSEN SIGNS WITH EDMONTON.

Around six in the morning you gave up, made coffee you never drank, and sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket.

By nine, the doorbell rang.

You already know who it was, you opened anyways.

Freddie looked exhausted.

Dark circles sat beneath his eyes, his eyes stuck out beneath a backwards cap, and there was enough tension in his shoulders to make it obvious that he hadn’t slept either.

The moment he saw you, relief crossed his face. “You´re okay.”

You almost laughed. “No.”

His expression fell. “I was worried.”

“You were worried?”

“You didn’t answer your phone.”

“And you can´t imagine why?”

He swallowed. “I know that you know.”

“you don’t know what I know.”

“I think I do.”

You folded your arms. “Then explain it.”

He glanced past you into the apartment. “Can I come in?”

For a moment you considered saying no. instead, you stepped aside.

He walked in slowly, taking in the untouched mug of coffee on the table and the blanked still wrapped around your shoulders.

“You didn’t sleep.”

“No.”

“I´m sorry.”

“You´ve said two words since you got here, Fred.”

He added once. “I know.”

“Then start talking.”

He took a slow breath. “I signed with Edmonton yesterday.”

“I know that part.”

“I didn’t know if the deal would actually happen until yesterday afternoon.”

“And?”

“And once it became real…everything started moving.”

You stared at him. “Everything except telling me apparently.”

His shoulders sagged. “I know.”

“No.” Your voice stayed calm, almost too calm. “You don’t.”

He looked at you carefully.

“I found out from the TV.”

The words hung between you.

“I was sitting right here waiting for you to call.”

“I was going to.”

“When?”

“I…”

“When, Frederik?”

He opened his mouth before closing it again.

You gave a bitter laugh. “Exactly.”

He rubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t know how.”

“You didn’t know how to tell your girlfriend that you were moving across the continent?”

“It wasn’t that simple.”

“Then make it simple.”

Silence stretched between you.

Finally, he looked at you. “I needed to make the decision without anyone influencing it.”

The sentence landed like a punch.

You blinked once. “I´m…anyone?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he backtracked immediately.

“It sounded exactly like that.”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t let myself think about anything except hockey.”

You stared at him. “So, where did I fit into all of this?”

“You did fit.”

“No.” Your voice cracked for the first time. “I clearly didn’t.”

He took a step toward you. “I was trying to protect us.”

You laughed but it wasn’t a happy sound. “You´ve done a shit job at that.”

Freddie flinched. “I know it doesn’t look that way.”

“It doesn’t just look that way. That´s what happened.” You shook your head.

“I wasn’t trying to shut you out.”

“But you did.”

“I know.”

“No, Fred.” You looked at him, your chest tight enough that it almost hurt to breathe. “You keep saying you know, but then you tell me you had to make this decision without anyone influencing you.”

“I had to.”

“So, talking to me would have influenced you.”

He hesitated. “Yes.”

The answer came quietly, but it still knocked the air out of you.

You stared at him for a long moment before looking away. “Okay.”

He frowned. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Go quiet.”

“What do you want me to say?” You laughed bitterly. “You just admitted that the person you´ve supposedly been building a life with wasn’t someone you could even have a conversation with because I might change your mind.”

“That´s not what I meant.”

“Then tell me what you meant.”

“I couldn’t let emotions make this decision.”

You looked back at him. “So, I´m just what? Emotion?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“You matter.”

“Enough to leave me out fo it?”

His jaw tightened. “I wasn’t choosing hockey over you.”

“It feels exactly like you were.”

“It wasn’t a choice between the two.”

“Then why wasn’t I part of the conversation?”

He ran both hands over his face. “Because if I had talked to you…” He stopped, searching for the right words. “If I had looked at you and heard you say you wanted me to stay, I don’t know if I would´ve made the decision that was best for my career.”

You stared at him. “And you resent me for that?”

“What? No.”

“Then why are you saying it like I would´ve been selfish enough to ask you to stay?”

“I don’t think you would have.”

“You literally just said I might have.”

“I said hearing your opinion would have mattered.”

“Because you love me.”

“Yes.”

“Then why is that a bad thing?”

“It isn’t.”

“It sounds like it is.”

He let out a frustrated breath. “This season matters.”

“I know it does.”

“It might be my last.”

“I know.”

“I´ve spent almost twenty years chasing this. I couldn’t make a decision because of fear.”

“What fear?”

“Us.”

The word landed between you.

He looked down at the floor before continuing. “I couldn’t make the biggest decision of my career based on a relationship that´s only a few months old.”

The room went still.

You felt something inside you sink. “A few months.”

His eyes snapped back to yours. “That´s not…”

“That´s what this is to you?”

“No.”

“Just a relationship that´s a few months old?”

“I mean…”

“You couldn’t even say our relationship.”

He closed his eyes. “I am saying this all wrong.”

“You are.”

“I know.”

“You keep saying that.”

He opened his mouth again before stopping himself.

You watched him struggle, waiting for him to fix it but he never did. Instead, he quietly said: “I couldn’t ask you to give your life up for me.”

You frowned. “What?”

“If we had talked about this, eventually that would have come up.”

“It didn’t have to.”

“I would have.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

He stepped closer. “You have your family here. Your job. Your whole life is in Raleigh.”

“And?”

“I´m thirty-six.”

“So?”

“If this season goes badly, I might retire.”

You blinked.

The word hung between you.

Retire.

He never said it out loud before.

“You´ve been thinking about retirement?”

“I´d be stupid not to.”

“And you didn’t tell me that either.”

His shoulders dropped. “I didn’t know how.”

“There it is again.”

He sighed heavily. “I couldn’t ask you to leave everything behind for someone who might be done playing hockey in a year.”

“You never had to ask.”

“But eventually…”

“No.” you cut him off. “You didn’t even let me decide.”

He looked genuinely confused now. “I was trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“Making a mistake.”

Your eyes widened. “You think loving you would be a mistake?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“I think leaving your entire life behind after dating someone for only a few months could be.”

You laughed once. “I never said I would have moved tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“I never said I would have gone to Edmonton.”

“I know.”

“So, why are we arguing about decisions I never got the chance to make?”

He didn’t answer.

You took a slow breath. “Do you know what hurts the most?”

His eyes met yours.

“I would´ve understood.”

He frowned. “What?”

“If you had called me yesterday and said, I have to take this contract. I don’t know what this means for us, but I have to do it.” A tear slipped down your cheek. “I would have understood.”

He looked like someone had punched him straight in the gut. “I know you would have.”

“Do you?”

“I do.”

“Then why didn’t you trust me enough to let me prove it?”

Silence.

Not the comfortable kind you had spent months sharing on his couch. This silence felt unbearable.

“Because I wasn’t sure I could do both.”

You frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t know if I could fight for my career and fight for a long-distance relationship at the same time.”

Your stomach dropped. “So, you just decided for both of us?”

“No.”

“But you did.”

“I decided what I needed.”

“And left me to figure out whether I still fit into your life.”

“I hoped you would.”

“Hoped?”

“I thought…maybe we would figure it out after.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “After?”

“When things settled.”

“You wanted to tell me after you signed?”

“Yes.”

“After the press release?”

“Yes.”

“You honestly thought I would be okay with that?”

“No.”

“Then what exactly did you think was going to happen?”

He looked exhausted. “I don’t know.”

For the first time since he arrived, you believed him.

He really didn’t know. He hadn’t thought this through. He had convinced himself that avoiding one painful conversation would somehow make everything easier.

Instead, he made it worse.

Much worse.

“I´ve spent all night wondering what I did wrong,” you said quietly.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I thought maybe you didn’t want me anymore and that this was your way of telling me that we were done.”

His face fell. “What? No!”

“I thought maybe you had met someone else who you´d ask to move with you.”

“No. There is no one but you.”

“I thought maybe this relationship meant more to me than it did to you.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Then why does it feel like I´m the one standing here trying to hold onto it?”

His eyes filled with frustration. “I am trying.”

“How?”

“I came here.”

“After everything was done.”

“I called.”

“After it was announced.”

“I wanted to explain.”

“After there was nothing left to change.”

He looked down.

You waited.

Nothing came.

When he finally looked back up, his voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t think I handled this well.”

“No.”

“I hurt you.”

“Yes.”

“I never wanted that.”

“I know.”

Those words surprised both of you, because yes, they were true, but somehow that almost made it worse.

He hadn’t been cruel. He had simply decided that protecting himself was more important than trusting you and you weren’t sure you could come back from that.

“I love you,” he said suddenly.

You closed your eyes.

It was the first time he had ever said it. The timing made your heart break.

“You don’t get to say that now.”

“I should have said it sooner.”

“You should have.”

“I do love you.”

A fresh tear rolled down your cheek. “I believe you, Fred.” Hope flickered across his face. “But I don’t think you know how to be with someone when things get difficult.”

His expression fell.

“You shut me out.”

He opened his mouth.

“You made a decision that affects both of us without even asking what I wanted.”

“I was scared.”

“So was I and somehow I still would have called you.”

The words sat heavily between you.

He had no answer to that.

None that would undo yesterday.

None that would erase you finding out through a tv broadcast.

None that would give you back the chance to hear it from him fist.

You looked at him for a long moment before swallowing hard. “I think you need to go.”

His face crumpled. “Please don’t do this.”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“We can figure this out.”

“Can we?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I´ll fly back.”

“You´ll be in Edmonton.”

“I´ll call every day.”

“You couldn’t call yesterday.”

He shut his eyes.

The sentence hit exactly where you intended it to.

When he looked at you again, there were tears in his own eyes. “I´ll spend the rest of my life making this up to you, if you just give me the chance.”

You shook your head. “I don’t want a lifetime of making up for yesterday.”

His breathing caught.

“I wanted a partner.” Silence. “I thought I had one.”

You wiped your face before meeting his eyes one last time. “I can´t spend the next year wondering if the next big decision in your life is something I´ll find out on tv.”

He stood completely still. “So…this is it?”

You nodded once. “I think it has to be.”

He stared at you for several seconds, as if waiting for you to change your mind. When you didn’t, he gave a small, defeated nod.

“I´m sorry.”

“I know.”

“I´ll always be sorry.”

Another painful silence settled over the room before he finally walked toward the door.

His hand rested on the handle before he looked back. “I really did love you.”

Your throat tightened. “I know.”

It was the last thing you said to him.

He nodded once, opened the door, and stepped outside.

This time, neither if you tried to stop the other. The door clicked shut behind him.

Only then did you let yourself cry.

----

Part 2 next week!

#nhl imagine #frederik andersen x reader #frederik andersen imagine #frederik andersen #carolina hurricanes imagine #edmonton oilers imagine

Edmonton – Frederik Andersen

summary: Freddie signed a one-year deal with the Edmonton Oilers behind your back.

pairing: Frederik Andersen x Brind´Amour!reader

word count: 5.6k (part 1 only)

tropes/warnings: angst, breakup, high tension, hockey player x coaches daughter, age gap (25 / 36), Freddie being a selfish asshole, this part will not have a happy ending!

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

not proof read!

----

Wednesday evenings weren’t usually memorable.

You had been sitting on your couch since dinner with the TV on in the background, your phone never far from your hand.

Every few minutes you checked the screen, hoping to see Freddie´s name.

Free agency had opened that afternoon and while you knew anything could happen, you still expected him to call.

He hadn’t.

The NHL network broke the news a little after eight.

Frederik Andersen had signed a one-year contract with the Edmonton Oilers worth one million dollars and performance bonuses.

For a few seconds you just stared at the screen, convinced that you had heard it wrong, but then the analyst repeated it.

Edmonton.

Your stomach dropped.

You had known there was a chance that he wouldn’t return to Carolina.

The Hurricanes already had Pyotr Kochetkov and Brandon Bussi and Freddie wasn’t getting any younger.

Hockey was business, you understood that, but none of that explained why you were finding out from a tv broadcast instead from the man you had spent nearly every day with for the past few months.

Yesterday he seemed quieter than usual when you left his house.

You had assumed that free agency was weighing on him. The uncertainty had been hanging over him since the cup celebrations ended and you had tried to give him space.

Now it all made sense.

He already knew.

----

Your eyes stayed fixed on the tv as they replayed highlights of him in a Hurricanes jersey.

The deal had apparently been in the works all day. Maybe longer.

A tight feeling settled in your chest before it turned into anger.

He spent the entire day knowing he was leaving. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t texted. He hadn’t asked you to come over.

There had been nothing.

You and Freddie hadn’t been together long. Just a few months.

Hardly anyone even know, part of that was because of your father.

Rod Brind´Amour had made one thing very clear over the years: the last thing he wanted was one of his daughters dating one of his players.

The other reason was simpler.

You wanted to make sure this relationship was real before inviting everyone else´s opinions into it.

You had planned on telling your families after the summer. Now it seemed like that conversation would never happen.

Freddie would leave for Denmark first, then Edmonton.

And Raleigh would become another place the two of you used to share.

----

You technically met Frederik Andersen years ago.

He had been one of your dad´s players and you had crossed paths at team barbecues, holiday parties, and family events.

There were polite conversations, smiles and the occasional joke but never anything more.

The first time you actually got to know him happened thousands of miles away from Raleigh.

You were visiting one of your college friends in Herning, Denmark, when you walked into a small café one rainy afternoon.

Coffee in one hand, phone in the other, you weren’t playing attention until you bumped into someone walking toward the door.

Your coffee sloshed dangerously close to spilling. “Oh…I´m so sorry.”

The man muttered something in Danish before looking up.

“So…what?” you asked with a confused laugh.

His eyes widened, then he laughed too.

“What are the odds?” Freddie asked.

You shook your head. “I honestly have no idea, but they can´t be very high.”

Neither of you could stop smiling.

Without thinking, he pulled you into a quick hug. It was so casual that you barely had time to react.

“What are you doing in Herning?” he asked as he stepped back. “Of all places.”

“I´m visiting a friend from college for a couple of weeks.”

He nodded. “That makes more sense than you secretly moving to Denmark.”

“I figured I´d keep that from everyone.”

“I appreciate the commitment.”

You laughed.

“So, what about you?”

“Home for the summer,” he shrugged. “Enjoying not having to be at the rink every day.”

There was a brief silence before he tilted his head toward the counter. “Can I buy you another coffee? I nearly knocked yours over.”

“You definitely didn’t.”

“I know,” he laughed.

“So, you´re using that as an excuse?”

“Maybe.”

You looked at him for a second, surprised by how easy this conversation had already felt.

Back in Raleigh he had always been friendly, but there had always been boundaries.

He was your dad´s starting goaltender and you were his coach´s daughter. Neither of you had ever even thought about crossing that line.

Now, halfway across the world, it somehow felt like those rules had disappeared.

“I´d like that,” you smiled.

His grin widened. “Good.”

----

You texted your friend that you would be a little late before finding a table near the window.

Freddie returned a few minutes later carrying two coffees.

As he sat down, you found yourself noticing him in a way you never had before.

You caught yourself staring, then immediately looked away.

Absolutely not.

That was your dad´s player. You were not going down that road.

“What was that?” Freddie asked.

You blinked. “What?”

“You just shook your head at yourself.”

Heat climbed into your cheeks. “I was trying to stop thinking about something.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Not unless you´re secretly a mind reader.”

He laughed. “No, but now I´m curious.”

“It´s nothing.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Good thing you don’t need to.”

He smiled and let it go.

You appreciated that, mist people would´ve kept pushing.

----

Conversation came easily after that.

What started as a quick coffee turned into almost two hours.

You talked about everything except hockey.

In return, he told stories about growing up here, skating on frozen ponds as a kid, and leaving home as a teenager to chase a dream that had never felt guaranteed.

“I think people assumed it was always going to happen,” he admitted, stirring his coffee absentmindedly. “Like I always knew I´d make the NHL.”

“You didn’t?”

He smiled, shaking his head. “There were years when I wasn’t sure I´d even get another contract.”

“You never looked like someone who doubted himself.”

“I got pretty good at pretending.”

----

By the time the cups were empty, neither of you had noticed how late it had gotten.

Freddie glanced out the window before looking back at you. “I think we´ve been kicked out without realizing it.”

You followed his gaze.

The café had emptied, and one employee was stacking chairs nearby.

“Oh.”

You laughed.

“I should probably head back anyways.”

“Probably.”

Neither of you moved, then your phone buzzed. Your friend: Lunch is ready. Are you alive?

You smiled. “I should definitely go.”

Freddie stood with you. “It was really nice seeing you.”

“It was.”

For a second, it seemed like he was debating whether to say something else.

Finally, he took a small breath. “Can I take you to dinner while you´re still here?”

You blinked. “You mean…like a date?”

“I was hoping that´s how you´d take it.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “I´ll be here another two weeks.”

“So, that´s a yes?”

“It´s a yes.”

His answering smile was impossible to miss. “Good.”

----

One dinner turned into three.

The first was at a quiet restaurant overlooking the water. The second was a walk through the city after you had both claimed to be “too full” for dessert before stopping for ice cream anyway.

The third happened at his apartment the night before your flight back to North Carolina.

He cooked. You offered to help but he insisted that you would somehow burn water.

“I have never burned water.”

“You´ve thought about it.”

“I have not.”

“You hesitated.”

“I was offended.”

“You should be.”

By the time dinner was finished, both of you were laughing so hard it took nearly half an hour to clean the kitchen.

Later, you settled onto his couch with a movie playing, but neither if you paid much attention to it.

You were somewhere in the middle when you noticed him looking at you instead of the tv.

“What?” you asked.

“Nothing.”

“You´re staring.”

“I know.”

“So?”

He smiled to himself. “I´ve been trying to figure out of I should kiss you.”

Your heart skipped. “And?”

“I still haven’t decided.”

“Liar.”

“You think?”

“I think you decided about twenty minutes ago.”

He laughed quietly. “I probably did.”

You met his eyes. “So, what are you waiting for?”

That was all the encouragement he needed.

He leaned in slowly, giving you every chance to pull away. You didn’t.

The kiss started soft. Tentative, almost careful.

When you kissed him back, one hand sliding into his hair, it deepened naturally and before long you were both smiling against each other´s mouths between kisses.

Somehow you ended up halfway in his lap while his hands rested carefully at your waist, never pushing further than you were comfortable with.

The tension that had quietly built over the past two weeks finally had somewhere to go.

By time you pulled away, both of you were breathing a little harder.

He rested his forehead against yours. “I´ve wanted to do that since the café.”

“I was wondering how long it would take.”

He laughed. “I was trying to be respectful.”

“You deserve points for that.”

His thumb brushed absentmindedly against your side. “I should probably stop.”

You frowned. “You don’t want to kiss me anymore?”

“I definitely want to kiss you.”

“Then why stop?”

“Because if I don’t…” He smiled sheepishly. “I´m probably going to want a lot more than kissing.”

Heat spread across your face. “Oh.”

“And I don’t want to rush this.”

There was no awkwardness in the silence that followed. If anything, hearing him say it made you like him even more.

He wasn’t trying to impress you, he wasn’t trying to play games, he was choosing to slow down.

You leaned over and kissed him once more. “I appreciate that.”

“So, we´re okay?”

“We´re more than okay.”

----

The next morning he drove you to the airport.

At the security entrance he pulled you into a long hug. “I´ll be back in Raleigh in a few weeks.”

“I know.”

“I´ll call.”

“You better.”

“I´ll text too.”

“You definitely better.”

He smiled before kissing you one last time. “I´d like to see where this goes.”

You smiled back. “So would I.”

----

Distance turned out to be easier than either if you expected.

You texted every day.

Sometimes it was something meaningful. Sometimes it was just a picture of your breakfast.

He sent photos from workouts, beaches, and afternoons spent with family.

Occasionally he would send a gym selfie that he knew would make you stare a little longer than you should.

You got revenge with bikini pictures from afternoons by your dad´s pool.

It quickly became a game.

He texted “You know exactly what you´re doing” after one picture.

I I have no idea what you´re talking about.

Freddie: Liar.

I Prove it.

His reply was another shirtless mirror selfie.

You rolled your eyes.

I You´re insufferable.

Freddie: But I know that you´re still looking.

Unfortunately yes.

----

One afternoon, you were smiling at your phone when your younger brother Skyler walked outside.

“Why are you blushing?”

You locked your screen so fast you nearly dropped your phone. “I´m hot.”

“It´s ninety degrees.”

“Exactly.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Mom said you´ve been glued to your phone lately.”

You shrugged. “Amy is addicted to that word game, nobody says anything to her.”

“That´s because she´s yelling at letters, not smiling at her screen.”

You threw a towel at him. “Go away.”

Laughing, he tossed a bottle of sunscreen into your lap before heading back inside.

The second the door closed, your phone rang.

Freddie.

“You got caught,” he answered before you could say hello.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You are responsible for that.”

“I think your brother is just observant.”

“You laughed, didn’t you.”

“I absolutely did.”

His laugh filled the speaker. It made you smile immediately.

-----

When Freddie returned to Raleigh at the end of September, neither if you wasted time pretending you were just friends.

He invited you over the day after he landed.

The plan had been to watch a movie, but you made it thought exactly ten minutes before he reached over, pulled you into his lap, and kissed you.

“So much for the movie,” you mumbled against his lips.

“I wasn’t very good.”

“We´ve seen nine minutes.”

“I´ve seen enough.”

You laughed into another kiss.

Weeks of anticipation disappeared in a single evening.

Everything you both held back while you were in different countries finally caught up with you.

The chemistry you had joked about over text became something much harder to ignore.

----

The next morning you woke up tucked against his side, sunlight spilling across the bedroom.

He was already awake.

“Morning.”

He looked nervous for it being just shortly after eight in the morning.

“I´ve been thinking.”

“That´s dangerous.”

“It usually is.”

You smiled. “What about?”

He hesitated just long enough to make you curious. “I don’t really want to keep calling whatever this is “seeing each other”.”

You propped yourself up on one elbow.

“So…?”

“So…” he scratched the back of his neck. “I´d like you to be my girlfriend.”

A smile spread on your face. “I was wondering when you´d ask.”

“You knew?”

“You´ve been nervous from the second I woke up.”

“I wasn’t that obvious.”

“You really were.”

He laughed. “So?”

You kissed him instead of answering. When you finally pulled back, you rested your forehead against his. “I´d love to be your girlfriend.”

----

Being Frederik Andersen´s girlfriend turned out to be both easier and harder than you expected.

The easy part was being with him.

The hard part was making sure nobody else knew.

Dates happened in small restaurants outside Raleigh where neither of you were likely to run into anyone from the organization.

If you wanted to stay in, one of you would cook while the other picked a movie neither if you ended up paying attention to.

Most nights were quiet.

You would end up against him on the couch, your legs tangled beneath a blanked while he absentmindedly played with your fingers or traced circles along your arm.

Sometimes you would talk for hours.

Sometimes neither if you said anything at all.

Those evenings quickly became your favorite.

At games, things were different.

Officially, you were there because your dada was behind the Hurricanes´ bench.

Unofficially, you found yourself searching for number thirty-one every time he skated onto the ice.

You learned his routines without meaning to.

The way he always adjusted his blocker before warmups. The little tap of his stick against the post after the anthem. The glance he took toward center ice before the puck dropped.

Once, after a shutout, he looked into the crowd while the team saluted the fans.

For half a second, your eyes met.

His expression didn’t change and neither did yours, but when you got back to his house later that night, he smiled the second you walked through the door.

“I saw you.”

“I know.”

“You smiled.”

“It was tiny.”

“It still counted.”

“You almost smiled back.”

“I would´ve gotten caught.”

He laughed. “Worth it.”

----

Not every night ended with a win.

Some losses stayed with him long after he left the arena.

Those nights, he barely spoke during the drive home.

You learned not to force conversation. Instead, you would hand him something to eat, sit beside him on the couch, and let him process.

You would wrap your arms around him, and he would stay there until the frustration eased.

“You don’t have to fix it,” you told him once after a particularly rough game.

“I know.”

“So, stop apologizing for being upset.”

He rested his head against yours. “I´m not very good at that part.”

“You don’t have to be.”

He smiled tiredly. “I´m starting to think you´re the calm one in this relationship.”

“You only think that because you haven’t seen me in traffic.”

----

Keeping the relationship a secret became harder as the season went on.

Not because either if you wanted to tell people, but because you kept getting caught.

The first was Nikolaj.

He knocked on Freddie´s front door one afternoon without warming.

Freddie had barely opened it before Nikolaj looked past him and found you asleep on the couch wearing one of Freddie´s hoodies.

There was a long silence, then Nikolaj slowly looked back at Freddie. “Seriously?”

Freddie sighed. “I can explain.”

“I don’t think you can.”

“You absolutely cannot tell anyone.”

Nikolaj looked between the two of you before grinning. “This is insane.”

“It is.”

“I´m definitely making fun of you later.”

“You can.”

“But I won´t tell.”

“You swear?”

“I swear.”

----

A few weeks later it was Seth Jarvis and Jesperi Kotkaniemi.

You and Freddie had slipped away from the noise at a team Christmas party hosted at your dad´s place for five quiet minutes in the hallway.

You weren’t talking about anything important, then he kissed you.

It lasted maybe ten seconds, but when you stepped apart, Seth was standing at the end of the hallway with Jesperi right beside him.

Neither of them said a word.

Seth simply blinked. Jesperi looked at Freddie, then back at you, then at Freddie again.

“Huh…?”

Freddie closed his eyes. “Neither of you saw anything.”

“We definitely saw something,” Seth replied.

Jesperi nodded. “I saw several things.”

“It stays between us.”

Seth burst into laughter. “I´ve got to admit, this wasn’t on my bingo card.”

“You swear?” Freddie asked.

Both of them exchanged a glance. “We swear.”

“But,” Seth added with a grin. “I´m never letting you live that down.”

----

The last person to figure it out was Shayne Gostisbehere, and that while he wasn’t trying to.

Freddie had left his phone on the training room table while he stepped out.

Your name flashed across the screen, a heart beside your contact name.

Shayne frowned. “Why does Rod´s daughter have a heart next to her name in your phone?”

Freddie looked at the screen, then at Shayne. “Because she´s my girlfriend.”

Shayne stared. “No way.”

“Yeah.”

“You´ve got guts.”

“I´ve got a death wish.”

Shayne laughed so hard he nearly doubled over. “You realize if Rod finds out before you´re ready, you´ll really be dead.”

“I´m aware.”

“You need better hiding spots.”

“I know.”

----

The people who knew respected your secred.

Yes, there were teasing comments, knowing looks and the occasional joke when nobody else was around, but no one would betray your trust like that.

It made you believe that maybe one day you wouldn’t have to hide anymore.

Maybe after the season.

Maybe after free agency.

You imagined introducing him to your family properly. You imagined spending part of the summer in Denmark.

You imagined him still being in Raleigh next year.

For the first time in a long time, the future felt easy to picture.

----

It shattered on this Wednesday night.

The tv kept talking. Highlight after highlight played across the screen while analysts discussed what Edmonton was getting in Frederik Andersen.

You couldn’t hear most of it anymore.

All you could think about was the fact that he had know. Maybe for days, maybe for weeks.

Every conversation you had recently replayed in your head.

The way he would change the subject when you asked if he had heard anything from his agent.

The distracted look he wore yesterday.

The goodbye kiss that lingered just a little longer than usual.

Had he almost told you or had he already decided you didn’t need to know?

Your phone vibrated.

Freddie.

You stared at his name until it stopped ringing.

A minute later, it rang again. You let it go to voicemail.

If you answered now, you would say something you would regret or worse, you would cry before he explained himself.

You weren’t willing to give him that.

Not yet at least.

----

Sleep barely came.

Every time you closed your eyes, you saw the words scrolling across the tv again.

ANDERSEN SIGNS WITH EDMONTON.

Around six in the morning you gave up, made coffee you never drank, and sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket.

By nine, the doorbell rang.

You already know who it was, you opened anyways.

Freddie looked exhausted.

Dark circles sat beneath his eyes, his eyes stuck out beneath a backwards cap, and there was enough tension in his shoulders to make it obvious that he hadn’t slept either.

The moment he saw you, relief crossed his face. “You´re okay.”

You almost laughed. “No.”

His expression fell. “I was worried.”

“You were worried?”

“You didn’t answer your phone.”

“And you can´t imagine why?”

He swallowed. “I know that you know.”

“you don’t know what I know.”

“I think I do.”

You folded your arms. “Then explain it.”

He glanced past you into the apartment. “Can I come in?”

For a moment you considered saying no. instead, you stepped aside.

He walked in slowly, taking in the untouched mug of coffee on the table and the blanked still wrapped around your shoulders.

“You didn’t sleep.”

“No.”

“I´m sorry.”

“You´ve said two words since you got here, Fred.”

He added once. “I know.”

“Then start talking.”

He took a slow breath. “I signed with Edmonton yesterday.”

“I know that part.”

“I didn’t know if the deal would actually happen until yesterday afternoon.”

“And?”

“And once it became real…everything started moving.”

You stared at him. “Everything except telling me apparently.”

His shoulders sagged. “I know.”

“No.” Your voice stayed calm, almost too calm. “You don’t.”

He looked at you carefully.

“I found out from the TV.”

The words hung between you.

“I was sitting right here waiting for you to call.”

“I was going to.”

“When?”

“I…”

“When, Frederik?”

He opened his mouth before closing it again.

You gave a bitter laugh. “Exactly.”

He rubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t know how.”

“You didn’t know how to tell your girlfriend that you were moving across the continent?”

“It wasn’t that simple.”

“Then make it simple.”

Silence stretched between you.

Finally, he looked at you. “I needed to make the decision without anyone influencing it.”

The sentence landed like a punch.

You blinked once. “I´m…anyone?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he backtracked immediately.

“It sounded exactly like that.”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t let myself think about anything except hockey.”

You stared at him. “So, where did I fit into all of this?”

“You did fit.”

“No.” Your voice cracked for the first time. “I clearly didn’t.”

He took a step toward you. “I was trying to protect us.”

You laughed but it wasn’t a happy sound. “You´ve done a shit job at that.”

Freddie flinched. “I know it doesn’t look that way.”

“It doesn’t just look that way. That´s what happened.” You shook your head.

“I wasn’t trying to shut you out.”

“But you did.”

“I know.”

“I had to.”

“So, talking to me would have influenced you.”

He hesitated. “Yes.”

The answer came quietly, but it still knocked the air out of you.

You stared at him for a long moment before looking away. “Okay.”

He frowned. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Go quiet.”

“That´s not what I meant.”

“Then tell me what you meant.”

“I couldn’t let emotions make this decision.”

You looked back at him. “So, I´m just what? Emotion?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“You matter.”

“Enough to leave me out fo it?”

His jaw tightened. “I wasn’t choosing hockey over you.”

“It feels exactly like you were.”

“It wasn’t a choice between the two.”

“Then why wasn’t I part of the conversation?”

You stared at him. “And you resent me for that?”

“What? No.”

“Then why are you saying it like I would´ve been selfish enough to ask you to stay?”

“I don’t think you would have.”

“You literally just said I might have.”

“I said hearing your opinion would have mattered.”

“Because you love me.”

“Yes.”

“Then why is that a bad thing?”

“It isn’t.”

“It sounds like it is.”

He let out a frustrated breath. “This season matters.”

“I know it does.”

“It might be my last.”

“I know.”

“I´ve spent almost twenty years chasing this. I couldn’t make a decision because of fear.”

“What fear?”

“Us.”

The word landed between you.

He looked down at the floor before continuing. “I couldn’t make the biggest decision of my career based on a relationship that´s only a few months old.”

The room went still.

You felt something inside you sink. “A few months.”

His eyes snapped back to yours. “That´s not…”

“That´s what this is to you?”

“No.”

“Just a relationship that´s a few months old?”

“I mean…”

“You couldn’t even say our relationship.”

He closed his eyes. “I am saying this all wrong.”

“You are.”

“I know.”

“You keep saying that.”

He opened his mouth again before stopping himself.

You watched him struggle, waiting for him to fix it but he never did. Instead, he quietly said: “I couldn’t ask you to give your life up for me.”

You frowned. “What?”

“If we had talked about this, eventually that would have come up.”

“It didn’t have to.”

“I would have.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

He stepped closer. “You have your family here. Your job. Your whole life is in Raleigh.”

“And?”

“I´m thirty-six.”

“So?”

“If this season goes badly, I might retire.”

You blinked.

The word hung between you.

Retire.

He never said it out loud before.

“You´ve been thinking about retirement?”

“I´d be stupid not to.”

“And you didn’t tell me that either.”

His shoulders dropped. “I didn’t know how.”

“There it is again.”

He sighed heavily. “I couldn’t ask you to leave everything behind for someone who might be done playing hockey in a year.”

“You never had to ask.”

“But eventually…”

“No.” you cut him off. “You didn’t even let me decide.”

He looked genuinely confused now. “I was trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“Making a mistake.”

Your eyes widened. “You think loving you would be a mistake?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“I think leaving your entire life behind after dating someone for only a few months could be.”

You laughed once. “I never said I would have moved tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“I never said I would have gone to Edmonton.”

“I know.”

“So, why are we arguing about decisions I never got the chance to make?”

He didn’t answer.

You took a slow breath. “Do you know what hurts the most?”

His eyes met yours.

“I would´ve understood.”

He frowned. “What?”

“If you had called me yesterday and said, I have to take this contract. I don’t know what this means for us, but I have to do it.” A tear slipped down your cheek. “I would have understood.”

He looked like someone had punched him straight in the gut. “I know you would have.”

“Do you?”

“I do.”

“Then why didn’t you trust me enough to let me prove it?”

Silence.

Not the comfortable kind you had spent months sharing on his couch. This silence felt unbearable.

“Because I wasn’t sure I could do both.”

You frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t know if I could fight for my career and fight for a long-distance relationship at the same time.”

Your stomach dropped. “So, you just decided for both of us?”

“No.”

“But you did.”

“I decided what I needed.”

“And left me to figure out whether I still fit into your life.”

“I hoped you would.”

“Hoped?”

“I thought…maybe we would figure it out after.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “After?”

“When things settled.”

“You wanted to tell me after you signed?”

“Yes.”

“After the press release?”

“Yes.”

“You honestly thought I would be okay with that?”

“No.”

“Then what exactly did you think was going to happen?”

He looked exhausted. “I don’t know.”

For the first time since he arrived, you believed him.

He really didn’t know. He hadn’t thought this through. He had convinced himself that avoiding one painful conversation would somehow make everything easier.

Instead, he made it worse.

Much worse.

“I´ve spent all night wondering what I did wrong,” you said quietly.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I thought maybe you didn’t want me anymore and that this was your way of telling me that we were done.”

His face fell. “What? No!”

“I thought maybe you had met someone else who you´d ask to move with you.”

“No. There is no one but you.”

“I thought maybe this relationship meant more to me than it did to you.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Then why does it feel like I´m the one standing here trying to hold onto it?”

His eyes filled with frustration. “I am trying.”

“How?”

“I came here.”

“After everything was done.”

“I called.”

“After it was announced.”

“I wanted to explain.”

“After there was nothing left to change.”

He looked down.

You waited.

Nothing came.

When he finally looked back up, his voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t think I handled this well.”

“No.”

“I hurt you.”

“Yes.”

“I never wanted that.”

“I know.”

Those words surprised both of you, because yes, they were true, but somehow that almost made it worse.

He hadn’t been cruel. He had simply decided that protecting himself was more important than trusting you and you weren’t sure you could come back from that.

“I love you,” he said suddenly.

You closed your eyes.

It was the first time he had ever said it. The timing made your heart break.

“You don’t get to say that now.”

“I should have said it sooner.”

“You should have.”

“I do love you.”

A fresh tear rolled down your cheek. “I believe you, Fred.” Hope flickered across his face. “But I don’t think you know how to be with someone when things get difficult.”

His expression fell.

“You shut me out.”

He opened his mouth.

“You made a decision that affects both of us without even asking what I wanted.”

“I was scared.”

“So was I and somehow I still would have called you.”

The words sat heavily between you.

He had no answer to that.

None that would undo yesterday.

None that would erase you finding out through a tv broadcast.

None that would give you back the chance to hear it from him fist.

You looked at him for a long moment before swallowing hard. “I think you need to go.”

His face crumpled. “Please don’t do this.”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“We can figure this out.”

“Can we?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I´ll fly back.”

“You´ll be in Edmonton.”

“I´ll call every day.”

“You couldn’t call yesterday.”

He shut his eyes.

The sentence hit exactly where you intended it to.

When he looked at you again, there were tears in his own eyes. “I´ll spend the rest of my life making this up to you, if you just give me the chance.”

You shook your head. “I don’t want a lifetime of making up for yesterday.”

His breathing caught.

“I wanted a partner.” Silence. “I thought I had one.”

You wiped your face before meeting his eyes one last time. “I can´t spend the next year wondering if the next big decision in your life is something I´ll find out on tv.”

He stood completely still. “So…this is it?”

You nodded once. “I think it has to be.”

He stared at you for several seconds, as if waiting for you to change your mind. When you didn’t, he gave a small, defeated nod.

“I´m sorry.”

“I know.”

“I´ll always be sorry.”

Another painful silence settled over the room before he finally walked toward the door.

His hand rested on the handle before he looked back. “I really did love you.”

Your throat tightened. “I know.”

It was the last thing you said to him.

He nodded once, opened the door, and stepped outside.

This time, neither if you tried to stop the other. The door clicked shut behind him.

Only then did you let yourself cry.

----

Part 2 next week!

#nhl imagine #frederik andersen x reader #frederik andersen imagine #frederik andersen #carolina hurricanes imagine #edmonton oilers imagine

#frederik andersen

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#frederik andersen